Good Shabbos

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GOOD SHABBOS
20 May 2010

Dear All,

The weather is improving, and the days are warm and sunny, and the evenings mild, and hoping it continues this way for the Sokka World Cup, 2010…..

The ‘Rugger’ was as predicted, with the Bulls game a ‘Skande’ (Sham)……and when they lose (spelt correct) the Super 14, they have only themselves to blame….what a disgrace that game was, with the ‘Schmucks’ at the top, actually ‘punting’ that the second stringers ‘could’ win…what a ‘Lag’ … and of course the Lions (Ou Transvaal) , breaking all kinds of records as the Cheeeetahs (Vrystaaaaaaaat..) moered them, to help them record a record number of losses, and the most points ever scored AGAINST a team in one season…well done to the Lions…….the saying goes; If a fish is rotten, is it rotten from the head down or the tail up…’Manne’ if it is ‘Vrot’ it is ‘Vrot’ …. right through. That is the Lions…
My prediction for this week’s Semi’s is; Bulls to be taken to the limit, and only because I Smaaaaaak the Crusaders and am X with the Bulls for last week’s ‘KAK’ , I reckon the Crusaders will win…..The Stormers are also in for a ROUGH game, BUT….should edge in……

A man, watching a game of golf on TV, keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.
“I don't know whether to watch them or the game”, he says to his wife.
“For Heaven's sake, watch them,” his wife says, “You know how to play golf!”

The Semi between Pakistan & the Aussies was a ‘Ball Breaker’ and the Aussies really showed class, BUT…were beaten at the Final hurdle by ‘OUR ‘ B Team ( or is it A..??) England, who won their first World ICC cricket title ever….well done to the ‘Poms’ for holding out, BUT…I reckon they will not win the Ashes next time around…?????

Soccer is a game in which a handful of men run around for one and a half hours watched by millions of people who could really use the exercise

Should have taken a few bets on certainties…one being strikes before the ‘Sokka 2010 World Cup’……4 years ago I predicted the ‘Blackmail’ would be here and was told, do not be negative, they will never let it happen…yes we have strikes every year at this time, BUT…never for such high increases. Take it or ‘NO ‘Sokka 2010…???? Yes, they will give in, BUT…at what future cost…??? And of course the Zillions of ‘Uitlanders’ that would be coming, is down by 60% on initial 2006 Guess –‘timates’….. E-mazing to some, BUT…not to me…only thing is what will they do with all the NEW Hotels…?????

A man who has just won the lottery has purchased Liverpool Football Club………..
His delighted wife said " G-d knows what he would have bought if he had got 4 numbers!"

“Well,” exclaimed the young woman as she and her date left the movie theater;
“that certainly was exciting! … I wonder if the film was any good….” (Mmmmm..).

Found this ‘Youtube’ quite E-mazing….When is a “Gunnif a Gunnif”…????
http://www.youtube.com/user/ChabadNewsOnline#p/a/u/0/v1JCv4bYyWE

Another interesting ‘Youtube’…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcWsTwvtyOI

Memories of Muizenberg visual not sooo GR88888, BUT the sound is good….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQrlMZ6eTBw

‘OUR’ local ‘Yiddisher’ Radio station, CHAI FM’s initiative to get inter traction needed with the community a “Partnerthon” is being run to get community members to subscribe to the radio stations loyalty programme. Community members can go to the website at anytime and subscribe to the loyalty programme which costs R180.00 per person per month – and offers back R500.00 in specified monthly savings every month…..see http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php seems like a GR88888 plan to get more of the ‘Yiddisher’ community involved with ‘OUR’ local ‘Yiddisher’ radio station, which has been very well accepted by the community……. www.chaifm.com Launch date is the 27th. May, 2010.

Tequila & Taiglach Friday Night Fever on 28 May, at Sydenham Shul….. Strongly supported by the ‘Herring’ Family…Should it not have been ‘Herring & Kichel’..?? These Friday Night ‘Fever’ promotions really set the tone for a ‘Gutte Shabbos’…
Sydenham Shul on Main Street, around the corner from the ‘old’ Highlands ‘landmark’ The Dollshouse……………….

Antony Seeff, who has just come back from a few years in the USofA has a general ‘Feel Good’ Souff Effrikken, best of everything website….. localSouthAfrica.com. The idea of the website is to give tourists a guide to the best that South Africa has to offer (in terms of restaurants, bars, golf courses, tourists attractions, spas, etc) - from the mouths of locals. So far I've gotten a bunch of friends to contribute to the site and have received some really positive feedback from readers. ‘Gib A Kuk’ before booking at the wrong place……

The ‘Marathon Man’, Johnny Birin has finally finished his studio, and has completed his website… www.longstreetstudios.co.za soooo, for any kind of recordings, for voicemails adverts, TV slots, etc contact him ..Details on the website…..

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!'
One day an atheist moved into the house next door.
He became irritated at the little old lady.
Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: 'THERE IS NO LORD!'
Time passed with the two of them carrying on this Way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!
The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.
'PRAISE THE LORD!' she cried out.. 'HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!'
The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges … And shouted:
'THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!'

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!
HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!'

The SASFIN / SELWYN SEGAL sports quiz was an Absoluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut 100% success, with a ‘Humongous’ amount raised for Selwyn Segal, and the ‘Manne’ having a GR88888 evening at the same time……They had a lot of Sporting celebrities, and among the Manne were quite a lot of Sokka ‘Manne’, including Mark Fishhhhhhhhhhhh, Larry Cohen, Stan Matthews and Dr Terry Paine , who represented England in the 1966 ‘Sokka’ World Cup which they won…….Larry Cohen’s Dad is Martin (Jack’s Paint) who was in my class at Highlands, and went on to be a ‘Sokka’ Star…..Larry is following in his dad’s foot steps…….Adam Bacher, cricket and many , many others…….David ‘O Sullivan
( Radio 702) was also there, and also does a lot of voice over’s with the ‘Marathon Man’….. Pictures; http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said , "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted...

Four Victory Park King David Grade 8’s ( ‘OUR’ years Standard 6’s) ,were placed 1st.,2nd, & 4th. in the World Creative writing competition…..They all wrote on the Holocaust…Really GR8888888888 stuff …they are Sam Musker, Jonti Strimling, Amy Strauss and Keren Joffe ..Mazeltov on a GR8888 achievement….

A group of elderly, retired men gather each morning at a café in Tel Aviv.
They drink their coffee and sit for hours discussing the world situation.
Given the state of the world, their talks are usually depressing.
One day, one of the men startles the others by announcing,
"You know what? I am an optimist."
The others are shocked, but then one of them notices something fishy.
"Wait a minute! If you're an optimist, why do you look so worried?"
"You think its easy being an optimist?!" (Nuuuuuuuuuuu…)

Shooby Doob Shloimy is coming to the Chabad @ The Mall (Village Walk) this Sunday ONLY, at 10.00am. Only 100 ‘Kinderlach’ can come, sooooo book early with Sharon @ 011-440-6600 OR Sharon@chabad.org.za ‘Gib a Kuk’ @ www.shoobydoob.com Must say the Chabad bookstore in the Mall has ‘Tukka’ become a place to be seen, and on Tuesday they had the ‘Young Achievers’ get together, and the Guest Speaker was Jabu Mabazu, ‘Balabos’ @ Southern Sun (Tsogo Sun)…..see pictures at ; http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Maccabi Stag have there next monthly get together at Pinestreet Shul, on the 25th.May, 2010…’Lekker Braai, Tjop & Dop’ and some good speakers also….DAVE NOSWORTHY – GAUTENG LIONS CRICKET COACH
EVAN SPEECHLY – JUST SHORTLY RETURNED FROM THE I.P.L.
TOURNAMENT IN INDIA …. See; http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Yesterday I went to the Police Station to certify my documents. When I
entered at the police station, I found a police officer reading the
Bible, in the book of Genesis. I was very impressed so I asked him
' Who killed Abel, Adam's son?"
He answered, "I don't know, ask Sgt. Khumalo over there.
He is the one who deals with murder cases..." (Yislaaaaaaaaik…)

Tammy Rubin is involved with Yad Ezra V'Shulamit, and once you have seen the Video…please consider them …. http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php they provide assistance for a cross section of the ‘Battling’ citizen’s in Israel……
www.yadezra.net

Stan & Pete are having a Winter ‘Smooklersbord’ at the NEW Greenside Hall on the 23rd.June, 2010…..See http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php The Greenside Hall ‘Amolikke Yoren’ seated a 1,000 guests for a ‘Chasener’….BUT, not these days…one of the best functions I did in the Greenside was the “ From Minsk to Mayfair” exhibition that the Women’s Zionists organized, with all the ‘Gerichten’…did it with Joyce Chodos, who is still a WIZO stalwart…..must have been 25 years ago……. In fact, they are also having an opening with a theatre evening…….

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany .
Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!" …….. (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…).

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We all have digital watches!"

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One -Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by Ground; I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

Little Julius ( and in Fact many of the ‘Men from the Ministry’) should take note of the following;
An economics professor at a local college made the statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.

That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.

The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. …………It could not be any simpler than that.

What a profound short little paragraph that says it all
"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."
~~~~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 (Soooooo well put…………)

A man who hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of the animal by driving him several blocks away from
home and letting him out of the car. When he got home, he found the cat already on the front porch.
Next day, when his wife went shopping, he took the cat and drove 20 blocks away and dumped off the cat. Upon returning, he found the cat strolling up to the front door.
Vexed, the next day he took the cat to the far side of the next town -- over two rivers, a set of railroad
tracks, and half way up a winding mountain road, where he flung the cat out the window.
Half an hour later, the home phone rang, and his wife answered. "Is that damned cat home," the husband asked his wife.
"Yes, he's sitting on the front porch," she replied.
"Well put him on the phone, will you? I'm lost and I need directions back to the damned house...." (Mmmmmmmmmm……………).

Shavuot was HUGE, with learning taking place, and many of the ‘Kinderlach’ studying through the night…..Sandton had an E-mazing Dinner with Rabbi Dr. Lerner from the USofA the guest speaker……

Blood is urgently needed to match Monique Levin’s “B negative” …please see info for the requirements and if you can assist, make the effort... http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Comrades Marathon is coming up Sunday 30th May 2010. This will be Chabad in Umhlanga 15th Comrades Marathon of supporting our ‘Yiddisher’ runners along the route, both spiritually and physically. From drinks and nosh giving the body a nutritional boost to putting on Tefillin (scheduled stop), giving a few cents Tzedaka, saying a Bracha, Shemah or a few lines of Tehillim, putting more soul into the Ultimate Human Race!! Traditionally we have a Comrades Shabbos prior to the race. (May 28/29) Everybody is welcome to this inspiring Shabbaton. There is a Friday night Shabbos meal, Kiddish and lunch Shabbos day. There are special packages at the Kosher Guest House next door the Shul as well. Click here for more info and to make reservations

God Takes a Vacation

G-d was tired and worn out. So he spoke to St. Peter.

"You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"

St. Peter, thinking,..."Hmmm," St. Peter reflected. "Well, how about Mercury?"

"No way!" G-d muttered. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter said, his face lighting up.
"How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, G-d remarked, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl and they're STILL talking about it. (Oey vey….)

The Highlands North High School reunion is on the 30/6/2010 and the time is running out, sooooooo please book your seats/tables…. By e-mailing 70thyearreunion@highlandsboys.co.za ……. Some Highlands pictures and Invitation at http://stantgsm.com/Highlands.html must say that the 1957/8 ‘Manne’ are ‘Tukka’ close, and it is E-mazing how much info I have received from them……..many of them are coming to the Dinner…..they finished at Highlands over 50 years ago…..Quite E-mazing……………..

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov toTaryn (Podlas) & Todd (Degnan) who got engaged recently in La, Mazeltov to Thom and Diane Degnan, who live in Carlsbad, San Diego County & to Debbie & Jeff Podlas who live in Newport Beach, La where the wedding will take place in October…… Todd is an American, BUT…….Taryn’s Dad Jeff is an Highlands ‘Old’ Boy , and his Boet Ronnie Podlas ( Thailand) was with me at Highlands and Hotelschool…….what a small world, and the Podlas family are related to to my Lichtenburg ‘Homeboy’ Ezra Berger……Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’………….Pictures; http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Mazeltov Deena (Miller) & Daniel (Klotz) who got engaged this week…..Deena is a sisiter in Law to Gidon (Bulka) Alter , ‘OUR’ Chazzan Avron’s Zunnelle, and Gidon runs the online wedding registry www.lechaim.co.za .. Mazeltov to Avrille & Issy….. from the Shtetl (Glenhazel) and Mazeltov to Mervyn Klotz and the Late Leora…..Gosh, I did soooo many Simcha’s and corporate functions with Mervyn, and nearly burnt down Eastgate shopping Centre in the Process…Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…………….

Sincere condolences to the Schneider family on the loss of their beloved Brian….He was a ‘Gentle Giant’ and really went through sooo much….Brian was always @ Kosher Nando’s on a Friday….and I used to call him Sushi Schneider, as we had given up the HOD when his Zunnelle has a Barmy, and was worried he would not have Sushi, which of course he had….Sincere condolences to the whole family……………..

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

With Sokka 2010 upon us, do not ease up on your awareness

There is much talk of a safe World Cup, which I have NO doubt of, BUT…

The Local ‘Gunovim’ will still be on the prowl, so be ‘Wakker’

Check all security machinery regularly, to see that batteries etc are charged…

Trackers in cars need to be checked EVERY 6 months…..

When taking PUBLIC transport to games, beware of pick pockets, and travel in groups….never alone….

A can of deodorant in the pocket, will get into Stadiums, and could help ward off attackers…..

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time………

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers (Corporate) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell- 082-4547860

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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

Click here to view

Parsha of The Week

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
Open the Book

I’m a little confused. We are about to celebrate Shavuoth and I’m told it is the Season of the Giving of the Torah. But isn’t there another Yom Tov when we celebrate with the Torah? Simchas Torah, right? So why are we celebrating twice? Why two Festivals to remember the same thing?

The answer is that on Simchas Torah we conclude our annual reading of the Torah. We end the Book of Devarim, Deuteronomy, and immediately begin anew the Book of Bereishis, Genesis. We have reason to rejoice at the achievements of the year gone by, so we celebrate.

And how do we celebrate? We dance with the Torah. Is the Sefer Torah on the Bimah? No. It is in the aisles. Is it open? No, it is closed and covered. Why? Because on Simchas Torah we are reminded that even if a Jew has, G-d forbid, not opened the Torah all year long, he still has a spiritual place in the Torah. Even if for him, the Torah has been a closed book, nevertheless, every Jew has a deep-rooted, innate connection to Torah. As the Torah reading of the day states, Torah Tziva Lanu Moshe Morasha Kehillat Yaakov – The Torah that Moses commanded us is the heritage of the entire Congregation of Jacob. Each and every single Jew, the entire congregation, has an intrinsic relationship with Torah - it makes no difference whether scholar or simple, academic or am haaretz - Torah is not the private property of the intellectual elite. Torah belongs to one and all.

But there comes a time when you do have to open the book! We don’t dance with the Torah wrapped in its mantle all year long. That is for Simchas Torah. But we also have to open, read, study, ask, learn and become more familiar with our heritage. We need to get to know Torah from the inside, to understand the Torah as a textbook too.

That time is every day. And the anniversary of the Giving of the Torah is Shavuoth. That is when we celebrate the Torah as a book of wisdom, as a moral code, an ethical system, and a guiding light in our lives. Shavuoth reminds us that the Torah is not only a beautiful, cherished ceremonial ornament to revere and dance with on Simchas Torah, but the source of all our wisdom, knowledge and understanding about life and how we are to live it.

I was present some years ago at a celebration to welcome a new Torah Scroll into a neighboring congregation. The guest speaker was Rav Volpo of Rishon L’Tzion in Israel. Let me share with you a very apt analogy he used in his remarks there. He told a story.

There were two sisters. One married a rich man; the other’s husband was poor. Yet, of the two, ironically, it was the wealthy sister who was the unhappy one. Her sister couldn’t understand why she should be so miserable. “He supports you handsomely. He buys you beautiful clothes, expensive jewelry. Just look at your diamonds. Why are you so unhappy?”

The wealthy sister replied. “Actually, I am jealous of you, my sister. You have a wonderful, loving relationship with your husband. Yes, my husband does buy me expensive things. It is true that he does spend money on me. But your husband spends time with you and mine does not.”

So while it may be true that we adorn our Torahs with exquisite velvet mantles, precious silver crowns, breastplates, bells and pointers, all the expensive ornaments don’t come close to spending time with the Torah. And the Torah is unhappy and cries out, “Thanks for the silver, thanks for the décor, but what I really want is you! I want your time, your brain, I want you.”

It is surely one of the sad ironies of contemporary Jewish life that this most educated generation should be so ignorant of its own heritage. How is it that we have produced the most successful people in the professions, in commerce - titans of industry - and yet knowledge of our priceless Jewish wisdom is at an all-time low? Why is it that our most brilliant legal minds have never read even a single page of the Talmud? Why should our most sophisticated computer whiz kids not know which way to hold a Siddur? Why should Ivy League professors be content with the Jewish education of a 12 year old and otherwise intelligent, mature adults satisfy themselves with the Judaism they were taught at nursery school?

So on Shavuoth we are reminded that we need to open the book and spend some quality time, some meaningful study time with the Torah.

Practically speaking, this is the season to commit oneself to a regular time for Torah study. In every community there are so many options to choose from. Wherever we are in our Jewish education, it must be ongoing. We must have fixed times for learning Torah and those times should be non-negotiable.

And because this is the Season of the Giving of the Torah, we are assured that the Torah will indeed be given to us once again if we but make the sincere effort to acquire it. Hopefully, this Shavuoth will be for us not only the Season of the Giving of the Torah – that is G-d’s job - but the Season of Receiving the Torah – that is our job.

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