Good Shabbos

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GOOD SHABBOS
1 July 2010

Dear All,

The weather has ‘Tukka’ improved, and it is a ‘Meichel’ for the Sokka spectators…..going to matches in warmer weather……and the Crowds at games have been ‘Humongous’ …………

YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:
You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.
You call a traffic light a 'robot'.
You call an elevator a 'lift'
You call a hood a 'bonnet'
You call a trunk a 'boot'
You call a pickup truck a ‘bakkie’.
You call a Barbeque a 'Braai'.
You call a Swim a ‘Goef’.
You call a Movie House a Bioscope….and you feel soooo proud about all of them …..

The Sokka 2010 has really been an eye opener, with many GR8888 teams, not making the final 16, and Methinks that Italy and France arrived, and did not get into the business immediately, and most teams seemed happy to go for a draw, and of course , then the odd goal was scored, and it became to late to pull back the win……..A lot of new tourists are now arriving for the Final stages, and Joburg (and I am sure Souff Effrikka) is still humming with huge amounts of people going to watch the games on big screens, at Fan Parks, and shopping centers….They reckon that the Fan Park ON South Beach in Durban has so far attracted more viewers than anywhere else in the Beloved Country, and up till the final stages of the opening rounds, had seen 300,000 viewers already…..The traffic is much better, with less games taking place, and the ‘Manne’ have coped very well, with the odd hiccup here and there, which has not been Seriaaaaaaaaaaaas…..

Methinks that this Sokka World Cup has shown up the better players to be by and large a bunch of overpaid ‘Pre Madonna’s’….. and teams like Ghana, Uruguay, etc, have played honest hard Sokka, where as the ‘Diving’ of the Main Manne belongs at a swimming competition, and not World Cup Sokka….when I think of our smallest Rugger player, ‘Apolontjie’ who gets tackled by Manne twice his size and gets up and goes for more, BUT….these Sokka Manne (Sic) just go for a dive, and wait for the Ref to give the Free kick, and they are they back playing without a ‘hitch’….still E-mazes me how boring most of the games are, BUT….Zillions across the Globe are watching and ‘Kleibing ‘Nachus’…..

What's the difference between a woman and a vuvuzela?
The one is a constant annoying droning in your ear and the other is a plastic trumpet ….

Just heard a man on death row in Utah has been told he can choose his own firing squad. He's chosen Rooney, Heskey, Gerrard and Lampard!

Capello: "The training is very good so I can't understand the way during the game that they don't transfer their training form on to the pitch".
Maybe the reason that they look so good in training is because they are PLAYING AGAINST ENGLAND!

Just had an idea for a cool drinking game, Put names of England strikers into a hat, Choose one at random, and whenever your chosen striker scores, down a pint.
Whoever gets Heskey is the Designated Driver.

The final 16 round has been a totally different thing, with Teams ‘Schvitzing’ to win, and the first was Ghana beating the USofA , and Ghana are the only Effrikken team left, soooo should get a lot of local support…… England being murdered by the Geeeeermans, and I must say the first half was a ‘Michiel’ to watch, BUT….as I said after their first game, they just have not got any Shpielers left, with Lampard, Tierry and Gerrard …brilliant players, but ….getting on in years, and not used to the fast pace the Germans set…and Roooooney just never featured in the ‘Beloved Country’….The ‘Battle of Britain’ as the game was coined was lost…………..The Brazilians, Argentineans and Portuguese have been very entertaining to watch, and the Germans and Netherlands have been solid, and Spain is Spain…..Uraguay have played good entertaining football also…..

What's the difference between Wayne Rooney and Shrek? Shrek can save the day…
Nine hours of football and Robert Green is still England's joint top scorer.

I can't believe we only managed a draw against a rubbish team we should easily have beaten. . . . I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian. ………
What's the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney?
The jet engine eventually stops whining. ….Mmmmmmmmmmmm….

Driving through Joburg, it is E-mazing how MOST of the Robots have been working, the Pot-Holes have all but disappeared, and the normal filth that lies in the streets for weeks, have all been cleared ……..It is remarkable, BUT…I reckon every one has at the back of their minds, what happens after July 12th., especially with POWER in short supply, and many threatened strikes…?? Hopefully we will continue in the positive way of Sokka 2010 for a long time to come, even maybe till 2020 when JZ (Jacob Zuma) wants Souff Effrikka to get the Olympics…???Oey vey, I think the ‘Wekkers’ will go Mishuga if that ever happens, as the cost of the Sokka 2010 was huge, and the Olympics would be triple, and of course with NO way of making anything back…….

Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house.
The Rabbi came across a box he didn't recognize.
His wife told him to leave it alone, it was personal.
One day she was out and his curiosity got the best of him.
He opened the box, and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000.
When his wife came home, he admitted that he opened the box, and he asked her to explain the contents to him.
She told him that every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the box..........
He interrupted, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons, that's not bad."
His wife continued...... and every time I got a dozen eggs, I would sell them for $1."

A ‘lekker’ Souff Effrikken feel good story…. By David Cohen…
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23848229-bringing-the-world-cup-to-one-ordinary-south-african-woman.do London Evening Standard paper…

YouTube - Israel Misconceptions on Campus …how little they know http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TmI-_h-jzg

Boyz to Mensch….
Nice boyz: Young men who own their own car.
Good boyz: Young men who own their own car and bring their date's mother chocolates.
A mensch: A young man who owns his own car, brings his date's mother candy and studies medicine

The ‘Rugger’ was ‘Lekker’ to watch with the Schvartzers showing some good moves with many changes from last week, and coach Henry has a difficult choice ahead of him, as the Bokke take on the All Blacks first two weeks in July, in the Tri-nations ……..The Aussies won against Ireland who have struggled on their tour, and with only a converted try separating them... have not been convincing at all, BUT….their ‘line’ is VERY dangerous, and will be a factor in the Tri nations…..there forwards are battling…….and the Argentineans really gave the French a ‘GROOT KLAP’ …..The Bokke Scalped the Italians, and did not really look in shape, although they won by 40 odd points…….Methinks that Habana is reaching the end, and is not nearly as sharp as he was..???? Most had good games, with Spies and Steyn quite E-mazing…….
Best ‘Kosher’ biltong in the USofA.. www.joburgjerky.com
Tri nations prediction sponsored by the “ BOKKIE” Chemist, Springbok Pharmacy
For the lowest Medicines in the ‘Beloved Country’ Click on their Advert and see some GR88888888888 deals, and they deliver……………….

The Bok Cricketers are ‘Tukka’ having a “West Indies ‘Jol’ “ with very little interest in the Tests due to the ‘World Cup Fever’ ……. My PA, Steve Romberg reckons that we are WORLD CLASS…Oey vey, how little some PA’s know…..The Quickies seem to be getting there, and Kallis & ‘Abe’ (De Villiers) are the ONLY two good batsman, with Captain Courageous a far off third, and as for the rest, a overhaul is needed before we meet some REAL competition….

While in Singapore on business, Sam Goldstein is amazed to find a synagogue, and since it's Friday night, he walks in.
Services are in Hebrew and Chinese.
Afterwards, the Chinese Rabbi greets Sam and asks whether he’s Jewish.
When he replies “Yes”, the Rabbi says, "Funny, you don't look Jewish

“ KosherWorld” opened in the Shtetl yesterday, and it is ‘BUZZING’..GR8888888 opening specials…. http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Sydenham Shul are having a Pre SOKKA 2010 “ Friday Night Fever” at the Shul on Main Street, on the 9th. July, which is next Friday…..All welcome to the
“ FINALS, FELAFEL & FRANGELICO” Street Brocha, with a Samba/ Sanbonani flavour in the Shul service…for locals and tourists alike…Get there-Feel it…… http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php

A Rabbi was walking down the street in Monsey on Shabbat after the davening was over at shul, when he looked in the window of a house and he saw three men playing cards.
The Rabbi went over to the house and called the men out into the street to talk to them.
The Rabbi asked the first man why was he playing cards on the Shabbat?
The man replied, " I am so sorry Rabbi, But I forgot it was Shabbat."
The Rabbi asked the second man what do you have to say? The man replied, " I am sorry Rabbi, But I forgot I was not allowed to play cards on Shabbat."
Finally, the Rabbi came to the third man and the man replied, "Please forgive me Rabbi, "I FORGOT TO PULL DOWN THE WINDOW SHADE ON SHABBAT!!!

Octagon Chartered Accountants, ‘OUR’ SASFIN neighbours in Scott Street, was the venue for the draw of the WOW (Women of the World) E-mazing Raffle of Raffles and MANY won GR88888888888888 prizes, and my Chaver Dennis Cohen (Stan & Pete) was also a winner…….My Chaver Clifford Livingstone did the draw…..

I met up with some ‘Manne’ who are planning an ‘Orange Grove’ book from ‘Amolikke Yoren’..And the two Burgess Broers “John & Chris’ are from the Shtetl of the Grove, and Phillip Ephron, one of the Manne from that era ..1955-1975, is helping with Bruce Fordyce putting it together in a better way…..They are looking for stories about the Grove era from the original Orange grove Hotel, the various Bioscopes (Astra, Victory & The ‘Balabatishe ‘Royal Cinerama), various Schools in the area, Orange Grove, Linksfield Primary, Highlands, Waverley, Northview, various ethnic groups like the Italians (Orange Grove in those days was know as Little Italy..) The ‘Lebs’ who ruled the Social scene with an Iron Fist, and the many brawls at the Temple Shalom/Jabula Socials etc, The Dolls House, Dennis’s American Milk Bar (next to Royal Cinerama) Jacks paint ( Martin’s Late Dad )… Alge’s (School uniforms) Paterson Park with Tex van Beugte who walked around with the Plastered nose for many years, and at 6 foot 8 was a well known figure in the Grove …The many brawls etc, etc…SOKKA at Balfour Park, Highlands Park, Seven Steer, Black Steer …Need some memories that people have and also some pictures of WWW..What Was, Was…. They want a Happy experience as apposed to a “Historically” accurate book, sooooo just send me a few pictures and ‘Meisa’s’ about the area……From the Orange Grove Hotel to Corlett Drive….Left and right of Louis Botha Avenue………Remember the famous ‘Green Mamba’s’ (Putco Buses)….smookler@netactive.co.za

JENNY CRAIG ... FOR MEN
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss
program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands
before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing
but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he
has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
'If you catch me you can ha Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him
gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself,
he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.
'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door;
and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there
wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,
'If I catch you, you're mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week. ( Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik…………).

Got a sentimental request from ‘Poppy’ in Sydney…she still has the original ‘Kugel’ must have of the 70’s…a Salton Hot Tray….and needs a plug, if anyone has one and does not need it…. “ I’m looking for a cord to fit an old model salton hot tray (circa 1970) ~ the cord needs to fit into a 3 prong (3 prongs in a row) on the hot tray, the wall plug can be any voltage as I have an adaptor. The model is a grey glass top with a heat adjustment. smookler@netactive.co.za

An American Jew immigrates to Israel, settles in Tel-Aviv, and gets an office job.
After a while he feels as if he's missing out on all the local color of being in the Middle East. So he buys a camel, and rides it to work every day, while Israelis whiz pass him on the highway in their cars.
One day his camel is stolen, so he goes to report it to the police.
The policeman takes out a 'missing camel' form and starts to ask questions.
"This camel of yours, what color was it?". The man responds, "Well, it was sort of gray...kind of brown...I don't really remember". The policeman writes, "Color: Unknown".

"How many humps did the camel have?". "Well...it's hard to say...I had a saddle on it and I couldn't tell the number of humps." The officer writes, "Humps: unknown".
"What sex was the camel?". The man responds, "it was a male." The cop asks,
"You didn't know what color it was, or how many humps it had, so how do you know the sex?" The man responds, "Because every time I would ride him to work down the highway, every Israeli who saw us go by would say, ….
'Look at the big schmuck on that camel!' ( Oey vey………).

The HIGHLANDS NORTH HIGH SCHOOL reunion took place last night, and was well attended, when all factors are taken into consideration…….
The evening had everything with Graeme Joffe an old boy, being the MC, and was on top form….had a few speakers, not tooooooooo many, and the Seriaaaaaaaaaaaas part of the evening was the creation of a Trust Fund, to enable the school to assist students in the future……The Late Sheldon Cohen, who was Headboy in 1986…, and was shot at Balfour Park Sokka ground a few years ago, will be honoured, and his Dad Jack donated the first amount to get the Trust off the ground, and as soon as they get the SCHOOL website going, they will e-mail ‘Old’ boys for some assistance…soooooooo alllll those ex-Pats who wanted to attend, BUT….were far away, there will be a chance to give a ‘Biesel’ back…….Always GR88888 to see those from many years ago, and we had a few VERY old students present, and of course the locals that did not come, will keep whining that they did not know…Oey vey…..! ! ! ! !. A few ‘Manne’ who flew in for the Sokka came to the Dinner, and I will not name them all, as I will leave a few out…BUT…Laurence Phillips did get there from Boston…….
Pictures ; http://stantgsm.com/Highlands.html

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne,when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana,
I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it !' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to ‘KAK’ all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on ?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.' (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..).

Entering the 3 week mourning period until the 9th Day of Av, and being the heart of Winter, going to be VERY quiet, except for the Sokka Cup Final next Sunday…..

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Adrian is looking for ANY Info on a family from SZYDLOWIEC Poland, by the name of Shmukler, who came to the ‘Beloved Country’ in the early 1900’s ….in fact anyone from the Town of SZYDLOWIEC Poland , drop me a line smookler@netactive.co.za   They were looking for diamonds…….

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

Happy Birthday to ‘Cuzzie’ Dovie Weitzman in J(M)uizenburg …many more and to my other ‘Cuzzie’ Irvine Weitzman in Tooo-Run-Tooo, many more….next year is the BIG 60…maybe we should all meet at the ‘Rugger’ World Cup in New Zealand……..??????

Sincere condolences to the Gecelter family on the sad loss of their Beloved Alec …. His son, Julian was in the Army with me……The Gecelter family was a big family with many siblings, and one of the brother is Louis Gecelter who was the ‘Balabos’ at Maccabi in Souff Effrikka ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and in later years at Kfar Maccabia in Israel……..Sincere condolences to the whole family…..

Sincere condolences to the Louis family on the sad loss of Leah…she was ‘Tukka’ a Balaboste, and I remember her well from my Catering days, as she ran the Womens Guild at the Linksfield Shul for many years, and I know all the Kinderlach…and her Zunnelle Stanley was in the Army with me in 1971…Sincere condolences to the whole family…….

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

‘Ripley’s Believe it or Not’ …the crime rate has dipped dramatically during SOKKA 2010…….The Violent crime that is….

The intelligent Crime ….. Credit cards, Komputta Fraud, etc are still rife……

Pick pocketing by locals and imports has been HIGH…..

Do not get caught up in the HYPE and buy Sokka tickets from unofficial sourses..

Don’t buy off websites unless they are FIFA accredited……

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers (Corporate) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell- 082-4547860

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

Click here to view

Parsha of The Week

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,

Is Everything OK?

Once upon a time, in the days of Moses and the Jews in the Wilderness, the Moabite women were seducing young Jewish men. The Almighty was angered and sent a plague upon His people. Jews were dying left, right and center. To compound matters, Zimri, a Prince from the Tribe of Shimon was himself consorting with a Midianite Princess named Kozbi and flaunting their illicit relationship in the face of Moses.

Enter Pinchas, a young Jewish zealot, and in true zealot tradition he kills both Zimri and Kozbi. Suddenly, the plague stops. No more Jews die. And G-d declares Pinchas not a murderer but a hero, Defender of the Faith, and bestows upon him the world’s first peace prize. “Behold I give him my covenant of peace.” He is appointed to the priesthood and as befits a hero gets a whole portion of the Bible named after him, this week’s parsha, Pinchas.

Now I have serious reservations as to whether Dale Carnegie would use Pinchas as a role model for How to Win Friends and Influence People. I am definitely not suggesting that we root out all sinners by putting a spear through them. What was appropriate in ancient times is not necessarily appropriate today. The way to stop the internal hemorrhaging of our people through assimilation and intermarriage is clearly not the way of Pinchas.

Zimri was rebellious with intent. He knew full well that what he was doing was wrong. It was a deliberate provocation on his part. Most people who turn their backs on Judaism today, though, do so out of ignorance. They simply don’t know. Nobody taught them. It’s not their fault. We cannot condone it but such people don’t need a whipping, they need a whetting of their spiritual appetite. They need an education, urgently. They need a lot of love and warmth and for people to reach out to them and share the beauty of a Shabbos or an inspirational Shul experience. Show them their own Jewishness and how meaningful it truly is and they will no longer want to give it up.
What then is the message of Pinchas for our time?

That sometimes, even today in our super sensitive, tolerant society we do need to take a stand. There will be issues which demand that we put our foot down, that we insist, that we say ‘No!’
It might be different issues for different people. For some it may be Jerusalem, for others Yom Kippur and for still others it might be insisting that their daughter’s boyfriend can not sleep over. Somewhere, surely, there has got to be a bottom line.

Generally, diplomacy and positive encouragement work much better than fighting and condemning. We are not trying to train Jewish holy fundamentalists to go around killing infidels. But inevitably there will be occasions when even pacifists like us will need to adopt the zero tolerance Pinchas approach. Sooner or later, we will be required to stand up and be counted. There will come a time when we, too, will have to say, “I’m sorry. I cannot accept this kind of behavior. This is wrong. Stop!”

Even in our OK Generation, not everything is OK.

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