Doing a roll call on the first day back at school at Broad meadows Primary, the teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:
"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?" 
"Here." 
"Achmed El Kabul?" 
 "Here." 
 "Fatima Al Chadoury? "
 " Here."
"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?" 
 " Here." 
 Mohammed Ibn Achrha?" 
 " Here."
 "Mi Cha El Mey Er" 
 Silence in the classroom. 
"Mi Cha El Mey Er"
 Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She repeated,”
Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er?"
 
A boy arose and said, "Sorry teacher. I think that’s me. My name is Michael Meyer."
(A Bittere gelechte… )

Marc Hummel, who used to be the Director at Sandton Shul made Aliya and is now arranging & coordinating Simcha’s in the ‘Land of Milk & Honey’….if you need assistance with a Simcha, Marc takes the hassle and ‘Kop Dreiness’ out , and handles all aspects of the Co-ordination, hiring etc….. Contact Marc at JayDee …… See http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php

JEWISH vs. GOYISH 
  
 Judges Are Jewish  …………  Juries Are Goyish 
 Packing all the mini hotel shampoos is Jewish  ………  Using them is Goyish 
 Ordering family style is Jewish  ……..  Ordering a la carte is Goyish 
 Cruises are Jewish ……………. Walking tours are Goyish 
  
Grabbing lox from the back of the buffet first, is Jewish  
Grabbing melon from the front is Goyish 
  
 Picking from your mate's plate is Jewish ….  Not wanting even a "little taste" is Goyish 
 Fruitcake is Goyish ….  Fruit and cake is Jewish 
 Reading "how-to" books is Goyish ……..  Writing "how-to" books is Jewish 
 Tiffany's is Goyish  ……….. Your Uncle Ira in the Jewelry District is Jewish 
 Passing bars is Goyish  ………..  Passing the Bar Exam is Jewish 
  
 DIY (Do it Yourself) is Goyish  .. PAG (Pay A Goy who knows what he's doing) is Jewish 
 West Coast is Goyish  …..  East Coast is Jewish 
 Lunch meat is Goyish;  ….. Deli is Jewish 
 White bread is Goyish;   ….. Rye is Jewish 
 Sushi is Jewish;  ……… Chopsticks are Goyish 
  
 Laughing at someone else's troubles is Goyish;  Laughing at your own troubles is Jewish 
 "Youngsters" are Goyish,  ….. "Kids" are Jewish 
 Buttering bread is Goyish;  …. Spreading margarine is Jewish 
 Sitting quietly to get served is Goyish:  … Standing and waving one's hands is Jewish 
 Beer is Goyish;  ….  Wine is Jewish 
Tattoos and piercing are Goyish;  ……  Diamonds and pearls are Jewish 
  
 Ham sandwiches are Goyish;  ….. Corned beef on rye is Jewish 
 White sox are Goyish;  ….   No sox are Jewish 
 Saving Money is Goyish;  ….. Investing money is Jewish 
 Snowmobiling is Goyish;  …. Skiing is Jewish 
 Frizzy hair is Jewish;  ….. Stick straight flat hair is Goyish 
  
 A party that revolves around the buffet table is Jewish;
 A party that revolves around the bar is Goyish!

Doing Landscaping is Goyish
Hiring a Landscaper is Jewish…and let’s try to remember that!

Making lists of what's Jewish and what's not ……is VERY Jewish!! 

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

 Popped into the Shulman / Price Barmy /Batti this week at Sandton Shul…The two Bernstein girls from Springs, Yolande (Price) & Charmaine (Shulman) shared the Simcha of the ‘Cuzzies’…..Their Parents Myra & Leon Bernstein are ‘old’ clients of mine, and I did the girls weddings…’Amolikke Yoren’……Larry Shulman, Alon’s Zaida is an “old’ Maccabi stalwart from Pretoria and I did many Stag dinners in Pretoria with him…… Mazeltov to Daniella Price & Alon Shulman of the occasion of you Bat / Barmitzvah’s….. The function was E-mazing, with sooo much ‘Ruach’….and the décor was ‘Lekkker’…………..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……..Pictures ; http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

This ‘Youtube’ is Mishuga…BUT….GR888888888888888…. ‘Kosher Face’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXHPXpdwimY

I see the reports confirm what I wrote last week, that Cape Town was not nearly as busy as in past years, and Methinks it is due to the shortage of ‘Moooooola’
And not because people are saving for the Sokka 2010 in 6 months time…….Cape Town has built an E-mazing ‘Tourist’ infrastructure and needs International tourists to keep things going…or else they could just vanish…….Methinks that the One & Only Hotel in the Waterfront is totally over the top for Souff Effrikka, and cannot get much local business…….it is just toooooo expensive for locals….and truth be told…..it does not strike me as a ‘Posh’ hotel….???? Time will tell….. In Hout Bay, met up with the two Soap Ladies…..they have been entertaining the crowds at Hout Bay for the past 7 years, and they are E-mazing, and according to their website, they have raised over R300,000 for charity……have seen them over the years, and had a chat to them this year……Shakeach…..

One day, a gorilla escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere in every borough.
 They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as in the newspapers, but no one reported seeing it.
 At last, the gorilla was discovered in the New York Public Library. Officials of the zoo and the animal handlers were summoned to the library where they found it sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him.
The gorilla was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible and the other was Darwin's "Origin of Species".
The zookeepers asked the gorilla what he was doing.
The gorilla replied, "I'm trying to figure out whether I am my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother." ..Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik….

Rabbi Michoel Goldman, Zunnelle of Rabbi Yossy services the Jews of Kauai, one of Hawaii’s most unspoiled islands. This year, for the first time, Chabad is making one of the most beautiful hotels “ Kosher Le Pesach” .
<http://www.pesachinhawaii.com>  It looks E-mazing……’Gib A Kuk’…..

There is a Communal evening in honour of the Late Mendal Kaplan on the 31st. January, at the Yeshiva College and the UK Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks will be the guest speaker…… see http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php  for details, as space will be tight….

Had to see a Client in Judith Paarl (next to Ellis Park) and with all the road works, potholes, broken robots, RAIN etc, I decided to go down Munro drive, as I still remembered the back roads from 1965, when we used to use the bus fare for Pinball and walk down Munro the Ellis park tennis / Rugger…..the Hill is still there, BUT….Oey vey, the surroundinds have really changed, and when you enter Yeoville, It is a ‘NEW’ world….what a shame……I remember using Munro to get home quickly after Rugger games…not sure I will use the route to often these days….WWW….What Was,Was …………….

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’   at;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Doc. Solly Burgin on his 2nd Bartmitzvah this past Shabbos at the Oxford Shul, where he read his Parsha, and sponsored the Brocha at the Shul for the occasion… …Solly was born in Kaunas (Kovno) in Lithuania in 1926. When he was one year old his family immigrated to South Africa and they settled in Bloemfontein. This is where Solly spent his childhood and school years, matriculating at Brebner High School in 1943.
He then went on to study at Wits Medical School, where he graduated as a doctor in 1949. He proceeded to specialize in Obstetrics and Gynecology. This included 18 months spent at St Thomas’ Hospital in London. In 1961 he moved to Klerksdorp where he opened a private practice. Solly is a member of the National Executive of ORT, an organisation to which he has dedicated himself for close to 30 years. He used to be a keen runner and tennis player. He also enjoys following sports, in particular cricket and rugby. Happy 83rd. Solly, and many ,many more

Mazeltov to Etienne and Aubrey Kaplan who were married at the Wolmarans St. Shul, 50 years ago……Tukka ‘Amolikke Yoren’……They are now living in Toronto, with their Kinderlach & Einingklach, and celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary with an Aufruf and Kiddush at their Shul, attended by family and friends….Mazeltov and many more .. ………… Pictures at; http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Abe & Sarah, a wealthy couple, are coming up to their Golden wedding anniversary and Sarah has been thinking for some months about how they should celebrate. Then she comes to a decision.

" Abe," she says, "I'm going to book us a wonderful 6 weeks cruise. I know you don't like ships because you got sea sick last time, but trust me; this one will be perfect for us. It's called 'Bubelah’ of the Sea, an intimate seven-star luxury liner with everything kosher we could ever want to eat made available. Let's give it a go."

Abe certainly isn't pleased with Faye's decision, but to keep ‘Sholem’ - he says, "OK dear."
On the day of the cruise, Abe & Sarah drive up to the dock in their Rolls Royce.
Captain Cohen is on the bridge as they pass by and calls in the purser.
 "Find out who they are and invite them to dine at my table tonight."

Later, the purser knocks on the door of the Royal State Room. When Sarah answers the door, the purser says, "Compliments of Captain Cohen, madam.
He would very much like you both to dine with him this evening."

Abe comes to the door and says, "Who is it Sarah, is there a problem?"
"This man says that Captain Cohen wants us to eat with him this evening," replies Sarah.
"I told you we shouldn't have come," says Abe, "seven-star or no seven-star, we have only been on this boat half-an-hour and already we have to eat with the crew." –Oey vey……

Mazeltov to Yishai Weil who just got engaged to Simone Saunders from Pretoria. To Alan and Shirley Weil and Harvey & Jenny Saunders ………Mazeltov….. Remember doing  Yishai Barmy and many Weil Simcha’s over the years… Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha and Stephen in Rananafontien………….

Mazeltov to Nicole (Joffe) & Evan (‘Silver Assassin’ Krawitz) on their engagement in Sydney……….To the parents Sharon & Basil Krawitz (Melbourne) and Ilana & Martin (T….) ..Lots of Mazel…… Martin’s sister in Melbourne Sandra (Toffe) Pamensky was the ‘balabos’ of the Minnie Bersohn Nursery school at the Sandton Shul ‘Amolikke Yoren’….Ilana’s family, the Musikers are ‘Tukka’ old Clients/friends of mine, and I remember doing her Boets Barmy about 30 years ago in Komati Rd, Emmerentia……The Joffe’s & Musikers were at the Lange ‘Chasener’ last night…see pictures ; http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php  Mazeltov to Debbie (Rubin- Cape Town) & Ari Lange on their wedding last night…….

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; Quite E-mazing that after the Festive season, the LARGE cash heists virtually dry up…….& there were far less in 2009…. The amount of ATM bombings is also down, BUT……small crime is still around on a big scale………………. Cheque book fraud, has virtually wiped out the use of cheque’s, and other forms of payment should be used. Internet Banking Fraud is rife, sooooo never access your Account at an Internet Café, and seedy joint. NEVER divulge your Pin number to anyone. Check account balances regularly…. Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time……… Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website : http://www.stantgsm.com Have a peaceful, restful  Shabbos….… From  Stan and the Clan. smookler@netactive.co.za PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate ) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!  Cell  082-4547860 Do you need a professional website? Do you want to convert your website traffic into sales using Google? Contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- +27 11 786 1170 or visit our website www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book…. CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut   www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

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