|
|
|
1 |
| 1 |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
 |
| 1 |
GOOD SHABBOS
14 August 2008 |
|
|
Dear All,
The weather is GR8, and those August winds have not started yet, soooo it is very pleasant….the winds must be Late due to it being a leap year…..?????
The opening of the Olympics was quite stunning, with all the 8888888’s…..
The ‘Rugger’ test against the Puma’s was very entertaining but Methinks the quality was poor, and if we play like that against the Schvartzers this weekend at Newlands they will thrash us……it is sooooo lekker watching Rugger played in the afternoon as opposed to the night games they have to play in NZ & Aussie…..although Adie Jacobs won the Man of the Match, I reckon he will struggle against the All Blacks & Kiwi’s, and guys like Steyn and Pienaar will have to come back into the reckoning….what a pity that Jacque Fourie got injured again…….I believe that Newlands would be the ground that we can win at, as it lends itself to a forward game, and is not as fast as Durbs & Joburg…..
According to the team picked, I reckon we can beat the Schvartzers with this team, even though I would have liked to see ‘Zulick’ Steyn at Centre instead of Adi Jacobs……..
Prediction ; We can win if PDV leaves on the better ‘Shpielers’, and does not bring his ‘Kaylikka’s’on too quick….if he does, the Schvatzers will walk over us..
Another priceless quotes from NZ
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." - Colin Cooper - Hurricanes head coach…Oey vy…………
The Cricket was very ‘lekker’ to watch, as it was quite evenly poised for most of the test………The ‘BOKS’ should have keep their ‘ Koooool ‘ and made more of the second innings, pity about AB De Villiers going out for 97….reminds me soooo much of Jonty Rhodes……and we lost it eventually ….the ODI’s should be interesting, with England somewhat revived after the series loss……There goes ‘OUR’ Boytjie Kevin shooting his mouth off that England can beat the Aussies in the Ashes….does not know when to keep ‘Shtum’……..first beat them and then gloat….even ‘OUR’ Captain Courageous Graeme Smith was less vocal….he has started learning…….
The Souff Effrikken equivalent of the ‘Koek v Chuck Norris
Vernon Koekemoer can delete the Recycle Bin.
Vernon Koekemoer can build a snowman..... out of rain.
Vernon Koekemoer can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Vernon Koekemoer can drown a fish.
When Vernon Koekemoer enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Vernon Koekemoer does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Bullets dodge Vernon Koekemoer
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people.
It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Vernon Koekemoer and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The Vernon Koekemoer calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Vernon Koekemoer.
If you spell Vernon Koekemoer wrong on Google it doesn’t say, "Did you mean Vernon Koekemoer?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Once a cobra bit Vernon Koekemoer’ leg. …………………..
after five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Vernon Koekemoer gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Vernon Koekemoer can kill two stones with one bird.
Vernon Koekemoer can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
It takes Vernon Koekemoer 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Vernon Koekemoer once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Vernon Koekemoer got his drivers licence at the age of 16 Seconds.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Vernon Koekemoer is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
When you say "no one’s perfect", Vernon Koekemoer takes this as a personal insult.
The 9th. of September is the Macabbi Sportsman of the Year award, and it should be a GR8 evening, with David Bullard the guest speaker……..and of course Shaun Rubinstein is trying for a Medal at the Olympics, and there are quite a few promising ‘Yiddisher’ Sportsman around…….for Tables contact …:(011) 645-2557 or email: maccabisa@beyachad.co.za........ For details see;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php .....Going to be an E-mazing evening…….
The ‘ Shiksher’s’ (Gasvasholem)..competition….Got a few replies from ‘Yidlach’ ……why soooo cheap…?? Is it a bachelors…NO, it is a 3 Bedroomed Flat, and pictures are available ..see info ; wendi@beyachad.co.za 011- 645-2500
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php The formula is $$$600 X 613 Tickets X 60
(Isreal’s 60th.) years………………..
Gatiep se Voicemail
My bra, Gatiep is nie available nie.
Los djou naam en nomma en ek stuur vir djou a "please call me".
Die tou (string…)
Gatiep sleep 'n tou die straat af en loop verby Maraai.
Maraai sê vir Gatiep: "Hoekom sleep jy die tou?"
Gatiep: "Het djy al 'n tou try stoot?"
Got an E-mail from Dorothy in Cape Town, telling me of the Giftime Project. They have set up a team to do gifts throughout the year, and especially over the Yomtavim coming up next month. Visit www.giftime.org.za where the huge variety of gifts can be viewed, chosen and ordered. The Rosh Hashana 2008 gift range will be on the website in the next 7 - 10 days. They deliver and all the Profits are divided among a few GOOD causes, soooo when you want to send a gift in Cape Town, remember to give them a Buzz…..(from births to birthdays, Pesach to Rosh Hashana, even Christmas and Eid) Telephone on +27 (0)21 465 6500 or +27 (0)214621967 or order direct from the website……
Remember the Selwyn Segal gift Shoppe in Joburg…..Details ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php
In Sydney Australia, Giftique is the one to Call for all your delivered gifts…..
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php
They have eventually finished ‘Hucking & Klapping’ the New Genesis Shopping Centre in the ‘Shtetl’ (Glenhazel-Old Saveways) ……and the Wizo gift Shoppe has opened in the centre in time for the Yomtayvim…….The Elise Gift Shoppe is run by a dedicated team of volunteers and send out lovely gifts for ALL occasions and a Call to Maureen or Sonia at 011-640-2760 will get your gift there in time (not ‘Yiddisher’ time…..) They are one of the first shops running in the Centre and of course there is a Ladies Gym and the ‘Kosher’ Spar………
President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the 2008 Beijing Olympic games:
He begins with "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!".
Immediately his speech-writer rushes over to the lectern and whispers:
"Mr President, those are the Olympic rings, your speech is underneath."
I think the above joke says it all about ‘OUR’ Olympic Team of 2008……it looks like ‘Zim-BOB-We’ could get more Medals than us……..not sure why we are performing soooo ‘shlegg’………Hopefully the Last ‘Yiddisher’ hope, Shaun Rubinstein will come through…………….
Sandton Shul have started their SAIJE programme and next week, Judy Alter will speak followed by Stef Du Plessis, Rabbi Yossy G and Jonty Rhodes……these are E-mazing speakers in their fields..see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
An old Yiddisher woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so
the following week she enclosed another note: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
The Chinese laundry man became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry
was delivered, it contained a note from HIM:
"I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!!..... USE MORE PAPER ON THE ‘TOCHUS’…….."
Big Mazeltov to Lee Golombick in Sydney on passing her CA and is now a qualified Accountant….her Dad Alan and me were in the same years at Highlands and Alan is also a CA (BUT SA)….Mazeltov to Alan, Terry & Joshua & the whole family on a GR8 achievement……..
Met up with my ‘Cuzzie’ Harry Pantanowitz ( ex Klerksdorp) who came from Israel with his whole family….Harry has been in Israel for over 50 years, and it was good to catch up with him……..Harry’s two brothers stay in the ‘Beloved Country’…Philly in Klerksdorp and Des in Joburg…...Des is a renowned surgeon, and is of course married to a Lichtenburger, Beverley (Cooper)….Harry’s Late Dad Morris came from Malat (Lithuania ) ,with my Late dad……Picture;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php ....Remember the Klerksdorp reunion end of August….. The KLERKSDORP HEBREW CONGREGATION'S 120th BIRTHDAY CLELBRATIONS to be held on : Sunday 31st August 2008 at the Synagogue in Klerksdorp, starting with a Mincha Service at 12:OO noon, followed by a brunch in the Communal Hall. Contact Mike Waks ; mwaks@wakssilent.co.za They are trying to get as many as possible, ex residents to come out for the day, and mingle, and ‘Huck’ about ‘Amolikke Yoren’ in the Dorp…….I know many ‘Yidlach’ from the Town, and my cousins Philly & Phyllis Pantanowitz still stay there……Make the effort, it will be a ‘Lekker’ day in the Country………………
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Mazeltov to Kerith Aginsky who has been awarded the degree of PhD from UCT – she did her thesis in an aspect of Exercise Science………..Keith Mom Zara taught at the ‘Yiddisher’ Folkschool in Orange Grove for many years…Mazeltov to Pinkie and the whole ‘Mishpocha’………………Gr8 achievement
The Chabad Duracell ‘Youtube’ is still GR8….those that have not seen, it is a must.. http://video.google.com.au/videoplay?docid=-2789414039925071858&hl=en
Corruption.
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted R5,000 to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted R5,000 to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you." (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..)
The ‘ARMS DEAL’ still carries on regardless….and anyone who read the Sunday Times this week will realize it is not just the ‘Gunavis’ that took place, it is that the whole deal was “VROT” and they reckon that the submarines don’t even ‘GRAFT’ ….The Unions are advising the sailors not to travel on the Subs, as they actually are dangerous….and of course when they awarded certain Companies contracts thru tenders (SIC…) they have to also plough back money into Souff Effrikka….and it has been proven that no after Sales plough ins actually took place, and SERIAAAAAAAS Manne like Alec Irwin are still trying the ‘Bobbameises’ route………and when one then factors in the Bribes paid this is one deal that is ‘Krank’ (SICK)…..incredible that the Men From The Ministry are not bothered at all, and are not interested in taking these corrupt overseas companies to task……….they reckon that the Subs are soooo bad , that they may never see battle ever….???? And for this, we paid Billions…????? The
|
| 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
problem in the ‘beloved Country’ is that no one is ever accountable, soooo the rot steps in, and like with Crime…just gets worse…..
An old cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos,
fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn,
fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women.
When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat.
It seems everything makes me think of women.'The two sat sipping in silence.
A little later a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian
Although I have steered away from the ongoing crime, an incident last week, was really shocking…..A young Yiddisher boy, Darren Aberman was killed in cold blood in Braamfontein while collecting rent for the Company he worked for…darren was such a well liked Kid, and was friendly with the World……and they stabbed him and pushed him from the 10th. Floor……this is SICK……and one wonders when(if) this type of Crime will be tackled, as there are soooo many incidents, they just go away unnoticed …….Darren was well known to me, and my Zunnelle Martin, and is a Nephew of my ‘old’ Chaver Ruby Raik….to the family sincere condolences on your sad loss……………..
Farrel Savitz will be visiting Johannesburg & Cape Town from Monday 18 August to Friday 22 August 2008 and will be available to have a private one-on-one meeting with anyone seeking Australian migration advice…..that is this coming Monday…see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php Got an E-mail from an ‘old’ Highlands North High ‘boytjie’, Jeff Joffe (ex Welkom) who is involved with the Beth Israel Malden Shul and they offer GR8 incentives for Yidlach wanting to settle there….’Gib A Kuk’ on their website www.bethisraelmalden.com …as they offers School reductions, Home loans etc…..contact jeffjoffe1@gmail.com
It is in Massachusetts (Near Boston…???)
Lisa in Sydney Australia has her home for hire….. over Dec-Jan.
The house is in Rose Bay, is suitable for a family of up to 5 kids or 2-3 couples. We are 10 mins walk to Bondi Beach, very close to public transport, shops and synagogues and is located in a quiet street. The house is available from 20th dec-20th Jan. Anyone interested in finding out more info or receiving some photos can contact her on lisao@iprimus.com.au
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. Along with them comes a police inspector to find out how they died.
"First body: Frenchman, 60. Died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence, the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25. Won a thousand pounds on the lottery. Spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning. Hence the smile."
The Inspector asks, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the Coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Sipho, a street sweeper from Soweto, 30. Struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
Thought he was having his picture taken."
With all the Doom & Gloom around comes some good news…The ‘Manne’ reckon that Petrol could come down by R1 a Litre from next month….Methinks they have not got the ‘Baetzim’ for such a large drop, BUT……we will get a bit of relief, and the Financial ‘E-Fundi’s’ reckon we could see a period of stabilization, and the Interest rates start moving downwards……this would ‘Tukka’ be GR8……as they say in Spanish ‘Vasbyt, alles sal reg kom.! ! ! ! Maar waneer..??
Today, our Minister of The Reserve Bank, Tito Mboweni, announced that the Interest Rates would not move, which could be a good sign…Prime stays at 15.5%..............Oey vy.
In the USofA they invented a machine that catches thieves; ……………………………
they took it out to different countries for a test.
USA, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
India, in 20 minutes it caught 3000 thieves,
Nigeria, in 10 minutes it caught 6000 thieves,
South Africa, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Mazeltov to Tanya (Piha) and Gary Gien on the birth of their princess ….Mazeltov to the Bobba’s and Zaida’s Mike & Sharon Piha & Jack & Sheila Gien…… Gary is the son of Jack and Sheila Gien (ex Sandton Shul). Last time I saw the Gien’s was in Too-Run-Too 15 years ago…… I see Mike & Sharon quite often here in the ‘Beloved Country……….. Interesting is that the nurse looking after Tanya at the Boca West Medical Centre is an ex South African Lali Bloomberg whose family lived in Observatory……….They reckon Boca is the retirement Capital of the USofA , although I know many young Souff Effrikkens who have settled there…………..
Mazeltov to Jodi (Sacks) and Michael Jankelowitz on the birth of their Princess Cara in Sydney this week….Michael is the Zunnelle of Harold & Sheli and Harold was a Bowler at the old Jewish Guild with his Late Father Phil, and brother Ray & Selwyn……….Jodi’s Mom & Dad Heather & Alan Sacks were VERY involved with the Tennis section at the Guild , and have also moved to Sydney to be with the ‘Kinderlach’……The Sack’s were involved at the Cyrildene Shul for many years…….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’ and of course the Jankelowitz family who have had many Simcha’s in the past few years…………
Mazeltov to Stacy (Goldberg) & Rael (Reubenson) on their engagement this week………Rael’s parents Sandra & Ivor are well known to me, having grown up with the Lichtenstein family…….from the early 60’s……..and of course Stacy’s Dad Alan spent a few years in Lichtenburg, so a double Mazeltov to both families…….
Mazeltov to Rene (Baetu) & Huge (Eugene) Gruss on the birth of their Prince yesterday…….Mazeltov to Bobba’s & Zaida’s Barbara & Barry Baetu and Kenny & Sandra Gruss and the whole Mishpocha including the ‘Hund ’……
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;
- The times we live in are trying…………”VERY”.
- Have to always remember the basics. Although each day is different, the dangers are there, and unfortunately vary……
- Once a kind of crime is discovered and measures put in place to stop them, so the ‘Gunovim’ come up with new tricks……………..
- Chat lines on Mobile phones have become VERY risky, and kids must be taught the dangers of giving personal info…….
- Being near ATM’s these days is dangerous……always check for safe ones……
- Never give out personal codes OR pin numbers……….
- Know your surroundings at all time…….
- Do not go to areas known to be dangerous……..
- Be ‘Wakker’………………
Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.
Click here to view the website :
http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a good , restful peaceful Shabbos,
If you cannot see the latest letter or Meisa’s, just press F5 a few times which refreshes the website……
The Joke Book is no more available on the website, soooooo get to your Yiddisher store and get the Book…Available in the ‘Beloved Country’ (Joburg, Cape Town and Durban)…..Melbourne, Toronto and Ranana(fontein) in Israel.
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860
Is your business in need of an innovative and professional website ?
Please contact 082 898 6780 (Warren) |
|
| 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
| 1 |
1 |
Parsha of The Week |
|
Ten Commandments Checklist
Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O “Beloved Country’
Often, I hear people say, "Well, I am not all that religious but I do keep the Ten Commandments." At such times I'm tempted to say, "Really? You do know that The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice..." I sometimes wonder if the people who glibly make that claim actually know what the Ten Commandments are...
Moses reviews the Big 10 in the Torah in Deuteronomy, why not go through the list so we can all get a better idea of how we score?
1) I am the L-rd Thy G-d. Basically, this is the command to believe in One G-d. I have every confidence that we all get full marks on this one.
2) Thou shalt have no other gods before Me. O.K., so you don't make a habit of bowing down to that bust of the Buddha in your living room. The question is, should it be there in the first place? And isn't it interesting that today we have all these Idols competitions being run around the world. Then, of course, there are all those well-established contemporary idols we tend to ogle and worship, celebrities like Brangelina, Madonna, Donald Trump, or even (Heaven protect me) Oprah.
3) Do not take the name of G-d in vain. This is not only about taking the oath or swearing in court. What about swearing in the street? How many choice four-letter words are in your vocabulary? And why drag G-d into those graphic expressions?
4) Observe the Shabbath day to keep it holy. Interestingly, the Ten Commandments appear twice in the Torah. In Exodus, the fourth Commandment begins with Zachor- Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. This week, we read Shamor - Observe the Sabbath day. "Remembering" is achieved through positive acts such as Kiddush, candle lighting, etc. "Observing" Shabbos, to guard it from any desecration, is the hard part. It may cramp our current lifestyles. That is where true commitment comes in.
5) Honor thy Father and thy Mother. Many people do indeed fulfill this mitzvah in exemplary fashion. I stand in admiration of sons, daughters, and often in-laws, who care for and tend to the needs of an aged parent or parent-in-law. They shlep, they cook, they humor and often tolerate irritable, cantankerous elders. This commandment seems to get more difficult as time progresses. Yet the Torah makes no distinctions based on age. It is our responsibility to look after our parents when they are dependent on us as they looked after us when we were dependent on them.
6) Thou Shalt Not Murder. Well done. Here's another easy one to fulfill. I'm sure not one of you reading this ever murdered anyone. You thought of doing it, you almost did it but, in the end, Jews are not the murdering type. We can safely tick another one.
7) Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. Umm... Let's move on the to next one.
8) Thou Shalt Not Steal. Strictly speaking, this refers to kidnapping in particular. However, all stealing--including the white-collar methods--apply.
9) Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness. How truthful are we? Even if we are not under oath, our word should be sacred. I remember hearing an old rabbi being introduced to a group of university students simply as a "man who never told a lie." How many of us could make that claim?
10) Thou Shalt Not Covet. Not easy either. Commentary defines this injunction as a prohibition on badgering someone, or conniving, to acquire--even legally--that which belongs to another. Go get your own. Why must it be his spouse, house or car?
There you have it. Did you score full marks? Did you pass, or are you in the forty-percent-or-less bracket? Worth working on, isn't it? Hopefully, we can all improve our score and one day claim with justification that we really do observe the Ten Commandments.
|
This Newsletter was sponsored by
Click here to view the Website
http://www.stantgsm.com
StanTGSM's newsletter is read all over the world including
..
All the Continents of the Globe
|
 |
|
