Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
16 October 2008

Dear All,

The weather is ‘Kooking’, and usually over Rosh Hashana & Yom Kippur we get a bit of rain, and now we are in Succoth, and if it does not rain, and spoil the eating in the Sukkah’s then we are in groot ‘kak’………rain has been fore cast over the past few weeks, BUT………’niks’…..E-mazing how the ‘rugger’ players manage to play a Semi-final at 3.00 pm and it is at its hottest, ‘nogal’ in Durbs ..

The Currie Cup semi – finals were played last weekend and it was as I predicted, the Sharks (Natal) moered the Lions ( Ou Transvaal ) 29-14 and the Bulls (Northern Transvaal) beat the Cheetahs ( Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaaat) . The final is only next week, and I cannot see why they would delay it another week into the heat, and hopefully they have a night game, as it is very hot…….a lot of young talent coming thru’ in the Currie Cup……..and I am sure some of them will be in the end of year Tour to the UK……..Just as things started settling down on the Racism In Rugger saga, sooo this Poepall Luke Watson goes and restarts the whole gemoers, and he reckons he wanted to ‘Kotch’ on his SPRINGBOK’ Rugger jersey, as the BOK emblem represents Oppression, and he hates the ‘Dutchman’ that run Souff Effrikken Rugger……What a ‘Schmuck’….now the ‘Rugger’ code should take over and they should ‘Moer’ him in a few scrums…..
for some amazing BARBARIANS CLIP including GARETH EDWARDS 1973
www.rugby365.com

On the Cricket front, they have shown some bold moves in leaving out speedster Nel (Quite useless, and no loss) and giving Ntini a lower contract, meaning he could also be out……bold, ‘cause we do not have ANY established bowlers with experience, and Steyn and the Morkel Broers still have to prove themselves….Oey vy, gonna be a miserable series against the Aussies come end of year, with our batsman also not shaping soooo well….the Aussies seem to be taking on the Indians , but only time will tell…….

Mazeltov to Bruce Watson , who won the Dunhill Links pro am in Scotland this past week. Bruce is the Boetie of Howard who is a Chaver of mine and lives in Aussie these days….Howard is married to the Late Louis Inspectors daughter and her Boet Eric, worked with us at Pollack /Josset (1972), and is in the USofA these days…..Mazeltov, quite an achievement…….

A European tourist is lost and stops in an Irish village to ask for directions.
He sees two old men sitting outside the pub enjoying their Guinness.
"Parlez-vous Francais?" he asks.

The old men look at each other and shake their heads.
"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"
Again, the old men shake their heads.
Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks "Habla Espanol?"

The men once again shake their heads.
Totally exasperated by now, the tourist asks "Parla l'italiano?"
The men once again look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement.
The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off.

ONE old man says to the other, "You know, Sean, perhaps we should learn another language."
"Ah get on with yeh; look at him, he knows four and it didn't do him a bit of good."

The Yom Kippur services at Sandton Shul were quite E-mazing….and the decorum, with 1200 ‘Yidlach’ was sensational, and Kol Nidre , by Chazzan Doc Avron Alter , Maish Preskow & the Choir was wonderful, as were the various sermons and the whole fast day……..Many of us stayed in Shul the whole day, and the Air Conditioner was a ‘Michel’…in true Sandton & Yomtov spirit, the ‘Shlishi’ call up was given to Steven Mechanic who is suffering from leukemia, and I wrote about him last week….Stephen was also re named during the call up, which was very emotional….He is related to Rabbi Suchard……
Sir Henry again proved what an ‘all-rounder’ he is, and if only the Protea’s (Cricketers) had a few like him….The ‘Boytjie’ from Brakpan did everything from running & coordinating the various services, to Leining, Maftir/Haftorah…etc, etc……... and the rest of the ‘Gaboyim’ were not far behind…a truly ‘World Class’ service we had at Sandton…….

Popped in to the ‘Krok’s’ Sukkah at Summerplace this afternoon, and they have built a new one by the Shul…. it was lovely, and after getting washed out last year, even though it is VERY ‘Schvitzadik’ , it was a ‘Michel’……see pictures at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

How to be a real ‘Faribeldikke Kugel’
Rachel’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best Dressed mother- of-the-bride ever! A week later, Rachel was horrified to learn that her father's new Young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Rachel asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm Wearing it,' she replied.
Rachel told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Rachel asked her mother,
'Aren't you going to return the Other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it. Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear.
I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'….Oey vy……………….

Had an interesting E-mail from Jeff in the USofA “In the US the expression-wishing you a long life - at bereavement is completely unknown”.
As it is universally used in SA (where I originated from) can you shed some light on its origin and its meaning? Is it used in other ‘Yiddisher’ communities? Methinks that it is a VERY Souff Effrikken saying, BUT……..if anyone one actually knows the answer, please drop me an E-mail @ Smookler@netactive.co.za Would be GR8 to get some feedback……

In the past 8 years of writing the Good Shabbos letter, I do not think anyone has questioned me using the word ‘Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik’. I had a few calls from Cyril last week, querying if it was not a ‘bad’ word to use, as the religious Afrikaners take offense to the word…..???? Must say last week the Star in the Financial section had a heading ‘ Jislaaik’ ,but the markets reach bottom’…??
Shed some light on the matter if you know anything.. smookler@netactive.co.za

'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

My ‘old’ (Tukka) friend Benny Puterman, who is originally from Durban sent me a few ‘Meisa’s’ on Shuls he has visited around the World…Benny was in the Sinai Campaign in ’56 among other things, and a few of his ‘Boychix’ went to Highlands and were GR8 ‘Rugger’ players…..see Benny’s Meisa’s at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'

Young men think old men are fools;…….. but old men know young men are fools.

The ‘Boffs’ from Mount Scopus in Melbourne are here on a Info lecture at the end of October (Details at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php ) I visted the School in the early 80’s and it was then already a big School offering ‘Yiddhsre’ schooling for the Kinderlach……..They are sending their ‘Balabos’ RabbiJames Kennard, who will be able to answer any questions etc…..Colin Adno will also be coming with, and he is a Migration lawyer….and prospective parents can have a lekker ‘Koch’ with the Manne….the lecture is free, and will be held at the Hilton Hotel in Sandton on the 28th. October……….

Old love……………..
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air; the wind catches it for a few seconds,
then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."

The UJW are having a Women’s ONLY evening on the 29th. October at the Sandton Shul Hall http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details... called ‘Divas in Concert’….only one night soooo book……must say this sounds like the announcement Sir Henry Blumenthal made in Shul….’Topless’ (and he had everyone’s attention) …progressive Succoth lunch on a Bus without a roof…….the UJW are also helping Yad Aharon with a very ‘Balabatishe’ Poker evening on the 5th. November at the HOD, and Gary Friedman (from the Caterers) says it will be a night to remember………………

Little Yankele was having a tough time adjusting to first grade.
At least twice a week, his parents would receive a note from his teacher outlining his latest infractions.
Finally his parents sat him down and said, " Yankele , we've had enough!
We don't want any more notes from your teacher!"
Yankele replied, "Alright. Do you guys want to tell her or should I?"

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos Man’ Joke book has arrived in Irvine, and is available at the African Hut www.africanhut.com and the The Garden Patch in Tustin..And they also have it on the ‘Net’ soooo you can go online and order http://www.africanhut.com/novelties-rugby-and-tshirts.asp .. also a HUGE range of ‘Gerichten’ from Souff Effrikka…… I see plenty ‘Bokkies’ on the website…better buy, ‘cause they could become an endangered species, if the ‘Manne from the Ministry’ have their way………

The 613 for Israel’s 60th, @ $$$600 is starting to gain momentum…..and many buyers are syndicating the tickets…so if you are looking for some Partners (not Shlenters) contact Wendy at 011-645-2504 & wendi@beyachad.co.za details at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

A priest checks into a hotel and says to the receptionist …………………
"I hope the porn channel on my TV is disabled."
She replies: "No sir, it's just ordinary porn, you ‘Galeria’……..."

Got an E-mail from the Sacks family in Melbourne (ex Vered Estates-Victory park) and it is quite an achiebvement when 3 generations of one family run a race together with Zaida Harold (75) , his Zunnelle Philip, and his twins Greg & Brett…….The Twins Bobba in the ‘Beloved Country’ Ros Schrier must be ‘Klibing plenty ‘Yiddisher’ Nachus…….as is Barbara in Aussie…They ran the Melbourne Half Marathon…see pictures at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Quote from 206 years ago…..makes one think….
'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.'
Thomas Jefferson 1802

Best quote so far on the Financial crisis :
"This is worse than a divorce, I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife",…………… a hedge fund manager.

‘Rumour has it that the financial crisis is sooooo Shlegg, that Yiddisher ‘Vibe’ are marrying for love these days…..

With the World Financial markets a ‘Biesel’ deur die ‘kak’, some incredible quote, jokes, sayings etc have been created, and it is E-mazing how times have changed, and these days, people see the ‘lighter’ side if there is one….???? ‘Amolikke Yoren’ people took a Crash very Seriaaaaaaaaaaaas, BUT……these days the talk is around how Shlegg will it be, and when it will swing back…Quite E-mazing times we live in……???? The ‘Mighty Rand’ hit R10.50 to the $$$ for awhile this morning…Oeyvevoy.

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

Q: What is the definition of optimism?
A: An investment banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday night

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS for 2008 and beyond.

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…….! ! ! !! )

Light hearted look at the Economic crisis….. ‘Gib A Kuk’………..
http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/k3vjGnFW0yxqrYHSpY
Jews in the Congo during Yom Kippur…sounds craZy ….But…………….
http://www.chabaddoublebay.org/news/article_cdo/aid/750840/jewish/Free-Yom-Kippur-Services-Worldwide.htm

Got an E-mail from Bruce in Aussie about his cousin Ivor Kavin who has taken over the Haifa Deli in Calgary, Canada….Quite incredible how the ‘Beloved Country’ Yidden are spread in ‘Alle Drerden af un dek’ (Bundu-Timbuktu)..see website…. http://haifadeli.ca/

Did a ‘Locum’ at the Simchowitz / Bergman wedding on the weekend, and the Simon Kuper really looked GR8……..They had the Chuppa at the Oxford, sooo they came out and had pre dinner snacks outside and it was such a perfect evening………The ‘Marathon Man’ (Johnny Birin) was on top form and the wedding ‘rocked’..
See pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Phillipa stays around the corner from me, and went to King David VP with my ‘Kinderlach’ and of course I did her elder sister Michelle’s wedding to Serebro (Melbourne) ‘Amolikke Yoren’…We also did her other sisters wedding , to Steven Lipschitz………Steven’s Mom Dora sold me my first house in Kew 28 years ago……..Met up with an old Army Chaver (1971) Graeme Kluk who came up for the wedding from Durban …Quite E-mazing, as I have not seen him in 37 years………..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’………Mazeltov to the parents Sid &Marilyn Simchowitz and Sharon & Mark Bergman….and to the Chossen / kallah Philippa & Darren…..see pictures …Frank Tapnack (http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/simch-photonew.html ) sent me some…groom is an Aircraft E-fundi….. ‘Gib A Kuk’…Dankie Baie Frankie (aka Paul Simon)

Koring word gesaai,
Hawer word gemaai,
Hoenders word gebraai,
Meisies van 18 word...........????

19!!!!!...........Sies julle !!!
Loosely translated ; Corn is planted, crops are ground,chickens are braaied, and girls of 18 , become 19…what were you thinking…..????? Like ‘Yiddisher’ jokes, it is lost in translation, BUT….in Afrikaans it is very funny………….! ! ! ! ! ! !

On the Political front things are totally ‘Tzu Mished’ (Mixed up)….with soooo much going on every day, I am not sure what is actually happening and if it is good or bad……BUT….according to the Manne , Zuma might not come in…?? Will Mothlante keep him out…??? Will a new party form…??? I reckon a new party at this stage would be a bit ‘Shem zag’ ( embarrassing) , and could lead to a bit of chaos in the ‘Beloved Country’ and these latest sayings “ I will kill for this one and that one is really rubbish talk, and the Gutter politics have arrived……
What will happen to 2010 is anyone’s guess, as the Politics and Unions are under mining progress and we still have a lot of work to do before 2010, and it is actually around the corner…….

Across the border in Zim-BOB-We , Uncle BOB is up to his old tricks and that situation cannot last, and there could be huge problems if he does not let go of TOTAL control……..

Laugh your lungs out, this is really humorous
3 men (Mandela, De Klerk, Mugabe) were traveling in a plane and their plane crashed in a remote island.

The king of the tribe told them that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get
three pieces of fruits - the best they could get. So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.
De Klerk came back and said to the king I brought three apples.
The king then explained the trial to him. You have to shove the fruit up your ‘Tochus’ without any expression on your face or you'll be shot dead.
The first apple went in, but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

Mandela arrived and showed the king three berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be!
Easy 1......2.....and on the third berry he bust out in laughter and was killed.

De Klerk and Mandela met in heaven. De Klerk asked, why did you laugh?
You almost got away with it? Mandela replied, I couldn't help it, I saw Mugabe coming with 3 pineapples”……Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah……………..

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Basil and Caryl Baum and Jeanette Sapire & Ivor Sapire on the engagement of their ‘Kinderlach’ Gary (Baum) & Leanne (Sapire)…….. Gary’s Mom Caryl is the sister of my Chaver Stan Greenberg (Mustang Sally ) who shres the same Physique and birthday as me…and her Dad Basil, was one of the ‘Manne’ at Highlands in my years……Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……

Mazeltov to larry (Nussbaum) & Andrea (Bellon) on their engagement last night….Mazeltov to Larry’s parents Marian & Danny and to Andrea’s parents Mike & Jacky…….I know both families soooo well, and of course larry and Danny have been in the Simcha business doing Video’s /Photo’s and know Virtual Video viewing at Simcha’s……..Quite E-mazing that Mike works at Nussbaums and his new ‘Machies’ are Nussbaum’s….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…………

Happy Birthday to my ‘Boetie’ Hilton, who celebrates his birthday today ,…. many ,many more…….

Sincere condolences to the Wainer family on the loss of their beloved Mickey…Mickey was the father of Rabbi Shlomo Wainer of Umhlanga Chabad, and we extend our condolences to the whole family……The Funeral took place in Pretoria………. And the family have gone through to Umhlanga today…..

Sincere condolences to the family of Esther Barsel who passed away this week….She was very involved in the ‘Struggle Years’ in the ‘Beloved Country’ and was ‘Tukka’ one of those, with her late husband who made a difference, and they were jailed , banned etc, BUT……..stuck to the cause….Esther Son In Law Dave Shapiro is with me at SASFIN, and her Grandson Graeme just came back from London and was staying with my Zunnelle Martin…they were at price Waterhouse together…….Sincere condolences to the whole family…..

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

With the renowned ‘Rolex’ gang around ;

Try not to wear ‘flashy’ jewelery and watches.

If you drive an up market Car, be on alert for the ‘Mumzers’ following you.

Be aware at shopping malls, as this is where the ‘Gunovim’ supposedly choose their victims……

Try and fill petrol in the day, at popular Garages and not out of the way ones.

Never leave your keys in the Car when U visit the Convenience store….

Do not antagonize the so called ‘Car Guards’, as they will become hostile…

Be StreetwiZe…………..

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a good , restful peaceful Shabbos,

If you cannot see the latest letter or Meisa’s, just press F5 a few times which refreshes the website……

The Joke Book is no more available on the website, soooooo get to your Yiddisher store and get the Book…Available in the ‘Beloved Country’ (Joburg, Cape Town and Durban)…..Melbourne, Toronto and Ranana(fontein) in Israel.

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860

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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Parsha of The Week

This week’s Succoth “ VORT”

The Laws of the Succah according to Dr. Seuss

(For more about the Laws of the Succah http://www.yeshiva.org.il/midrash/shiur.asp?id=958

You can build it very small .You can build it very tall
You can build it very large; You can build it on a barge

You can build it on a ship, Or on a roof but please don't slip
You can build it in an alley; You shouldn't build it in a valley
You can build it on a wagon; You can build it on a dragon
You can make the s'chach of wood

Would you, could you, yes you should, make the s'chach from leaves of tree
You shouldn't bend it at the knee, Build your Succah tall or short
No Succah is built in the Temple Court; You can build it somewhat soon
You cannot build it in the month of June

If your Succah is well made, you’ll have the right amount of shade
You can build it very wide, You cannot build it on its side
Build if your name is Jim, Or Bob or Sam or even Tim
Build it if your name is Sue, Do you build it, yes you do!

From the Succah you can roam, but you should treat it as your home
You can invite some special guests. Don’t stay in it if there are pests
You can sleep upon some rugs, don’t you build it where there's bugs

In the Succah you should sit, and eat and drink but never...
If in the Succah it should rain, to stay there would be such a pain

And if it should be very cold, stay there only if you're bold
So build a Succah one and all, Make it large or make it small
Succah rules are short and snappy, Enjoy Succos, rejoice be happy.

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