Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
20 August 2009

Dear All,

The weather was really coming back to normal, BUT……last night it turned Icy cold, and they reckon a big cold front from the Cape is here for a few days, with snow in the Cape, and terrible flooding…….

Phew….LaZy weekend, as there was NO ‘Rugger’ to watch……Yes, I know there was Currie Cup, BUT….the Tri –Nations has spoilt us, and although I watch the Currie Cup, it is ‘Tukka’ like watching School ‘Rugger’ compared to the real thing……Only after next weekend , will we know if we have won the Cup…and I reckon is will be a royal battle, and hopefully PDV leaves out Schalk, or it could ‘Tukka’ get rough…….he is a marked man these days, and the Refs. give him no second chances…maybe that is why he cut his hair short, so that they cannot see him sooooo quickly……. Methinks that the Boks have to stick with the ‘Old’ & tried ‘10 Man Rugger’, and IF the chance comes, open up….don’t start like ‘Breekers’ and run at the Aussies, as they will ‘Slag’ us…Play safety first ‘Rugger’ and we should pull it off, at ‘Perth’ our home away from home……thereafter we can play ‘attractive’ Rugger and run at the opposition, and I believe we could just ‘Moer’ them at running ‘Rugger’ BUT….hopefully only after a win in the Tri Nations is a done deal…. This weekend’s game between the ‘Schvartzers’ & the Ozzies will be a GR8888 tussle, which I believe the All Blacks can win……which will still keep them in the race….an Ozzie win would suit Souff Effrikka……

The Ashes is to be decided, and last week a Gremlin appeared in the letter and it should have been Siddle not Lee……..The Aussies only need a draw to keep the Ashes…soooo the ‘Brits’ will have to go for the win…..should be a cracker if the weather holds……

Got a E-mail from Joy Kropman from Klerksdorp, who is organizing the J(M)uizemburg exhibition at the Yiddisher Museum in Cape Town, starting (‘Old Ding Dong’s day –Dingaan’s) 16th.December, 2009…still time to send some pictures & Meisa’s.. See; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Brett the barber was on his death bed……..
He wanted badly to take some of his money with him.
He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside.
"Here's $10 million cash each to be held by each of you.
I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin.
Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $5 million into the envelope because I needed $5 million for a new baptistery."
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," Doctor Brett said, "I only put $5 million in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $5 million ".
Alistair the lawyer was aghast.
"I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $10 million ." (Mmmmmm…)

Very interesting video on the Law & ‘Religious’ (??) Mitzvahs…CLICK HERE Start with the Spinka Rebbe and then onward …….

The Moscow “Yiddisher” Musical Theater…Alive and VERY well …..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnY1Qm_JR1Y

Things are ‘Kooking’ at Sydenham Shull….. and their next ‘Friday Night Fever’ is 4th.September, and again the whole community is welcome…It is a ‘Wine & Wors’ celebration on Main Street, after the service………….see U there……

‘Ol Bongani from Zim-BOB-We………………
Boss: Where were you born?
Philemon: Zim-bob-we .
Boss: which part?
Philemon: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in Zim-bob-we .

Philemon: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but it starts with ‘T’.
Philemon: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with da petrol.

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken.
Philemon: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Philemon: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Philemon: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Philemon: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ‘Radio Zim-bob-we ! ‘

Philemon: “You know somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a note on my windscreen, it said, ‘ parking fine’ So that was nice!”

Those young Singers that would like to apply for a part in the “High Shull Musical”. Part I, The Chazzan’s Dream, please contact Helen Heldenmuth
083-2728541, which will be held at the Victory Theatre later in the year…….

While on the Theatre, got an E-mail from Ilanqa Klevansky in Sydney, and she wrote the THE KUGEL BOOK…. Now she’s written a new show , called ( of course) "KUGEL!"
"KUGEL!" is a very funny solo comedy about migrating from South Africa to Australia, which she performs in English, Afrikaans and Yiddish. On the trip down memory lane,
she discusses marriage, motherhood, machers, machetonim, mavens, and the ups and downs of migration; as well as  the benefits of extreme makeovers, ageing disgracefully, cosmetic tourism and retail therapy (actually, anything with a Prada logo!) ….. So if any of the Sydney readers "verlang" and are a bit homesick and want a "lekker lag “, they should book for "KUGEL!" … Two Shows only at the Hakoah Club, Bondi, Sydney on 29th and 30th August; book at www.hakoah.com.au When I visited my ‘old’ Chaver Graeme Flax (Passion 8 Caterers) in about 1982, his kitchen was at the Hakoah Club, and it had ‘One Armed Bandits’ (Gambling machines) in the complex……..those were the days.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers.
He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools.
I'll give 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later, the same Irishman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder…….."Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says "Yes," and he asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately, the Irishman tears into all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in E-mazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and askes, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first." ( Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik………………..).

Ben Shishler has asked if there are any ‘Manne’ from the 1959 Matric Class at Highlands North High to contact him…. Ben Shishler Benjamin@gspco.com

“ Oom” Jack Shapiro ( Aka Mr. Selwyn Segal) , is writing a book called the "Streets of Doornfontein”….and Isaac Reznick will be editing, ‘kibitzing’ and publishing the book.. There are wonderful anecdotes which I am sure will appeal to ex-- patriates all over the world who originally came from Doornfontein ( Beit street - Crystals Bakery, Baileys Fisheries, The American Ice Cream Company , Wachemheimers, Goldenbergs, Nussbaum and Fehlers Butcheries , The Alhambra Bioscope, Jewish Government School. etc.) .
former Doornfontein persons, to send photographs and any other material of interest to be published in the book. Due to costly expenses in printing etc, donations in leiu of ‘beloved Ones’ from Doornfontein ‘Amolikke Yoren’ would be most welcome….. Please send Pictures , Meisa’s and anything of interest to Jack's direct email jack@thechev.org.za

The Killarney Country Club’s Bowls Section is pleased and proud to announce that its annual Selwyn Segal Charity bowls day held on Sunday 16Th August was a resounding success. The Selwyn Segal charity bowls day has been held by the Killarney Bowls Club and previously by the Sharon Country Club annually for 49 years.
The Selwyn Segal Society for the Jewish Handicapped is home to more than 100 handicapped adults and children and the contribution from the Killarney Selwyn Segal Bowls Day offers some degree of relief from soaring overheads.
With heartfelt thanks to business, business leaders, members of participating bowls clubs as well as our own members, the event raised in excess of R390.000. Kol Ha Kavod…….. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but................
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse    - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig    - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.
Has any one else noticed this? It gets worse........ Next year......
2010 - Chinese year of the Cock   - what could possibly go wrong? (Go wong, go wong…)

Laurie and Andi Smith want to rent their 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house in North Bondi Sydney. House is modern and very close to Bondi Beach. Dates: January 2nd -16th 2010. $1700 per week ono. Email: lsmith@mckpeople.com.au
phone: 61 2 9365 5541 …….

In a large Florida City, the rabbi developed quite a reputation for his sermons;
so much so that everyone in the community came every Shabbat.
Unfortunately, one weekend a member had to visit Long Island for his nephew's bar mitzvah. But he didn't want to miss the rabbi's sermon.
So he decided to hire a Shabbat goy to sit in the congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to it when he returned.
Other congregants saw what was going on and they also decided to hire Shabbat goys to tape the sermon so they could play golf instead of going to Shul.
Within a few weeks time there were 500 gentiles sitting in Shul taping the rabbi.

The rabbi got wise to this. The following Shabbat he, too, hired a Shabbat goy who brought a tape recorder to play his prerecorded sermon to the 500 gentiles in the congregation who dutifully recorded his words on their machines.
Witnesses said this marked the first incidence in history of artificial insermonation!

Did a ‘Locum’ at the Weinstein / Magid wedding, and it was such a ‘Lekker’ evening, as I knew soooo many of the guests well…….had a chat to Monty & Gyl Swartzberg, who still live in Potchefstroom, and it has ‘Tukka’ been a Potch week, with quite a few Potch E-mails, and met up with Dr Aubrey Lurie, whose parents had a general dealers in Potch, and is a cousin to Russell Lurie, our local JJMC Choirmaster, and Dentist E-fundi……..Russell was also in Potch and Maish Simon, ex Potch has promised a Choir photo from ‘Amolikke Yoren’……the Weinstein family I have known for 45 years, and the bride Mandy’s Uncle Juri worked with my Mom at Chipkins for over 30 years……..Met Mady’s other Uncle Rodney who came from NZ for the wedding and is a Son in Law to Eve Goldin who was a Secretary at the Oxford (Simon Kuper ) Shull for many years……Mazeltov to the Mandy & Gavin Magid and the whole ‘Mishpocha’…..
Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

The swine Flu epidemic which was not really taken SERIAAAAS by the ‘Manne’ in the ‘Beloved Country’ has started to multiply, and I read a story this week that reckons, Souff Effrikka has the highest incidence of the Flu in the whole of Effrikka….??? Not sure about that, maybe the others have not got the ability to measure the outbreak…..quite frightening…got a few Flu updates (Jokes…)

I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers.
I woke up with pig tails this morning ... Should I be worried?
Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu - I think he's just telling porkies!

This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none,
And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hem agglutinin protein 1 neuraminidase protein 1.

Swine flu however, is not a problem for the pigs because they're all going to be cured anyway!
News Flash.... This just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the aporkalypse.

I just heard on the news that, "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then, isn't it?

This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal. It is a mild hamdemic, don't believe the spam you're getting.

Tanya Joss has started doing ‘Balloon Art’ for functions and is doing some E-mazing things…….when you need Décor, a bit out of the ordinary, give Tanya a ring…..Details at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php .. While in the Directory, see what Mark Forman has to offer in the way of Judaica…for Yomtov ……some GR8888 items….See T-shirts with a ‘Yiddisher Tam’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_jokes.php

Sipho has been shot in the head with a starting pistol. Police say it's definitely race related.

Murphy's Law of computing
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film.
It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny scene the dog starts laughing.
A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying.
This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places.
A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out.
In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly E- mazing!"
"It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!" ( Oey vy………)

Last week was the ‘Limmud’ get together …and they reckon it was well attended , and some very opposite talks were given, to the normal …and it made ‘Yidden’ think, not sure that toooo many people are sold on the ‘openness’ of the Limmud Lectures, as we are not used to the change….might get there in few years…who knows….????

The www.myshtetl.co.za is now ONLINE, and gives up to date news, views and happenings of the ‘Souff Effrikken’ ‘Yiddisher’ community... see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php ...... a more SERIAAAAS look at the community…… with up to date info……..

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it –

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter - either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires! ( Oey vy…)

The latest ‘Tzorres’ is the Rapid Transport System that the Men from the Ministry want to introduce……..The ‘Kamikaze Taxi Drivers’ are dead against it, and it will be a big test for JZ, as he promised the Drivers if they do not make to much ‘kak’, he will make sure they have a say in the matter, BUT….the Taxi Associations claim they want to own and run the system……Oey vy,…….and the Taxi’s will eventually get their way, as they will just block the Bus lanes, and the Cops can do nothing, as this is the way of the ‘Jungle’……! ! ! ! ! !

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Nicky (Ettin) & Trevor Colley who were blessed with triplets - two girls and a boy. Mazeltov to Grandparents Merle and Leon Ettin, Sheila and Raymond Gilinsky and Great Grandparents Naomi and Issy Rudolph are thrilled. Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’….

Mazeltov in advance to the Singer family …. They will be in Israel from the 18th August till 31st.to celebrate their daughter Zana's two kids, Darren (13) and Shawna (12) will be reading the Torah in a shul in Zichron. The Rabbi, Elisha Wolfin, is the son of Aryeh and Tamar Wolfin from Kfar Hannasi. We got to know them well when they lived in Port Elizabeth, where Aryeh was Shaliach in the 1970's. Elisha and Rozanna were in Grade school together in Port Elizabeth. Any friend who reads this and will be in Israel is welcome to attend. Just let them email me for date and time. Jacob Singer (Jack). jaxxinn@gmail.com Jack was originally from Potchefstroom…….

Mazeltov to Martin Katz (ex Johannesburg now Sydney) and Nicki Berlyn (New York) who were married in Honolulu on Tuesday evening the 4th August 2009.
Besides Martin’s family, including his mother, Cynthia Katz, just back from the Maccabiah with her gold medal for bowls, and his brother Joel (Grillhouse and Katzy’s,) 14 friends accompanied the Chazan and Rabbi Blackman from Sydney to Hawaii. They were met by a contingent who had flown in from Toronto (Sharon and Leon Altman) and Leonie and Ilan Serman; and from Dallas (Steven Lampert and Neil Herson, a nursery school friend). Martin’s sisters Pam and Caron and brother in law Reeve Serman joined them from Toronto and Melbourne, respectively, as did his nieces and nephews.
Martin and Nicki met on board a cruise liner, and chose Hawaii as a setting for their wedding to continue the romantic ambience of their relationship. The atmosphere at the wedding resonated with true Yiddishe geshmuk with the parents of the newlywed’s, Lynn and Gerry Berlyn and Cynthia Katz dancing the Mezinke, a tradition from the old Eastern European days of the klezmorim. Martin’s late Dad Abe, was an E-mazing Choir ‘Boy’, and sang in many Choirs for Yomtov and Simcha’s…….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’ (PS. Almost forget….there is a Lichtenburg connection…Martin’s sister married Reeve Serman whose Late Bobba & Zaida ..Solly & Mickey Shapiro and Mom, Toby came from Lichtenburg……E-mazing…) http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

An old fellow was celebrating his 92 years on this Earth. He spoke to his toes.
'Hello, toes!' he said. 'How are you, toes? You know, you are 92 today.
Oh, the times we've had! Remember we walked in the park in summer every Sunday afternoon.
The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!'
'Hello, knees,' he continued. 'How are you, knees? You know you're 92 today.
Oh, the times we've had!
Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday knees!'
Then, he looked down at his crotch. 'Hello Willie! ………………
You little bugger, if you were alive today, you'd be 92… (oeyvevoy….)

Happy Birthday to MYRON ZAIDEL on his 60th. on Sunday….Many, many more.To his BIG Boet Alec , who turned 70 last week…..and Silvia, the Schvester, BUT….never give a Ladies age…all in one week..Happy Birthday’s….

An ‘Einingkel’ called his Zaida the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "60." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,
"Did you start at ONE?"…Zaida….Oey vy… (Many, many more Myron…)

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

Home alarms are just that……..ALARMS…..

If the Alarm should go off, on no account should you go outside to investigate..

The Gunovim through objects at animals and when they make a noise, people go OUT to see what is going on, and the Gunovim attack…….

Make use of the security firm, and call the Police when in doubt…Do NOT attempt to sort the matter out…..

Shopping Centre’s are still the ‘HIT’ of the month, sooo be aware when going to Centre’s….

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

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Parsha of The Week

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

Cowards of the World, Unite.

In this week's Parshah, the Torah discusses the laws of war and some of the moral imperatives that apply even under fire. Specifically, we read of the exemptions that entitled a soldier to leave the battlefront. One of these was "the man who is fearful and fainthearted." The Torah rules that "he should go and return to his home" and join the civil service, lest his cowardice "melt the hearts" of his comrades in arms and demoralize them (Deuteronomy 20:8).
Interestingly, Maimonides rules that this exemption only applied to wars which were optional for political or territorial reasons (milchemet ho'reshut), but not to obligatory wars where the Torah itself mandates that we go to battle (milchemet mitzvah), such as a war of self defense or the wars to conquer the Promised Land.

But what is the logic here? Why the distinction? If the problem is that the coward's fear will have a negative effect on his fellow combatants, then that is a psychological fact of life. What difference does it make if the war is mandated by G-d or by Jewish leadership of the day? Surely a coward is a coward whatever the war!

But Maimonides is sharing with us a striking analysis of human nature. Fear and anxiety are magnified when there is more than one option open to us. When we have the choice of fighting or not, when war is not strictly commanded by G-d and it's a government decision, then I may very well choose to retreat. But when there is no choice, when it is a non-negotiable mitzvah from G-d that this war be fought, then even cowards become heroes.
I am fond of quoting that famous American philosopher, John Wayne, who once said, "True courage is not the absence of fear. True courage is being scared like hell and saddling up anyway." Now that's a wise cowboy. The fearless few who heedlessly plunge into every offered challenge are indeed strange exceptions to our race. Most normal people experience fear in scary situations. Those of good courage face up to the fear and confront it.

I can tell you many stories of ordinary people who became heroes. How? By overcoming their fears and doing whatever deed had to be done. My friends' father, Pinne Merkel, once ran into a synagogue in the old neighborhood of Doornfontein, Johannesburg to rescue the Torahs from the Holy Ark. The firemen warned him not to, but he ran in anyway. Pinne was not a religious man. But for him, saving the Torah scrolls was something that just had to be done, so an ordinary Jew became a holy hero.

My congregant's son, Hugh Raichlin, is not a doctor. He's a lawyer. But when his wife was in labor and suddenly things started happening much too quickly, he delivered his own child inside the car in the parking lot of the maternity hospital. He wasn't looking for heroism. He had no option and heroism found him.
When something just has to happen, we find a way to make it happen. We pluck up the courage and act valiantly.

My own father, may he be well, used to be a chain smoker (thank G-d, he gave up the habit long ago). It often amazed me that the same person who would never be without a cigarette between his fingers six days a week was able to go cold turkey every Shabbat. For six days he couldn't wait two minutes, but once a week he waited for 25 hours! How? The answer is that keeping Shabbat for him was simply a non-negotiable commitment, so he had no option and persevered. As soon as Shabbat was over, though, he and his fellow Shabbat-observant smokers would make a mad dash for the nearest pack.

It applies to life, to marriage, to business, to everything. If something is so important to us that to lose it would be unthinkable, we discover that we really can find a way, after all. In our Jewish lives, too, when we accept that a particular mitzvah is a sacred principle and inviolate, we will observe it no matter what the challenge.

So, cowards of the world, unite! Let us do what we know must be done. That's how ordinary people become heroes

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