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GOOD SHABBOS
26 February 2009 |
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Dear All,
Weather is slowly coming back to normal, with a lot of rain still, BUT….very hot in between……Hope the weather holds for the Cricket Series against the Aussies…BUT…I doubt the first test will not be interrupted, as it is rainy daily……and the Wanderers are trying to set a New Test record of beating 94,700….Methinks they won’t…due to the weather…Hmmmmmm sounds very close to Radio 94.7, who are punting it big-time…..?????
The Super 14 is into the 3 rd round, and the 1st. 2 have not been impressive with very few BIG names left in the competition due to the ‘Gasershe’ European countries and their Pound / Euro strength………My first prediction for the Tournament is that the Lions could finish last, and the Cheetahs (Ou Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaaaat) not far behind….at the top will be the Sharks, Bulls, Brumbies and Crusaders…and maybe the Waratahs……..The Crusaders were unlucky to loose, BUT …are a pale shadow of their former self, BUT….in time with the injured stars coming back, could force a win…as WE know Ritchie, Mulls, McDonald, Thorne etc will make a HUGE difference…..…….their new colours are really ‘Kak’ and I wonder why the various teams keep changing……I think the Bulls have changed their Pants, as last year, they looked like a bunch of babies, as their pants looked like Nappies……..not great games this past weekend, BUT…it should hot up….I see the Lions Tour Tickets go on sale next week, and they have gone ‘Mishuga’ with test tickets costing R1,000 each…….
Last Sunday they had the Maccabi Cricket breakfast and it really was an E-mazing morning……. Everyone was dressed casual and it was a fun Fundraiser for the Maccabi cricket team and also a general awreness of ‘Yiddisher’ contributions, with stalwarts like Joe Pamensky, Ali & Adam Bacher,Mandy Yachad and many others attending.. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php My SASFIN PA, Steve Romberg was head hunted by me , to be the Master of Ceremonies, and a big ‘Shakeach’ to him for a job well done……..
Girlfriend: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you,……………..
NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
My Zunnelle Martin did a ‘VORT’ for this week’s parsha and I have put it on ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php ‘Ig Kleib Nachus’…….
The SASFIN / Selwyn Segal sports quiz is going to be held on the 4th.June, 2009. Further details will follow soon, soooo those that know their Sort, get ready and diarize the date……it has really been VERY well supported in past years, and they are hoping (planning) for another successful evening…………….
The ‘Beloved Country’ politics ‘ Licked in Drerd’ ( up to maggots)………The bigger the position held, the bigger the ‘Gunnif’ and this Carl ‘No house’ story will carry on for quite some time……..there is soooo much ‘Gunavis’ that the few Honest ones are scarred to do anything, as their ‘Comrades’ will eventually ‘Gup’ from them………by giving out BEE, left , right & centre to people not qualified, has back fired with sooo many deals in tatters, and still the ‘Vicer’ is getting smacked with extra taxes, and there will come a time VERY soon, when the ‘Vicer’ will not be able to keep the millions of unemployed going………again, I believe that the new COPE party will not dent the ANC, and will steal votes from the DA, who have reached their Sell by date, since Tony Leon retired…….and the fight between young Julius and Helen Zille is really getting quite ‘Schmutzadik’…with Malema’s Bris in doubt……..
"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."
Got an E-mail from Merv The Swerve in Irvine, who ran Merlyn caterers in Joburg for many years, and he has requested that Manne all over the World send a picture with their Stan The Good Shabbos Man Joke book…Lets get some interesting ones…where ever you are……see Merv’s picture of Irvine Lake, Bridge and snow capped mountains http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
’Maak ‘n Plan’ ( make a plan ) and send to me at Smookler@netactive.co.za
Took one of me and Sarge, my ‘old’ S & P Partner and ‘Cuzzie’ before he went on the ‘ Groot Trek’ to ‘The Land of The Long White Cloud’ (NZ – Oekland…)
Mama Goes Shopping
Mama goes shopping and scrutinizes everything. Here is how her shopping went..
Mama: "I don't like the looks of this codfish."
Merchant: "Lady, for looks you don't buy codfish; you buy goldfish."
Mama: "Oy, and this chicken, it has a broken leg."
Merchant: "Look lady, you gonna eat it or dance with it?"
Mama: And before you weigh the meat, take out the bones."
Merchant: "Lady, I buy with bones; you'll buy with bones."
Mama: I don't pay with bones."
Merchant: "All right, no bones."
Mama: "Thank you, you are a gentleman. Now put the bones in a separate bag for soup. And never mind the meat. I don't like your meat anyhow."
( Seriaaaaaaaaaaas, surely you know a Yiddisher Mamma like this……??? )
Like the ‘Chevra Kadisha…Yours eventually……SASFIN have set up a solid structure for Short term insurance . Over the past 15 years short-term insurance has become increasingly specialized. It is therefore advisable to make use of an insurance broker who best understands his clients’ needs, the short term market and its products. We specialize in a range of cover from personal, commercial and specialized insurance cover such as professional indemnity, marine and transit, credit guarantee and more.
It is headed by Tony Lenhoff ( an Eigina…) with over 30 years experience in the short term insurance Industry together with highly skilled staff, we will assist you in selecting the correct insurer which best suits your needs.
Call Lisa dos Santos on 011 445 8093 or e-mail insurance@sasfin.com
Got a good ‘article /you tube on the Nazi files they have found in Germany…makes for some very good reading, especially the readers comments… http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=2274705n
A bit of comic relief, when our ‘Mishugana’ Radio breakfast team, get Whack head Simpson to call a 7 year old….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri9mqKP88u8&feature=related
Very ‘lekker’ video, that makes ONE think.................. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA
Hamas gathers 4,000 of their finest warriors at Israel's border. As they near the battlefield, there suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. A short, curly haired, man stands, staring at the Arab army defiantly.
'Go to hell, you Arab ‘mumzers’!,' yells the small Israeli guy on the hill.
Come over here, you uncivilized vermin, and I'll tear you all apart!'
Ali bin Abdullah turns to his commander, 'Send 20 men to deal with that little infidel Jew', he says. The commander sends twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Israeli.
Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, The little Israeli appears again.
You suicidal schmucks!' he yells. 'Come on the rest of you!!
Come on, I'll slaughter you all!'
Ali Bin Abdullah is getting angry. He turns to his commander. 'Send 100 men to kill
that little son of a pig!' The commander sends 100 men over the hill to do the job.
Ten minutes later, the little Israeli appears at the top of the hill once more, his shirt torn to shreds, his arms and legs bruised and bloody. 'You camel dung!' he yells.
'I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, desert drek!!'
Abdullah loses patience. 'Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM OFF
THE EARTH!' he yells. The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men on horseback over the crest of the hill.
Ten minutes later, the little Israeli is back. His clothing is all torn; his face and body are covered in blood, sweat, sand and dirt. 'Is that the best you can do??? You fight like little girls!!! Come on!! Come and give me a battle, you filthy goat rapists!!!' he yells.
Abdullah turns to his second in command. 'Take 1,000 men over that hill and don't come back till you've killed him!', he screams. The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill their fate.
Ten minutes later, one of the Arab militants appears back at the top of the hill. He's near
death, covered in blood and his battered face is unrecognizable. 'Oh, exalted leader,'
he yells. 'It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them!!!' ( Pragtig……………….).
Avron Alemeleh from Avron’s Place in Seapoint sent me a message that they will open this Shabbos and next to accommodate the Argus runners, soooo call
021-4397610 . They will be having an open Shabbos dinner for the Argus weekend 6th March. Booking essential. 021-4397610
They are also adding NEW ASIAN STYLE dishes to the special menu from Monday 23rd Feb. They are allowing the ‘Mishugoyim’ to go over ‘Chappies’ (Chapman’s Peak..) not normal……………………
"Striving to Keep Kosher Alive in Cape Town."
My Chaver , Adrian Cohen in Melbourne is involved with the Blake Street Hebrew Congregation Rabbi Opat , has been helping out, BUT….has come back to Milnerton Shul ….they are now trying to source another Souff Effrikken Rabbi to ‘Daven’ in their Shul…..Soooo if you are thinking of enquiring, please see the Info at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
Nussbaums have opened an express shop, in Glenhazel, and the whole area is building into another ‘Kosher Strip’….next to Nussbaum’s is the Feigels express shop, Kosher Corner Coffee shop, the Nut House, Michelllo’s Pizza , Burger Box and Shoshana’s Bakery, and of course across the road is the Ohrsom Shul 7 School…….quite an area……..Oh, and my princess works at Pretty Woman, next to the Nut House………
Van Der Merwe ( Van ), an Afrikaans farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer.
The lawyer said, "How can I help you?" Van said,
"I want to get one of them dayvorces."
The lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?" Van said, "Yes, I got 40 acres"
The lawyer said, "No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?
Van said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays." The lawyer said,
"No, no, I mean, do you have a case?" Van said,
"No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.
The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?" Van said, "Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere"
The lawyer said, "Does your wife beat you up or something?"
Van said, "No, we both get up at 4:30."
By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question .
The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?" Van said,
"No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce. ( Yislaaaaaaaaaaaik…………….)
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One of ‘OUR’ Old Stan & Pete waiters, Dov Klatzkin, does ‘Kosher’ Braai’s at your venue…….Dov has been doing the Braai’s for quite a few years, and it is ‘Tukka’ value for money……Give him a ring @ 082-3718589 , and for more details ..Simply Scrumptious http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm I went to take a picture this week and an old Simcha photographer , Mike Lanesman was doing the Barmy, soooo I asked him to send me a few……. Dankie Mike……
Pictures …. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator,
'I think Sal is dead! What should I do?'
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, 'Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
There is a silence .. And then a shot is heard.
Vinny's voice comes back on the line, 'Okay... Now what? (Oey vy………..)
Popped into the Taitz / Raff wedding at the Sandton Sun and it was VERY ’gevaldik’….The venue has a ‘Touch of Class’……The Taitz family hail from Sydney (ex Joburg…) and are related to me, and the Raff family are from the ‘Beloved Country’ with Rabbi Raff leading the Maharsha Community….Darren Taitz the bride Brother shared a house with my Zunnelle’s Martin & Joel in London last year…….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’
American Doctors' Opinion of the Financial Bail-Out Package:
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
The Optometrists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled,
'Over my dead body!' while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said,
"This puts a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward but didn't want to put their foot in their mouths; however the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. (Bittere gelechte……..)
Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, maar julle mense is ‘seinig’-Peruvians…..??? Short hands, long pockets…….
Dave Shapiro, is running the Boston Marathan and as I explained, he needs support, and maybe $$$ 5 or 10 for a good cause, the Diabetic research unit – Joslin.. ‘Gib A Kuk’ https://www.mwareinc.com/events/web/PersonalPage/?EventID=MAR&profileid=SD0003 ..
Hey, don’t leave it to the next one……I still need the address for ‘Smokey Smukler’ ...Harry Karabel in Israel has asked if I knew of the current whereabouts of a Smokey Smukler. I did get his E-mail address awhile back, BUT…due to all the ‘Tzorres’ I have had with my ‘Komputta’, I cannot find it…send me an E-mail with Smokeys address pleaseeeee ! ! ! ! ! ! !…………. Smookler@netactive.co.za
A primary school teacher in Sandton asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Julie put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see the Circus
and I was fascinated.
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate.'
Little Yankel raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by Little Yankel before. She finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her ‘boobs’ are
so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
Been a hectic week with many Simcha’s , work, sport etc, and I met up with ‘Rov’ Ivan Ziskind who came for his Nieces ‘Gasener’, which was held in Kempton Park………..Ivan was the original 3 legged dancer at wedding’s and used to dance with the ‘Kollel dancers’ at many Weddings, and really got things going….these days he spends his time in London, looking after ‘Yiddisher’ Kinderlach from around the world who come to London for that GAP year, and has really been a Tzadik and a Mensch to the Kinderlach, and he did not get the nickname ‘Zaida Ziskind’ for nothing….GR8 meeting up with him again……the years have flown by, and I remember his Late Mom & Dad sooo well……in fact Ivan’s Daughter married the Emmanuel’s son (over 25 years ago) at the Greenside Hall (550) and that was my first ‘Grayser’ Frum wedding at the Greenside Hall……. www.. What Was, Was picture………………… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Van Der Merwe (Van) goes into a shop and buys a chainsaw.
Two weeks later he takes it back.
"I bought this chainsaw two weeks ago.
You said it would chop down twenty trees an hour and I can only manage two."
"Well, lets take a look at it then." says the shop assistant.
He takes the chainsaw and eventually starts it up..
BRRRRRBRRRRBRR!
" Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik " says Van , "What's that noise?"
Took Sarge, my S & P partner & ‘Cuzzie’ to Kosher Nando’s on Friday, before he went back to the ‘Land of the Long White Cloud’ Oekland (NZ) , and we met a few of ‘Mr Nando’s’ (Jeff Fines) overseas Chavers…David Lewis from Too-Run-Too , who is Jeff’s Brother in law and Morris Efune, from Dallas Texas…..NANDO’s is pumping these days, and they have just done another alteration….really the place for ‘Yiddisher’ Kinderlach to hang out…..not sure ifit is the feminine touch of Marrissa, BUT…the place is jacked up…….
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Mazeltov to ‘Big’ Larry Alge who married Michelle Blumenau………Mazeltov and all the happiness and health for the future….Tanx to Warren Saito, ‘OUR’ Yiddisher Sumo man…….Pictures http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Mazeltov to Ros Schmaman & Yehoshua Langman on their engagement in Sydney….Mazeltov to Lorraine & Cedric (Schmaman) on the joyous occasion….Ros was at school with my ‘Babelle’ Lauren , at Victory park, and is marrying a ‘Lubo’……They will be getting married in June at the Chabad of Bondi……. Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…….. Pictures at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Sincere condolences to the family of Esther Goldblatt who passed away last Thursday…….Esther was the kindest person and we had soooo many GR888 chats about life, and she will be sorely missed……. Esther was one of my oldest Stan The Good Shabbos Man readers, BUT….got a hand delivered copy every week, and she thoroughly enjoyed the Jokes, and every now and then she would request additional jokes……..Esther was related to ‘Aunty’ Annie (107) and they both lived at Golden Acres, and passed away in the same week…Quite E-mazing……To her daughter Lynn (Gork) from Sydney and son Bernard, my sincere condolences…and to the whole family…may her dear soul rest in peace..
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
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Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
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Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…
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Parsha of The Week |
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B”H
Giving or Getting?
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
The very first United Jewish Appeal was launched this week. Our Parsha deals with the first fundraising campaign in history. Moses initiated it in order to build the Sanctuary in the wilderness as well as all to acquire all the materials needed for the special utensils required for the sacred services. This is, therefore, a good time to talk about the art of giving.
The holy Rabbi Israel of Rizhin said that while some people claim that “If you give you are a fool and if you take you are clever,” Jewish tradition teaches us that those who give and think they are only giving are, in fact, the fools. But those who give and understand that they are also receiving at the same time are truly wise.
The truth is that in giving, we actually receive more than we give. And not only a slice of heaven in far away paradise but even in the here and now. Certainly, in our relationships – whether family, business or social – our generosity is often reciprocated and we find the other party responding in kind. But it goes beyond giving in order to get back. The very fact that we have done good, that which is right and noble, gives us a sense of satisfaction. “The takers of the world may eat better. But the givers of the world sleep better.”
This explains the unusual expression in our Parsha, V’yikchu li terumah – and you shall take for me a contribution. Why take? Surely, give would be the more correct term. But because in giving we are also receivers the word take is also appropriate. For the same reason we find that the Hebrew expression for acts of loving kindness is Gemilus Chasodim. It is no mistake that this is in the plural form. Because every time someone performs a single act of kindness, at least two people are benefiting - the receiver and also the giver.
I have seen people over the years who were good people, giving people, who shared and cared for others. Then, after years of being givers, they stopped. Why? They became frustrated at the lack of appreciation for all their hard work. After all they had done for others; they never even got a simple “Thank You.” So they were disappointed, disillusioned, and in some instances, even bitter. They resigned from public life and from whatever community services they were involved in.
How sad that they didn’t realize that even if human beings are notoriously unappreciative, G-d Almighty takes note of every act of kindness we perform. And He responds with infinite blessings in His own way. Our sages taught that if we express regret over the good that we have done we might well forfeit all the merits we would have otherwise deserved.
The Rabbinate is one of the helping professions. Anyone involved in a congregational position doesn’t only make speeches and teach Torah. One is called upon to serve in a pastoral role – visiting, helping, counseling, comforting. While it can be very taxing and often emotionally draining, it is without doubt a source of deep satisfaction; particularly when one is able to make a real difference in people’s lives.
There are, of course, many people I have been privileged to help in one way or another over the years. One feels a very profound sense of purpose knowing that you were able to help someone through a crisis, or lift their spirits in a hospital, or give them hope and solace in a time of loss. Sure, I was the giver. But I received so much back in return. My life was rendered so much more meaningful, more worthy, for having helped a person in need.
I shall never forget the look on a young woman’s face when I gave her the good news that I had managed to locate her wayward, absentee husband and convinced him to sign on the dotted line to give her the long awaited Get that would finally free her to get on with her life. She was so radiant, absolutely beaming with joy. Whatever efforts I had made on her behalf were well worth it just to see her feel the freedom.
So whenever you think you’re a big deal because you did something for a good cause, remember; you are receiving much more than you are giving. Let us all be givers and be blessed for it.
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