Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
14 January 2010

Dear All,

Hope you have had a restful time over the year end break…of course in some parts, it was business as usual, BUT….In The ‘Beloved Country’ it is ‘Siesta’ time, and I reckon that next week will really see the start of the ‘Business as usual’ in die Ou Land……the weather in the Ou Transvaal was hectic during December with shocking Storms, and of course all the problems that go with it….

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the Rabbi and calmly said, 'Well, she's there..Oey vey..

The Cape was E-mazing, with it not being toooo hot for the first few weeks, BUT…the last week saw the Temps rising, with a ‘PERFECT’ day, reaching 37 Degrees and NO wind….I have NEVER seen sooooooooo many people on J(M)uizenburg beach on a normal mid week day…..’Zillions’, and I reckon nearly every Yid in the Cape Town was there….WWW….( What Was ,Was)….
Pictures of trip… http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php even on windy days, the Mayor, Mannie Rubinstein (still not to late to send a donation for the Bikkur Cholim Camp) , Deputy ‘Cocky’ Feldman and a few younger generation Mayor’s in the making (training…) Mandy Yachad ( Triple Souff Effrikken Springbok-Cricket, Hockey & ‘Kosher’ Sushi Chef ) and Mark Feinblum (Mosihe’s Butchery..) Sadly they have had to postpone the J(M)uizenburg exhibition, BUT…..it will be on in the near future……. http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Cape Town was not as busy as normal, and ‘Methinks’ that ‘Sokka 2010’ will not attract the ‘Zillions’ they are talking about…..The Greenpoint Stadium looks ‘Bakgat’ (GR888), BUT…..I still reckon that after Sokka 2010, it could turn into a White Elephant……must say that Cape Town is pretty ‘jacked’ and when I arrived at my flat, on Ding Dong’s Day (Dingaan Day) the power was not on…Called City Power and they were there half an hour later (On a Public holiday) and had the power going in 5 mins……….in Joburg, I would still be trying to contact Escom…….and they had broken into my Flat (no real theft, just nuisance). Went to Hermanus to fetch my Niece Haidee from Habonim Camp, and had one of the best ‘Goefs’ in the sea in years, at Grotto beach….what a ‘Michel’….E-mazing waves, warm water and of course very little back/side wash which you get in Durbs….Hermanus is Tukka a restful place………. The Habonim Camp was HUGE this year with close on 1,500 ‘Kinderlach’ which was enjoyed by all…….Bnei was again a GR8888 camp, and also large, and I must say that reports from ALL the various camps was good……

Going out
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away.
'That stupid Witch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.
Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked!
I hauled her fat ‘Tochus’ downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
The cab driver hit a parked car.

Save the earth, it's the only planet with chocolate!!!!

Saw MANY ex Pats in Cape Town from all over the World, and had many ‘Hucks’ with Kevin Gutkin from Miami and his ‘Tatta’ Melvin who were out for the Holidays…….. Doc Rabson from Boston…..etc, etc…….and met up with an ‘old’ Lichtenburg Chaver , Shelly (Rozowsky) Stoch, who was out from Sydney for her Nieces wedding (Abrahams) @ Kirstenbosch……..Her Mom Mary, and Aunt Nita Kotzen were both from Lichtenburg, and their Boet Errol Paul was also from Lichtenburg, in my Boets Class…..Andrew Mainz had his Zunnelle’s Barmy in Muizenburg, and the family came from the USofA for the Simcha……Andrew is married to Mavis (Kletz –Lichtenburg) & Mr Danziger’s daughter…….. The Cape has sooooo many ‘Lekker’ places to visit, and even got to Cape Point this year….. The Marais Street Shul was good, with services going late, and the Choir and Chazzan a ‘Michel’….very ‘Heimishe’ service, with their Beadle, Norman Isaacson stealing the limelight………BUT…sadly the numbers are dwindling………. The Chanuka lights at Bloubergstrand were special with a good attendance, and many Chaveirim were there……..

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."

Pain in life is inevitable ………………suffering is optional.

When her friends got word that Sharon, a beautiful young starlet had married Jack, an elderly producer worth billions; ………….. they all sent her Get Will cards

The roads were not bad, and after saying last year, I would not drive again, drove down and coming back managed to get a puncture near Bloemhof, as we went the ‘Big Hole’ (Kimberley) route….and I could not get the Jack out of the mounting, and eventually, shirtless and in the rain, managed to get some sympathy, and a kind young man stopped and did the change for me……..it is a CraZy world, as I had a chat to him the night before in Kimberley at the Formula 1 Hotel….Marcel runs the Greatbatch Guesthouse in Kimberley, and those that travel to Kimberley, this is the place to say….and Marcel is a ‘Jack’ of ALL trades and will assist you……every decent place was booked out, as the ANC was celebrating its 98th. Birthday in Kimberley, ‘Punkt’ the weekend we were passing through…..On arriving home, another shock awaited us, as the House had been ‘cleaned out’ and the ‘Mumzierim’ broke though 5 security doors, and had a party….and of course we said the ‘Beloved Country’ prayer “
Thank G-D no one was hurt’ (Sic)…….

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all ID.
Cutting his trip short,
he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U S Custom Agent at the border. "May I see your ID please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry but I lost my wallet." replied the guy.
"Sure buddy, no ID, no entry." said the agent.
"But I can prove I'm an American!
I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other."
"This I gotta see." replied the agent.
The guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.
"By golly, you're right! Have a safe trip back to Chicago." said the agent.
"Thanks officer, but how did you know I was from Chicago?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle." Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik…..

The Cricket has been ‘Shreklach’, and I did mention before the Series started that we just did not have any decent bowlers….??? Not that the Batsmen were much better……..we really have to start from scratch and build a solid team again….not sure that there will be a result in the final test which started today, as they have forecast rain, rain and more rain……Oey vey……The Aussies coming from behind to win the second test was quite E-mazing…….we need some super charged ‘Shpielers’……….. Must say that as bad as we are, the ‘Poms’ made a big mistake today by deciding to bat first after the rain yesterday, and overcast conditions,and it reminds me of that Afrikaaaaaans saying “Cocky”….toooo sure of themselves……BUT, ‘OUR’ Captain Courageous said he would bat if he won the toss……Hashem is with Souff Effrikka by giving England the Toss…….Hopefully rain does not kill ‘OUR’ win …..??? ‘and so say all of us’. Score near the end of day 1, England all out for 180 odd and Souff Effrikka 16 for no wicket….Rain interrupted………

Interesting facts on ‘Yiddisher’ Genealogy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTJFziTzOeg

Click here: The 20 greatest Jewish athletes of all time (17/07/05) - Haaretz - Israel News

Below, the late Stan Daniels (writer) doing a Yiddish version of "Ole-Man-River." It was around 1975, part of the warm up for the Mary Tyler Moore Show-he was on staff. Stan Daniels also wrote for the Dean Martin Show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUPWMBZIU0w

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks
him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'

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Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub?He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, “Maggie, put your hat and coat on, lassie.”She replied, “Och Jock that's nice - are ye taking me to the pub with ye?”
“Nah,” Jock replied, “I'm switching off the central heating while I'm oot.”
The Artists Colony B & B where I stayed in Safed, was featured in the Jeruslaem Post…’Gib A Kuk’…E-mazing B & B……My Zunnelle Martin returns from the Yeshiva in Jerusalem tomorrow…and it is very good to have him back…not sure for how long …???
http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost/JPArticle/ShowFull&cid=1260930887543

Received an E-mail from Mark Sarachik who is travelling in Lithuania and his Father came from Malat (Same as my father & his family) ….and the biggest surprise was that he has a Stan The Good Shabbos Joke book (http://stantgsm.com/jokeindex.html to see all the strange places the Book has been…send me your picture) with him in the snow in Vilniaus Street ..E-mazing stuff…he is writing a Blog which you can follow…. http://www.sarachikepicadventure.bigblog.com.au

The President of the Reform Temple Saul Goldberg is greatly distraught and can not sleep nights.
He decides to visit with the Rabbi of the temple , Rabbi Sally Johnson and explain why he is so upset and to seek her advice.
Rabbi , he explains , as you know "I have been a loyal and devout member of the Reform temple and movement all my life.
Unfortunately, my daughters went against all my advice and married men that greatly upset me."
Rabbi Sally asks , "Really , Saul , how so ?"
Well, Saul explains , "My first daughter became Modern Orthodox which as you know greatly upset me.
But she married a Medical doctor , and even though he was 100 percent Orthodox and they send their children to an Orthodox Yeshiva , at least , when its not Shabbat or a Jewish holiday he watches TV  and he is a Mets fan like me.
So I was upset , but at least I can somewhat handle it."

" My second daughter was tougher for me. She also became Observant and married an Orthodox man. This guy had no College education at all but became a very wealthy diamond merchant.
He also wears a Long beard with Payos with his Tzis Tzis out with a Big Black beard and I am too embarrassed to introduce him to any of my liberal friends.
But, I will say, he treats my daughter well and He does give her everything she wants , so I tolerate the situation"
Saul sighs , and Rabbi Sally asks ," Is the Third daughter that tough to take ?" Saul replies, Rabbi Sally, "My third daughter went against all my Liberal thinking.
She not only of course Married an Orthodox Man and I have all Orthodox grandchildren , she married a Colonel in the Israeli air force who was known to assassinate ,with great precision , the biggest leaders of Hamas and Hezbullah from the air.
Too make matters worse, Likud may be drafting him as a candidate to run for Prime Minister after he finishes his Army career.
"All my liberal friends are upset at me and tell me he is killing an oppressed people.. Saul further explains, " The fact my daughters family is very right
wing and Orthodox makes it harder for me as my liberal friend remind me that it looks like Israel will all become Orthodox because of the birth rate !"
Rabbi , How do I show my face at the Interfaith council anymore ?
“Why are all my grandchildren Orthodox? Where did I go wrong?"
Rabbi Sally ponders the thought for a moment and asks "Did you check your Mezuzahs?".

The NEW home page is on the website www.stantgsm.com , and can you believe that they would arrange the Sokka 2010 to co-inside with the 10th Anniversary of the “ GOOD SHABBOS” letter and my MATRIC 40th Anniversary..
I was actually quite E-mazed when they actually planned it that way……Sokka 2010 has still got many obstacles in the way, and the roads system in the ‘Beloved Country’ is in ‘Groot Kak’ at the moment, with sooooo much rain holding up the works…….Then there was the tragic attack on the Togo team in Angola this week, at the All Africa Cup……which will put a damper on things for awhile, BUT…..I do not think we will see such behavior in Souff Effrikka, BUT….we have the ‘Blackmail Plague’ here which is much worse, with sooooo many groups threatening strike action, if they do not get what they want, and mid year, is the normal ‘Silly Season’ (Strike action) already……..another development is the side lining of ‘OUR’ Man Raymond Hack, soooo close to Sokka 2010…..and each week a new ‘Meisa’ develops…..Methinks that it will be a violence free Tournament, BUT…….plenty Civil action……..the Manne from my year at Highlands 1966-1970 are also planning a 40th Anniversary gathering in Oz, where there rae about 20 Manne……The Aquilians , as ‘OLD’ Boys are known will get together there also……Mid Year…please contact Herbert Epstein who is putting it together at ; heastern@netline.com.au still waiting for the Manne here in Joburg to finalize the 75th. Highlands Reunion on the 30th. June, for ALL ex Highlands North High ‘Boytjies’ and I am told it will be a ‘Kosher’ affair…….
See some ‘Koch’ on the Highlands website http://hnbhs.com/47.html and it is done by Chris Oberholzer in Perth…..

Scotch with two drops of water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

Dave Berman (aka The Rugger Bugger) is Tukka a talented ‘Boychick’….he also assists with Chess for Change, working behind the scenes is making a difference! JZ last week launched another drive to get the Youth involved in playing Chess www.chessforchange.org . Dave was also present at the pre showing of the Rugger movie Invictus, and spent time with all the stars and Captain Pienaar also…….. Must say that I saw the Movie in Cape Town, and it is a very ‘Touching’ movie….and the water was forming in the eyes…….Morgan Freeman was E-mazing as Mandela, and by the end of the Movie it seemed like he WAS Mandela……!!!!!!

Chinese Call-Centre (Good One!)'

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan

Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me.
                       Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan . And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator :   I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone !
                        But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was
                         involved in an accident.
     Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.
                        Right now , Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator:       Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then
                         the accident isn't an urgent matter!
     You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller:    You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator:   I'm Saw Ree .
Caller:    Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator:     That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ....
Caller:    O h .......G-d!!! !

On the political front, OUR Pres, JZ (Jacob Zuma) made a terrible ‘blups’ this week by saying that he could not comment on whether his big ’Chommie’, Shabby Schaik would get a pardon, as Shabby had never applied….what a ‘Blaps’…..and to be honest, there is no way that Shabby is not going to get a pardon………

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’   at;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Talia (Berzack) and Moshe Cohen on the birth of their Princess in Israel…mazeltov to the Bobba’s & Zaida’s , RRobert & Rhona Berzack and Eliakim & Zmira Cohen…and a special Mazel to Sylvia Berzack…The Great Grand Mother…… Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha….

Mazeltov to Nadia (Plen) and Glenn (Garfield) Saenger on the arrival of a beautiful baby boy! .He was born at 09h40 on the 17th December, 2009 / 30th Kislev, 5770 at Sha'arei Tzedek Hospital in Jerusalem. The baby weighed 3.430kg…(Kein a hora…)
Mazal Tov to the delighted grandparents - Mannie & Stella Saenger and Saul & Marcia Plen … Glenn was ‘Tukka’ a Stan & Pete stalwart ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and he toiled for many years….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……..

Happy Birthday to Martin Moritz on his Birthday tomorrow…Many more…Martin is one of the ‘Balaboses’ at Comair……and they do some sterling work among the various communities, and their assistance to the Bikkur Cholim (Netzer) camp is huge……..

Mazeltov to the ‘Nowesenitz’ Clan in Melbourne, who celebrated their daughter Batya’s Batmitzvah in Melbourne………The parents Leon and Gillian are well known to me, as Gillian (Furman) and her Schvesters Shelley & Nicole were all Stan & Pete waiters and Leon’s Mom Doreen had two Schvesters (Mary Rozowsky-Sydney) & Nita Kotzen-JHB) and a Boet (Errol Paul) in Lichtenburg…… Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha………. Pictures http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php Guess the theme.....????? Must say the Group pictures are E-mazing….looks like the ‘Real’ thing…hope they served proper ‘Schvitzing Curries’….Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha………

Mazeltov to Steve (Zab) and Greer De Burgh on their engagement in Perth……Greer is an Aussie, and Steve moved with his Mom June to Perth many years ago….and June married Peter, a Perth ‘Boytjie’……..Steve’s Late father was Roy Zab, a good Chaver who passed away many years ago, and was one of our TOP Simcha Photographers +/- 25 years ago…….The Late Roy was also a GR888888 musician and a cousin to (Little ) Stan Greenberg….Mazeltov to whole whole ‘Mishpocha’…….

Mazeltov to David and Fiona Aronovitz and family on the engagement of Bezalel Aronovitz to Miri Morgan form Gateshead, England……David is of course the ‘Balabos’ of the Kollel Bookstore and has been one of the ‘Simcha’ dancers for years……... Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’… http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Mazeltov to Nicole (Kramer) & Jared (Gersun) on their engagement this week…..
Nicole & her family are local and Jared’s parents Gill & Martin are ex Pats, and Martin was a Caterer with my Chaver Graeme Flax in Sydney ‘Amolikke Yoren’
Mazeltov on the GR88888 news…….. Nicole’s Mom Robyn’s Boet ,Avron Urison was a Stan & Pete waiter, and not sure if I should mention that her Brother In Law in Sydney is Hylton Sandler…(Joking)……Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’………
Mazeltov to Yitzchak (Lance) Karpelowsky ex Joburg, King David Primary to Rivka Ariev from Manchester.Parents Bernard and Veronica Karpelowsky and Zvi & Dalia Ariev are thrilled, and as for Yitzchak’s Boet ‘Chopper’ (Craig), he is thrilled with the news…..Engagement was last week in Manchester….Oey vey, I can just imagine the weather there……must be real gloomy ….. Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha…

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

Back to School, and Back to security….

We seem to drop OUR awareness when the silly season is here….

Get into your routine QUICKLY…check alarms, spare batteries etc.

Check perimeter fencing & walling for breaks……

Always get references before employing new staff………

Check the references, why get them if you do not check…..????

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860

Do you need a professional website? Do you want to convert your website traffic into sales using Google?

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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

Click here to view

Parsha of The Week

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

Throw Small Stones

Gratitude is an attitude, some wise man must have surely said once upon a time. The Bible in this week’s Parsha demonstrates just how far Jewish tradition teaches us to be grateful and to remember our benefactors.
Seven of the ten plagues occur in this week’s reading. Moses, messenger of G-d, is busy bringing down these terrifying plagues on Pharaoh’s Egypt. Yet, interestingly, he calls upon his brother Aaron to be the agent for the first three plagues – Blood, Frogs and Lice. Why did Moses not do it himself as he would do the others?

The Midrash, quoted by Rashi, teaches us that because it was through the agency of the waters of the river that Moses was saved as an infant when he was put in the basket. It would have been insensitive and inappropriate for him to strike those very life saving waters in order to bring on the plague. Seeing as the Blood and the Frogs both dealt directly with the water, it was Aaron who stuck the water rather than Moses. Similarly with the third plague of Lice. The lice came from out of the ground and the earth, too, had helped Moses to cover the body of the Egyptian taskmaster he had killed defending the Jewish slave. Therefore, it would have been wrong for Moses to strike the earth and so for this plague, too, Aaron was the agent.

What a monumental lesson to each of us on the importance of gratitude. Firstly, do water and earth have feelings? Would they know the difference if they were struck and who was doing the striking? How much more so should we be considerate of human beings who do have feelings when they have done us a kindness. How scrupulous we ought to be not to offend people, especially those who have come to our assistance.

Secondly, Moses was a man of 80 years old at the time of the plagues. These incidents with the water and earth occurred when he was a mere infant and when he was a very young man. Yet, all these years later he is still sensitive not to strike the objects that had helped him. He did not say as so many have after him, “So what have you done for me lately?”

There are a number of theories as to why human beings seem to have this psychological need to tarnish the image of their past benefactors. Perhaps it is because we are inherently uncomfortable with the notion of being eternally indebted to anyone. It cramps our style and diminishes our independence. So if we find fault with those who have helped us previously, we absolve ourselves of any moral indebtedness. Now we’re even. ‘I don’t owe you anything any more.’

The story is told of the Chasam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, 1732 – 1839) that he once did an enormous favour for someone. Later, the fellow asked him, “Rabbi, what can I ever do to repay you for your kindness?” The Chasam Sofer replied, “one day, when you get upset and angry with me, please remember what I have done for you today and rather than pelting me with big stones, please throw small stones instead.” Sad, but oh so true. In a similar vein, I remember hearing my own Zayde say of someone, “Why does he hate me so much? I never did him any favours!”

This little story of Moshe, which is only an aside to the main body of the Biblical narrative, teaches us to remember the kindnesses that are bestowed upon – when they happen, and forever. If one who has been good to us in the past does wrong and needs chastising, let someone else volunteer for the job. He may need rebuking but I am not the one to do it. Yet again, the Torah teaches us not only religious ritual but how to be better people, more sensitive and yes, eternally grateful human beings.

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