Dear All,

The weather is soooo strange……..I reckon since January, I have been able to have 3 ‘Goefs’ (swims) only…which is ‘Shlegg’ for Summer ?? in Joburg…cannot remember a first quarter of the year with such bad weather…………..

The ‘Rugger’ Super 14 Chugs along with no real GR88888 games last weekend,
and again the Crusaders not showing much improvement.  The Cheetahs (Ou Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaaaat) ‘Tukka’ putting in a display which was worthy of their last position on the log…..and the Lions were ‘KAK’ ……should start warming up as a tournament, as it has been poor quality

On a VERY high note, is the World record reached by ‘OUR’ Yiddisher Rugger Referee Johnathan Kaplan…..he has handling of the game on the weekend was his 50th., and although our Rugger Bokke has been like a rollercoaster (Up & Down, and then up…….) he has been solid and I rate him as one of the strictest Refs around, and has gained the respect of many GR888 Shpielers over the years……..There was a interview with him on TV, and his Mom is ‘Tukka’ a proud ‘Yiddisher Mamma’….Shakeach, ‘Biz Hundred un Tvantzig’……..

Lot of ‘Soul searching’ among the Cricketers after losing the World Crown (??) last week to our old foes, the Aussies…….and I fear for the last Test this weekend , with some really strange selections………WOW, the BOKKE have them on the back foot @160 / 5 , BUT……they still have to bowlthe rest out….and then onto the ODI’s….Methinks they could come a ‘biesel’ right for the short game…….

My ‘old’ Lichtenburg Chaver , Basil Kletz,  ‘Onse’ Triathalon ‘BOK’ is definitely going to the Maccabi games, sooo it looks like I will be going to Israel after all, to carry Basils bags………………..and of course to see my Zunnelle Martin….

Michael Jackson has just announced his dates for his UK tour.
They are Joe age 4, David age 5, Colin age 6 and Andrew age 7!!!!

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A boiled egg is hard to beat
Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Got an E-mail from Philip Carr, that GR888 Co-coordinator / Décor man in Aussie, and he has just finished his new website……Quite an incredible site, with some really E-mazing Décor….The site is really ‘lekker’ and user friendly………..
www.philipcarr.com.au  Philips twin Boet Leonard, actually writes a column in my ‘Old’ Nationalist Newspaper the ‘Citizen’ every week, and it is really a good article….Leonard is a Psychologist…..

BEE
Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand the point of BEE. Can you explain it to me?"
The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.
However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!"
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand BEE"

On Tuesday night, there was a documentary on Shani Krebs, who I have written about before….It is a sad story of a young man who made a mistake , and has reformed, BUT….still remains as one of the longest serving Souff Effrikkens in a foreign jail (Thailand).  Shani was at Arcadia for years, and then King David Victory Park, and was caught with drugs in Thailand…..he has spent 13 years there , with no chance of a reprieve unless the Souff Effrikken Government goes in Prisoner exchange treaties , with various countries…the heart breaking thing is that 100’s of Nigerians, etc have been repatriated from his prison, as those countries have a prisoner exchange….there are many Souff Effrikkens, in numerous country jails, especially Soth America, and they are Black, White , Indian, Couloured etc…….. If there was a exchange treaty, at least the prisoners could spend time in Jail ‘At home’ and have family visits…..it is very creul what is happening at the moment…….and when one thinks of the recent cases of SAA crew Shlepping drugs, TWICE ‘Nogall’ through Heathrow, and VERY little happening to them (Yet..???), Shabby Schaik, etc, etc…..it is really sad that they have not got prisoner treaties in place….to be honest, even the return of BIG Gunovim is under review , as our treaties were set up sooo badly, sooo BIG Gunovim sit it out in their new countries knowing that at the moment they are untouchable…hopefully once the NEW ANC come into power, they will look at the Prisoner mater with some urgency……he has run the Sokka team for years and has managed to keep very fit and well…….he is also a very good artist, and has done some E-mazing stuff while in prison……

http://www.phaseloop.com/foreignprisoners/pris-bangkwang.html Look under
Bangkok Bangkwang Prison (Northanburi) for Alexander Shani Krebs…….
http://www.fosada.za.org/index.php?n=62&id=57 Takes you to a personalized site, with his Art works etc…………..

Three men married wives from different religions.

The first man married a Catholic woman. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
 
The second man married a Protestant woman. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.  
 
The third man married a Jewish girl. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot food on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
(Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…….)

Got an E-mail from Jeff Ehrlich about his daughters E-mazing design skills
From worthless to valuable ……(Oey what Uncle ‘BOB’ has done/ doing)   
We congratulate LIV Design for making us laugh with their business cards printed on real 200 000 Zim dollar notes. Putting their money where their mouths are Danielle Ehrlich and Ewaldi Grové keep on coming up with great design ideas since debuting their fledging do-good interior design company at Decorex Joburg. Why we like the LIV business card concept: The simple, sharp idea which says a lot about their ethos - recycling and turning something of lesser worth into something useful. The marketing mindset behind it is a winner: even though Zim dollars are not worth much, who can throw money away? Instead of landing in the bin, as so often happens with business cards, this is one card that ended up in everyone's wallets and shown to everyone else. Go girls! Einaaaah, how the Zim $$$$ has dropped, BUT…Shakeach to the Girls for a GR888 idea…… www.decorex.co.za  Danielle is Gary Friedman’s niece (The ‘Kosher’ Caterer at the HOD.) …what a small Yiddisher world we live in…….

With Pesach around the corner, EenBokkie is back, the English, Hebrew and Afrikaaaaaans Haggadah of Chad Gad Yor…………all the info is on Henry Meyer’s EENBOKKIE website  www.eenbokkie.biz  .. I have the book and it is real fun @ the Seder table…….

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
 "Yes" says the woman.
 "Did you hit him with that golf club?"  
 "Yes, yes, I did.."  The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face. 
 "How many times did you hit him?"  
 "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."  (Eishhhhhhhh)

Clifford Cooper, an ‘OU’ Lichtenburger, has created a Musical show that can be used for Corporate Events, and looks like a winner…….Clifford has been involved in music since leaving school, and has done it all from Bands at Simcha’s  to Shiva Brachot to Musical director etc…see details at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
Oey vy, with Pesach upon us the ‘Meidlach’ @ the Selwyn Segal Gift Shoppe has asked me to remind the ‘Yiddisher’ community not to ‘Pass over’ the opportunity to do a mitzvah and to visit the Selwyn Segal Pesach Shop. They have the most wonderful gifts this year, believe it or not ranging from R45, glassware, Pewter, white ceramics & Judaica, and some really useful goodies for the kitchen all beautifully wrapped. Of course there are lots of Selwyn Segal products for sale and the Teiglach this year are to die for. Their phone number is 0114851344  .. Details @ http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Wife asks her husband...   "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies: ….."Only you Darling; with all the others, I was awake!"

On Sunday I went to the Datnow / Levy Chuppa at Summer Place as the Chosen Elan works with me at SASFIN, and it was one of the nicest Chuppah settings I have seen……..teh weather was very ‘Dicey’, BUT….blended in well and the rain held off…….must have been close to 500 guests at the Chuppa…the guests then moved on to the Sandton Sun, which was soooo elegant, and the Décor was done by Gideon, and coordinated by Marc Hirschowitz……..It was a big wedding, with all the trimmings…Mazeltov to the families……. Pictures
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Bit late, BUT…………still GR8888888888….
A cabbie picks up a nun.
 She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
 He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
 She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
 "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
 She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
 #1, you have to be single and
#2, you must be Catholic."
 The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
 "OK," the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."
 The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
 But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
 "My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
 "Forgive me but I've sinned.  I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
 The nun says, "That's OK.  My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Purim party.
Hag sameach!"   (Oeyvevoy…………..)