|
1  |
| 1 |
|
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
| |
|
|
| 1 |
GOOD SHABBOS
25 February 2010 |
|
|
Dear All,
The weather is ‘Hotting up’ in the Beloved Country, and we have had little rain and VERY hot weather……and hopefully after the BIG outcry, they will get down to fixing the Potholes, as some are sooooo big, that they whole lanes of traffic, and of course the ‘Robots’ are still out all over the place …. And after the weekend it is E-mazing to see how many ‘Robots’ have been taken out by ‘Dronk’ drivers…….I saw 3 lying on the ground near my home….
The Super 14 has started in earnest, and very few new stars are appearing, and most games went according to the ‘book’….Got BIG ‘Nachus’ when the Bulls ‘moered’ the Brumbies, after Ashley Cooper giving them huge ‘Mapolla’s’ during the week…….The Lions (Oey vey) did well to get a Bonus point, after the Hurricanes threatened to put over 100 points on the board…….The Stormers played really well and deserved the win…..
Guy walks into a bar...Asian bartender.
"Something to DLINK?"
"Gimme a Stoli with a twist."
"Okay...once upon a time..."…Oey vey…………..
The cricket Test last week was ‘Kak’, BUT….it would have been ‘lekker’ if they could have held on 9 more balls for a draw……..The ODI’s started, and they had their chances, BUT….yet again, 1 run separated the ‘Manne’ from the Boys…..and India held on to win the first ODI by a run….BUT………..the 2nd. ODI was a lesson in Cricket…by none other than the Little Master, Sachin Tendulka…
200 in an ODI……Old story…How to you make a Indian cricket team….??
Tendulkas & a Koolka…what a star he is…..!!!!! Bowlers again ‘KAK’….
Die man stap die boekwinkel in en vra vir die assistant: “Het julle dalk die boek
‘Die Man, dra die broek in die verhouding’?” (got a book where the man wears the trousers)
Die vrou kyk so oor haar brilletjie en sê:
"Meneer , gaan loer maar daar by die feë verhale...(Fairy Tales)
The Highlands North High School reunion WILL take place on the 30th. June at the Killarney Country Club (TAC)…….Aquilians (Old Boys) are asked to PLEASE contact Cliff Garrun for bookings….those that will be here from Overseas, please advise, and they are looking for some Local-Yokels who will get hold of ‘Manne’ from their years……..met up with Hilton Nerwich this week, and he tells me he is also a Highlands Old boy, and he has been involved with ‘Harley’s’ for years, and has done MANY Charitable rides with his team……Cliff cliff@garrun-group.co.za … This year Highlands play King David Victory Park at the School, on the 5th. May, and it should be a ‘Humdinger’….The KES game on the 28th April, should also be a GR88888 one to watch, also at Highlands………
Police stop a taxi on Jan Smuts Ave. Johannesburg.
The Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 60 ?"
The driver leans into the back and shouts:
"Hear that – Last 3 of you have got to get out …………. !" (Einaaaaaaaaaaah…).
WHAT DO YOU CALL A ZULU PANELBEATER?...... "E PRESS E DENT"
"The Torah Academy School" in Johannesburg has thank G-d been operating for over 25 years in its current location and is in desperate need of upgrading the facilities. They are embarking on a fundraising campaign to raise money for this purpose and any excess funds raised will go towards bursaries for children who unfortunately cannot afford school fees. Hard financial times over the past few years has resulted in an increased number of parents who can no longer afford school fees and it is the policy of the school never to refuse any Jewish Child the opportunity to get a Jewish education. They we are holding a fundraising breakfast on 24th March 2010 with former Manchester United and Kaizer Chiefs soccer player, Gary Bailey, and his presentation on “Game plan 2010”.
Not sure, BUT….I think Gary also played for Highlands Park, which was down the road from Highlands North High School…… see http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're toooooooooo stupid to own a computer!!!!!'
I did a ‘Locum’ at ‘The David Awards’ held on Sunday at the E-mazing Lyric Theatre were very good and well Directed by Vicky Friedman (Segal), also an ex Davidian…….King David Schools must rate as one of the best ‘Yiddisher’ Schools Worldwide ..and their Alumini are quite incredible……The achievements of some of the Old davidians is mind boggling, even in the World aspect….The awards evening was VERY entertaining, and Chazzen Steven Leas, Adam Davis, Lisa Melman Ryan Piemer, Danny ‘K’ and the rest were really top class….and for a School group to boast soooo many top entertainers is unbelievable, and when one looks at some of the names that did not even perform….E-mazing…….Met a lot of ‘old’ Chavers there , and Oom Barney Myers was there with the family, Jeffrey & Barbara Wolf (‘Balaboses’ at Victory Park -‘Amolikke Yoren’), Len Davis & his wife….Dov Fedler, who drew the Cartoons for my Joke Book ( wanted to know where no. 2 was…??? Any sponsors...?) And a lot of others… See pictures http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Just coincidently, the Wolf twins, Elliot & Jeffrey were Highlands North Old Boys, with Jeffrey teaching English at Highlands for a few years…Mmmmmmmm
Steven Leas,one of the performers at the David Awards, has just launched his new CD called "No More Numbers".This CD has a mix of Italian and Jewish Numbers and is being featured on Classic Fm this week where you can vote for him.(www.classicfm.co.za in the hit and miss section). To order a copy please call Gila on 011 480 4701 or go to www.kdsf.org and visit Stevens website www.stevenleas.com for demos from his CD. All profits from the sale of this CD
will go to the King David Schools Foundation towards a scholarship for a musically gifted child. See the winners of the various categories at ;
http://www.kdsf.org/pages/Newsletter_Display.asp?NewsletterID=73&Level=1
Punctuation!!
A professor of English wrote the words:
'A woman without her man is nothing'
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
'A woman, without her man, is nothing.'
All the females in the class wrote:
‘a woman: without her, man is nothing.'
The Sacherwowitz / Becker wedding was one of those that just ‘Gelled’ …and from start to finish it was VERY ‘Balabatish’ ( as my Chaver Colin Band aka Danny De Vito) would say…….. Mazeltov to Caryn (Becker) & Dean , and to parents Rowena Becker , Estelle & Eric Sacherwowitz…quite coincidently the Sacherwowitz Twins, Eric & Jack, and their Boet David went to Highlands and they were a year ahead of me…..Have done MANY Simcha’s for both families……Pictures http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Blonde on the SUN…………..
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. …..
They started crying and turned around and went home.
Got an E-mail from Cecil in Durban, who writes Vera Muravitz came to the fairest Cape in December to celebrate a few Birthdays….Vera Muravitz(Moffson) and her daughter, Simone Farbstein came all the way from Israel to celebrate their birthdays in Simondium, near Franschoek. Vera grew up in Simondium and brought her husband, Rocky, daughter Simone, son Gilad & his wife and 5 grandchildren to show them her roots. She visited her old home, met her school principal, teachers and old staff, & visited Paarl Cemetery. It was a very nostalgic trip. It culminated with a beautiful ‘kosher’ braaaaaaai at the Simondium Country Lodge, surrounded by family & friends. Rocky and Simone started and run Tikvot.Tikvot is a non profit volunteer based organization which rehabilitates Israel's victims of terror through sport. Visit the website and find out how you may spread some joy. www.tikvot.org.za …. Pictures http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
|
| 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
An ALL TIME Classicccccccccccccc…..
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went
to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last Sunday at the Zoo Lake Sports Club in Parkwood Club Members Gathered for the Annual Awards Ceremony of Rocky Road Runners
Rocky of the Year was Elaine Greenblatt ( wife of Dr Mike -Asthma KING) who currently in her age category on the World Masters Category Tables is ranked 7th. In 1995 Elaine won her age category in The Macabbi Games Half Marathon bringing The Gold Medal back to South Africa. She has represented Central Gauteng Athletics on 7 Occasions over the Marathon, Half Marathon, and 10Kilometre and cross country distances. Her achievements last year include podium placed positions at The World Master Games in Finland over the 8km cross country and 5 000 meter Track distance. Finally in The London Marathon in April of Last Year her personal best time of 3.24.03 earned her Third Place in her age category
The Rockey Road runners club, was started by ‘Yidden’ many years ago(1976), and the first Chairman was the Late Ivor Lazerson and over the years many ‘Yidden’ have been members. In the Picture sent in by Anne Brest (Dankie Anne), Max Elliman & Mike Shain are both from Sandton Shul, and Norman Leibowitz is of course a ‘old’ Highlands North High ‘Boytjie’ who has done VERY well on the Cricket field as well……
Pictures; http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php Thanks Max for the update …..
Must say that this murder in Dubai is better than any ‘Bond’ movie, and if the Mossad (sure they did..!!!!) did the Deed, it was very well executed, and leaves sooooo many questions unanswered……………..
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8fd_1266461202
Good Youtube..I am Israel.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZprVPKi-W6s
3 Tenors ( Shapovalov, Livshitz, Goray ) - Adon Olam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-NEbNW9h_s&feature=related
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? …. Flattered.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Abe: "Waiter, waiter! I'm in a hurry, will my Matzo be long?"
Waiter: "No sir, it will be square!!"
Purim is here and it will be a ‘lebedikke’ weekend………….Have a ‘Freiliche Purim’…….and remember , there are Purim Shpiel’s, soooo don’t get caught…..I will not be doing another one….after the last one 2 years ago……Do not drink & drive, as ‘Vicers’ get locked up…….
Ten reasons for celebrating Purim.
1. Making noise in shul is a mitzvah.
2. Levity is not reserved for the Levites.
3. If you're having a bad hair day, you can always wear a mask & no one will know who you are.
4. Purim is easier to spell than Khanuka, Chanukah, Chanuka, Hanuka -- the Hebrew name for the Festival of Lights.
5. You don't have to kasher your home and change all the pots and dishes.
6. You don't have to build a sukkah and eat outside.
7. You get to drink wine & you don't have to stand for Kiddush.
8. Mordechai - 1; Haman - 0.
9. You won't get hit in the eye by a lulav.
10. You can't eat hamentaschen on Yom Kippur.
11. Mordechai - 1 ; Haman - 0!!!!
On the political front, no new ‘happenings’ , mainly old ‘Kak’ involving the usual suspects, like Young Julius Malema & JZ (Jacob Zuma) …’Julie Baby’ reckons to the Papers that he is a middle class earner, and a ‘Humble’ servant of the ‘Party’, and then the Sunday Times blows his whole story apart with ACTUAL details of how hundred’s of Millions of Rands in Government contracts went his and his ‘Chavers’ way……E-mazing, and he still claims he is allowed businesses as he is not a Government official…BUT …the Schmuck does not realize that the way he ‘GUPPED’ tenders was wrong, and of course to forget to tell the masses, what he had amassed outside his Youth League earnings……and JZ is ‘Choep’ (Dead) still about his Kinderlach and Young Julius……..I suppose he is waiting for the next ‘Good’ scandal, before he speaks again……Who is running the ‘Beloved Country’…?????? Although he gave Cosatu a ‘Shtog’ this week, by telling Vavi to read the Budget , before complaining….????
Post Grad Questions
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Philosophy degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Mazeltov to Ryan, Tracey, Raphael and Meira , on the arrival of their daughter and sister, born Thursday 18th February at 11h 04 weight 2.530Kg … Proud grandparents Brian and Helene Rabinowitz……
“Brendon and Carly welcome the arrival of their precious little girl, Ava Leigh Silver, born in London on the 14th February 2010 weighing 3.27 kg – proud grandparents Merrick and Gail Silver and Michael and Laura Ressel”… Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…… ; http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Alberto Chocron , was a Accountant from Venezuela, and came to Souff Effrikka a few years ago, on contract and he was friendly with my Zunnelle Martin and his Chavers…….Alberto went back home an has since got married, and it has taken awhile to get some pictures…..Must say that ‘Yiddisher’ weddings around the World, all have the same look, and his could have been in the Beloved Country’….Mazeltov Shirli (Lapscher) & Alberto & the whole ‘Mishpocha’ in Caracas, Venezuela …..Pictures ; http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Mazeltov to all the Durban engagements this week…..Richard Zulberg, son of Martin & Michelle (ex Durban), who got engaged in London to Claire Grossman and to Michael Sweidan, son of Selwyn & Liz (Durban), who got engaged in London to Gaby Shaw. ……David Bernstein, son of Neville & Melanie (Durban), engaged in Cape Town to Taryn Kaganson .. Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’
Sincere condolences to the Garrun family on the loss of their Beloved Ruth…..Ruth was a Lady, and a true ‘Yiddisher Mama’….Her Zunnelle’s Peter (In my Class) and Cliff were at Highlands……Sincere condolences to the whole family…..
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
 |
| MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; |
|
Click here to view the website :
http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860 |
Do you need a professional website? Do you want to convert your website traffic into sales using Google?
|
Contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- +27 11 786 1170
or visit our website www.rawmedia.co.za |
|
The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com |
Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…
Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas |
| Click here to view |
|
| 1 |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
| 1 |
| |
Parsha of The Week |
|
Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
How to be Jewish in a Non-Jewish World
Unlike a generation ago, today the walls of the ghetto no longer sequester us from the rest of society. We fraternize and do business with non-Jews on a daily basis and have become fully adjusted to western culture. The contemporary question is how do we strike a balance between retaining our Jewish identity while at the same time being citizens of the world, especially when that world may be indifferent or even hostile to our Jewishness?
This week, we read about the pure olive oil necessary for the kindling of the Menorah in the Mishkan, Moses’ Sanctuary and the forerunner of the Temple in Jerusalem. The Lubavitcher Rebbe taught that oil holds the secret formula for how to successfully live a proud Jewish life in an environment which may be far from Jewishly conducive.
Oil, you see, is a paradox. It contains conflicting characteristics and puzzling properties. On the one hand, it mixes easily and spreads very quickly, seeping through and permeating the material it comes in contact with. Ever try drying the excess oil off a potato latke? Good luck. Your napkin will be very oily indeed in no time at all.
On the other hand, when mixed with other liquids, oil stubbornly rises to the surface and refuses to be absorbed by anything else. (I remember in my student days in Yeshiva, one of my roommates had no menorah for Chanukah. Rather ingeniously, he collected 8 empty bottles, filled them almost to the top with water and then poured some olive oil into the bottles. I was most intrigued to see the oil remain clearly distinguishable from the water as it floated above the water. He then added the wick, lit it, and his makeshift menorah worked like a charm. A modern day Chanukah miracle!)
In other words, like oil, Jews too will often find themselves mixing in a wide variety of circles – social, business, civic, communal or political. And there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. At the very same time, though, we need to remember never to lose our own identity. We should never mix to the point of allowing our own Jewish persona to be swallowed or diluted.
When in outside circles, we often feel a strong pressure, whether real or imagined, to conform to the norms around us. Few among us enjoy sticking out like a sore thumb. The fact is, however, that other people respect us more when we respect ourselves. If we are casual and cavalier in our commitment to our own national principles, then our non-Jewish associates might worry whether we might not betray them next.
Just one example. Every major city of the world has any number of kosher restaurants filled with Jewish business people entertaining non-Jewish partners, clients, or would-be clients. Some establishments may be more upmarket than others, but everyone seems to manage and the deals get done. One can be perfectly sociable without giving up one’s principles. Most people are quite happy to accommodate individual needs and sensitivities. It seems to me that it is the Jews who complain more about kosher food than the non-Jews. Our apprehensions about stating our religious requirements are often exaggerated and unfounded. Provided we do it honestly, respectfully and consistently, our adherence to a code of values will impress our associates and inspire them with greater confidence in our trustworthiness in all areas of activity.
A friend of mine was a young doctor when he was called up for a stint of national military service. He was very obviously religious from his yarmulke and beard. In fact, the beard didn’t exactly meet army regulations and it was only with great difficulty that he managed to obtain special permission to keep it. Far from being a nuisance, he conducted himself with dedication and integrity and at the end of his tour of duty walked away with the Surgeon General’s top award for excellence. That was a Kiddush Hashem – a public sanctification of G-d by a proud, practicing Jew who found himself in a decidedly unJewish environment.
Compromising our values and principles is a sure way to lose the respect we crave from the world around us. Dignity, pride and self-respect earn us the esteem and admiration of those around us, whether Jews or non-Jews. It is a time-tested and well-proven method.
Just learn from the oil. By all means, spread around and socialize. But remember your uniqueness. Be distinctive and proud and know where to draw the line.
|
This Newsletter was sponsored by
Click here to view the Website
http://www.stantgsm.com
StanTGSM's newsletter is read all over the world including
..
All the Continents of the Globe
|
 |
|
