Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was a night of bravado, a night of tall tales..
Tom, the hand from Wyoming says, 'I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.'
Ben, from Colorado, couldn't stand to be bested.. That's nothing, 'I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bugger with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache.'

Old Dungus Bob, the cowboy from WestTexas, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.  (Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik….).

Rabbi Fachler, who was the Rabbi @ Waverley Shull for many years, is unfortunately not well at all and his ‘kinderlach’ has requested the following ; “About 6 months ago, we sent out a request to Rabbi Fachler's friends and colleagues to send letters to Rabbi Fachler on the occasion of his 60th birthday year. We have collected a lot of letters, including memories and stories about how Rabbi Fachler has impacted, touched on, and shaped people's lives. At the end of August, we will start compiling a book from the letters we received that we will present to our parents. To all of you who have sent letters, we thank you sincerely - it means a lot to us and to our parents. If you have not yet sent a letter to Rabbi Fachler, you can still send one until the end of this month. You can email your thoughts and pictures to rabbifachler@gmail.com
 As to Rabbi Fachler's condition, he recently completed a course of chemotherapy and radiation. He is currently residing at home. His condition is stable, but still very serious. We thank everybody for their good wishes and continued support.
 Hopefully, our parents will be privileged to read and enjoy these letters together for many years to come. The Rabbi now lives in London…..
Sincerely,
Dovidi, Chily and Gaby Fachler “

Careful what you say about Obama in a bar!
    
 A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV.
 The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ‘Tochus’."
 Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the guy 
off his bar stool, then stomps out.  
 
He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer.
 Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV.  He looks at the TV and says, 
"She is a horse's ‘Tochus’ too!"  
 Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other side of the face, 
knocking him off his bar stool again.  
 
He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?"
 "Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."  ( Nuuu Go figure…??)

Got a very interesting E-mail from Aubrey Lurie, who is in the ‘Beloved Country’ for his  50th. Wits Medical School reunion ….. His parents were early Lithuanian immigrants in the mid 1920's to Lichtenberg; then they moved to Potchefstroom, and eventually to JHB in 1942.  His father, Meishel Lurie, set up businesses in Koster, Zeerust, Potch. Klerksdorp (all my Towns from ‘Amolikke Yoren’) and JHB with his brothers, and cousins (Kramers), called Lurie Bros. & Co. Aubrey is related to Russel Lurie, who has worked on most ‘Yidlach’s’ mouths over the years, being a Maxillo-Facial Surgeon and of course has been involved in the Joburg Jewish Men’s Choir (remember JJMC concert on Monday), went to Yeoville Boys School and Highlands North High. Was  in the last "mixed" class to matriculate in 1952 ……with all this history, the most remarkable thing is that he is married to Joan, who is the daughter of the late Sylvia Dyne, who was the Souff Effrikken Single Bowls champion 4 times, a record that has been equaled, BUT….never broken……When I started Catering at the ‘Old’ Jewish Guild in 1975, they took over the Balfour Park Club, and with it came the Sylvia Dyne Bowls competition that was run the whole August, and in those days ranked as the second biggest Bowls Tournament (SA Bowls Championships the biggest) and we catered for the Bowlers…..that was ‘Schverer’ (heavier) than Catering Simcha’s for ‘Yidden’…..
In those days we had the Late Phineas Matakula, who started work at Balfour when he was a ‘Piek ‘n Nien’ (Kid 14)….and had been at Balfour for 33 years, and he started to work for Stan & Pete, for the next 32 years…..E-mazing, and his Nickname was Sylvia, as he was a good friend of hers , and had Catered at Balfour for her for many years….Sylvia was a legend among Souff Effrikken bowlers, and Phineas went on to sing at Simcha’s with the Marathon Man (Johnny Birin), and sang in Hebrew and Yiddish……his take on the ‘Alte’ Yiddisher Bowlers was classic….both are sorely missed….

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day.
The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom.
Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed,
"Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!"
So she bought the bird and took it home.
When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed,
 "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"
The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!" (Oey vy…)

Did a ‘Locum’ on Saturday at the Adas Yeshurun 72nd. Anniversary Dinner, which was ‘Tukka’ part of the Souff Effrikken ‘Yiddisher’ history in Joburg……most people believed that it was a Congregation built on the ‘German Jews’ and their traditions, BUT…in fact the Main reason was to introduce ‘Shomer Shabbos’ traditions to the ‘Yiddisher’ community already in the ‘Beloved Country’…..Gosh remember doing their 50 th. Anniversary at the Sandton Sun, and my ‘GOOD’ Chaver Saul emanuel, was still a little Zulick at School, and he was running around, arranging everything, and I still have the little ‘Siddur’ they gave out…..The Shull has moved from ‘Der Heim’ ..Yeoville, and is now in the ‘Shtetl’
( Glenhazel) and soooo many of the original Community are missing, but they have a strong following, and I am sure the traditions are still being followed…..some of the ‘original’ Adass Yeshurun ‘Kinderlach’ were at the dinner, like Steven Adler, Leon Gerschlowitz and Martin Sommer…..whose Late Dad Fitz had the Bakery in Raleigh Street, Yeoville for many years…….The evening was very well run by Mannie Kahn, and the speeches, and ‘Meisa’s’ were GR8888 knowledge … Pictures at ;http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
The guest speaker was Rabbi Kupitz from Manchester …actually quite a few of the original Adass community are in Melbourne, like the Hommel’s and Mikie Emanuel etc……..

Murphy's Law of Computing
The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

A heart warming ‘Yiddisher’ video , with a bit of Maccabi background……Sandy Sher (Meltz), who is involved in the Video is originally from Souff Effrikka (Bloemfontein) and is married to Jeff and he is from the Orange Grove ‘Hilton Radio’ family….and she has been involved in donating Towels to needy ‘Kinderlach’ in Israel….. http://www.jewishlifetv.com/video.php?user=The18thMaccabiahGames&video_id=347

2 SEUNTJIES STRY OOR DIE GROOTE VAN HUL PA SE PLASE.
 DIE EEN SEUNTJIE SÊ, "MY PA SE PLAAS IS SO GROOT, AS ONS DIE OGGEND 5 UUR  MET DIE BAKKIE BY DIE HUIS RY, KOM ONS EERS NA SKEMER BY DIE EERSTE HOEKPAAL UIT!"
 DIE TWEEDE EEN SÊ, "ONS HET JARE TERUG OOK SO 'N KAK BAKKIE GEHAD........."

(Two kids are arguing about which one’s dad has the biggest farm….The one says…
We leave early in the morning and only reach the first corner pole 5 hours later….The other one answers; We also had a useless Bakkie like that many years ago….??)

“Ripley’s believe It or Not”…Stan & Pete have their website ready, with recipes, menu’s etc….  www.stanandpete.co.za  Click, and ‘Gib A Kuk’……. Under Venues, the City hall presentation is E-mazing……
My Chavers at MPR Hiring (Jay) have just introduced a new line ‘Portable Looooo’s’ and they also have Paraplegic ones….they are really top class, and not like the ‘old’ Army style Drop Toilets, that you get at sporting events…..for details see; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php With Yomtov next month, book your portable Fridges and Loo’s early…….

My name be Eboneesha Herenandez, a African-Hispanic-American Girl who just got a award for being the bess speler in class.  I got 67% on the speling tes and 30 points on being black, 5 points for not bringin drugs into class, and 5 points for not bringing guns into class, and 5 points for not getting pregnut during the cemester. 
 It be hard to beat a score of 120%. 
White dude who sit next to me is McGee from Ocala.  He got 94% on the tes but no extra points on account of he have the same  skin as the opressirs of 150 years ago.  Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberuls for suportin afermative action.  You be showin da way to true eqwallity. 
I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor when Barrac take over da healtcare in dis cuntry. ( A Bittere Gelechte….).

A full size Snooker table is up for grabs….Selwyn Segal are the beneficiary once it is ‘Zold’…It is a full size, soooo you need a ‘Moerse’ room/ Boardroom……Please contact Raelene Tradonsky and get the details…..it is really in Tip /Top condition and estimates are that it is worth R50K, BUT…..make them an offer…… Raelene.Tradonsky@is.co.za

The www.myshtetl.co.za is now ONLINE, and gives up to date news, views and happenings of the Souff Effrikken ‘Yiddisher’ community... see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php a more SERIAAAAS look at the community……

Phew, against ALL expectations, the Reserve Bank has lowered the Repo Rate by 50 basis points to 7%............

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’  at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov toGina (Seligman) and Guy Sharabi on the birth oftheir daughter EDEN SHARABI recently…….Mazeltov to the ‘Uncle’ Gregory.. and to the Grandparents  Paula & Norman Seligman (Sydney)…Norman was Chairman of Crossroads remedial when I arrived 23 years ago, and I took over when he left……Mazeltov to Gina’s Great Grand parents Dave  and Anita Seligman and Jessie Gidish, who are all still in the ‘Beloved Country’…..and to Guy’s parents , Zacariah and Heftzibah Sharabi

Happy Birthday to Mathew Kerem on his Birthday this week, when he turned 7…….Mathew is the Grandson of my ‘old’ Stan & Pete Partner & ‘Cuzzie’
Sarge ( Norman ) Weitzman …Many more Matty ……

Mazeltov to Pamela (Miller) & Gidon (Bulka )(Alter) on their engagement this week….Bulka is of course the ‘Yiddisher’ Boychick who runs the Wedding registry www.lechaim.co.za among other things and is the Zunnelle of Judy (Ehrlich) and Chazzan Avron Alter…….. Issy & Avrille Miller Mazeltov...  Special Mazel to Bobba & Zaida ‘Babsie’ & Archie Ehrlich ……  Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’….

"Daddy,” said a six-year-old boy, "I'd like to get married."
"Sure, son." said his father.  "Anyone special in mind?"
"Yes," answered the boy. "Grandma."
"Now, wait a minute,” said his father.
"You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!"
"Why not?" the boy asked. "You married mine."  ( Ag sooo cute….)
     
Mazeltov to Andy (Milner) & Ryan (Cohen) on their engagement this week…..Andy used to sing in the Simcha bands ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and Ryan is of course the eldest Zunnelle of Beverley and Dennis, (my ‘old’ Stan & Pete partner…..& best Chaver..)…Mazeltov to ‘Uncle’ Arch & Natalie, Ryan’s Bobba & Zaida and to Karen , Andy’s Mom and her grandfather Mr Miller. Andy’s late dad Louis, used to own International House in Loveday Street, which was ‘THE’ in place to buy baking supplies and accessories..…..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……

Mazeltov to Gina (Rumbak) & Ariel (Weber) on their engagement this week…Mazeltov to Zoe & Julian (Tooth Fairy) Rumbak, and to Ingrid & David Weber …. Ariel’s  BOET Shlomo is with my Zunnelle @ the Ohrsom Yeshiva in Jerusalem… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php  Mazeltov to the Grandparents Kropman ( bit of a Lichtenburg / Klerksdorp connection…)

Sincere condolences to the Emert family on the loss of their beloved Stafford….he was a member of the Sandton Shull for over 30 years, and sat behind us on Yomtavim, with his family……..HE will be sorely missed all round, and a nicer guy you do not find….Sincere condolences to the whole family on your loss……

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; Shopping Centers seem to be the ‘HIT’ of the Month, with the ‘Gunovim’…. When shopping at a Mall, always beware of your surroundings and do not drop your guard, because you are in a BUILDING with security…. Know where the exits are………… If you see or hear a commotion, move away, and not towards….. Spectators are at danger, rather move away from the action.…………. Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time………… Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website : http://www.stantgsm.com Have a peaceful, restful  Shabbos….… From  Stan and the Clan. smookler@netactive.co.za PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate ) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!  Cell  082-4547860 Need of an innovative and professional website or want to get your current website to the top of Google? Contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- +27 11 786 1170 or visit our website www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book…. CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut   www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

Click here to view