Dear All,

The weather is incredible, as the heat wave has subsided, and the weather is just right…….Hopefully we get a bit of rain, as it is dry and dusty……

The All Balcks have done it again, and against all odds won the Tri nations & Bledisloe cups….and played POWER ‘Rugger’ amongst the forwards…….it was not an easy win, BUT…..they showed that the ‘Chocker’ label is not true, and after being down most of the game, still came back and managed to ‘Klap’ the Aussies……..Jonathan Kaplan had a blinder and I was reminded that he has equaled the World record of Tests reefed (46) . Only last week I mentioned that  I had not seen him around, as they are using quite a lot of Refs of colour in the Currie Cup…….. The Currie Cup game of the week was the Sharks V Cheetahs, and the Sharks did a ‘Shark’ attack on the Vrystaaaaters, and should have added another twenty points (22-10)….the Sharks, Bulls, Cheetahs and the ‘Ripley’s Believe It or Not’ Lions look like they will be in the quarter finals….Crazy to see ‘Rugger’ sooo late into summer, BUT…..with the Super 14 & Tri nations, there is no time to finish earlier…………….

The Para Olympics have proved a Zillion times better for the ‘Beloved Country’ with sooooo many more Medal’s than THE OY-lympics…….The Manne are still trying to figure why we only got one medal at the OY-lympics…I suppose it takes ‘Scheichel’ to work it out……….”Motivation, Commitment & Geld’ are a few pointers…………..WOW, they really did us proud……

The Jacob Zuma trial looks like it is over, and I did say he would be the next ‘Balabos’ right from the start….BUT my assumption was based on the ‘Drek’ followers he has, that would have gone ‘Mishuga’ if he did not….and of course the Judge reckoned that he was treated badly from the start (Ag Shame…….) BUT, the next battle could be that his followers want Mbeki out ASAP……..and this will cause huge chaos, as the new Manne are being manipulated by the Commies, Unions and the ANC youth league (Rubble…???). These are trying times for the ‘Beloved Country’ and if they do not play their cards right, we will loose International credibility (??), if we have any left…….

Max  and Abe were talking one afternoon when Max tells Abe,
'Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation.
Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

'Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Sarah got pregnant.
'Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas , and Sarah got pregnant again.
'Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Sarah didn't get pregnant again.'

Abe  asks Max, 'So, what you gonna do this year that's different?'
'This year I'm taking Sarah with me.' (Oev vy…)

Hilary Arenstein, Director of Admissions, at Donna Klein Jewish Academy in Boca , Florida www.dkja.org will be giving two lectures in the ‘Beloved Country’ at the end of next month……The seminars are free and I have put the details on the INFO page at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php ‘lekker’ website and lots of info………………….

Justice Malala, a very respected ‘Journo’ with the Sunday Times, Financial Mail etc reckons that now that Zuma has won the ‘battle’ with Mbeki, the next ‘Garotis’ will be the fighting aomong the ANC itself, and reckons that Zuma will be side lined and was basically USED to get rid of Mbeki…….some trying times ahead, and I have always maintained that we will be OK as long as the ANC is in power, BUT…..methinks that the POWER struggle has only began, and there are many wanting to share this pie, kike the Kommies, Unions and Youth League etc….and of course the ‘Shleppers’ (fraudsters) are also a big group, sooooooo what is to happen……..???? Hopefully Madiba goes for a few more years…??? Which would help….??? Oey vy, Cry for the ‘Beloved Country’……… as the Zim-BOB-We problem they tell us is a deal, made in Heaven ( maybe HELL)…only time will tell……

Van has a Petrol station in Poffadder and was trying to increase his sales.  So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon Koos pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
Van told  him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
 If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
Koos guessed 8, and Van said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry.
No sex this time."
A week later, Koos along with his buddy Frikkie, pulled in for another fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex. Van again asked him to guess the correct number.
He guessed 2 this time.
Van said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, Koos said to his buddy,
"I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Frikkie replied, " Nooooit, it are not rigged. My wife won twice last week."  (Yislaaaaik..)

Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaik, Zapiro the cartoonist is really getting lashes for his Cartoon now that Zuma is off the hook, BUT……….he is off the hook because of the procedure followed, and not because he did NOT ‘Gunnif’ …big difference….Zapiro has stood his ground and hit back with a similar Cartoon this week…….The Manne are not happy with him, BUT…..I am sure he will be back in favour soon……

Now as we all know, if brains were taxed you’d get a refund!

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?....You can park in handicapped zones.

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle…
Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness

GR8 excitement at home, as my Zunnelle Joel is coming home for Yomtov on Monday, and it will be ‘lekker’ to have him back for Yomtov, even if it is only for 2 weeks………Lot of the Kinderlach coming home for Yomtov and the Sandton Shull is laying on more services, due to the bigger demand, with many Minyan’s running for all age groups……..

 A  Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.  After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,
'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'  
The Rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.'

The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
To which the Rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.' The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it  still a requirement of your church that you remain  celibate?'
The Priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'

The Rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?
The priest replied, 'Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'  
The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the Rabbi said, 'Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't  it?'  (Bittere gelechte….)
              
Yesterday, Discovery launched their 2009 Medical Aid plans with the normal ‘Pazzaz’ expected of them……only ‘Shwerkeit’ was that it was at Gallagher’s, and that place is a nightmare to get to as Midrand (Halfway House) was VERY badly planned when they had such great expansion and very little planning went into it…Bring an extra 3,000 cars to the area for a specific start and finish time adds to the Traffic Chaos……The increase of 12.8% , has been among the lowest so far this season (Oey vy…12.8% low…???) and of course they have introduced a BIG Pick ‘n Pay benefit on the Vitality and basically they kept the benefits the same….All in all a Good solid launch, and of course the emerging market product…Keycare has been inhanced……..3,000 brokers ‘shlepping’ to Gallagher’s is really a GR8 achievement…………

R7 FOR  Pleasure…………
A Sandton couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
 The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
 The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly
couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
 When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with
the way you have intercourse. '
 He thanks the m for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them R50 and he says good bye.
 
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch
again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. And this continues for weeks.
 
 Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says,
'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
 The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.
 She's married so we can't go to her house.
 I'm married and we can't go to my house.
 
The Holiday Inn charges R98.
The Hilton charges R139.
We do it here for R50,
and I get R43 back from Discovery … so all it costs us is R7. (That’s Chutzpah….! ! ! ! !).

The ‘Make 5769 a Better year by Chabad’, was a tremendous success, with over a 1,000 ‘Yidlach’ arriving for the Prayers and Speech by Rabbi Krinsky, who was the ‘REBBE’S’ secretary for many years, and his ‘Droshe’ was from the heart, and he reiterated the ‘Rebbe’s’ prediction 30 years ago that everything would come right in the ‘Beloved Country’ and his comparing the ‘Beloved Country’ situation to ‘ Kfar Chabad ‘ in Israel was E-mazing and made many of the audience think…! ! ! ! ! ! !. The ‘Rebbe’ said many years ago that ‘Yidden’ should stay here as everything would come right, and I must say the past 30 years has been good, and who knows things could improve……All in All a GR8 evening well organized by Rabbi’s Masinter & Katz and their staff…Kol Ha Kavod. It was good to see ‘Yidlach’ of ALL denominations ….You know what I mean….Lubavitch, Kollel, Mizrachi…etc,etc and of course Normal…..???
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

RETARD:  DOCTOR I FEEL LIKE A COW BOY:
DOCTOR: WELL SON HOW LONG HAVE YOU FELT LIKE THIS?
RETARD: WELL ABOUT 3 YE HAAAAAAAA’S

A man goes to the Doctor and says Doc I think I need glasses and the doctor says you sure do, this is a dentist………….

My ex-husband asked what reincarnation is.
I explained, when you die you come back as something else.
He said  he wanted to come back as a pig.
I said, ‘You’re not listening again……..'  ( The ‘Kaylikka’s’ will get it eventually…...)

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

The squeeze before Yomtov continues with the last few ‘Happenings’ ….On Monday night Chazzan Ezra and his guests have the concert at Pinestreet Shul, and it should be very nice, soooo close to Yomtov……and the King David 60th tribute to Israel at the Lyric Theatre at Gold Reef City, is to die for ‘Darlings’ ….with an ALL star cast of ex Davidians making a VERY impressive line up……and for those that cannot get in / make it, they are selling ‘Phantom Tickets’ …..to cater for everyone…see you there……. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php  the list of performers is endless and there are some REAL big hitters like Danny ‘K’, Bryan Schimmel, Elan Lea, Natasha Saladino (Kletz), Vicky Friedman…Peter Berman (Zenith) and some of the ‘Yiddisher Idols’ and MANY more..