Dear All,

The weather in Joburg just held out for Succoth, and although some days looked menacing, most of the festival was held under the stars as it should be……Many Sukka’s of all sizes and shapes were put up, and it is really a BIG ‘Chag’ these days……

The Currie Cup ‘Rugger’ is almost finished and the ‘Mighy Lions’ (Ou Transvaal) Oey vy beat the Log leaders Western Province before most probably the biggest crowds at Ellis Park (Coca-Cola) in years  (for a Lions game)…….and the rest of the teams won as expected, and we have the semi-finals this weekend, with The Bulls playing Western province, BUT…at Newlands in that Mishugah Cape weather, anything can happen, although everyone reckons it will be a Bulls / Sharks final , with the Sharks playing the Cheetahs (Ou Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaat) in Durbs, soooo in all probability, the Final should be Bulls/Sharks……

'n Blonde Bankteller lê op haar rug tydens 'n bankroof.
Bestuurder skree "Lê op jou maag, dis 'n ‘blerry’ bankroof, nie 'n jaareindfunksie nie!"

Die oom sukkel ook maar met die Ingels. Kom in die restaurant, wil 'n hoender bestel, kan nie onthou wat is hoender in Engels nie. Die kelner verstaan net Engels.
Die oom sien die ou langs hom het 'n bord vol 4 gebakte eiers.
 Hy beduie na die bord vol eiers en se vir die Ingelse waiter:
 "I want their mother"!!! (Oey vy)

Got an interesting observation from an ‘obvious’ Ozzie fan this week….I wrote last week that the Aussies really deserved the Chapions Cup, and my comment was that at least they have some silverware in the cupboard now, and he wrote that… “You wrote  the Aussie cricket team " taking the trophy home to their empty cupboard . Well that’s not quite true as they still have in their cupboard the World Cup that they won in the West Indies in 2007. In fact its been sitting there since 1999 & the ICC cup has been there since 2005. By the way, the only thing in SA’s cricket cupboard is some brass jewellery which Smith wears every night around his neck commonly known as a "choker". Actually this ‘Boytjie’ is quite a Joker, BUT…spot on……not sure how we are going to correct the flaws in the cricket side, BUT…there is soooo much dead wood that has to go, and some of the Senior players  (Gibbs tops the list) will have to be put to pasture and a new lot put in…Seen quite a few articles saying that ‘Captain Courageous’ Graeme Smith should be dropped………??? http://www.cricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/427991.html

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.  As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.  She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.  'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'  She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' 
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!

Had an e-mail from Louise in Melbourne who has visited Shani Krebs in Prison in Thailand and has keep in touch with him. Sharni was given a life sentence for ‘Shlepping’ drugs and has paid for the miss deed many times over, having been the longest serving Prisoner for that crime, and a Royal Pardon is on the Thai Prime Minister's desk, together with two of the other South African ladies (wonderful ladies) - everyone is praying that they might be released soonish …….Shani turns 50 today, and anyone wanting to send a greeting can E-mail Louise at louisef@optushome.com.au and those that use FACEBOOK, can leave him a message…Look up ; Shani Alexander Krebs …Shani was an ex pupil of King David Victory Park where he Matriculated and was a inmate of Arcadia Orphanage……. Hopefully Shani gets out soon, and a VERY special Happy Birthday for today (15th.October) …to keep busy, he has done MANY paintings, and his ART is tremendous…and he plays a lot of Sokka to keep fit…… I met his sister Joan recently in Joburg, and there is love for Shani, it is ‘Tukka’ E-mazing….. Website sthat give more details are ; http://www.phaseloop.com/foreignprisoners/pris-bangkwang.html Look under
Bangkok Bangkwang Prison (Northanburi) for Alexander Shani Krebs…….
http://www.fosada.za.org/index.php?n=62&id=57 Takes you to a personalized site, with his Art works etc…………..

If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! ………………………………..
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles. He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
This makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Oey vy, M16 reckon that Ahmadinejad, the ‘Mumzer’ has Yiddisher roots….???
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=112001

THE WALL..say no more ....  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkHPeLMU44E

Roger Federer, The World Tennis Balabos, send s a Yomtov greeting ;http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l26RmrraKXs

Grumpy old man on the ‘Goldstone’ story…..VERY Grumpy…..
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udvXYKIi4x0\

At breakfast time Rifkah asks her husband Shmuel:
"Vould you like maybe some bagels mit lox, a piece of herring, and
 maybe some grapefruit and tea?'
"Tanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,” he says.
"It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
 At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something.
 "A bowl of mushroom barley soup and a pastrami sandwich or maybe some
 potato latkes?"
 He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
 "'Would you like a juicy brisket and scrumptious kugel? Or maybe some  flanken or chicken?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra... I'm  still not hungry."
 "Vell," she says, "Vould you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

Dr Dennis Hanover, established the first martial arts centre there and developed the unique Israeli from of martial arts “KAPUP” (Probably a play on the Afrikaans ‘ Kap op”) . He is building a museum of martial arts in Israel, and is asking for donations of memorabilia of anything to do with martial arts……Dennis was actually a boarder at Herber House, which was the King David Schools boarding house ‘Amolikke Yoren’…Please see his request at ; and drop him an e-mail if you can assist…….http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"
The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the
check-out counter."
"I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.
The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.
"We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

The Union of Jewish Union are having their ‘Divas Concert 2’ for Ladies….and this time, they are having reserved seating, soooo book early…. This is a Jonathan Birin 9 aka Marathon Man) /Justin Cohen Production entitled “I am what I am” – featuring 8 wonderful “Divas” …. Monies from this event will go towards Hatzolah, Kosher Mobile Meals, Rape Crisis Clinic, Soup Kitchens – just to name a few. Details at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php Just a reminder that the Marathon Man has some new CD’s …. Jonnny Birin and Phil Holder's Cd : Music for the Soul , is now available as a download on http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/birinholder

Lessons in Management:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Must say, we Souff Effrikkens will try anything, and last week they started the ‘We’ve Got Talent SA’ show ……… Oey vy, what ‘Chutzpah’…it was ‘Shreiklach’, but. at Sandton Shul we have got talent, and during Yomtov, Ryan Manoim (14) sang ‘Aveinu Malkeinu’ which for many years belonged to Mark Cohen, who has left for Tooo-Run-Tooo…and Young Gabi Zollman (14) who ‘Leined’ this Shabbos from the Torah and it was a ‘Meichel’ to listen to……Shakeach to the ‘Boytjies’ and of course Avron ‘OUR’ Chazzan and Maish Preskow, who has led the Choir for over 30 years……with his LOYAL Manne…..most of them have also clocked over 25 years…. This years Hosts Chazzan Breishit XXX were Howard Ostrowsky and Steve Tucker who hosted the well supported Braaaaai after the davening …and on Friday I popped into West Street Shul’s Hoshana Raba, Hoshana Raba is one of the most interesting and lofty days of the year. On one hand it is a regular weekday, part of the intermediate days of Sukkos. On the other hand it's a Holiday unto itself. A close relative of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, it has it's source in the tradtions of the prophets. The day is considered to be the day of the final sealing of each persons yearly verdict. …The Kaplan family have been having a breakfast for the past 30 years, and this years Chicken Soup & Kreplach (8.00am) was a ‘Miechel’ again, and the Chief Rabbi Warren Goldstein was also there…..Pictures ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php  Sydenham Shul had a BUMPER Succoth with large Sukka meals including Macsteel and Cape gate…..Stanley Seeff copied his cousin Ronnie Kaplan and also had a Hoshana Raba breakfast with Zupp & Kreplach…see the pictures……

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven.  Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.
 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'
 'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'
 'Just three questions' said St Peter.
 'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '?
 The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'
 The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'
 So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).
 The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'
 The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'
 St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?'
 St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'
 The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'
 'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'
 'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'
 St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven.
Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'
 The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'
 'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'
 'It's Andy.'
 'Andy??'
 'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.
 This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer.
 Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in G-d's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'
 'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'
 And the blonde entered Heaven...

What's worse I bet you are now singing it to yourself!!!!!!  ( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…)