With Winter fast approaching, Stan & Pete are offering a Wedding Special at the Simon Kuper, and the rates are ‘Chilling’, very low……Their Mothers day Brunch will be held on the 9th. May , at the Simon Kuper….. see http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details..............

This past weekend was the Argus Cycle race around Cape Town….and they had 30,000 ‘Mishugoyim’ ride this year, and it is by far the largest race of its kind in the World…… and they reckon the weather was a ‘Killer’ with heat wave conditions,BUT  …The wind was worse than the heat …which is very different to last year, when thousands gave up due to the wind factor…..My old Stan & Pete partner , Pete Arnold , completed his 15th. And reckons it is getting harder as he gets older…My Chavers  Solly Zaidel & Billy Blumberg also went, and a few other ‘Yidlach’ I know…..…… They all reckon it is one E-mazing event…and well organized……Lance Armstrong was a BIG hit, even though he did not win.

What do u call:
 Some clever ones…………takes time………….
1. An Afrikaner doctor that does circumcisions............ Dr. P.P. Snyman
2. An Afrikaner Gynaecologist................. Dr. Koekemoer
3. An Afrikaner who doesn't go to church............  Van NieKerk
4. An Afrikaner who failed June exams.............  Viljoen
5. An Afrikaner that trips and falls in the mountains.......  Van der Berg
6. An Afrikaner that votes EVERY election........... WOUTER
7. An Afrikaner that drives the loud Datsun Stanza...... BASSon
8. An Afrikaner that is very well endowed........... De LANGE
9. A Male Afrikaner that prefers other male species....... De KOCK
10. The Afrikaner that’s always high........ POTgieter
11. An Afrikaner moffie............. Sakkie De Kock

“ They are having the most awesome fundraiser”:-
Minnie Bersohn pre-primary have managed to secure two captains of industry- Brian Joffe and Brett Levy to be guest speakers at a gentlemen,s breakfast to be held at Sandton  Shul hall on the morning of Friday 30th April  & all the time 'youse' all thought that Sokka 2010 was the Big event......???   
 The money raised is being used for the rebuilding of the entrance to the school, which will separate the function hall from the school ensuring the safety of the children. The rest is going to a very deserving Jewish charity CHAZAK, a Jewish fund set up by our school which helps Jewish families who have dreaded diseases and disabilities”.  See http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details.....
 
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly,
"No he didn't. He just walked in the door." ( Oey vey………….).

The political scene is getting ‘Ugly’ with everyone a ‘macher’ and only for himself……Young Julius is in soooo much ‘Kak’, BUT…..he will not lose his wealth, even though it was obtained because of his contacts in the ANC, and Winnie Mandela continues to attract the ‘limelight’ and last weeks revelation about a negative interview she gave, a few months ago, has caused GR8888 embarrassment , and whether the interview was true or not, it has really tarnished the ‘Mandela’ name…….and Methinks that she might have whispered something ‘vrot’ to the Reporter (Unofficially-of course) and this has caused huge problems…BUT given Winnie’s past brushes with Officialdom, she will get away ‘shining’……and all will be forgotten……I see Mr Cosatu (Vavi) has said that the ‘wkkers’ must carry on their strike, against Escom, even though it would be during the World Cup, as the Man in the Street, had a right to protest, and I LUV the part when he says.. ”They are not trying to Blackmail anybody”.. Gotta LUV the man…….this poor World Cup, better be the ‘Richest’ of all time, and be a HUGE success or else, we will be in GROOT ‘Kak’…..

Help!!!!!! on eBay...
Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay??
I put in a bid for a “Mickey Mouse Outfit” and now it seems I'm only six minutes away from owning Zuma and his cabinet...... Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…………..

A survey was conducted among the women of Soweto.
They were asked if they would be prepared to sleep with President Zuma.
3% said 'Yes they would'.
97% said 'No, not again'.

http://www.thefriedmans.net/jewgle  ..  What a Lag ….. Some of the ads …

Israeli advert re-enacts Dubai assassination ……………………..
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdR1uHNkxkE&feature=player_embedded

E-mazingggggggggggggggggggg…………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtOsVmRdK9w

The funny Rabbi……. ??? http://www.bobalper.com/demo.html

Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to arise, hurricanes to sway around,
no one is taught how to choose a Wife, ……………..natural disasters just happen

The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?" …….The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

Back in Zim-Bob-We, Uncle BOB is still making GROOT KAK……with him training a further few 1,000 ‘War Veterans’ as the original lot are virtually ‘Ava Sholem’…….E-mazing how he gets away with murder, and nothing is done to him…and of course OUR ‘Balabos’ JZ, is over there at the moment, giving him a ‘Mapola’….Oey vy……..Sanctions will never really bring change, as he gets all the assistance he needs from the ‘Beloved Country’…..

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
 The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped ‘Uncle Bob’, Jacob Zuma, Winnie Mandela, Julius Malema and Jackie Selebi. They're asking for a R310 million ransom.
Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a litre."  (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…………………..).

Yesterday was the Hatzolah Golf day @ the New Houghton Golf Course which is VERY American……..what a Clubhouse…..Hatzolah is ‘Tukka’ an E-mazing organization, offering the ‘Yiddisher’ community, emergency Hospital transport, and many other activities, and is ‘Driven’ by Phil Jacobson, who keeps it going….BUT they need funds…..from personal experience, they are
E-mazing….The Golf day was sponsored by SASFIN, BUT….the ‘Shpielers’ really joined in and it was a VERY successful event….The Catering by Gary Friedman Caterers was ‘Geschmuck’…….  http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’   at;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov Daniel and Sarah Bedil who welcome a handsome, healthy boy. Benjamin Ethan Bedil  born in Santa Monica, California, USA on March 3, 2010 weighing a whopping 8 Pounds and 5 Ounces (3.85 Kgs).. See pictures
http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

“Mazeltov to Hilly and Shirley Rostowsky who this weekend celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary. Hilly and Shirley emigrated to Perth in 2004 and still have many friends in SA. Joining them at their ‘simcha’ will be their son Cliff who works for Bidvest at their Head Office and also their daughter, Karen, son in law Howard and granddaughter Gina Steinberg who also live in Perth. I spent a day with Howard in Perth in 2000 with my Boet Hilton & Dennis on or way toNew Zealand to watch Tri Nations rugby. We had a lot of fun and met some old faces &  we ate lunch at ‘Blakes’, a local hangout for the ex SA yids.”   Mazeltov to the whole family………………

Mazeltov & Happy birthday to Issy Singer on his 100th Birthday this week (Kein a hora)…his Zunnelle Stanley (Toronto) and daughter Celia were in Town to celebrate with him….Issy & his Late wife, used to buy Gerichten from my Bobba in the early sixties…….Mazeltov, ‘Biz Hunderd un Tzvantzig’……Pictures;
http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Mazeltov to Zoe (Cunio) & Julian (Sher) on their Chasener this weekend at the Mount nelson in CapeTown….. Mazeltov to the parents Jenny & Avraham Cunio and Cecil & Kathy Sher……. Cecil is my homeboy from Lichtenburg, and I wish the whole ‘Mishpocha’ Mazeltov……………it is actually a DOUBLE Mazeltov for the Sher family, as Cecil’s Boet Mike & Sue’s Zunnelle Greg & Nicola (Schie) had a ‘Boytjie’ in London, and they fly out after the wedding to London for the bris……..Mazeltov to Frank & Lesley Schie and of course ‘Ouma’ ‘Sarah’…and the whole ‘Mishpocha’…….

Happy Birthday to Max Strous on his 70th…….Many more……Max was the Mayor of Sandton (Amolikke Yoren) and I have known the family for 45 years, as Max’s late Mom ,becky worked with my Late Mom 2 Chipkin’s for over a quarter Century, and she was an E-mazing cook, and gave me my first Cheese cake recipe book……Max & Libby’s 3 Kinderlach Laurence, Adi & worked at Stan & Pete for many years, and to the whole family…Mazeltov on this GR888 milestone……as Max is the perfect gentleman, I wanted to share a saying I got the other day, from a ‘Ganser Knacker’ @ Coca –Cola………..
Bryan Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola;

“ Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air.  You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air

You will soon understand that Work is a rubber ball.  If you drop it, it will bounce back

But the other four balls – Family, Health, Friends, and Spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.  They will never be the same.  You must understand that and strive for it. Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends, and have proper rest”
There you have the recipe. Whether you follow it will define your future. ’Pragtig’ (Lekker)

Sincere condolences to the Shlagman family on the passing of their beloved Lee (Bental)…….Lee will be sorely missed …… I grew up with Reg ,her husband in Observatory, and they were neighbours of my ‘Cuzzies’ the Weitzman’s, and Reg’s Late dad Adeck and my Late Uncle Raphy played bridge for over 50 years together, and were SA bridge Champions in the Late 50’s…… Sincere condolences to the whole family……

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;  http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; I have always said, that if they had a World competition for ‘NEW’ ideas that Gunovim come up with, ‘OUR’ ‘Beloved Country’ boytjies would win hands down…… The latest ‘SCAM’ is to steal your number plate at a shopping mall/ parking lot…while you are away, and as you pull off the show you the Number plate, rather let them keep it, or contact the Security at the centre to retrieve it. Do not stop and engage the Mumzers, as they will Rob/Hijack you. ….. The ‘Zillions of fake E-mail requests are soooo badly written, that if they catch ‘Kaylikka’s’ they deserve it…….. The request for Banking details is also doing the rounds on the Internet…. Do not fall for it…call the institution on the NORMAL contact numbers, and NOT the ones on the Bogus E-mails Few more comments from a GUNNIF that gets caught……..(Jokes)…. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.  A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.  It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)  Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet. Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time………… Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website : http://www.stantgsm.com Have a peaceful, restful  Shabbos….… From  Stan and the Clan. smookler@netactive.co.za PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate ) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!  Cell  082-4547860 Do you need a professional website? Do you want to convert your website traffic into sales using Google? Contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- +27 11 786 1170 or visit our website www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book…. CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut   www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

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