Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try some bear hunting.
 He traveled up to Alaska , spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, 'That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have sex.'
After considering his situation briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear had his way with Frank. And even though he felt very sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the same black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, 'That was a big mistake, Frank. You killed a cousin of mine and now you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.'
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.

This time Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the very same grizzly bear and shot it- dead.
He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was another tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said,……
 'Admit it, Frank. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?' (Einaaaaaaaaaaaah…)

A good definition of a Pidyon haben . “ It is the 31st day after the birth of a NATURAL BIRTH FIRST SON IN A FAMILY … they should not be from one of the priestly tribes…… Thanks Gary…….

If anyone is making Aliya July /August to Israel, and has a bit of container space, please let Dovi know........ mossfam@012.net.il

Gr888888 ‘Shtel’ ( Glenhazel ) joke…..
Abe comes home and calls the whole family together and announces……
“ I am tired of my work, commitments, committees etc……”
I am going on a SKI holiday…..! ! ! ! ! For how long asks his Zunnelle…???
As long as it takes.……Dad what do you mean as long as it takes…??
What is a SKI holiday…. ?????
The ‘Tatta’ smiles and says “Spending Kinderlach Inheritance”…!!! (What a Boytjie.. )

‘Ripley’s Believe It or Not’, I have booked to go to the ‘Land of Milk & Honey’, and hope to carry Basil Kletz’s bags, and catch a few of the Games, mainly Sokka & Rugger………. Be there between 16 / 25 July……..and also popping in to London before, to see my Zunnelle Joel…………and will go to Manchester to visit the birth City of my Late Mother in Law……….Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaik, BUT…..tourists get value in the ‘Beloved Country’ compared to the ‘Dumps’ that cost R1, 300 a night and more ………. Quite ‘Skrikky’……  www.maccabiah.com
www.maccabi.co.za..  Both websites give info on the Maccabi games….

Man hardloop kaal in bos.  Twee olifante sien hom.
Een sê:' Kyk hoe maer is hy!' 
Die ander een sê: ' Geen wonder, kyk waarmee moet hy eet!'

Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome …………
One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before."
The other Nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones."
Next week is Shavuot and there are dinners and learning throughout the night at most Shuls, and the Organizations like Chabad, Ohrsom, Eishhhh etc….. I remember the days when Shavuot was a Milchick dinner with Blintzes, Cheese Cakes and Shaltanosses……….BUT, alas these days, the trend is to have ‘Fleischik’ in some places……….E-mazing how things change…..?????

Last week the Young Chevra (Helping Hands) had there get together at Investec and it was VERY well attended, with nearly 750 ‘Kinderlach’, not really ‘Kinderlach’ BUT….teh ‘YYY’ set…”Young Yiddisher Yuppies” arriving for the Talk & Dinner……Strong group with good support………..and have done wonders for the budget, and I reckon some Seriaaaaaaaaas talent is their among the Youngsters to continue the E-mazing work of the Chev…………….
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

An elderly lady is preparing to board her flight to Tel Aviv. She hands an animal carrier box over to the flight attendant and tells her
 "Please take good care of my Cocker Spaniel. I would just ‘Platz’ if he got lost!"
The flight attendant assures the lady that everything will be just fine and she should relax and enjoy her flight without any worry about her dog.

When the plane lands in Tel Aviv the flight attendant approaches the baggage handlers and asks for the carrier containing the precious Cocker Spaniel.
Upon opening the box they see that the dog is stone cold dead! Panic sets in and the flight attendant tells the baggage handler "Don't worry. All Cocker Spaniels look alike. Rush into town and buy a new one and hurry back. In the meanwhile I will delay the woman from asking for her dog."

The baggage handler rushes off to fetch a new Cocker as the flight attendant approaches the woman for a chat. The elderly woman says "I really hope nothing has happened to my dog. It would be terrible if he were lost!" Just then the baggage handler runs up to them and hands the lady the carrier. She opens the box and out jumps a beautiful Cocker Spaniel who proceeds to lick her face in frantic greeting. The elderly woman gives out a shriek and says "This is NOT my dog! This is definitely not my dog!" The flight attendant says "How can you be so sure this is not your Cocker Spaniel?"
The old lady looks her straight in the eye and says……………………..
"My dog was dead and I brought him to be buried in Israel!"  (Oey vy.)

I decided to get my Palm trees cleaned up, and got Hemmy to do the job…….I planted these Palms 25 years ago, and I reckon that some are like 35/40 feet high, and those dead branches looked really ‘KAK’, and of course can be hit by lightening and cause big damage……I have put a before and after picture…..Hemmy 082-3423206……… is reliable and a GR8888 worker, so if you want your Palms cleaned ‘Gib A Kuk’ at the before & after pictures…
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Went to the ‘Yad Aharon’ Businessman’s ‘ breakfast yesterday, and it was a very good get together…and hopefully successful for Yad Aharon getting the word out about the work they do in the Community http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Russell Loubcher , the JSE ‘Balabos’ gave a very interesting ‘Droshe’ which was really topical………

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’  at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Millie Cohen previously of Johannesburg and her great grandson Dovi Meyer. Millie had her 99th birthday during March and Dovi celebrated his Bar Mitzvah .Both are living in Sydney with their large and close extended family
Picture  ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Happy  80th. Birthday to the ‘KROK’ twins for next Thursday & Friday, as they were born on the 28/29th. May……. hard to believe that it is 30 years ago, that I was given the ‘Honour’ to Cater for their 50th. which was at the ‘old’ Jewish Guild, and what a Medieval Banquet that was,,,,,, and then the 60th. at Bruma Lake, when we got flooded, and the 70th. which was series of parties, and 3 nights in the Foyer of the Gold Reef Casino and the Footprint show straight after…..E-mazing birthdays, which is besides all the other E-mazing things the Twins did to brighten the ‘Yiddisher’ community over the past 40 years……A ‘Grayser Mazeltov’ and many more………

Happy Birthday to Bernie & Schweitzer , who celebrated his 80th. In  Sydney on the 17th. May…….Bernie & Shirley were next door neighbours of my Chaver Alan Golombick, who went to Highlands with me, and I must have met Bernie in about 1965…he was a good Musician and ended up playing with the popular Big Bands in the from the ‘50’s on including Benny Michael, who did 95% of all our parents weddings……. They are staying with ‘old’ friends of mine in Sydney, Doc Harry & Naomi (Yudelman) Glazer for part of their trip…Mazeltov to the family and many more Bernie………….

Mazeltov to Alan (Strous) & Terri (Simon) on their engagement this week……I have known the Strous’s for many years, and Alan’s Late Gran Becky worked my Late Mom at Chipkins for 30 years …my Zunnelle’s grew up with Alan and his Boet Ryan ( Aussie)………Mazeltov to Terri’s family, Gail, Hilton ,Larry and Zelda  and to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…………..

Mazeltov to Kerry , daughter of Rene & Mark Gamsu, on her engagement to Jared, son of Ingrid and the Late Selwyn Landsman……Kerry was at King David, VP with my daughter, and I have known Rene and her sister Dawn for many years….and of course her Grandparents, the Selesnicks…………..
Mazeltov to the whole family……………………….

Mazeltov to ‘old’ Chavers of mine, Doreen & Leon Kadish on the engagement of their daughter Ilana to Steve Ehrenreich, son of Lisi and the Late Martin Ehrenreich, all of Melbourne these days….I know that Leon & Doreen are from the ‘Plaas’ out Delmas way.. not sure which dorp exactly, but have done many ‘Simcha’s’ for the family…..Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha…………

Mazeltov to Julie Rabinowitz and Steve Samowitz, daughter of Marilyn 
and Sol Rabinowitz and Jill and Joe Samowitz. Both families live in 
Sydney, Australia these days, being ex Pats from the ‘Beloved Country’. The wedding and reception took place at the beautiful Randwick Racecourse in Sydney, with the bridal photos in adjoining Centennial Park. Big thanks to Guy Lerner, the local photographer in Sydney for sending me the pictures of the wedding…Guy has taken up Simcha photography Seriaaaaaaaasly and can be contacted at www.guylerner.com. Julie’s Dad , Soloman used to fix appliances here in Sandton and I knew the family well…… Joe & Jill Samowitz are also well known to me, and my Chaver Solly Zaidel’s (Soviet Jeans) wife Charlene and Jill are twin sisters……and I know Joe’s siblings here in Joburg, with Ettie Kaplan ‘OUR’ Crossroads School neighbour…….. Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…
Pictures at; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Sincere condolences to the SZEWACH family on the loss of their Beloved Isa….Peter, Isa’s son has been a teacher at the various King Davids for over 25 years, and is a GR8888 impressonist, and it ‘Tukka’ a funny man, and on the other hand his Boet Steven is a more Seriaaaas Guy, and I have got to know him from the Sandton Shul over the past few years…..and he is of course married to
 “ Mr. Maccabi” Georgie Mendelsohn’s daughter Brenda….Sincere condolences to the whole family on your sad loss……

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; It is actually E-mazing how clever the ‘Gunovim’ get, as time goes by….. In many suburbs in Joburg, Sandton & Pretoria, they have been poising animals to gain entry to properties… If your Dogs/ cats show any strange symptoms, take them to a vet immediately.. Be aware of suburbs that are being targeted….read the Newspapers  and suburban papers in your area……….and be alert ‘Chevra’, open the curtains and see the daylight…they are still ‘Gupping’ the public with “ Bobbameises’ holiday accomadation…..when buying off Internet OR Classifieds, always check that it is genuine and if you cannot check, ‘Do not buy’ Old ‘Yiddisher’ saying..Goed koop is DUUR KOOP..?? Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time………… Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website : http://www.stantgsm.com Have a peaceful, restful  Shabbos….… From  Stan and the Clan. smookler@netactive.co.za PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate ) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!  Cell  082-4547860 Is your business in need of an innovative and professional website? Please contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- (+27 11 796 6671) | www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book…. CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut   www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…