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GOOD SHABBOS
17 September 2009 |
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Dear All,
The weather is sooooo ’lekker’ and just in time for the Yomtavim……and please G-D we see a bit of rain by Sukkoth……which will mean we might be in for a normal Summer season….last year was the most rain I have seen in the ‘Beloved Country’ and it rained nearly everyday…….
To me ‘Yomtov’ has always been a time of Joy, happiness and reconciliation…with ‘OUR’ creator, and of course families and friends….time for ‘faribles’ to be sorted out, and a New clean Year to start……. Yomtov is a time when there are soooo many other ‘Yidden’ in need, whether it is spiritual, financial, mentally etc, etc. Locally, the Souff Effrikken ‘Yiddisher’ community is lucky to have a Group like the Chevra Kadisha, who over the years(over100) have INCREASED their coverage, so as to be able to assist more and more ‘Yidden’, in all facets of need, whether it be Financial, health, accommodation, education, etc, etc. The Chevra website will give you a complete breakdown of all services offered….. ‘Gib A Seriaaaaaaas Kuk’…always know what is available in such difficult times we live in at the moment. www.jhbchev.co.za for those in a the position to donate, please assist…always remember that any Tzedaka giving is worthy, BUT…in the ‘Beloved Country’, the Chevra are the MAIN supporters of the Community……and have a heavy ‘Budget’……Please note; ALL Tzedaka is welcome, these are just two suggestions…………
For those ex. Pat Souff Effrikkens, we know you all have your local ‘ Charities’ , BUT….always remember ‘Der Heim’ which was good for families when they were here…….. Chai South Africa are a body of tireless ‘Wekkers’ who bring in much needed funds from ex Pats for the various homes in Southern Africa, and their website is ; www.chaisouthafrica.com I met Claire Ellman when she was in the ‘Beloved Country’ last Yomtov, and she is one of the founders of Chai SA….Claire and her co workers are ‘Tukka’ doing an E-mazing job, in the Diaspora (outside SA), so why not sign up and make a difference…..
All that is left is to wish all the readers of ‘The Stan The Good Shabbos Man’ a ‘SHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET’ Yomtov, filled with Health & Happiness.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
I asked a Jewish man "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?"
He said "Yes", and walked away.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"
The man says, "I make a good living."
2 Jewish women in New York, one says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?"
The other says "I live in the back, I don't see anything."
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
The ‘Rugger’, what can one say except that …………We ‘Tukka’ are World Champions…Finish & Klaaaaaaar…no denying it….the game was fast and enjoyable….and the whole season I have been saying that the Bokke must play winning ‘Rugger’ which is not necessary attractive ‘Rugger’…..must say that a few reporters have done a ‘ Bolla Makiesie’ (total turnaround ) and are now saying this is definitely the best ‘BOK’ team ever….Yes, purely on achievement and planning, BUT…on individual GR8888 players, there are maybe a handful….
Methinks that Fourie Du Preez is actually the best BOK in the team, and is Tukka a GR888 player….The ‘KID’ (As Dave Berman –Rugger Bugger calls him) Francois Steyn was solid like a rock, and his kicks from OUR half actually won the match….who remembers Tiny Neethling kicking them over from those distances, Toe Punt nogall…….in the end the Boks must be congratulated on one SERIAAAAS campaign from the 2007 World Cup, to present…..BOKKE.
The negative of course, is that the Manne are already moaning that coach PDV is in for Groot KAK for having soooo few players of colour….a campaign should be launched to find out why Souff Effrikken SOKKA has soooo few players of colour…could it be that ‘Vicers’ are traditionally ‘Rugger’ players worldwide and ‘Shvartzers’ in the ‘Beloved Country’ and elsewhere are traditionally Sokka shpielers..????? Could be an interesting end of year tour, with the Coach being forced to add a bit of colour….??? Not much talent to choose from at the moment….BUT…I am sure in time, it will improve……
The cricket Champions Trophy starting after Yomtov is Tukka gong to be a ‘thriller’ and with the Aussies showing some ‘ Gees’ in England, it should be a GR8888 tournament……..most of the Games will be around the corner from us at SASFIN…and the Wanderers is going to be ‘Kooking’…….
It was so hot in Miami, Mrs. Goldbaum almost died.
Luckily a life guard opened her mink coat just in time.
Morris was at the dentist’s office for a cleaning and check up.
The dentist checked his teeth and asked if he was "flossing religiously."
"Well," Morris hedged, "I floss more often than I go to synagogue."
The Bris
For those who believe that the birth of a son is the most joyous event, the ceremony honouring it has a good news-bad news quality, at least for the boy.
A week after the birth, the boy is given a party, with herring, wine, cake.
Then suddenly comes the bad news, as he realizes the purpose of the party!
Maybe that's why Jews have traditionally had such an aversion to alcohol. …
But it doesn't explain our attraction to cake!
The ‘Yiddisher’ saying ‘Dos guptz af um dem hartz’ is such a warm saying which means make the heart feel good…15/20 years ago, I had a little ‘Boytjie’ in my lift scheme to Crossroads School, and he was a very quite ‘boytjie’, and Marc Langbart then moved from Wendywood to Sydney, and ‘Wallah’ , he is a Doctor these days…..having been involved at Crossroads for the past 24 years, it is soooo good to hear of past students who have done well from our ‘Special’ school that we have….Mazeltov to his parents Peter & Avril who I know very well from ‘Der Heim’ and Peter was actually a Video Man at Simcha’s with us for many years, and carried on for awhile in OZ and his brother in Law Saul Gordon still does videoing at Simcha’s in Sydney…… Avril’s sister Wendy Segal is still in Wendywood and has worked at Gallo Manor pharmacy for the past 25 years… sooo not much has changed, and then of course there is Mark’s Zaida Aaron & Jean, who live in Sydney, and was ‘OUR’ Sergeant In Arms’ for many years, having excelled at the Toastmasters organization….Mazeltov to Aaron & Bobba Jean….what an achievement……I also did Aron’s other Einingkels wedding last year, Darren and he is of course an Actuary ( amper)….. Knowing Aaron, not hard to see where such ‘Genius’ comes from….. Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’ In & Out of the ‘Beloved Country’, and from Crossroads a very big ‘Mazeltov’ to Marc . ’An old boy’ of a GR8888 school …www.crossroadsschool.co.za
The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women ask too Many Questions.
Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..
A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.
Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Bobba !!
Got an E-mail from “ The Kugel” in Sydney ( Ilana Klevansky)… “The Sydney shows were sell-outs, and the audiences laughed in all the right places---- which means they enjoyed the Yiddish and Afrikaans references!
All my shows are performed as fundraisers for various Jewish charities, so if there is a group out there in need of a fundraising push, my email is illana@klevco.com.au. I'd be delighted to discuss performing "KUGEL!" to boost their funding requirements. Picture of KUGEL in her Sydney show at Hakoah Club…… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php E-mazing how when I visited OZ in 1982, my Chaver Greame Flax had just started Catering, and his Main kitchen was at the Club (Now the well know Passion8 Group)., and way back then I think ( ??) it was just about the only place in Sydney that had One-Arm bandits….(for the ‘Kinderlach’ slot machines), and what a position, a few blocks away from Bondi Beach……..
A university student goes home for the holidays and warns her parents that she's bringing her new boyfriend along.
The guy is a dwarf and so the student asks her parents to please make sure her little six year old sister understands. The mother calls the little girl one side and says to her: "Baby your sister is coming home this weekend and her new boyfriend is coming as well. He looks different to us, but you cant ask him any questions and you must not stare at him." The little sister understands totally and agrees to be on her best behaviour.
The student and her boyfriend arrive home and the little one can hardly contain her excitement.
The family sit down to dinner and Little Sister avoids eye contact with the boyfriend and remains silent throughout the meal.
When the main course is finished, the parents and big sister carry all the dirty plates out to the kitchen and go prepare desert, and Little Sister is left alone with the boyfriend. An uncomfortable silence ensues but eventually the little girl cannot contain her excitement any longer and she asks the boyfriend ... "Do you know Snow White?" (Oey vy…).
Unky (Arnon) Zangwill in Tooo-Run-Tooo is going on holiday again and wants to know if anyone wants to hire his Condo 2 beds /2 baths in Thornhill for the months Jan. thru March ( Good for anyone coming to take a look see and wanting to experience the winters here before emigrating.)…contact him at ; unky@rogers.com Unky is a good bowler (was..??) so I suppose he wants to play outside bowls in the Sunshine for awhile…I have posted a few pictures of Niagra Falls from ‘Amolikke Yoren’ which I was sent…Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaik, it must have been a ‘Bliksems’ cold winter in 1911.. See pictures at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Abe Spitzberg meets David Rosenbaum in the little back alley where they park their cars out of sight so that they can be seen to be walking to the Synagogue.
"Hallo David, I am so pleased to see you! It's my parents' Golden wedding anniversary next week and I would like you come to the party."
"That's nice, Abe. Thank you, yes, I will come."
"Maybe you have some friends you can bring mit you, yes?
It's nice to have many people at a party!"
"Yes... I can bring Sammy Cohen, and also Itzic Schwartz."
"Good, good! Only don't forget to remind them to bring something gold."
"Okay! I'll tell them."
So David Rosenbaum brought a goldfish, Sammy Cohen brought a jar of Gold Blend coffee and Itzic Schwartz brought Nat Goldstein. (Shnorrer’s….)
There are some very unique Chuppah’s for hire, with motives of the Wedding Ceremony embodied on them……and they are quite unique and colourful….I see that they offer a few types, so ‘Gib A Kuk’ at the Directory for details http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php and while you are there Melvin is offering an E-mazing Carpet, Curtain, Office etc , etc cleaning service….Good ‘Yiddisher’ Boytjie………
Good ‘ol Van Der Merwe (Van)…… Had Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Van :
Van walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Van said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Van what he had.
Van said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Van what he had Van said, 'Shingles.'
So the nurse gave Van a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Van to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Van sitting patiently in the nude and asked Van what he had. Van said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Van said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?? (Einaaaaaaaaah..).
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What will they think of next…new security checks for Airliners…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYcARF1-JDg&feature=related
The Aussie’s Tukka rate their sport, even in a Yomtov greeting from the Toorak Shul in Melbourne…
http://www.youtube.com/melbhebcong#play/all/uploads-all/0/CP6BFMmL5Hs
Rochel and Mary are having one hell of a fight at the aged home…………..
Rochel says to Mary “Hope all your teeth fall out except for one……………
Mary says “ Oey vy………why leave one ?? sooooo you can get toothache in it.
The MECHAYEDIKE Yiddisher evening takes place on the 23rd September…next Wednesday at the Capri Hotel….Going to be a GR8888 evening of fun, laughter and remembering WWW... What Was, Was For details go to; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php Bobbameises , Anecdotes & Yiddisher Folklore………
An ‘OLD’ Real Classic……………………………………….
An old, but wise Rabbi, is teaching his grandson about life.
(What a good yomtov message)
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"
The old wise Rabbi, simply replied, "The one you feed." ………..
The Marathon Man , Jonnny Birin and his Chaver ,Phil Holder have come up with a ‘Sooooooothing’ Cd : Music for the Soul , is now available as a download on
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/birinholder just give a Click….. The two of them have been together for many years, and besides Jonny being a household name. Phil has accompanied MANY overseas artists and has been on numerous tours with the Sydenham choir, sooooo even the ex Pats know him…….some GR88888 numbers on the CD……must say that Jonny’s ‘Hooked On Hora’s’ is widely used and enjoyed by all………………
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating
St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.
Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'.
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.
He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,
'Shoite,
Shoite !'
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame..
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better
And takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
'Bi' Lord.... I'm Sloshed ,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawl’s to the door, hauls himself up the door frame,
Opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No Bloody' way'.
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'.
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says 'Bugger it' and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says,
'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to much to drink last night?'
Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was Bloody' sloshed. But how'd you know?'
'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.' (Yislaaaaaaaaaaaik…).
Politically, it looks like a few quite weeks ahead, with nobody really sure who is still striking, as things move slowly anyway, soooo hard to tell if it is strike action or normal performance…..????? The ‘Ganser Balabos’ Jacob Zuma has told the ‘Wekkers’ enough is enough’, I suppose till next time….Caster Samenye has really given the papers something to talk about, and locally, ‘OUR’ Manne are going to fight the IAAF to the end, BUT….in a few weeks it will blow over, and another HUGE story will replace it…….The poor ‘DUDE’ who got Asylum in Canada has also caused a stir, with the local ’Manne’ shouting him down, and the E-mazing revelation that he may be a Coloured…??? And not even a ‘Vicer’…. ! ! ! very rich of the Men from the Ministry to come forward and say he is talking ‘KAK’….BUT, will they attempt to wipe out crime…??? Toooo much effort….funny they do not take on other Governments like the Ozzies who will not extradite all the ‘White Collar’ crime ‘Mumzers’, as they WILL die in prison, and overseas Governments do not have the death penalties….. ??? Quite E-mazing how they do not worry about guys that were involved in the Kebble murder being extradited and MANY others, BUT….one Citizen who says he was targeted, is being targeted…strange world……otherwiZe everything seems to be quite at the moment…….
Not PC, BUT……………..
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care... one has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham Council said ……
'We didn't even know they were living up there'.
Ethnic Minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime watch is being shown five times a week now.
World Mizrachi have upgraded their Website in time for Yomtov…..’Gib A Kuk’
www.mizrachi.org
Grant Kaplan will be visiting the ‘Beloved Country’ in October from the USofA and if you want to make an appointment, see Info for details http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php Grant has been visiting for many years and has been very successful……..
A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
The next day, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree.
He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, 'I'm hanging myself.'
'You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist,' said the onlooker.
I tried that,' replied the blonde, 'but I couldn't breathe.' (oey vy….).
They are having a FUN evening…’Are you clevererererer than your Bobba / Zaida ..??? at Yeshiva College on 18th. October…..Mark Banks, Mel Miller are some of the ‘Manne’ in the show..for details see;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
My ‘Old’ Lichtenburg Chaver, brian Altchuler is giving a talk at Wits on Landmarks of Joburg : Past & Present…….gives a VERY interesting talk ..Worth coming along if you are into Architecture ….. see the Info for details….
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Mazeltov to ; Loren (nee Pogroske), Lance and Aiden Suntup are overjoyed to announce the arrival of their beautiful baby son and brother Jonathan born on Grandparents Anne and Trevor Pogroske, Raynor and Percy Suntup
Great-grannies Blanche Bank and Fanny Suntup and all the aunties and uncles across the globe are over the moon……..Percy is a Mayfair ‘Old Boy’ from Amolikke Yoren’…Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha………….
Mazeltov to Tali Isaacson on her engagement to Natan Hoffman in Rananafontein……..Mazeltov to Maish & Jocelyn Isaacson. Miash has the Meatland Store in Ranana and opened the Pieworx originally in the Shtetl (Glenhazel)…..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’….
Mazeltov to Lara (Paiken) & Jarred (Milner) who got engaged this week….
Mazeltov to Saville and Charmaine Paiken (Octagon and Highlands North High)
And to Les and Sharon Milner(King David Linksfield teacher)
To Grandparents Bobba Mary Paiken and Zaida Jack Herman
To Jarred’s Bobba Betty Milner and Bobba and Zaida Alma and Rubin Terespolsky..wow, I have known both sides for 35 years, ahving Catered for sooo many Paiken ., herman, Terespolsky and Milner Simcha’s……Saville was of course at Highlands and his Late brother Stanley was in my years, and his elder Boet Maish was in my Boet Hilton’s class….Saville is one of the ‘Balaboses’ at Octagon, next door to SASFIN ……Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……………
Mazeltov to Jesse Klass who had his Barmy in Oz this week…he conducted the service on Saturday morning, davened Shachrit,leined & did Maftir & Haftorah.
When Rabbi Krebs delivered his Drosha to Jesse, many people in shul were battling to hold back the tears. The service concluded with Jesse's seven-year-old brother Shannon singing the entire rendition of Animsemirot by himself.
A delicious hot Fleischick luncheon followed the service at the Shul, which was attended by about 350 people from the Kehilat Masada community plus family and friends from South Africa, New Zealand, Queensland & Melbourne. A most enjoyable time was had by all, & grandparents & parents "clibed much Yiddishe nachus"!! Jesse is the eldest ‘Einingkel’ of Max Klass from Maxie’s butcher in the Shtetl (Glenhazel)…… Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……
Sincere condolences to the Aberman family on the first Yarzheit of Darren passing away….never easy, but hopefully it will get easier as time heals…. To his Bobba Ray, sincere condolences….Ray’s Boet is Ruby Raik, my ‘old’ Chaver….. Our sincere condolences……
Sincere condolences to the Ehrlich family on the loss of their Beloved Archie, who passed away ….. Archie became a Good Chaver of mine over the past few years, and was a very well read man, having been a teacher for many years….
To his wife ‘Babsie, sincere condolences and of course to the whole family ...an E-mazing thing is that Archie boarded with my Late Bobba in Louis Botha Avenue in the Late 1950’s…..…Archie’s daughter Judy Alter is married to Avron, the Chazzan of Sandton Shul…. Rest well Chaver………….
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
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Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
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Parsha of The Week |
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Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT ROSH HASHANAH?
Rosh Hashanah is more than just a holiday. It is Judgement Day. That’s why the traditional greeting at this time is not Happy Holiday - Good Yom Tov or Chag Sameach, but rather Shana Tovah or Ah Gut Yohr. The Heavenly Court will be deciding our destiny, determining our fate for the new year, so we wish each other that these days of reckoning go well and that we each be blessed with only good things for the New Year.
I’ve often wondered what we would do without Rosh Hashanah. For Jews, this is the season of Cheshbon Hanefesh – spiritual stocktaking and making our most personal inventories. We reflect on the year gone by, our successes and shortcomings in our relationships with G-d and with our fellow men and women. We try to pinpoint our failings so that we may correct them for an improved New Year to come. We make amends with those we may have been hurtful to in the year gone by.
What if we didn’t have Rosh Hashanah? Would we ever emerge from the rut we work ourselves into over a long, hard year? In all probability, we would just continue along the same tedious treadmill of life until something drastic jolted us out of our dreams. Would we ever stop to consider whether this is the way we really want to live? Would we ever pause to become pensive enough to rethink life’s game plan? More than likely, we might just keep running the rat race and, as some wise man once observed, “In the rat race, even if you win you are still a rat!”
Unless we are on the absolute fringe of Jewish life, Rosh Hashanah is a time when we are virtually compelled to sit up and take notice; to put the brakes on the mediocre merry-go-round and shout “Stop the world, I want to get off!”. These Days of Awe compel us to think about life, about ourselves, about our families and our way of life. And if necessary, do a re-think. It gives us the chance for at least an annual ‘compass reading’ to establish our sense of direction, so that if necessary, we may alter course and re-route ourselves. How does the lady inside our GPS put it? “Recalculating.”
In our chaotic, often mad world, we ought to thank G-d for this wonderful annual opportunity. Honestly and truly, what would we do without Rosh Hashanah?
Rochel and the children join me in wishing the community - and indeed the world - Shana Tovah. May we all be inscribed in the Book of Life for a happy, healthy, peaceful, prosperous, safe, secure and spiritually rewarding New Year.
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