Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
22 January 2009

GOOD SHABBOS 22 1 2009
Dear All,

The weather is very ‘Schvitzadik’ at the moment, and although they have predicted a lot of rain, it has not happened….Got a tip from Perth, and they reckon they have had a Heat wave for the past few weeks with a high of 42 degrees, and Bev reckons it is still hovering around the 30’s………Dennis in Too-run-too, reckons the amount of snow is ‘HUGE’……CraZy what is happening….

We got ‘Smacked ‘in the 2X20 over games, BUT…..the first ODI was a ‘Michel’ with the Aussies learning the ‘art’ of chocking from the Masters…….the second was a close call with the Aussie’s just making it…….to call such a close Series would be ‘Mishuga’, BUT…it is sure leading up to an incredible HOME series next month, which could just produce NEW Cricket World leaders…?????

Must apologize for the bad ‘IT’ mess on the pictures and labeling last week, BUT….the ‘IT E-Fundi’ Manne are looking at it…..

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer, the parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?" (Frozen one…! ! ! ) Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…..

The Chief Rabbi, Warren Goldstein, is taking some heavy flack in the papers, and they are not happy with his last few speeches and articles, and of course a few Yidlach from the ‘alternate’ side are also climbing in….The Chief will in the end, come out on top, BUT….it taking a hammering at the moment….The Local Zionist Federation is doing gr8 work in countering the negative publicity Israel is getting…not sure I understand the Cease Fire’…??? BUT….it is a relief , that the senseless killing has stopped,….for awhile….??? . The problem is that the few thousand Hammas ’Mumzers ‘ have no ‘neshoma’ and will keep on sending off the rockets, even if it means Israel will bomb and Bomb….’Schiechel’ they have not got……..BUT, the World is on their side…..’Go figure…’????? Got a Podcast from Chief Rabbi’s Office, with his talk on radio with a top Muslim cleric
Very interesting stuff    http://podcast.chiefrabbi.co.za

Adam asked me to use a ‘Golden Oldie’ ‘cause of the Tzorres in Israel…..

A man arrives at Ben Gurion International Airport with two large bags.
The customs agent opens the first bag and finds it full with money in different currencies.
The agent asks the passenger, "How did you get this money?" The man says,
"You will not believe it, but I traveled all over Europe, went into public restrooms, each time I saw a man pish, I grabbed his ‘Baetzim and said, "donate money to Israel or I will cut-off your ‘Baetzim………….."

The customs agent is stunned and mumbles: "well...it's a very interesting story... what do you have in the other bag?"
The man says, "You would not believe how many people in Europe do not support Israel"

I reckon we are in for a rough ride in Souff Effrikken power politics…….with anyone who does not do what the Unions & ‘Kommies’ want, being branded a COPE traitor, and Methinks this is going to cause huge problems in the future…..and the Stability (Oey vy) that the ANC has enjoyed for the past 15 years, is starting to crumble, although they should win the April elections quite comfortably ….and we all know what happens when one group do not have a Solid MAJORITY in Effrikka……things start falling apart…..???

While stitching up the hand of an 80-year-old farmer, who got cut while fencing on his property, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to Jacob Zuma and his appointment as President of the ANC. "Well, ya know," drawled the farmer, "this Zuma fella is what they call a fencepost turtle."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost turtle was.
The old farmer said, "When you're driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's called a fencepost turtle."

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain,
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just gotta wonder what kind of fool put him up there in the first place!" ( Oey vy, Young Julius…??? )

Leah in Israel would like details for Pam Tobiansky (nee Taitz) who is married to Abe. They were in Bnei Akiva together many years ago, and would love to be in touch with her again… not sure whether they are still in The ‘Beloved Country’. leahnewstead@hotmail.com ……

Hymie went on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land of Israel. He went to the top of Mount Sinai, where the Torah was received, as he wanted to be close to G-d. Once in G-d's presence he entered into conversation.
Hymie: "G-d, how long is a million years in your time frame"?
G-d: "A minute".
Hymie: " And how much is $1 000 000 worth to you?"
G-d: "A penny".
Hymie: " Can I have a penny then?"

G-d: "Just a minute". ( Seriaaaaaaaaaaaas stuff….??)

Barry Cohen, with many years of experience in property management and the Israeli real estate market, (ex Souff effrikken), will take the hassle out of managing your Israeli property and save you time and money. He will be in South Africa from Jan 26th to Jan 29th and would be happy to meet with you to discuss your Israeli property needs. barry@LCM.co.il +97252 8311174 or 076-5772000.
Details . http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php So Nuuuuu, another Israeli Broker…Monty must be ‘Kleibing Nachus’……Barry is the Zunnelle of Mark Cohen who was soooo involved in ‘Yiddisher’ education in the ‘Beloved Country’

Got to be read with a ‘Yiddisher Accent’…………………..

Two old Jewish guys, one 85 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 85 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Vell, Moshkele I eat rye bread every day. It keeps mine energy level high and you'll have great stamina with de vomen."
So, on the way home, Moshkele stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Zog me lady, do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like one?"
He said, "I vant 5 loaves please.
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it will be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in this ferkuckte vorld knows about this ‘Drek’, EXCEPT ME!!!"

Got an E-mail from Darryl Fine, with 4 other ex Highlands North High ‘Boytjies’ who boast 240 years NOT out…The Manne are Darryl Fine, Les Freeman,
Louis Joffe and Alan Katz………Picture ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php Les Freeman was 2 years ahead of me , and his Zunnelle, David was with my Zunnelle Martin in London for the year, and is also coming ‘home’….my ‘Boytjie’ arrived home yesterday, and it is always ‘Lekker’ to have the ‘Kinderlach’ back on loan for a few weeks……Martin leaves for the Ohr Somayach Yeshiva in Yerushalayim in mid February with Craig Jankelow & Graeme Shapiro ( Zunnelle of David, OUR local SASFIN Radio ‘DJ’)……………….
Martin recons that the ‘Chaverkap ‘ (friendship) in Golda’s Green was E-mazing’ with sooo many ‘Yiddisher’ kinderlach, from all around the World……and of course the Rabbi’s @ the Local JLE ( Joburg Learning Experience..) were really something, and a big Shakeach to Rabbi’s Ross, Ziskind and the whole group for all they have done for my ‘Boychicks’ and of course all the others who have sought ‘Yiddisher’ knowledge from them………Kosher Nando’s should see Martin nearly everyday……..

SAA - THEY REALLY FLIGH HIGH
Entire flight crew arrested over drugs in luggage yesterday at Heathrow Airport……Cocaine & Dagga……Oey vy, here we go again exporting our top product……Crime & Grime……(Sies…………..)

A Rasta man goes to the bank with a 25 kg bag of marijuana and hands it
over to the cashier...shocked, the cashier asks………
"What’s this for?"...the Rasta man replies..."Me here to open a joint account"....

The new MAN in the Hot seat in the USofA really has a big task ahead of him….his inauguration was ‘HUGE’ and one wonders with such financial Tzorres around the World, was it necessary…???... I hope that he will be of assistance to Israel , as there have been numerous Internet ‘Meisa’s’ about his support, once he is in office……??? On his first day in office he got a Warning from Pakistan

This morning from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration Mohammed Omar warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America’s supply of convenience store managers and possibly candidates for President of the United States.
In addition, if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service reps and then Motel 6 managers.
I tell ya;…………. 'It's gonna get ugly.

It is with sadness that we all wish farewell to the ‘Zulick’ (Ivan Fisher) and his wife Tessa (Florence – Port Elizabeth) and their Kinderlach who have left for Melbourne to join their Families…….. Ivan will be missed at the Gallo MANOR Pharmcy, where he has been for the past 20 years, and of course Tessa running in the streets every morning……soooooooo, all you ex Pats in Melbourne ‘Have a ‘biesel’ ragmonis for the ‘Zulick’ and help him out with a meal, and maybe some Insurance, Property etc……Make the family feel at home…….I reckon I was at Ivan’s Bris in Coligny, which is 15 km from Lichtenburg, and his Dad Leon still stays there…….. His sister Phyllis was with me at school/Cheder………
Feels geluk en ‘Lekker’ ry en bly………won’t be the same without that SMILE…..

A RETIREE'S DAY
My wife said, "What are you doing today?"
I said, "Nothing."
She said, "You did that yesterday."
I said, "I know but I wasn't finished." ( Oey vy……..)….

I did a ‘Locum’ at Kaylee ( Aronowitz) & Anthony Hurwitz’s wedding on Tuesday…….Mazel Tov to Myra and John and the Late Stanley & Louis and Merle and grandparents Cecil Hurwitz and Rhona Maisels…..knew Anthony’s Late Dad Stan well, and he went to Athlone, and the Zaida Cecil was a teacher at Athlone for ‘Zillions’ of years…Cecil lives in Melbourne these days……Very ‘Lebbedikke’ wedding, and all Anthony’s Chavers from the Sydenham Choir joined in to make it a real ‘Yiddisher Affair’ to remember……..
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Bongani comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine' ………..
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'……..

Hoekom hou die blond lee bottels in die yskas? ……..Dis vir haar vriende wat nie drink nie.
Why do blondes keep empty bottles in the fridge…for friends that don’t Drink boooooze….

Hoekom staar die blondine vasgenael na die resepteboek? Die resep se: "Moenie roer nie"

Want some company in the 45+ age group….??? …..Where - Corner Cafe
What - Tea/Coffee & cake , Price - R30 per person,When - 8 February 2009
Time - 15h00 onwards
Please you have to RSVP via email or text on 072 399 8669 (For Catering…..)
Shushanna and Simon….Nuuuuuu ‘Gubbers & Lubbers’…make the effort…….

The local bookstore had this huge display with a sign advertising,
"Newly Translated From the Original French: 37 Mating Positions."
The book was already wrapped in plain brown wrapper and I just had to buy one.
Once safely at home and alone, I opened it and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about CHESS!!   ( Ja…Nee…..)..???

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Philosophy degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Teacher:        Bongani, name two pronouns.
Bongani :       Who, me?
Teacher:        Very good!

I got a ‘Lekker’ Youtube, with mamma Mia in ‘Yiddish’ …’Oi, host a tum’
http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzmQpNS0GMA&feature=relate Mayor of NY, Bloomberg takes a swipe @ CNN http://blogs.jta.org/telegraph/article/2009/01/05/1002001/bloomberg-on-cnn

Following on the highly successful Y-Idols competition, where incredible talent was discovered by SAJACT, auditions will be held on Sunday 8 February and Sunday 15 February 2009 from 5pm-7pm to cast actors and singers of all ages, for the musical Barmy Days. No previous experience is required
The satirical comedy written 40 years ago is about a Bobba who comes from Israel for her grandson Jerome’s Barmitzvah and she is shocked at the way that celebrations have changed in South Africa. The book and lyrics were written by Natalie Knight and the music by Ivor Miller.
“The idea is to provide a platform for Jewish talent,” said Helen Heldenmuth,
who is hosting the auditions at her studio in Glenhazel.

Barmy Days was voted one of the 10 top plays of the year in 1967/8 by Bill Brewer of the Sunday Times. It opened at the Jewish Guild Theatre and was an immediate success, transferring to the Alexander Theatre and then to the Labia Theatre in Cape Town.
The Bobba was played by the legendary Sarah Sylvia, who was brought out of retirement by Rick Arden to play the lead. The Barmitzvah boys (two because it was during school time) were played by Rodney Unterslak (Rodney, the Lubavitch Dr. these days)…. and Cedric Samson (who was at Highlands and went on to play in many bands including the Fire flies).
For more details/enquiries email Nadine Lazarus nade@mweb.co.za
Or call Helen Heldenmuth 0832728541.. Nuuuuuuuuu, get involved…….! ! ! ! ! !

Question:    What is really the oldest profession in the world?
Answer: Metro Cops
Why?             It says in Genesis 3:4 “.... And I saw the evil spirit standing behind the bush”

Got an E-mail from Jack Singer, ex Potchefstroom, who lives in Vancouver these days, and his Late father was the Mayor of Potch for awhile…..Jack has written a book , and it tells of various ‘Meisa’s’ he has come across….very interesting, and The book is called BRAKENSTROOM..... And if you type the name in GOOGLE, you will see numerous sites selling it…..Two bookshops in Potchefstroom have it in stock. I know Harry, Jacks Boet who lives in Cape Town these days……..

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Lisa (Sack) & Martin (Meltzer) on their engagement in Melbourne a few weeks ago…….Lisa used to work at Stan & Pete and a big Mazeltov to Ronnie & Stephanie……Martin is an Aussie……so Mazeltov to the Meltzer family……I met up with Ronnie in Melbourne last year, and he has started a Networking Business Referral Group known as "Networking Down Under" ("NDU"). At present this Group now comprises in excess of 30 Participants. It was successfully launched mid 2008.The purpose of the Group is to exchange Business Referrals amongst the Participants. From now on we will be meeting on a monthly basis, and some of the Participants are already benefiting from the NDU…sooo if you are going or are there, contact Ronnie for more details…….. ron.sack321@gmail.com

Mazeltov to Andy (Maloon) & Howard Sachs on their Engagement......To the Parents, Andy & Colin Leeb & Larry Maloon and Debbie & Jeff Sachs......Mazeltov to the whole 'Mishpocha'....The Kinderlach are friends with my Zunnelle Martin…..

Mazeltov to Kerri ( Paiken ) & Ari Friedman on the birth of their Princess, Yakirah Sarah…. Mazeltov to the Grandparents Stanley & Vivienne Paiken & Trevor & Alice Friedman…to the Great Grandparents Mary Paiken & Millie Lewinsohn…… Stanley was in my years at Highlands and is one of the ‘Balabosses’ at Octagon, the Little ‘Yiddisher’ Accountantcy/Financial firm next to SASFIN…………busy time 2 Octagon, with one of the other Balabosses, Howard Ofstrofky’s daughter Hayley’s wedding tonight……..and Mary Paiken used to come to our house to buy ‘Gerichten’ from my Bobba (1963……)……I did Trevor & Alice’s wedding ‘amolikke Yoren’
Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha.... http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Was a ‘Michel’ at Sandton Shul this past Shabbos, with soooo many ‘happenings’ and the Shul was pretty full, which always makes for a ‘lively’ Friday Night service, which it was……..Mazeltov to the Saul & Melinda Chasen and the Family on the Barmtzvah of their Zunnelle Dan’s Barmy…..had family from all over the World come in for the Barmy, and I did Dan’s Tatta’s Barmy…’Amolikke Yoren’……. Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php To the Bobba’s un Zaida’s, Mike & Esther Chasen (Chazzan) & Neville & Lorraine furman a special Mazeltov and plenty ‘Nachus’…..now them all VERY well….and it was a ‘Lekker’ Barmy, and as Nic Moore (Party Design) was a Guest, he really made the décor Gr88888888…… Howard & Louelle Ostrofsky had the Oproef for their Daughter Hayley, who is Marrying Brad Yudelowitz , Zunnelle of Avie and Ahrlene as well as grandparents Miriam Jaye, Sylvia Yudelowitz and Gerry Ostrofsky…..of course Gerry was an ex Souff Effrikken Sokka shpieler, and a Ref of note in the Late 50/60’s…..Howard is a Highlands North High ‘Boytjie’ and was a GR8 cricketer in his day…My Zunnelle Martin specially came back from London in time for the Gasener tonight…………there were also a few Engagements, and 7/8 births…so all in all it was a GR888 Sandton Shabbos….’Nor af Simcha’s’………….

Bongani : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife:          No! I'll stay with my sister.
Wife :         But if I die will u remarry?
Bongani:    No, I'll also stay with your sister.

In between all these E-mazing Simcha’s was Melanie (Karpelowsky) and Brian Greenstein’s wedding. Mazel Tov to Lionel and Rhona Karp and all the way from Bloemfontein Mervyn and Inez Greenstein…... Lionel is the Meat Man from Nussbaums Butchery, and ran the Ranchers butcher in Boksburg ‘Amolikke Yoren’ with his Boet David ….. Brian and his Boeties sit in front of us in Shul….nice evening and we wish the whole ‘Mishpocha’ Mazeltov

Sincere condolences to the Klotz family on the loss of their beloved Leora…To Mervyn and the ‘Kinderlach’, I wish you a long life…….Leora was a special person, and to her sisters Nava Miller (Aussie) & Mrs Jaffe ( the Coffee connoisseur) sincere condolences on your loss……

Condolences , to the Strous family on the loss of your beloved Etna…..my thoughts are with you during this difficult time…..Sincere condolences to the whole family

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

In this day & age, it is E-mazing how many people fall for scams….

When receiving a E-mail /phone call saying a payment was made in error ignore it, as it is a Hoax.

When refunding any amount, check with the bank that the amount ‘Supposedly deposited in error, has been cleared.. Always get a reference number…..

When buying off the Internet, always check it is a secure site…

NEVER buy off suspect sites…….

Beware of these Nigerian 914 Scams, as they are getting very sophisticated…

Be StreetwiZe and ‘Wakker’ all the time…….

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a good , restful peaceful Shabbos,

If you cannot see the latest letter or Meisa’s, just press F5 a few times which refreshes the website……

The Joke Book is no more available on the website, soooooo get to your Yiddisher store and get the Book…Available in the ‘Beloved Country’ (Joburg, Cape Town and Durban)…..Melbourne, Toronto and Ranana(fontein) in Israel.

From Stan and the Clan.
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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Parsha of The Week

B”H

Never Lose the Spirit
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
President Obama has been inaugurated and spoke of embracing hope versus fear. Indeed, it has been quite inspirational to see the fulfillment of the Almighty’s capacity to “humble the haughty and lift the lowly.” Of course, the cynics claim that nothing will change, and they may have a point. But one can only hope and pray that the world’s spirit of optimism and hope will be justified and that the dreams of so many will, in time, materialize.
Imagine you have been working on the job for years and years. It is hard, manual labor and you are not simply tired but exhausted, demoralized, drained and frustrated. And then, one fine day, some new fellow on the floor stands up and promises a whole new world of equality, rewards and ultimate freedom. Do you believe him or are you beyond hope? Do you dare hold out for a better tomorrow and risk being devastated and cast into despair yet again or do you simply accept your fate and give up dreaming?
So it was with our ancestors in Egypt. They were slaving away all those years when a new face appeared and began making promises. Moses brings a message from G-d that they are about to be redeemed. There is a Promised Land ahead. All is not lost. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
The Jews’ response? And they did not listen to Moses out of shortness of breath and from the hard labor.
One commentator explains that “shortness of breath” shouldn’t be understood only literally. The Hebrew for breath is ruach, which can also mean “spirit.” In other words, they weren’t able to heed Moses’ call not only from physical breathlessness, but because they lacked the spirit. Having suffered in bondage for so long, they no longer had the faith or hope to believe that freedom was still in the realm of the possible. It was simply beyond them. They had lost the spirit.
In the history of Egypt not a single slave had ever escaped. How could an entire nation ever walk free? Moses was a dreamer, they must have thought. It is just not realistic to hold out such high hopes only to have them dashed yet again. And so the people were utterly despondent and spiritless and, therefore, they could not hear, i.e. absorb, Moses’ message.
It happens all too often. People become so set in their mediocrity that they give up hope of ever achieving the breakthrough. Marriages get stuck in the rut of routine and the tedious treadmill keeps rolling along until we lose even the desire to dream.
Thank G-d, we have witnessed a renewed spirit coming from Israel since the Gaza Campaign. Please G-d, it should continue so that our people and all peoples will live in safety, security and peace.
I have often quoted a wise proverb heard in the name of the legendary Chasid, Reb Mendel Futerfas. “If you lose your money, you’ve lost nothing. Money comes and money goes. If you lose your health, you’ve lost half. You are not the person you were before. But if you lose your resolve, you’ve lost it all.”
Moses brought new hope to a depressed, dreamless nation. He gave them back the spirit they had lost and eventually, through the miracles of G-d, the promise was fulfilled and the dream became destiny. I hope President Obama is able to deliver on all the wonderful promises for the future. I pray that Israel’s leaders never lose their resolve and make the correct decisions to safeguard our people.
To be out of breath is normal. To be out of spirit is something the Jewish People can never afford. May we never lose the spirit.

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