Dear All,

The weather is now back to normal, with very little rain, and a bit of chill in the evenings…could this be Autumn early…?? Could be a cold winter then……Cape Town has been under tremendous ‘Druk’ with Veld fires raging and temperatures of over 40 Degrees C………….and then the Cape Doctor arrived and blew all the Cyclists around………..

The Super 14 carries on with a clearer pattern…The Bulls & Sharks should finish strong and the Lions & Cheetahs at the bottom, and the Stormers holding on…..
The Crusaders are really suffering with the loss of many GR8888 Shpielers and of course injuries….if they don’t start winning they can say ‘Totsiens’ to the Trophy, which would be sooo sad as they have produced a VERY high quality of ‘Rugger’ the past few years………and they don’t just play ‘Rugger’ in Christchurch, the eat, sleep and drink the game………………

A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered"

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on.
By mistake he dialed the number for the Wanderers…………..
"How's it going?" he asked.
"Fine," came the answer, "We've got two out already and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck. (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…………..)
The Cricket was ‘Tukka’ oey vy, with the ‘Bokke’ really battling to do justice to their ‘New World order’…….Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. We have been totally out played in the first two tests, BUT…..the 4th. day will go down as a GR8888 fight back by the ‘Bokke’, BUT……..it was toooo late…and the Aussies have won the Series, with the last Test academic….maybe we can squeeeeeze a win, as Newlands usually gets a huge crowd…Oey vy, the crowds have been poor, and Kingsmead was a ‘Skande’ how few arrived, BUT…..the play also determines the crowd size…….
Hymie spent every Sunday playing cricket. It finally got too much for his wife, who exploded, 'Cricket! All you ever think about is cricket!
I think I'd drop dead if you stayed home on Sunday!'
'Now then, dear,' said Hymie………. 'It's no use trying to bribe me.'
 

Nice humourous Youtube for Kosher ‘Essen’(food) http://www.kosher.com/cf_assets/kosher81.swf

Helping hands, the ‘Juniors’ Unit of the Chevra Kadisha are doing their Pesach e-cards once again…………and by  now you should have received my Pesach greeting……….Please support them by sending greetings to family and friends… www.helpinghands.co.za .

Mark Forman has the most E-mazing Judaica  Art available for Yomtov…the pieces are ‘Tukka’ Masterpieces, and you can ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php
While you looking, Benny Puterman (ex Durban) , does fire extinguishers, and offers a GR8888888 service, sooo if you need the ‘Best Quote’ in Egoli, contact him at ; 011 882 2320…..

Q. When you apply for Welfare in Pakistan...Lebanon...Somalia...Africa.........
What does that Government give you?
A. A map of Australia.

Received a note from ‘Bobba’ Pat Dworsky, about an article her Grand daughter ,  Jaclyn Schiff helped put together….Jaclyn is an ex Student of King David Sandton and has done very well in the writing department…..
http://washingtonjewishweek.com/main.asp?SectionID=4&SubSectionID=4&ArticleID=10339&TM=39458.99 The Article tells how they publish stuff, and ‘Frummes’ can then print and read on ‘Shabbos’….. Pat & Aubrey are in the Boca area, with their Zunnelle Ashley…. and their Daughter is up in Chicago, and virtually the whole family are in the USofA……………..

The Rabbi's cough drops
It's bitterly cold outside the Shul. Inside, Rabbi Cohen is getting fed up with the constant coughing that's disturbing his sermon, so after the service ends, he goes over to old Abe the ‘shammos ‘ and tells him that he needs his help to solve the problem.
Rabbi Cohen tells  Abe to have a large bowl of cough drops ready in Shul for his next sermon and instructs him to give one cough drop to any Shul member who begins coughing.

So next ‘shabbos’, during the Rabbi's sermon and following orders, every time a member coughs, Abe walks over and hands out a cough drop. Rabbi Cohen watches this out of the corner of his eye and notices that each time Abe does this, the member immediately gets up and walks out of the Shul.
At the end of the service, half the members are gone, so Rabbi Cohen goes over to Abe and asks, "Nuuuuuuu, Abe?
 So what did you say to the members that made them leave the Shul?"
Abe replies, "So vat did I say? All that I said wuz, 'the Rabbi said for cough'."

Basil SLOMAN in Toronto, Canada,   is looking for Dana SIEGENBERG (Jockey) ex Jhb. Basil used to teach Dana, and believes that Dana may be a relative of his.  If anyone has an email address for Dana, (maybe via Frances ROSS, Dana's sister) please can they contact Basil SLOMAN at basilslo@rogers.com  or  Anne Lapedus Brest,  digitalphoto@icon.co.za  Anne is of course the ‘Tannie’ who wrote those very ‘dear’ memories of Joburg  of yesteryear………
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_jokes.php and she has had such an avalanche of replies, and soooo many ‘Yidlach’ are calling for a 60’s re union….and maybe a book on the subject…….. Contact Anne @ digitalphoto@icon.co.za

Be not disturbed at being misunderstood; be disturbed rather at not being understanding.

The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them. ……

Mile by mile, it's a trial; yard by yard, it's hard; but inch by inch, it's a cinch……………

For those who like to play the machines for ‘FUN’, Volcannic Gold have a special…..play  for FREE,…..and get the enjoyment without the Tzorres….??? No this is not a Purim Shpiel, BUT a real ‘Mitziah’ (bargain offer) go to http://www.stantgsm.com/list_jokes.php and click on the link……Good Luck.

The kids filed back into class Monday morning…..They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship…….Little Sally led off:
"I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Margie was next:
"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn……………..The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk………….."$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," said little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Hotdog stand……
  I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. 
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this stuff tastes like ‘KAK’…..!"
Then I would say, "It is ‘KAK. Wanna buy a toothbrush

The tragic passing of Morgan Tsvangerai’s wife in a car accident in Zim-BOB-We this weekend, is really sad, as she has fought for the ‘Zimbo’s’ rights for many years, and then this happens, and a ‘Ripley’s Believe it or Not’, Uncle BOB arrives at the hospital and cries his heart out (never knew the Mumzer had a heart). The position in Zim is grave, and one wonders if anything can still be saved, as Uncle Bob has plundered everything, and is reported to have ‘Zillions’ of $$$ OUT of Zim-BOB-We…….????? They reckon it was a ‘Tukka’ accident, and not a ‘Uncle Bob’ setup, as in the past…….! ! ! ! ! !

NUDITY ( as seen by kids)……
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year- old shout from the back seat,
'Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in E-mazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?

On the local front the ‘Shabby’ Schaik saga rages, BUT…..they will never reverse the decision to let the ‘Gunnif’ out, and they reckon he should become Minister of Finance ( hope they are joking). Such blatant ‘Gunavis’ by OUR Masters really leaves a bad taste, and now many SERIAAAAS cases that should have been reviewed and inmates let out, BUT….died,  already are coming up, and one guy has sat 21 years (which is VERY unusual) and they still have not had time to review his case (parole was after 20 years) as they are just toooo busy….????
JZ will NOT be prosecuted as he will have organized his whole cabinet, and staffers, sooo that they will just make it disappear……! ! ! !  I have no problem with that, as it is ‘Ge Shribben’ ( a fore gone conclusion), BUT……what about virtually every large corporation that has had to suspend their CEO’s (Chief Embezzlement Officers) and these ‘Gunovim’ are stealing the ‘Beloved Country’ blind, and of course are helping to destroy the economy……A few that come to mind is SAA and SABC, where MAJOR fraud, embezzlement has taken place, and they just fire the CEO, with a Golden handshake, and the next one just carries on….With 2010 around the corner, who knows if we will have a successful Cup, with a lot of Strikes taking place, as the ‘Rabble’ just wait for these opportunities, and are controlled by the ANC partners, The Unions and the ‘Kommies’…….???

A Purim (Shpiel)…………….
Shaik survives first night at home, but terminal condition worsens ........ Oey vy…..

DURBAN. Convicted fraudster ‘Shabby’ Shaik has reportedly survived his first night back in his luxury Durban mansion after serving 84 days of his 15-year prison sentence.
Shaik's doctors have confirmed that he is in the final stages of a terminal condition called "life", and that the condition is irreversible.
 "We can only pray he makes it through the next 30 years," said one.

Shaik's medical parole ended the former businessman's harrowing prison ordeal, during which he spent 220 out of 304 days in a private hospital.
However Shaik's personal physician and longtime friend, Dr Kildare Scott-Free, told journalists this morning that Shaik's prognosis was "very grim".
"Prisoners only get medical parole if they are in the final stages of a terminal condition," said Scott-Free.

"In Shaby’s’ case, the ANC-approved parole board found that the condition in question was an awful and debilitating disease that we in the medical fraternity call 'life'.”
He said that "life" had a zero-percent survival rate.
"Sufferers usually die within about 80 years of contracting the condition," he explained.
He confirmed that Shaik had survived his first night back at home, but that the condition had worsened slightly.

"Each day that goes past the sufferer loses about 24 hours," explained Scott-Free.
"Last night it was touch and go," he said. "At one point he couldn't find the remote for the plasma screen and his blood pressure shot up.
"But we managed to calm him down by showing him his latest bank statement."
 The white horse we showed him subtracted a little smile from his lips and we then gave him a shot which also assisted in the calming process.

Shaik recently received R5-million from the state as compensation for interest lost when his assets were seized following his convictions.
However; Scott-Free said that last night's emergency was a grim sign of things to come.
"We can't always be there to give him the remote and remind him how rich he is," he said.
"The outlook isn't good. I'm not sure ‘Shabby’ will make it through the next 30 years.
"This really is the end."

Meanwhile the ANC has denied that it fast-tracked Shaik's parole because Jacob Zuma was running short of cash and needed "a little pick-me-up until payday".

Seff Blatter , the FIFA ‘Balabos’ is very annoyed, as very little marketing has taken place for the ‘Sokka’ 2010 World Cup, and of course the Confederation Cup which starts in 2 moths time…really frightening, as none of the stadiums appear to be nearly finished….??? Local sales of tickets have been very slow for the two Tournaments, and those speculating for ‘Black Market’ sales later, be very careful……..even the Hype for various ‘Tzatskes’ like mascots, Balls, Hats etc is very slow………