Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
21 August 2008

Dear All,

The weather is E-mazing, and it could be a VERY hot summer, as the Winter was very mild…….hopefully we will see a bit of rain, as last year was a freak year, with soooo much rain in the ‘Beloved Country’………got a bit of ‘August’ wind this week, just to keep us on our toes……

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'
He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company.
These are customer complaints. (Seriaaaaaaaaas one this…)

The ‘Rugger’ was hard for the first half……??? That is all I say…… !! ! ! ! ! !
BUT….and I repeat, in 2008 The ‘Bokke’ have the largest , most experienced goup of players, and I reckon that we now have to look at ‘OUR’ coaching methods etc…..The ‘Manne’ are there and they can play, BUT….they need direction ….. …. I have put a black border around the letter instead of the blue one, as a mark of respect, for ‘OUR’ BOKKE……what will happen this weekend is anyones guess, with my Guess that get will get a ‘Klap’, BUT….not toooo big.
An out right prediction…the Wallabies to win by 12……..

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. ……
Try it for yourself.

Classic bumper sticker - Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? …………….. Right Where You Left Him.

Another priceless quote from NZ
Chris Masoe (Hurricanes) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

The Cricketers are warming up for the ODI’s and it could be a very interesting series, with both teams ‘shouting the odds’…..Nuuuuuu they should start already.

"The Olympics have started and the skies over Beijing are very smoggy.
The government says the pollution is just a harmless mist.
They made a similar statement about the treatment of prisoners - …………….
it's not torture, it's Pilates." ( Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik….)

The OYlympics are ‘Tukka’ just that for Souff Effrikka, with all the ‘Manne’ blaming everyone but themselves…….the Major medal winning countries put plenty $$$$ into their Sportsmen , BUT….’OUR’ Boytjies believe that once a team is chosen they should (??? ) win medals….Noooooit…..planning ,training and dedication are needed by the Administrators as well…..in past years Souff Effrikka have excelled in many sports, BUT…..we are not committed enough and few realize the sacrifice needed in training for 4 years, to win a medal….Our Hockey team got ‘Moered’ by the Aussies 10-0…..something wrong…..! ! ! ! ! I reckon that countries like Zim-BOB-We could end up with more medals than us…Oey vy…

‘Souff Effrikkens’ walked off with 4 Gold medals this morning…….
They were stopped at the gate and told to put them back……

An Orthodox Rabbi was walking down the street when he noticed one of
his congregants on the other side of the street entering a Chinese restaurant.
The Rabbi crossed the street to peer in the window of the restaurant to see what his congregant was doing in such a treif restaurant.

The congregant ordered some ribs and some fried shrimp. The Rabbi continued to watch. Soon, the waiter brought ribs and shrimp. The congregant was eagerly devouring it with a hearty appetite when the shocked Rabbi, unable to contain himself, burst into the restaurant to confront his congregant.

'Stop!' the Rabbi shouted. 'How could you do this? How could you eat this food?
It's ribs and shrimp. It's treif, for G-d's sake'
'Hold on,' said the congregant. 'Rabbi, did you see me walk into this restaurant?'
'Yes, I did,' replied the Rabbi.
'Did you see me sit down at this table?'
'Yes, I did,'
'Did you see me order?'
'I most certainly did,'
'Did you see the waiter bring this food to my table?' the congregant asked.

'Yes, I did,' the Rabbi again affirmed.
'Did you actually see me eating the ribs and the shrimp?'
'Yes, I did. I watched you the entire time!' exclaimed the Rabbi.
'Well, then, said the congregant, there should be no problem whatsoever; ………
the whole process was performed under Strict Rabbinical Supervision.'

I was honoured to be a guest at Union Of Orthodox Synagogues
Dinner in Honour of the 10th Yahrzeit of the Late Rabbi Aloy who was sooo well known and loved by the Souff Effrikken ‘Yiddisher’ community, and I am sure that many who are reading this, will remember his MANY years at the Berea Shul, which was ‘THE’ Gasener Shul in his time, with the GR8 Dudu Fisher the Chazzan…….
It was a double Tribute with Rabbi Moshe Kurstag (Son In Law of Rabbi Aloy) celebrating his 70th. Birthday, and also his E-mazing contribution to ‘Yiddishkeit’ in South Africa. The ‘Gentle Giant’ as I have called him for the past 30 years, is soooo gentle, BUT….a giant in the Beth Din, where his Gentleness with difficult matters has helped resolve sooo much ‘Tzorres’, BUT…his decisions over the years have been Gigantic, and I remember meeting the GIANT re The ‘old’ Jewish Guild,30 years ago, and I thought that we would never get on, and it was his gentleness that saved the day, and I must say that since the early encounter it has been a pleasure doing ‘business’ with him…….I remember the days when he started a Rosh Kodesh Club (I think the first in SA, or one of the first), and we had sooo many memorable evenings with his followers, and guys like Sidney Heiton, Lipschitz Family , Molly & Julian Blackman, Cookie & Cocky Feldman and many others coming every month for years……. The Rebbetzin compliments him in every way, and might I add has a ‘SHARP’ tongue for spicy foods….The “Gentle Giant” has traveled half way around the world on occasions to help Souff Efrikken Yidlach, and I remember bumping Rabbi at the Sydney airport after coming all the way to assist Rabbi Jonty Blackman in a matter…I was on my way back from a Tri-nations tour………The ‘Gentle Giants’ kinderlach are sooo gentle and well mannered, and it is a tribute to a fine couple who have always done the right thing…….I could go on for many pages about the Kurstag Family….BUT a Big Shakeach for what you have done already , and of course for what you will still do……..Mazeltov on a great occasion……The Dinner was held at the HOD and the Catering done by Gary Friedman ( my student…) was very nice, and the hall looked great…..Gary somehow fitted over 400 in after a huge demand for tickets, and coped very well…..The brochure was excellent, and that ‘Senior Citizen’ Isaac Resnick, who just keeps going, did a E-mazing job with the Brochure…….
Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain.
His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !'
'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese... doesn't matter,you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.

'I no rike Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic.'
'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain,
'It was an iceberg!'
'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ...no mattah... all same.' (Old, BUT…..GR8…..)

The Maccabi Games 2009 are getting closer and I got a letter from David Gaffan and he has accommodation available for the Games OR any time…they are the biggest letting agents in Israel….
“As hotel prices are astronomical South Africans who wish to attend the Macabbiah should contact us as soon as possible for accomodation as soon as possible - our particulars are as follows:
DAVID GAFFAN – HOLIDAY APRTMENTS
E-mail: gaffan@netvision.net.il
Site: www.holidayapartments.co.il
Phone/fax : +972 9 7727163…………..Cell :+972 54-7844818
Remember the Maccabi Sportsman of the Year Dinner is on the 9th. September. I got quite a few calls about whether it is ‘Manne’ only…no, Ladies are welcome, BUT…….they have Maccabi Stag on the 27th. August with Adam Bacher giving some views. Details at; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

A guy with three eyes, no arms, and one leg is hitchhiking.
A British gent pulls over, rolls down the window, and says,……..
"Aye, aye, aye! You look 'armless! 'op in!"

This morning. the math teacher singled me out to ask me,
"If you have $200, and you give $60 to Mary, $60 to Sally
and $60 to Susan, what would you have?"
Turned out that "an o r g y" was not the correct answer.

Womens day was during the Mourning period, soooooo the Women of the World had their WOW Brunch on Sunday morning at the Sandton Sun for 600 Ladies, and the event was a WOW……Pictures to follow……..as I did a ‘Locum’ at the Kilarney Country Club……

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dad's for the night.
In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies,  'Never mind what you think!  Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Is Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!  Eat your lunch and go back to school.'
After school, he comes home and asks, 'Is Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK!   What do you think?'
He says, 'Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think
I gave him my airplane glue……………….'

Did a Locum at Jonathan Bentel’s Barmitzvah last week, and it was a very nice evening……Jonathan’s Dad Hilary, is still involved at the Greenside Shul, and her Mom’s (Heidi) Boet , Marcelle Busch used to own ‘Kookies’ Bakery’ in Norwood, and I used to supply them with Cheese Cakes & Blitzes when I started Stan & Pete in the early seventies…it was a house hold name in the area…….Jeremy Kusner, who was the ‘Cocky Jockey’ (Disco) on the night had the crowd rocking, and the Kinderlach had a GR8 evening………Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Graca Machel - Children's and Women's Rights Activist and Rabbi Dr Warren Goldstein - Chief Rabbi of South Africa Speaking on
IN DEFENCE OF THE CHILD…..Date: Wednesday 3 September 2008. This are very interesting discussion panels... http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

40 Soweto residents arrive at the Pearly Gates in their crashed taxi.
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up G-d, saying.
'I've got 40 Xhosa folks here. Can I let them in?'

G-d says 'We are over quota on Xhosas . Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.'
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to G-d again. 'They've gone',
he tells G-d………….'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'

'No, the gates'. (Oey vy……)

That ‘Mishugana’ rush before Yomtov is really gaining momentum with another Concert in Cape Town Tuesday 9th.September & Joburg 22nd.September
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php In fact just browse through Allllllll the activities for the next few weeks…………..’Gevaldik’…..

A bus with 30 Hadassah Ladies turned over and were dispatched to  heaven.
Unfortunately the computers were down, so God had to ask Satan to provide temporary housing. Soon after, He received an urgent telephone call from Satan telling Him to take the women off his hands.
"What's the problem?" asked God. Satan replied, "Those Hadassah Ladies are ruining my whole set-up.
Only two hours and already they  raised  $100,000 for an air conditioning system!"

JEWISH WOMEN'S BENEVOLENT SOCIETY known as BENARC GIFT SHOP
have a stunning range of gifts for Rosh Hashanah. They also do gifts for all occasions throughout the year. Funds raised from this project goes towards helping the needy in the community. E-mail address : jwbs@icon.co.za
Tel Phone Nos. Office: 011 485-5232, Maureen: 011-640-2699
Dinky: 011-646-8745. The Benevolent has amalgamated with the Arcadia Gift Shoppe, and really go that extra mile to give value………

The village idiot goes into a bar to have himself a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman enters the bar and asks,
“Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?”
The idiot says it is his.
“Your dog seems to be in heat,” the officer says.
The idiot replies, “No way... She’s cool ’cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.”

The policeman says, “No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.”
“No way,” says the idiot. “That dog don’t need no bread.
She ain’t hungry ’cause I fed her this mornin’.”

The exasperated policeman says, “NO!
You don’t understand; your dog wants to have sex!”
The idiot looks at the cop and says, “Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.”

Got a very disturbing, BUT…..interesting E-mail from Steve in Aussie, who drew my attention to a Expo that was in held in Midrand (Old Halfway House) at the Gallagher’s Convention Centre…….They reckon that 6,500 Souff Effrikkens turned up to go through the exhibition at R150 entrance fee…Normally if they charge more than R50 nobody goes……..this is for NZ ????……and remember that these are not ‘Yidlach’ BUT…..people of all races….Can you imagine when they have an Aussie or Canadian one…Pictures at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php VERY SKRIKKY………

Got a request for some WORLDWIDE feedback on any ‘Manne & Meidlach’ who went to Israel for the 1967 War ….as they are busy doing research on all volunteers who went to help in ’67…..I have put the details at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

A new supermarket opened in Sandton…. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…..Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Popped into the Blumberg / Soloman (Herr) wedding, and all I can say is WOW…..It was a very ’Elegante’ evening, and I am definitely not one for noticing Bridal / Retinue styles, BUT……it was a VERY ‘CHIC’ looking retinue, with the ‘Manne & Meidlach’ being fitted out by Bride & Co, which is run by Jeff Miller, and they also supplied the Bridal car and all the Limo’s………The ‘Marathan Man’ Johnny Birin and his big Band where also ‘Oysgeputzed’ and Dennis said to Johnny he must not dirty the suit as it has to be back at ‘Mr Man’ before 12……(Joke..)The Blumberg family are very well known and the Kinderlach were at Victory Park King David…..The Soloman family live in Atlanta these days, BUT…….Mrs Soloman hails from Potchefstroom originally….and I did a year at Potch Central School and remember the name, as there were 6 brothers in Potch, who in turn had quite a few Kinderlach, and my ‘old’ Lichtenburg SChaver, Naomi (Shapiro) Levy’s Late Mom Mickey was a Herr….. one of my Zunnelle’s Chavers Daniel (Nocha) Immerman was the Shadgan ( introduced the couple), and was out from Atlanta….soooo many people from around the world came for the ‘Gasener’….had a ‘huck’ with the Goldberg Twins from Viljoenskroon (‘Amolikke Yoren’) and I remember doing Joyce’s wedding to Bernard many years ago at the Greenside Hall…..they stay in Connecticut these days, and Ronald stays in Potchefstroom ……Saw Kivi Bernard (Rabbi Norman ex Oxford Shul’s Zunnelle) and he has ‘Oysgevakstd’ (turned out ) into a GR8 motivational speaker……. The wedding rocked, and the Décor was E-mazing, with ‘Miguel’ pulling out all the stops…..Toni Jade was the Photo E-fundi and I await some pictures from her…as the Retinue was one of the Chickest (if there is a word like that..??) that I have seen in years……Rob Turner did the video….. Very ‘Balabatishe Wedding…)   Pictures… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Canberra has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a service station, a kebab shop or a take away cafe in Australia ...

If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra customers in Australia…..(Oey vy..)

Mazeltov to my ‘old’ Hotelschool Chaver Ralph & Barbara (Solow) Lewinsohn on the birth of another Grandson to their Kinderlach Liat & Alon……..Ralph was born in Windhoek, and came up to Joburg to go to Hotelschool in Smit Street, Braamfontein….It was a GR8 Hotelschool in those days (1972), and they have now moved to Auckland Park, as the Gautrain Station is by the ‘old’ Hotelschool (Park Station)…..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……..

Mazeltov to Sharlene & Steven Klotnick in Melbourne on the occasion of Jarrod’s Barmy….Steven was with me at Highlands, and I know his two brothers who are here in Joburg……I Played Rugby with Steven, and he was also a useful cricketer…….Mazeltov to the Whole ‘Mishpocha’……..See picture..
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Mazeltov to Romi Kaplan and Wayne Becker on their engagement yesterday….Mazeltov to Alan & Sheryl and Chonie & Heather Becker…..
Romi’s Boet, Warren is my E-Fundi on the website and runs RAW media with Ryan Richard……..and may I say they do an excellent job……Alan is the BOET of Ronnie from Birnam Travel….. Wayne’s shvester used to be in my lift scheme, and I know his Zaida Hymie & Granny ‘B’ VERY well, and of course their Brother in Law Beryl & Rusty Koseff, who are in Israel now, BUT….used to own the Kosher chocolate Shoppe,’ Chocolate Lady’ …Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……..

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

ATM’s are becoming real ‘Crime’ targets for our Gunovim.

Besides the daily bombings of the machines, they are also targeting people who are reckless at the ATM’s when drawing money

NEVER let anyone you do not know assist you, as they will get your Pin Number

When punching in your number make sure that the person behind you cannot see your number.

If an ATM is damaged, do not use it.

Try not to make use of isolted ATM’s , and use those IN buildings….

BE ‘Wakker’ at all times…………………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a good , restful peaceful Shabbos,

If you cannot see the latest letter or Meisa’s, just press F5 a few times which refreshes the website……

The Joke Book is no more available on the website, soooooo get to your Yiddisher store and get the Book…Available in the ‘Beloved Country’ (Joburg, Cape Town and Durban)…..Melbourne, Toronto and Ranana(fontein) in Israel.

From Stan and the Clan.
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Parsha of The Week

Me, You and Us
Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

Who is more important, the Jew or the Jewish people? Is it Reb Yisroel or Am Yisroel?

In last week’s Parsha we read the first chapter of the Shema. This week, we read the second. Yet there are so many similarities between the two. In fact, certain sentences are virtually identical. Why would the Torah, normally so cryptic, be so repetitious?

If one examines the text closely, a significant distinction between the two chapters becomes immediately discernible. The first chapter is in the singular and the second is in the plural. Teach Torah to your son in the first and to your children in the second. Put Tefillin on your hand in the first and on your hands in the second.

But why the need for both? Why not use one or the other? Why a paragraph for each expression? The answer is that G-d speaks to the individual but G-d also speaks to the community. He addresses the Jew; and also the Jewish People. The first paragraph of the Shema teaches us that each and every single individual is important, even critical, and G-d addresses every individual personally. The second paragraph reminds us that there is also a sum of all the parts; that together, individuals make up a community. And communities, too, are very important.

A community is not only a motley collection of disparate individuals. A community is an important entity in its own right. In some ways, a community is supreme; in others, we acknowledge the supremacy of the individual. Yes, there is a tension at play here. The Talmud captures these seemingly conflicting notions when it examines why humankind was created differently from the animal kingdom. They were created in herds while only one man and one woman were created initially. Says the Talmud, this is to teach us that a) it was worthwhile for the Almighty to create the world for but one man and woman, i.e. one single individual, and b) so that no human being could boast that his or her pedigree was better than anyone else’s. We all came from Adam and Eve, so you are no better than me nor I than you. On the one hand, the individual human being is king, while on the other, humanity reigns.

Over 800 years ago, Maimonides ruled that communal leaders were obliged to safeguard the community and ought not to pay exorbitant ransom monies if one of its members was taken hostage. However, should a dangerous enemy demand that Jewish leaders hand over to them a particular individual lest they attack the entire community; it is not permitted to sacrifice even one individual for the sake of the community.

So we need both sections of the Shema, because both are important, the individual and the community.

Why do I focus on this theme today? Because in approximately five weeks time we will usher in the New Year. And the ongoing tension between the single and plural will manifest itself very blatantly. “Why must we pay to pray?” some will demand. They will decry the shameless commercialism of organized religion. And, yes, a Shul should have a heart. And our Houses of Prayer should not be allowed to become materialistic and mercenary, lest we lose the young, the poor and the idealistic. At the same time, individuals need to be sympathetic to the hard facts of congregational life. We cannot take for granted or take advantage of our established - and costly to maintain - infrastructures. The tension is sometimes tangible as we struggle to balance these two, seemingly exclusive, imperatives of Jewish life.

Statistics vary. In some communities, not more than 30% of Jews are officially affiliated. In others, the figure is much higher. The community must be sensitive, welcoming and embracing of every individual who seeks to belong. Still, individuals must be fair too. If everyone demanded a free ride how would a congregation support itself ?

Let us keep reciting both chapters of the Shema. Then we can look forward to healthy Jews and wholesome communities.

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