Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
13 November 2008

Dear All,

The weather has been very wet this past week, with some good drenching showers, which will go a long way to wetting the dry & dusty conditions we had…….read some very distressing articles the week where they reckon, Joburg could be with out water within 10 years, if the Men for the Ministry do not get their act together, as the ageing systems are not coping……BUT…in the mean time the ‘Beloved Country’ is experiencing flooding across the country, with HUGE damage……..even the Cricket was rained out in East London…………

Found these Blonde jokes FUNNY…Old but GR8888… 7 Degrees of Blond….

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Some GR888888888 ‘Rugger’ this past weekend, with the Boks/ Wales game being a GR8 opener for the end of season games for the Southern Hemisphere Manne…….What a GR8 vibe with the stadium packed, and Oey vy, we just scrapped home…….some Seriaaaaaaaaas work to be done by the coach PDV, with a lot of indiscipline nearly costing us the test….. Pierre Spies had a shocker, and Kankowski not much better…..Fourie Du Preez was GR8, and Ruan Pienaar might just be the Flyhalf answer………very few others came out smiling……
The Aussies were given a scare by the Italians and ended up winning 30-10 in the end…also not a GR8 display by the Aussies…..The All Blacks 2nd XV , ‘Moered’ Scotland , and hopefully our 1st. team will do the same this coming weekend… The French – Argentina match was hard, with the Puma’s nearly taking the game…….All I can say is we are lucky we are not playing them this time around……! ! ! ! ! Good to see ‘OUR’ Yiddisher Ref, Jonathan Kaplan making a record number of Test appearances in the French /Puma game, and Methinks any lesser Ref would have battled…….BUT he takes no ‘KAK’ from the Shpielers, and handled the game with an Iron fist……..

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief
She takes the gun and puts it to her head .
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

My Zunnelle Martin and quite a few of his Chavers went to Wales for the game and he reckons the Stadium was electric with 75,000 Mishugana’s shouting….reckons the feel was better than at Souff Effrikken stadiums…..
Pictures….. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

The Boks beat Bangladesh (as expected..2-0 ) , and the GR8 Herschelle Gibbs has been taken out of the side for being ‘Dronk’ once to often……The Aussies did not perform a GR8 escape, ….and lost the series against India ( 2-0)….could we just have a chance at the end of the year…..Methinks not…….???

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
Ali Bacher, the GR88888 Transvaal Captain and of course BOK Cricket Captain ‘Amolikke Yoren’ will be speaking at the Kinloss Learning Centre, Finchley Shul on Tuesday, the 18th. November @ 9.15 pm and discussing various topics with Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis (ex Cape Town)…All are welcome….see details at ; www.kinloss-klc.org.uk they want to see some Souff Effrikken ‘Boytjies’…….
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php see details of Dr Ali’s talks ……..

Miracles do happen, I am pleased to let you all know that a donour has been found for Steven Mechanic ! He has gone into hospital to begin his treatment and the transplant will take place on the 19th of November. Please continue to keep Steve in your prayers. Everyone is thanked for your support. Steven ha suffered from Leukemia from an early age, and hopefully the Donour will be a good match, and be a life saver…….

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house Ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once .
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

Went to Silvia Green’s 86th. birthday on Sunday, and she had it at the Linksfield Shul Hall, and it was very nice…….Sivia’s Daughter Evelyn is of course the Pianist at nearly all the outside Chuppa’s in Jozi, and she also trains musicians and Choristers and of course writes Music scores for the various Chazzens and choristers….Silvie & Evelyn were my next door neighbours in 5th. Street, Orange grove, and Silvie used to pop in nearly every day to have a ‘Koch’ with my Late Bobba, ‘Amolikke Yoren’ (45 years ago)….they are still in the same house……Lots of Mazel to Sylvie on turning 86 which is Tukka a milestone…..Nadine Sermany and the Ladies from the Linksfield Shul Women’s Guild did the Catering , and it was E-mazing….Nadine worked at Stan & Pete and of course her Mom, Ann Pimstein and Aunt Molly Kahn taught me quite a bit about Catering in the early years……The Catering was really good……Lovely morning.. Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher……………

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

With Obama hysteria carrying on, it E-mazing to see that he picked a tough ‘Yid’ to be his Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, who by all accounts ‘Vat nie KAK van Chiwawa’s nie’ (takes NO nonsense) A resume on Rahm is given by Wikipedia ……….http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rahm_Emanuel Got a very touching ‘Youtube’ made in ISRAEL, backing Obama , made BEFORE the election ………. http://www.youtube.com/v/K2VFRt5W4FM&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&fs=1 Thanks Lionel in Israel……..for your input……Obama Magic…this shows you an E-mazing amount of newspaper headlines around the world…..
http://obama2008.s3.amazonaws.com/headlines.html ....
Received last Shabbos’s speech by Rabbi Gidon Fox (Pretoria) and have put it on the info section…Very good ‘Droshe’ http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

A man returns home a day early from a long weekend of golf. It's after midnight.
While en-route home he asks the cabbie if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.
For R100, the cabbie agrees..

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabbie tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is
his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.  The wife shouts,
  'Don't do it!
  I lied when I told you I inherited money....
  HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
  HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
  HE paid for your season Sharks tickets.
  HE paid for our house at the lake.
  HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly rent!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabbie and says, 'What would you do?'
  The cabbie replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold."

Ronnie Nates (ex Mayfair) has a 6/8 sleeper in Netanya, Israel……. for the best rates in Town and a special Discount for ex Mayfair ‘Yidden’…contact him at
nates-r@inter.net.il

Oey vy, it is the 94.7 this week end and that means road closures in the Northern Suburbs on Sunday and traffic chaos………not that it is not chaos at the moment, with soooo many roads and highways under construction for Sokka 2010, and of course ‘OUR’ famous ‘Robots’ are on the blink, just to cause more Aggro on the roads………..

Wonderful week coming up for the Aussies with the Celebration Concert taking place…with Ashy Tugentaft and the Choir boys from Sydenham Shul……the ‘Manne’ from the Concert will be davening ( and I reckon singing for their Shabbos meal) at the South Head Shul (in Rose Bay , Sydney) on the weeknd of the 14th. November, soooooo get there early …see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details of the tour, and get your tickets.

WIZO is having their culminating party @ the Simon Kuper and H A R R Y
S I D E R O P O U L U S together with VICKY FRIEDMAN and SHARON SHPIEGEL are putting on the show….should be E-mazing……. 25th. November……………. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

On the Financial front, in last weeks Sunday Times TOP 100 supplement, SASFIN BANK (HOLDINGS) came in at number 21 of the Top Companies over 5 years in terms of its return to shareholders. This is an E-mazing achievement. ‘Rumour’ has it that the petrol price could dip another R1.45 at the beginning of December, which would help with the Holiday travelling…..the ‘Mighty Rand’ is a bit ‘Schwagg’ at the moment with some of the rating houses down scaling our risk profile, and the Manne @ SASFIN reckon it could stay at R10-$$$$ for quite awhile……
.This Financial roundup brought to you by TAXRELAX www.taxrelax.co.za..Just click on their website on the letter and see all the services they offer………

Went to the last Parnassah Club meeting of the year at SASFIN on Tuesday , and the guest speaker was Thebe Ikalafeng, and he spoke on BRANDING …it was an E-mazing presentation, and Thebe is World renowned for his knowledge on branding…..pity he did not touch on the ‘Bokkie’ branding controversy with the Men from the Ministry…….see that due to some ‘bungling’ ( not surprised ) his hearing was cancelled and of course he is walking around like a Hero…E-mazing

A little boy and girl go trick or treating.
They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says,
"Well, you two are awful cute.
Who are you suppose to be?"
"We're Jack and Jill" she replied. The man says,
"You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"

So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently.
They ring the doorbell and once again the man opens the door.
"Well now, that is just darn cute.
Who are you this time?"
"We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy.
"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black.
Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again.
This time when he opens the door, there stand the two children, but this time they are BUCK NAKED.
"Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?" he asks.
"Chocolate M&M's," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got nuts." ( Oey vy………..)

For those IN the ‘Beloved Country’ I would just like to clear up a bit of confusion regarding the TAC Club and the Kilarney Country Club. They are one and both the same thing….’Amolikke Yoren’ the Club was called the TAC ( Transvaal Automobile Club, and was situated in Kilarney /Houghton…..The TAC was formed in 1903 to promote Automobile priorities and in 1930 this was transferred to the AA (Automobile Association). In 1970, the Club was cut up to make way for the M!, Souff Effrikka’s first highway………Last year a decision was made to change the TAC to the Kilarney Country Club (KCC), as it is situated in Kilarney…makes sense……..BUT….I still get some many calls asking where the KCC, it is quite E-mazing…soooo now U know…the OLD TAC is the Kilarney Country Club these days……..and it is a superb club, offering A grade sporting facilities, and also social club facilities……

Sunday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my golf bag, tried not to wake my wife, sneaked quietly into the garage and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
Disappointed I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied,
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that weather?'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped playing golf..! ..???

OK, now that you all know where the Kilarney Country Club (KCC) is…Highlands North High School have upgraded and moved their Annual Golf Day & Re Union to the KCC on the 2nd December…and the Golf Day has been sponsored by an ex Pupil, Craig Mandim, CEO of U.B.S….Soooooooo don’t be laZy and call the school and get onto the Golf Course….as they whole day has been sponsored, and donations etc, will go directly to the Club, and those that don’t play this ‘Tycoon’s’ game, come and join the ‘Manne’ for a Schnapps from 5.30 onwards…….See http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details.........

The Aisle Seat
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat.. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.'
'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe a nd spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours... 'Why does it have to be this way?' 'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?  This spitting in shoes and pishing in cokes?' ( Einaaaaaaaah…….)

SEVEN SINGING SENSATIONS (Souff Effrikken ‘Yidisher Idols’)
After months of hype the Jewish y-idols singing competition has reached the final stages and with just 3 weeks left to the finals the fabulous 7 final contestants from JHB and CT are working hard and focusing their energy on practicing their 1st rate vocals for the explosive show to be held on wed 3 December in JHB.

The idea of the show conceived and produced by Helen Heldenmuth and Nadine Lazarus is to offer talented Jewish youth a platform to showcase their singing talent and even if the singer does not win, the exposure and experience gained has been worthwhile.
The finalists are now under the creative direction of Lisa Melman, Bev Cooke-Tonnesen and vocal coach Debbie Fleminger who are busy creating a dazzling zany explosive night of song

Our experienced professional judges include multi-award winner, songwriter and singer Danny K, leading international musical director, arranger and pianist Bryan Schimmel, and world-class singer, pianist songwriter Zola Shuman
The finals is simply un miss able so make sure you get yourself a ticket for this spectacular colorful show that is a perfect treat for the whole family
Don’t miss out. For tickets email Nadine on nade@mweb.co.za or call
Cell ; 079-8872151

New type of request from Candice who is looking to get in touch with any ex pat Souff Effrikken Engineers who have ‘trekked’ across to the USofA, as she would like to discuss the ins & outs of Engineering in the States……Please contact Candice @ sarelic@uphs.upenn.edu or Philedelphia Tel 215 662 8743

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was,
and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I am sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''

The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.
So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all
the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''
His mother smiling said to him,
''Do not worry my son,you can marry any of those girls.
You are not his son. ( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…)

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Samara (nee Lever) and Michael Kitchener on the birth of their Prince this week in Sydney…..Mazeltov to Grand Parents Lenard & Rachelle (nee Krost) Lever, previously from Cape Town and Morninghill Jhbg and Peter and Jeanie Kitchener (from Sydney)….Big Mazel for Len & Rachelle as this is their first Grandson after 4 granddaughters……..Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha………Pictures http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Mazeltov to Bradley & Tracy Jacobson on their recent marriage at the KCC.
Mazeltov to the parents Mervyn and Miriam Goldblatt and Hymie & Dulcie Jacobson………Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……Pictures at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Happy Birthday to LITTLE Stan Gordon, in Melbourne who turns…….??? Today…… Dare not mention the age, BUT….he is just short of 50…Mazeltov and many more……………………

The memorial service for the Late Colbert Kwinda (Stan & Pete Head Waiter), held at the Kilarney Country Club was WELL attended and the speeches VERY short , BUT to the point, and the 250 friends that arrived where able to mingle after wards and pay their respects to his family.....when I saw how many of the community arrived , it made me realize even more how sorely missed he will be among the ‘Yiddisher’ community….
Farewell “Mr Goldberg” you will be sorely missed & never forgotten…….
A Man for All Seasons….RIP… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

Time to plan your security , if you are going away on holiday…..

Get all animals into a good kennel…..

Make sure that you have paid a deposit, and secured…..

Check your back up alarm batteries for your Alarm…..

If using your vehicle to travel, check your Tracker system is working plus the battery…

Make sure your security company has a Contact number for you…..

Cancel your newspapers and any other deliveries….

Be Street WiZe………….

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a good , restful peaceful Shabbos,

If you cannot see the latest letter or Meisa’s, just press F5 a few times which refreshes the website……

The Joke Book is no more available on the website, soooooo get to your Yiddisher store and get the Book…Available in the ‘Beloved Country’ (Joburg, Cape Town and Durban)…..Melbourne, Toronto and Ranana(fontein) in Israel.

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860

Is your business in need of an innovative and professional website?
Please contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- (+27 11 796 6671) | www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Parsha of The Week

The Acid Test
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

Last week we read how Abraham received his marching orders fromG-d. "Lecha lecha -- go from your land, from your birthplace, from your father's house, to the land I will show you." G-d told him to leave all his familiar comfort zones and travel to an unknown destination. Eventually, it would become known as the Land of Israel and Abraham as the one to whom it was originally promised. At the time, however, Abraham probably had no idea as to where he was going. But orders are orders and so he went faithfully.

In the end, Abraham's great trek would be the fulfillment of his calling as the father of monotheism. He would take on the whole pagan world of the time and succeed beyond his own wildest dreams. By the way, I think we take our biblical giants too much for granted. We fail to appreciate the enormity of Abraham's contribution to civilization. What he did was nothing less than to single-handedly change the mindset of the world! Believing in one, invisible Creator was culture shock to the idol-worshippers of the day. This achievement made Abraham not only the founding father of the Jewish people but also the father of all the monotheistic faiths of the world. No wonder a recent study of history's "100 Most Influential People" ranked Abraham way on top, far above other faith founders and even way ahead of Madonna, Britney, and the Bills -- both Clinton and Gates.

According to our sages, this journey to the unknown was the first of ten tests of faith the Almighty would impose upon Abraham. Yet the final test, which we read about on Rosh Hashanah and again in this week's parshah, is considered the supreme test. The akeidah, the binding of Isaac, the near sacrifice of the son he waited a century to have, generates far more coverage in Torah, in our prayers and in the writings of commentary.
Why should this be the case? The first test of lech lecha had a universal impact, while the binding of Isaac was just between a father, his son and G-d. Somewhere on a secluded mountaintop, far removed from public scrutiny, a personal drama was played out. The journey of Abraham, on the other hand, had an almost global audience. Surely, this universal test should be considered much more important than the personal test of father and son.

The answer is that before we can undertake a universal mission to humankind, we must first understand our personal relationship to G-d. Or, to put it simply, before you can change the world, you have to know who you are. If you don't know yourself, if you don't recognize your own personal spiritual mission, how can you hope to influence the broader society?
The sages taught, "Perfect yourself before you seek to perfect others." Obviously, this is not to say that we should not try and teach others until we are perfect ourselves (who is perfect?). What it does suggest is that if we hope to have an impact on others, our call must resonate as authentic and genuine. How can we make an impression on others if we are not credible individuals ourselves? A good salesperson believes in his product (even if he had to talk himself into believing it...).

The legendary Hillel tells us in Ethics of the Fathers, "Do not judge your fellow until you have reached his place," and an interesting alternative interpretation understands him to mean that in order to judge any person accurately one should first establish what kind of reputation that individual enjoys in his own makom, in his own city and home. Is there not some truth in Jackie Mason's jesting about the Jewish husband who is a big mover and shaker all over town, but as soon as he walks through the door of his own house becomes a henpeckedshlemiel?
Years ago I came across a one-liner that had a profound impact on me personally: "Every Rabbi has only one sermon -- the way he lives his life." It's all too true. We can preach from today until next Yom Kippur, but if we don't "walk the talk" and live the game we purport to play, we will leave our audiences unmoved. The most eloquent orators will fail to make an impression if their listeners know that their message is hollow and isn't backed up by genuine personal commitment.

So, while the story of Abraham's journey and universal mission appears in the Torah and comes chronologically before the final test, in essence, the akeidah reigns supreme. Not only because it was the most difficult, but because our personal commitment and integrity always form the moral basis for our mission to the world. At the end of the day, only these validate the person and his or her message. And that is the acid test for all of us.

This Newsletter was sponsored by

Click here to view the Website
http://www.stantgsm.com

StanTGSM's newsletter is read all over the world including ..
All the Continents of the Globe