Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
26 March 2009

Dear All,

The weather in Joburg continues to be GROB, with no summer this year….gone are the Sunny Skies, Chevrolet and Braai Vleis………instead we are having soooo much rain, that it is becoming nearly like Seattle, where people don’t see the garden for a few weeks at a time, as it just rains………in the mean while Table Mountain was burnt to smithereens last week…..
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

The “Rugger’ super 14 was quite interesting this week, with my two top predictions, the Sharks & Bulls pulling through, and a close win for the Crusaders…and the Cheetahs ( Ou Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaat ) getting a hiding again and fighting for the honours of Last spot on the log….Oey vy, The Lions win against a Star studded Brumbies was ‘Tukka’ a surprise…..maybe it had something to do with the forwards coach’s racialistic out burst last week…….very few good individual performances, BUT…Mulls Mulihena looking good and Mc Donald starting to show form………out of the three countries, I reckon the Aussies have improved the most after all three loosing older players and of course the European Defections……??? Going to be an interesting Tri-Nations this year….! !

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks,
"What are you going to use on this hole my son?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."

The 6 Nations decider was a ‘Humdinger’ with Ireland just squeezing in…JUST..what a GR8888 game to watch…….and I reckon the commentators make it twice as exciting, as they are professionals……what a difference
And the ‘Boks’ better be ‘Wakker’ as the Lions could just take us on……The back play of the Lions team( in the 6 Nations was GR8888), and they have some incredible place kickers……..Brian O’Driscoll reminds me of Danie Gerber….just tackles and runs….and usually scores……..still seeing articles saying that 50,000 tourists are coming…Mmmm..?? They could fill every game, without locals….??? And that the tour will generate a Billion Rands…..??? Should be a good tour…!!!

The Cricket was an eye opener, with the ‘Bokke’ playing really well and taking the last test, to loose 2-1…sooo all is still equal, BUT…..this win could again give ‘Swollen’ heads and be a bad omen………The Centurions were GR8888 and I ‘smaaked’ AB De Villiers knock the best…….reminds me a lot of Jonty Rhodes…. Poor JP Dominee……cannot seem to find the form at the moment,. BUT…if he is not rushed, he will turn out tops………The ODI’s should be interesting starting tomorrow………….I really have mixed feelings about the Bok Cricket strength as there is very little depth…..BUT, what an improvement on the last few years performances against the Aussies………they are now talking about the 20/20 taking place in The ‘Beloved Country’ April……month away….not sure where the spectators will come from…..??? India..???
Could be a very busy year…………

The Engleeesh Soccer league is very ‘lebbedik’ with Manchester really trying to win all the competitions…’Gonna be difficult, BUT……..miracles do happen…..

Juffrou sê vir haar Graad 1 klas:
"Gaan vanmiddag huis toe en dink aan'n sin wat julle kan maak met die woorde 'neem aan'.
Die volgende dag vra sy vir Sannie om haar sin vir die klas voor te lees:
"My ma maak die ketel vol en sit hom aan en ek neem aan sy gaan tee maak."
Pragtig Sannie, sê die juffrou.

Ja Boetie, sê maar jou sinnetjie." My Pa neem die kar se sleutels en loop by die deur uit en ek neem aan hy gaan ry." "Pragtig Boetie" sê die juffrou.

Klein Bongani sit heel voor in die klas en probeer om homself so klein as moontlik te hou met die hoop dat juffrou hom nie sien nie.

"Kom nou Bongani , dis nie so moeilik nie. Jy het mos gehoor hoe klink Jannie en Sannie se sinne." Bongani staan op en sê :
My Ma sit die koerant onderhaar arm en stap bosse toe en ek neem aan sy gaan toilet toe, want sy kan nie lees nie." (Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik……..).

Did a ‘locum’ at the Marcus / Bernstein wedding last week and it was a very ‘Lebeddikke ‘wedding… Mazeltov to the Chossen and Kallah, Mandy (Marcus) & Ilan ( Bernstein)…… to Stan & Jennifer Marcus , who have been lifelong members of the Sandton Shul….was good to see many ex Pats at the Wedding, including Clint Marcus & family, Mandy’s Boet from San Diego…..Danny (Gavshon) Marcus, who is the sister of the ‘old’ Cater Hire ‘Balabos’ Wayne, who lives in Sydney these days…Saw Chana (Katzeff) Moshal who lives in London, and her Dad Gerald was the Squash Captain at the ‘old’ Jewish Guild ‘Amolikke Yoren’ ……. The Chossen , Ilan is a highly respected Police reservist and a Karate ‘Boff’ and Mazeltov to his family ……… and the whole ‘Mishpocha’……the Venue was really well decorated by Gideon…and the Biltong bar was a ‘Hit’…….
Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Rabbi Levy is leading a study group at his Shul when all of a sudden an Angel appears.

The Angel says to the Rabbi, "Rabbi Levy. You are an example to all of your fellow men. You are totally unselfish; your behaviour is faultless; your study of Judaism is extensive; and your charity giving is exemplary. So, in return for being such a Mensch, I am going to offer you a choice of reward. You can either have infinite wealth, infinite health, or infinite wisdom. What will it be, Rabbi Levy ? Whatever you choose will be immediately granted."

Without any hesitation whatsoever, Rabbi Levy replies, "I would love to have infinite wisdom."

"Mazeltov to you, Rabbi Levy," says the Angel. "It’s done. Enjoy!"
The Angel then disappears as quickly as it had appeared.
For a few minutes there was a stunned silence in the study group. No one could believe what had just happened in front of their eyes.
Then one of the study group broke the silence.

"Rabbi Levy ," he asks, "why don’t you test out your new found wisdom right away?
Say something really wise to us, Rabbi.“
Rabbi Levy replies, "Oey vy, I should have taken the money."

Very interesting ‘WATCH’………… http://billychasen.com/clock/
Never see this on Souff Effrikken Airlines http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivjybzdXVmI

THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied,
'It's Lent'.
In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
Who did you lend it to, and for how long?' ( Thick as a brick….).
.
Wow, SAA is a ‘’Bietjie in die Kak’ ( trouble) at the moment having lost ‘Zillions’ of rands this year, firing the CEO (Chief Embezzlement Officer) for giving his wife a FEW lucrative contracts for the Catering on SAA, and then getting the ‘Golden Handshake’ which was worth R30m over the past 3 years……Wow, that is really a mean package for a ‘Guniff’ who did sooo much ‘Gunavis’ in his short stay, plus of course pulling the company to a new low, with drugs being freely moved , courtesy of SAA……….Our Intellegence Chief is also in the ‘KAK’ as his wife has been implicated in a Wolrd Drugs Trafficking syndicate………I cannot believe that such high up people, would stoop soooo low……., BUT …. every few weeks we get a new ‘Schmuck of the Month’, and of course JZ is now threaten to come true ( does he actually know what the truth is…???) on all the Gunovim that where involved in the Arms ‘Skandaaaaal’ , if he does not get let off going to court…. I reckon that the population would be only toooo pleased if he came forward with the Truth….does he think the Public would be shocked that other TOP ANC Manne were involved, including Mbeki…?? Bring them forward, and the ‘Beloved Country’ will rejoice, and of course would ‘Kleib Nachus’ seeing some TOP Manne in Shackles….especially JZ …….( Bittere Gelechte)

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before.
For whom do you mourn so deeply?............A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."

‘OUR’ local radio station 94.7 (Highveld), has been running a ‘CraZy’ match up for Graeme Joffe (Highlands North High), the sports editor …at 40 he is not married and they in conjunction with PIGGS PEAK / All Africa Poker, have got him staying @ the Michelangelo (Nogall) for a few weeks…really a fun thing, and they have sent me some info and Pictures of the ‘Meidlach’ and Poker Shpielers.. see …. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php ‘OUR’ very own ‘Yiddisher’ singer ‘Danny K’ (Kopel) won the poker tournament………………

A Rabbi went to buy a parrot.
"Are you sure it doesn't swear?" asked the Rabbi…..???
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assured him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he Davens Mincha and when you pull on the left, he Davens Maariv."
"Wonderful!" said the Rabbi, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I'll fall off my perch, you Schmuck ….!" screeched the parrot.

A special Happy Birthday to ‘Doc’ Rodney Unterslak, the ‘Lubavitcher’ Doctor in the ‘Beloved Country’… (27th. March)….what about a Birthday / Shabbos greeting for Rodney, from where ever you are….the further and strangest places, the better …of course mention where you are…. doctorrod@mweb.co.za ... wishing Rodney a Happy Birthday, with health and ‘Yiddisher Nachus’….I put the date, as some of you will get the letter today (26th) and some tomorrow.A ‘Mishugana’ world this…..

On Sunday I was a guest at Gila ( Rosenberg) & Adam Noach’s wedding at the Hyatt Hotel…..It was a very nice evening and the ‘Marathan Man’ (Johnny Birin) made it a very ‘Lebbedikke’ wedding….Gila & Ryan both work at Discovery, soooo there were quite a few of her colleagues there that I know……Her Uncle & Aunt , Milton & Ilsa came from Melbourne for the wedding, and I grew up with Milton and his late sister Clarisse (Gila’s Mom)……. The Hyatt is a smaller venue and it looked VERY ‘ Balabatish’……Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

My ‘old’ Lichtenburg School Chaver, Brian Altchuler will be given an Architectural talk at the Second Innings @ Golden Acres , this Sunday morning…Just arrive & relax , and Brian will do the rest………Brian also does actual Architecture , after lecturing at Wits (Schvartz) for many years… see info @
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Don’t forget TORAH ACADEMY are having their yearly Pesach wine sale…this year it is at Norman Goodfellows in Illovo on Sunday Morning…..Gr888 bargains

Sooooo true in these ‘Mishugana ‘ times we live in………
When Paul Newman died, they said how great he was but they failed to mention he considered himself Jewish (born half-Jewish).

When the woman (Helen Suzman) who helped Nelson Mandela recently died , they said how great she was but they failed to mention she was Jewish.

When Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling, Martha Stewart t, Randy Cunningham, Gov. Edwards, Conrad Black, Senator Keating, Gov Ryan, and Gov Blagojevich messed up, no one told me what religion or denomination they were----------because they were not Jewish

When Ivan Boesky or Andrew Fastow or Bernie Madoff committed fraud, almost every article mentioned they were Jewish.

In 1921, Albert Einstein presented a paper on his then-infant Theory
of Relativity at the Sorbonne, the prestigious French university.

"If I am proved correct," he said,…"the Germans will call me a German,
the Swiss will call me a Swiss citizen,….and the French will call me a great scientist..
If relativity is proved wrong,……the French will call me a Swiss, the Swiss will call me a German,….and the Germans will call me a Jew."
 
At the Annual General Meeting of WIZO Johannesburg on the 3rd March, Chairlady Molly Jayes , honoured various caterers for their outstanding service to WIZO Johannesburg, by calling them up and presenting them with Bar/Bat Mitzva Certificates. The honorees were 3 Stan and Pete, Gary Friedman Caterers and Friends Bakery. Molly has just finished her reign as Chairlady after 3 GR88888 years….. the awards where well received, and the recipients really deserved them……. Molly’s Zunnelle was a ‘Mishgiach’ for Stan & Pete about 25 years ago…..

Passion8 Caterers in Sydney, Australia have also just launched there Website
www.passion8catering.com.au and it is a very good site to visit when considering having a simcha….The Passion 8 Team consists of ex Pat Souff Effrikkens, and starting with Graeme Flax (ex Stan & Pete), Steve & June Edelmuth and Stan & Felicia Kahn ….and they do an E-mazing ‘Kosher’ Catering Affair…….

What a single spelling mistake can do on a SMS...
Husband went to Cape Town and sent an sms to wife:
"Having a wonderful time, wish you were HER …......!! Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…..! ! !

On the Financial front, the ‘Mighty Rand ‘ seems to be strengthening a bit, with the expectation that rates will drop again……Only problem is that he ‘Manne’ go wild again, and the rates just shoot up……. SASFIN were very cautious in the past, and that has shown good results, and leaves the Bank in a position to still offer Loans…..where as the BIG 4 have almost dried up…..Mmmmmm, makes on think….. ‘OUR’ Man Tito had a special meeting and dropped the rates again by one percentage point………will he be bold and drop another one soon, to help the economy…???? The rand has eased a bit to R9.60-$$$$$

‘I have written soooo many times about our ‘Kamakazi Taxi Drivers’ and how they will definitely play a ‘Humungous’ part in the Sokka 2010…….and boy , this week, they showed us what to expect….These Mumzers blocked the Joburg road system on Tuesday and caused chaos, and the violence shown by a ‘Peaceful’ strike was ‘Skrikky’…Seff Blatter must be ‘Tzittering’ (shaking)….they went wild…….. BUT, for the first time ever, I picked up that the Black ‘wekkers’ were ‘Gatvol’ for the Government & the taxi drivers……… SASFIN is at the Corlet Drive on ramp, and we had an Eye view of the action…and it will be known as ‘The Battle of Corlett Drive’ for generations to come…..Oey vy…….

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. 'Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said,
'Look, I've been to China 4 times and every time they have accepted my American Express.' ( Kaylikka’s will have to think about this one……..???)

The Dalai Lama was refused a Visa to come to Souff Effrikka, and this has caused big ‘Garotiss’…as he was invited to a Peace Conference and Bishop Tutu & De Klerk have pulled out in protest…………they reckon that ‘OUR’ China’s..China asked them to refuse him entry….our ‘Galeria’s’ say that by letting him in, it would take the limelight away from the Sokka 2010…BUT, the racist Conference in Durban a few years, did not seem to worry them , when Yidden & Israel were targeted……. I reckon due to the Taxi violence, we will not hear too much about the Dalai Lama affair ….. and our ‘NBF’s’ (New Best Friends) China win again……………..The ANC really knows the meaning of ‘Chutzpah’…they have announced that it was the Government who turned the application down, and not the ANC….It is ONE and the same……………..

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Roxy (Matz) & Steven Blumgart on the birth Princess this week in Zurich, Switzerland, where they live…They worked at Stan & Pete for a few years ‘Amolikke Yoren’, and a Grayser Mazeltov to the Bobba & Zaida Don & Mary Blumgart in Sydney…and the whole ‘Mishpocha’……

Happy Birthday to my Niece Mandy (Lyons) on the occasion of her 21st today…Mazeltov and many good years filled with Health & Happiness…….

Happy Birthday to ‘OUR’ SASFIN man, Jason Becker….next year is the BIG 30.. Many more ‘Jayce The Ace’…………………..

Mazeltov to Nathan & Hazel (Blechman) Gluck on the wedding of their daughter in London this week………Phew, Nathan was the Chazzan at Sandton Shul for a few years before going to London, and hazel is the Schvester of Clive Blechman, who is the ‘Balabos’ of the Great Synagogue in Glenhove Road….Nathan’s Late brother was Johnny Gluck, who was Chazzan of the Wolmaran’s Shul for many years……..Johnny’s wife Judy and the Kinderlach have also moved to London….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……..My Zunnelle Joel took a few pictures for me ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Sincere condolences to the family of Lionel Kurlansky who passed away this week….Lionel was a staunch Jewish Guild Bowler, and his Zunnelle Neville worked at Stan & Pete for a good few years, and is in Aussie these days…..Sincere condolences to the whole family……..

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

When Entering Your Vehicle and While Driving:

Try and use them in day time.

In the evening, always use one in a safe place, not outside ones…

Never accepted help from strangers

Make sure no one can see the number you punch in.

Cover the keys with your spare hand, they use Binoculars.

Concentrate, and do not talk on Cellophane while doing a transaction.

If the machine looks like it has been tampered with, go away immediately.

Using faulty machines can take up to a month to get your card and ‘geld’ back

Always remember, the Gunovim are a few steps ahead of us, sooooooooo…

Always be ‘Wakker’ and StreetwiZe’……………………………………..

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860

Is your business in need of an innovative and professional website?
Please contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- (+27 11 796 6671) | www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Parsha of The Week

Who Am I?
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

Amnesia is a frightening illness. Imagine forgetting who you are - no family, no history, and no identity. It can happen to an individual and it can happen to a people. There have been times in our history when we seemed to forget who we were and where we came from. And all too often, we seem uncertain about where we are going.
In the opening chapters of Leviticus, we read the expression Nefesh ki techeta – when a person will sin. The Torah goes on to describe the various atonement offerings necessary to absolve one from their trespasses. The Kabbalistic classic, Zohar, renders this phrase both literally and spiritually. Nefesh is interpreted as not merely a person but a soul, and the verse is punctuated by a question mark. In other words, the Torah is asking Nefesh ki techeta – shall a soul sin? Can a Jewish soul, a yiddishe neshama, a spark of divinity, really and truly stoop to commit a lowly sin? How is that possible?
Indeed, the only way it can happen is when we forget who we are, when we are no longer in touch with our true spiritual identity, when we start to suffer from spiritual amnesia.
Sadly, it does happen. In fact, it’s not really that difficult. After all, we live in a secular society. The old ghetto walls are no longer there to insulate us. We are exposed to the big wide world with all its seemingly tantalizing diversions. Even if we do marry within the faith, we become culturally assimilated. Slowly but surely, then, even a nefesh – a Jewish soul starts forgetting who she is and can fall into the web of sin.
Remember the “wise man” from Chelm and his “problem?” He worried that when he went to the public bathhouse where everyone is unclothed he wouldn’t know who he was. Without his own personal set of clothing to distinguish him from others, he might suffer an identity crisis. So he devised a plan. He tied a red string around his big toe so that even in the bathhouse he would stand out from everyone else. Sadly, when he was in the shower, the water and soapsuds loosened the red string, and it slipped off his big toe. To make matters worse, the red string floated along to the next cubicle and twirled around the big toe of the fellow under the next shower.
Suddenly, our Chelmer Chochom discovered that his string was gone. He started panicking. This was a serious identity crisis. Then he saw that the fellow next door was sporting his red string. Whereupon, he ran over to him and shouted, “I know who you are, but who am I?”
Who are you? You are a Jew! You are a son of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, a daughter of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah. You are a member of the “kingdom of priests and holy nation.” You were freed from Egypt and stood at Sinai. You have survived countless attempts on your life and your faith. You emerged from the ashes of Auschwitz only to live again. And you ask who am I? This is a serious case of national amnesia.
So the holy Zohar reminds us that we are not only “persons who may sin” but we are a soul and shall a soul sin? A neshama is by definition part and parcel of the Divine. And for the G-dly soul within us, distancing ourselves from our very source is absolutely unthinkable.
How then can we explain the phenomenon that after 70 years of Communist atheism, Jews in the Former Soviet Union are today fervently embracing the faith of their forefathers? Or, that after decades of apathy, American Jews of all ages are desperately seeking spirituality? Or that the renaissance of Jewish life has become a reality around the globe? Yes, there are good people out there igniting sparks and fanning them into a fiery faith. But the sparks would not take if there was not a burning ember inside every Jewish soul, an ember that remains inextinguishable no matter what.
So if you ever have doubts about who you are, remember the Zohar. You are a soul. And a soul never dies

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