Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
18 February 2010

Dear All,

The weather is really back to normal, and it is very ‘Schvitzadik’ after 4 moths of Summer rains, and dropping temps……..the whole place looks diffenert ofn the bright sunny days, and hopefully it will give our Roads Department ( Oey Vey..) time to repair the Potholes, that were expanding daily…..and the Roads that are being widened , fixed etc can get going again…..what a bunch of Schmucks to have left the road repairs for sooooo long, extra lanes and then of course the Gautrain….all being done at the same time….and with the huge rains it has been chaotic………….

The Super 14 started this past week, with sooooo many games, it gets hard to analyze the various teams, BUT…..the ‘Schvartzers’ are back, and there teams looked ‘gruesome’ with ‘Our ‘ pride, The Bulls looking like ‘High School boys, playing a casual game….Methinks the Crusaders, Bulls, Blues & Brumbies will be in the running at they end………the Stormers have potential, But………..the Lions are aiming for rock bottom again, although they played a ‘Gutsy’ game…and the Sharks seem to have lost that ‘Killer Instinct’ of years gone by….

After Monday and Tuesday...even the calendar says ……W T F.
Now what were U thinking..????? Wednesday, Thursday & Friday of course………..!!!!!

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

The Second test was soooooooooooooo typical of what we always do….why in heavens name, after being 200-1 would the next few ‘Top’ batsmen play like total ‘Kaylikka’s’ swiping at every ball…it was a 5 day Test, not a 20-20 game…..and the result was of course obvious….and then our fielders made a real hash, and the rest is history….the Indians remain World Champs, and we remain World ‘Chumps’…..sad day for Souff Efrikken cricket……

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.  One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.
We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you….
' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes.. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
  "What's for dinner, Batman?" ( Oey vey…………………).

Popped into the King David ‘Rugger /Sokka’ Dinner at the Sandton Shul the other night…..King David Linksfield have decided to send the Rugger Boys and Sokka Girls to Aussie on a Tour in April (7th- 25th)…was a ‘Lekker’ fundraiser, with many Sporting Boks around and LJB (Long John Berks) from the original LM Radio & then 702…….they had the Bok Captain John Smit as the guest, and had Barney Girnun (an ex KDL ‘Boytjie’) having a panel discussion with John…..Vice Head of KDL, Gary Bloch, was in Barney’s year….I reckon any Yid that went to Linksfield in the past 20 years, knows Gary….and of course he got the Video club going well……They still need funds, and it might be a Good idea if a few ‘Old boys & Girls) in Oz send a few donations to the School to assist with the Tour costs…..they are being hosted by Mt Scopus ( Melbourne), and Moriah (Sydney)
Now quite a few of the Kinderlach going, and they need support…!!!!!! Not only ‘geld’…Good luck to the teams and I am sure they will do well….
Pictures … http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.  Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly …………………………
'So which six items would you like to buy?'
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often? (Mmmmmmmmmmm..).

The long awaited Memories of Muizenberg Exhibition Opens in Cape Town at SA Jewish Museum , 88 Hatfield St , Gardens, Cape Town, 9 March - 11 June, 2010 .It was supposed to have opened in December…….sooo if you want a treat, get to cape town for the exhibition……. The long awaited exhibition is guaranteed to evoke a flood of memories and nostalgia.
Featuring photographs, memorabilia, and anecdotes, recalling those glorious summer days in Muizenberg - the 'Snake Pit’, the Balmoral Beach, white-coated beach photographers, peanut sellers, beauty and “bopping” contests, and, of course, the iconic bathing boxes and bluebottles!The exhibition provides a fascinating insight into the origins of this unique seaside place, and those colourful characters, many of them international celebrities, who established holiday homes there.

The David awards is on Sunday, soooooooo if you haven’t got your tickets, contact Natalie on 011 480 4723 …. R300 pp donation (includes light supper and entertainment by Adam Davis, Steven Leas, Danny K, Lisa Melman and Bryan Schimmel, plus KD's Got Talent 2009 finalists) … 18:15 for 18:30 (Sharp ..Not Yiddisher time) .. proceeds to the KD Foundation…….
The Lyric Theatre Gold Reef City … Dress code: Evening glam …Walk ins welcome!
Prizes to be won: Whirlpool dishwasher valued at R6800, luxury weekend driving experience in a Jaguar XF 2010 (valued at R672 000), romantic getaway to Namibia valued at R75 000 (courtesy of Rovos Rail, British Airways, Impalila Island Lodge, Victoria Falls Hotel, Wild Horizons and Totally Kosher) …..soooo get there…..must say the Lyric is ‘Tukka’ an E-mazing theatre to watch a show in, and last weeks Helfot concert there was ..on a Seriaaaaaaaaas note …
E-mazing ..see http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details......

Wrote about Sean Berman the E-mazing ‘yiddisher’ Tennis star last week, and his Grandmother (Marion Urfig –Perth) wrote back to tell me that she is known to Sean as ‘Goggo’ (not Bobba) and his Grandfather Meir is his Zaida .....I mention this as I saw the Marathon Man (Johnny Birin) Mom felicity on the weekend, and I said to her Care Giver, “Look after Goggo” and she wanted to give me a ‘Warm Klap’ …not Goggo…which in Effrikken means ‘old’……May both Bobba & Gogga keep well and have much ‘Yiddisher Nachus’ from the ‘Kinderlach’…..

'' Hi Mom, How are you ? "
"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware."
"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call."
" What happened ? "
"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."
"What on earth ~ why did you do that? "
"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."
(Remember my ‘Shtick’ on Jokes a few weeks ago…Laugh a little, ONLY a joke….)

Immigration Attorney, Grant Kaplan will again be visiting South Africa at the end of March, 2010 to see prospective business people and others interested in relocating to the United States of America. We will be delighted to meet with you to further discuss your immigration options. There are also a number of unique business opportunities available for visa and Permanent Resident opportunities. Contact ;usrelocserv@aol.com Website ; http://www.american-immigration-lawyer.com Grant is an ex Pat and has been coming for years………

Do you know a Mizrachi member who made Aliya in the last 5 years?
If you, or someone you know, made Aliya in the last 5 years, please send us your / their name(s), date of Aliya and email address to office@worldmizrachi.org.
We require this information for our World Conference to be held in June 2010.
Sooly Sacks, World Chairman of Mizrachi is of course an ‘Old boy’ of the Shtetl (Glenhazel) and comes home ‘often’ from his ‘home’……

Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik, its Purim next week already, and the year has just begun……..many Purim parties being arranged and most Shuls are having, and the Sandton Shul are having their normal Purim Carnival, which has been E-mazing the past few years…………. And of course the age old problem…where is last years costume / what shall we wear….??? Mandy Rosin has a GRT 88888888 selection of Purim costumes, and she is very Central ( In the Shtetl - Glenhazel…) 083-3106142 See http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Abe was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear, 'he said.
'Of course, Abe,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Hymie.'
'But I thought you hated Hymie,' she said.
With his last breath Abe said, 'I do!'

The Yeshiva College ( Tukka, the heart of the Shtetl) is having their annual Golf Day on the 6th.May , at the Royal Joburg Club and are looking for some Shpielers Contact Evelyn Samson Fundraising coordinator ….Yeshiva College Schools…Tel: (011) 485 4373 …. Email: pr@yeshivacollege.co.za

It's a slow day in a small Arkansas town and streets are deserted... Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.
A rich tourist drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick ….. One for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Farmer's Co-op.
The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now out of debt and looks to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today! !

Did a Locum at Joy Rothanburg’s 80th. surprise Party at the KCC, and it was a big Surprise…….Joy’s sister Norma (Hesselsohn) is my old Partner at Stan & Pete’s mother In Law……..Joy’s Zunnelle’s came from the USofA and I have not seen Clive in 15 years…..Clive is in Atlanta and his Boet Desmond …, and very Frum might I add……..Denise, her daughter is an ‘old’ Sandtonian, and still stays in the area….Mazeltov to Joy and the whole family……….Pictures
http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

There are 2 apartments X 1 bedroom luxury suites at The Peninsula Hotel a 5 star resort , in Sea Point Cape Town available for the week of July 2nd through July 9th 2010. Looking to rent for the week of the Quarter and Semi Finals of Sokka 2010. .Contact Ron Ron4Golf@aol.com

Classicccccccc Dental Joke…..’Oldie, BUT…Goodie’………
The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles. "I hate needles" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is
suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. ''I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something
to hold on to when I pull your tooth." (Bittere Gelechte……).

Oey vey, ZJ’s (Jacob Zuma) speech to the Nation was not well received, and he got big ‘Lashes’ all round……. The problem of course is not that only is he a man full of ‘Bobbameises’, BUT…that he is allowing the Country to go to the dogs…as they say…..Fraud, corruption and all kinds of ‘Gunavis’ are rife, and one wonders if there will be anything left to help up lift the very people who the ANC actually fought for soooo long to liberate?????? The Majority are suffering, while a few selected are benefiting beyond belief, and this week, Vavi, ‘Balabos’ of Cosatu, the biggest Trade Union, slammed the ‘Manne’ and has asked for an Audit to be done, on the ‘Manne’ IN the Ministry that have made huge ’Moooooola’ (Geld) in a very short time….this is the first intelligent thing he has stated , and if it were ever to take place, I reckon that 98% of the Government could be out (BUT….I was of course only dreaming….)

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her ‘Tatta’ escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the ‘Aron Khodesh’ and the waiting groom;
The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
Even the Rabbi smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

The local Co-ordinator, Marc Hirshowitz has opened a branch in Cape town, to compliment his Joburg & London offices……..does some real different décor, and Co-ordination……‘Gib A Kuk’ on the Website @ www.conceptspark.com
Raquel Zuckerman, who has managed large-scale events for Investec Private Bank in Cape Town for a decade, has been appointed as the head of the new office. Raquel has worked closely with Conceptspark over the past year to grow its Cape Town presence. Formalizing her role with the company and setting up a Cape Town office will allow Conceptspark to accelerate the growth of its Cape Town business. Pictures; http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies, "Only you Darling - With all the others I was awake"
Linksfield Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 am to 4 PM …....(Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…..)

Last night (Wednesday) was the Lubavitch ‘Miracle Drive’ and coincided with many after Budget get togethers……..I reckon that the ‘Drive’ was definitely the winner, with Pravin Gordon battling to give a well balanced budget…due to shortage of funds and of course the economy bighting hard into the economy….The ‘Drive’ again attracted a HUGE crowd (2000) and is ‘Tukka’ the ‘Communal’ event of the ‘Yiddisher’ calendar…..Shakeach to Rabbi’s Masinter & Katz on another special evening and to all the ‘Wekkers’ at Chabad House for the humungous effort that goes into the evening……..and of course the general upliftment the Community get from Chabad……The Guest speaker was Shlomo Vangrand, who in his first life was an American Football star, winning a Superbowl title……Methinks his speech had such meaning about finding ones self again….10 years after his Super Bowl victory, he became ‘Frum’ and is ‘Tukka’ Humungous…….. They honoured Natie & Frances Kirsh for their contribution to charities, Worldwide…..Pictures http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
The show was choreographed by Vicky (Friedman) Segal…daughter of my good friends Roy & Cynthia, and is the daughter in Law of Malcolm segal,who is one of the ‘Main Knackers’ at SASFIN …the 4 Choir boys were really good, and included Peter Berman (Zenith Band), Adam Davis (Chazzan & singer),Marc Samowitz (Chazzan & Shlomi Dee Doo,etc) and Maram…All in all it was a VERY good evening…..

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Deena ( Zetler) & Arik ( Moskovitz) on the upcoming marriage next month in Israel……..Deena’s Dad Louis, was in the Army in 1971, and I visited him in July at his Shtetl near Tiberius…. Deena’s Mom Arlene’s Boet ,Stan Zets was an ‘old’ Jewish Guild ‘Tennis’ stalwart…….now lives in Oz Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…..

Mazeltov to Aviva & Raymond Hack & Laura & Hilton Isaacman on the engagement of their Kinderlach Debbie (Isaacman) & Greg (Hack)….Greg is of course the Zunnelle of Raymond (Mr. Sokka) and I am sure they will plan a wedding during the Wolrd Cup….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……..

Mazeltov to Justine (Levitan) & Ricky (Michel) on their engagement this week….Mazeltov to Stan & Diane Michel….Stan is of course a Highlands ‘Old’ boy and Diane’s Shvester Tessa is married to my ‘old’ Hotelschool ‘Chaver’ John Goldreich (Durban) …….and Diane’s Boet Myron Katz is also a Highlands ‘Old’ boy….Helen (Berger) & Michael Levitan were both at School with me ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and we wish the whole ‘Mishpocha’ Mazeltov……

Sincere condolences to the Shuster family (Boca Raton) on the loss of their Beloved Errol, who passed away ……..Errol’s Dad Solly, was a Stalwart member of the ‘Old’ Jewish Guild and played bowls there ‘Amolikke Yoren’…Sincere condolences to the whole family…………

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

With Sokka 2010 only 17 Shabbos ‘s away ( as per The Jewish Board of Deputies Sokka 2010 website http://jewish2010.com …Mark Kramer, Balabos of Mantiss security offers a unique ‘Personal Body guard /protection ‘ package…this offers Overseas ‘Manne’ peace of mind , when making a decision to come and watch, and they offer the service to guests staying in Hotels, private homes, B & B’s, to the games and touring…even to high profile ‘manne’ like ‘Tiger’ who wants to visit with a ‘Skelm’ ….

Mark’s men are highly trained and would be able to cope with any situation, as they have ‘Schiechel’….Call Mark or E-mail him at . mark@mantissecurity.co.za Visit the website…… http://mantissecurity.co.za the service is available to Locals also…

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time………

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Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

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Parsha of The Week

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
Going for Gold

Did you know that, according to the Midrash, gold was only created to beautify the Beit Hamikdash, our holy temple in Jerusalem. That’s right. It wasn’t created to sit in Fort Knox or to stabilize the world’s currencies or even for commodity traders to make the occasional windfall. And it was most definitely not put on this earth to adorn our bathroom sink handles. The rabbis taught that if the community could easily afford it, even the floors of the Beit Hamikdash should be paved with gold!

This week’s parsha deals with the construction of the first Mishkan, the portable temple in the days of Moses and we read of much attention to detail. Gold, silver, copper and other precious metals were donated by the Israelites to create a beautiful dwelling place for the Divine Presence. Similarly, we are taught to beautify all our mitzvahs. A nice Menorah, a handsome Etrog Box, silver crowns for the Torah; these are but some of the ways we show respect for that which is sacred in our lives.

Now, obviously, G-d doesn’t need our gold and silver. But from our side we ought to make that which is important to us as beautiful as possible. A Shul can be a humble hut but we need to demonstrate what our values are and where our priorities lie. To give honor and glory by beautifying His Holy House is one way of paying homage to G-d and thereby acknowledging the source of all our blessings.

A former South African Chief Rabbi, LI Rabinowitz o”h, once penned an eloquent contrast between the ‘cathedral’ type synagogue over which, ironically, he himself presided and the simple little chassidic shtibl of old. Everything was elegant and pristinely clean in the glorious domed Great Synagogue while the unadorned shtibl was anything but grand. On the one hand, the residue of the kichel, herring and schnapps on the tables at the back didn’t exactly inspire reverence for the celestial. And yet, wrote Rabinowitz, there was a certain spirit there that was lacking in the formal synagogue. There, one could sense the scent of a sincere genuine prayer, hear a heartfelt yiddishe krechtz and be warmed by the special chaverschaft and camaraderie.

Nevertheless, we should be asking ourselves whether we are paying enough attention to the state of our synagogues. Would we accept that our private properties be as poorly maintained as we do for G-d’s property? Why is it that in our own homes the bathrooms are not only clean but Italian tiled while the Shul facilities are all too often a shameful schmutz?

I remember getting a call one day from a wealthy man who had just finished building a stunning new home. He asked whether it was true that all the doorways in the home required a mezzuzah. When I answered in the affirmative, he complained bitterly at the high cost of mezzuzahs. Frankly, I had little sympathy knowing how many millions he had just spent on the house. Never mind the building costs; for every latest gadget and accessory he had money - but for the mezzuzah suddenly finance was a problem. We go out to posh restaurants and spend lavishly to dine out in style - and then complain bitterly about the price of kosher food. We will happily pay fortunes for the Bar Mitzvah or wedding party with all that goes with it and then resent why the Shul charged as much as it did for the Chupah or why we were asked for a donation on the Bimah. The caterers, florists, musicians, printers, party coordinators, entertainers etc all make a living on the simcha, and, sadly, the Shul that was responsible for the main event is an afterthought.

My Shul President once told me that he was seeing congregants before Rosh Hashanah who wanted to book seats for the High Holy Days. One woman asked to be subsidized. When he asked her about her circumstances and why she had fallen on hard times, she replied that she hadn’t at all. Why then was she requesting a discount on the normal fees? It turned out that she discovered that her sister-in-law had received a subsidy. So if discounts were going, she wanted one too.

I know it is a long-standing Jewish tradition to drive a hard bargain and make sure you get value for money and why not look for a metziyah if you can find one? But that should not apply to our religious, educational or communal institutions. Especially when it comes to the synagogue we should remember why gold was created in the first place - to decorate, adorn and beautify our places of worship. By all means, live well. Spend on yourself and your family and enjoy. But let us try and give at least equal respect to the house of G-d.

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