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GOOD SHABBOS
27 August 2009 |
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Dear All,
The weather is still C-O-L-D….BUT starting to warm….hard to believe that the public pools open next week (September 1)……still very cold……??
The Schvartzers / Aussie match was very scrappy, and the first 60 minutes, looked like two School teams playing, with soooo many basic mistakes, BUT….the All Blacks did some glimpses of their glorious best in the last quarter, and COULD just give the all conquering Boks a go, later on….. I reckon on this form we should ‘Slag’ the Ozzies this weekend……As in today’s game, the Aussies tried to contain the Blacks up front, BUT….couldn’t really, and they allowed them room to run…. We have to play tight and keep them wrapped up….. The importance of a GR888 kicker was evident, with Carter showing gr8 BMT (Big Match Temperament ) and getting that last one over for a win….not good Rugger, BUT….a win is a win…… http://www.irb.com/rankings/full.html (Oooops.)
A tip for PDV…I am and every other Rugger expert where critical when we were getting ‘Klapped’, Soooo ….stick to the plan, and we will win…..Moenie worry if it is not Suiwer Rugger…Skop & hardloop…
The disgruntled Aussie batsman stormed into the pavilion and flung down their bats. One by one in the first innings…..
'Terrible' they shouted. ' Never played so badly before'
The captain looked up. 'Oh, you've played before, have you?'
The ‘Brits’ really did well to get such a good win, and take the Ashes….with the help of a few Souff Effrikkens ‘Nogall’……..are the Bokke ‘Tukka’ the new World order in Cricket….???? Read below…’Ozzies’ eat your ‘Kishka’s’ out (for once…)
http://icc-cricket.yahoo.net/match_zone/team_ranking.php
Mishugana calls that Golf courses receive in the USofA (of course…).
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.
Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
Caller: I don't know that's why I called.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of
range balls and said they stole them from your
driving range. Would you like to buy them back?
Our ‘Meisie’ Caster Semenya really did well in the 800 metre race, and it is a pity that she has been made a political ‘Pawn’ …..What’s the difference if they do tests….they test athletes for Drugs, and there is no moan…..Straight away it is a racist move by the IAAF, even though MOST of the TOP Athletes World Wide are of colour……. And she is being compared to the ‘Saartjie Bartman’ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saartjie_Baartman saga 200 years ago….Oey vy, what a ‘Skandaaaaaaaaaal’ Caster ……‘She’s our Man’…………???
Or for the Chevra that play scrabble….Change the words around
CASTER SEMENYA = "YES A SECRET MAN” (Oey vy…………..) Yislaaaaaaaaaik, the ANC really ‘Schmaltzed’ this issue as a political one, and they have a few red faces….pity the other Gold medalist, as he has hardly had a mention…..
Mikolot Chupah Choir will be on Chai FM this Sunday (30 August) from 09:30 - 10:30.
LAUNCH: see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details.......
You Tube Promo Video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3d52F1q954
Facebook Mikolot Fanpage - http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mikolot-Chupah-Choir/123841030870?ref=mf Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, ‘Gib a Kuk’ and go to the launch……
Wrote about Martin Katz ( Grillhouse-Katy’s Sydney) getting married in Hawaii….and during the week received a picture of Joel Sheftz & Hylton Chilchik who are both ‘ex Souff Effrikken Simcha musicians’ , and they went to Hawaii to play at the ‘Gansener’…no better ‘TUM’ than ‘Beloved Country’ Tum, to make a Simcha GR8888 ..see picture of two VERY Chilled musicians…….
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Last 10 pence
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back..
The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
'No,' the woman replied. ….. I'm with the Inland Revenue (SARS)..'
(SARS can be tough, soooooo contact www.taxrelax.co.za for peace of mind…they assist you in submitting your Tax.)
The ‘Konning David’ (King David ) foundation had an E-mazing sport get together to raise funds for the King David Foundation, which assists current needs of King David, and also assists parents that are experiencing difficulties….They had a star studded Sporting attendance that included many current, and ex Boks…Naaasty (Naas) Botha & Hugh Bladen, both sports commentators these days, ran the VERY successful evening……. The Foundation are taking them to the Lion Park in September to have a baby cub named after the team as a thank you for attending the cocktail party ……
See some pictures of the ‘Manne & Meisies’ that attended…it was held at Blue Labels H/Q in Sandton, and the Levy’s Broers sponsored a lot of the evening……. Pictures http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Some of you may remember Naava Piatka from Betar days in South Africa. She was a Madricha in Cape Town in the mid 60's to 70's and met so many of you in Johannesburg at our seminars and in Cape Town at the summer camps. For those of you from Rhodesia, my Holocaust survivor parents were very good friends with Mark Markov, and my father was a staunch Revisionist from Vilna days. She has written a book aNogoodbyes and details are on the Info letter she has sent…..’Gib A Kuk’…. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
2 Blondes gesels.
1ste: ek het gegaan vir ‘n swangerskap toets.
2de: Was die vrae moeilik?
Die ou tannie in die ouetehuis steek haar gebalde vuis in die lug en sê:
Die een wat kan raai wat ek in my hand het kan met my seks hê.
Die ou oom roep toe uit: ‘n Olifant!!
Sy antwoord: Close enough!
Kleinseun: “Oupa hoe voel dit om op 87 seks te hê?”
Oupa: “Soos om met ‘n tou snoeker te speel”
Looking back at our Israel trip last month, I must say that we stayed in an E-mazing B & B in S(Z)efat ……. Benay & Her Husband Jeff Katz have added 4 incredible rooms to their home, and the rooms are VERY luxurious, and they have included stone work in the rooms…….artcolinn@yahoo.com Zefat is 30 minutes from Tiberius, and a must for tourists to visit….There website is ; http://www.artcol.co.il/eng/ Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php ..................... When visiting Israel, SAVE ON ACCOMODATON BY CONTACTING DAVID GAFFAN HOLIDAY APARTMENTS e-mail: gaffan@netvision.net.il site: www.holidayapartments.co.il
Tel/fax: 972-9-7727163 mobile: 54-7844818 …David has a HUGE range of apartments to rent………
How do you know you're staying in a Brakpan Motel ….. ??????
When you call the front desk and say, I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk replies:
‘Go ahead’.
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Brakpan to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Brakpan murder:
1. The DNA is all the same
2. There are no dental records
Who invented the toothbrush?
A Brakpanner (If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been called a teethbrush)
Did you hear about the R3 million Brakpan Lottery?
The winner gets R3.00 a year for a million years.
A new Brakpan law was just recently passed...
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
Did you hear that the Brakpan Mayor's mansion burned down?
'Ja, almost took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too.
Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the Mayor hadn't even finished coloring one of them!'
Brakpan Pick-up lines:
"Your pretty eyes is laaik spanners... Evrie taaim I looks at you, my nuts taaiten"
What do you call a woman wearing white tracksuit pants in Brakpan? The bridesmaid...
(Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, BUT…this could happen in Poffadder,Lichtenburg,etc….)
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The Kehillat Masada, an Orthodox synagogue, situated in St. Ives, Sydney, Australia, invites applications to serve as a Chazzan to its membership numbering approximately 470 families drawn mainly from Souff Efrikka…..They will look at candidates from anywhere in the World, not only from the ‘Beloved Country’, soooo any ‘Jazz singers’ out there who would like to give it a try, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details......Tehy will help the successful applicant with getting into OZ……
Darren has an E-mazing family home to lease in Victory Park, near King David, Delta Park, etc, etc…….. Modern north facing 4 bedroom townhouse with own pool in secure boomed off street available 1 October. darren@bobroff.co.za
Two young men from Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"
Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalogue?"
Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!" (Mmmmm..)
Got an E-mail from Irvine, USofA….and the Wolder Family (ex Fochville) have revamped the Local ‘Kosher’ butcher and open an E-mazing Kosher butcher/ Supermarket……….They will produce ‘Regter / Egter ‘ Souff Afrikken Boeries, just like by ‘Der Heim’ and it will be Kosher, with Biltong, Ribbetjies etc. available…..this is a first in the area…..also available are Beth Din approved South African products.( Groceries, biscuits, chocolates etc.) and of course the most important thing is that they will have the ‘Stan The Good Shabbos Man ‘ Joke book for sale……. Clive & Judy Wolder have what you need in their Tustin / Irvine store O.C Kosher Give them a try .. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
Met the Irvine “ KUGEL” Beverley Menkin @ the Seeff wedding this week and she reckons that the new store is E-mazing ‘Doll’…….Bev’s husband Johnny used to play at Simcha’s with the Mahogany Band, with Eileen Wainer..’Amolikke Yoren’ and his Boet Darryl played with Aquarius Band (Frank Dubowitz…) Oey vy, those were the days……met Bev’s daughter Carley also, and she is ‘gonna’ be a future ‘Theatre Star’………….
Marion Urfig ( Ex Joburger) in Perth has just got her website going, and offers her Art for sale…… have a look at the Art.. www.marionart.com.au ….
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.
He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is - an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of Crisp bacon.
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
( FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN…Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…)
Rochelle Winer is coming from Durban to do a Yiddish evening….” Even if a person doesn't understand too much Mamaloshen, I'm sure they will understand quite a bit as I do a lot of translating and some sections are all in English as I have to cater for a wide variety of the audience, which I gladly do. Zoln zey nor kumen, veln mir zayn gliklekh! We are also having music with the keyboard and I'll do song-sheets so that we can sing along and es vet zayn lebedik un freylekh.” See http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for detials.......
Must be a first for Highlands North High School….ex Student, Doc. Roy Sugerman in Sydney has a Body / Brain Overall course…. Click for details
http://bodybrain.com.au/info/home Roy was a year behind me at Highlands….. GR8888 stuff from an Aquilian (Highlands Old Boys Society)…….
Laurie and Andi Smith are wanting to rent their 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house in North Bondi Sydney. House is modern and very close to Bondi Beach.
Dates: December 15th - January 16th 2010. $1700 per week ono.
Email: lsmith@mckpeople.com.au phone: 61 2 9365 5541 (Note earlier date).
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!" (True…???)
English / Chinese Translations
• He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
• I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN GAUTENG
Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left………
It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake
The Mizrachi had their annual dinner at the Sandton Sun on Tuesday and it was a very good evening and well supported…..Solly Sacks, World Chairman was out for the dinner and the speaker was Rabbi Eli Sadan…..the evening was very well coordinated by Ingrid Seeff, who ran it like a military operation…and the result was that it finished ON time and was a GR88888 evening . Pictures
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Abe Cohen aged 50 went out with this older lady aged 80, who drank, smoked and danced all evening with the boys.
When she sat down with him at the end of the evening he told her, being very annoyed to act her age!!
So she keeled over and died ( Oey vy…………).
Did a ‘Locum’ at Bianca (Seeff) & Daniel Rubinstein’s wedding last week, and it was such a ‘lekker’ Lebedikke wedding, with the Hall full, BUT…..decorated and spaced to perfection. My Zunnelle Joel actually video’d Daniels Barmy ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and Bianca is the daughter of Bernard & Isarae Seeff (2 E’s ,2 F’s)……… I have known the families for many years, having catered many Simcha’s for them in the past….Bianca was Head Girl of King David and Daniel Vice, (different years), soooo guess who’s the ‘Balabos’……..The Marathan Man (Johnny Birin) was E-mazing with a ‘tukka’ BIG band…….. The Menu was very well received (Milchick) and a lot of planning went into the whole affair……..Many, many overseas family and ‘CHAVEIRIM’……….to many to mention …. Isarae was a Krost, sooo big family, and Bernard is ‘Tzu Ge stepet’ with the Kaplan family…Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’….Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
On the political front, the TAXI / Rapid Bus system is running into a showdown, with the ‘Kamikaze Taxi Drivers’ threatening to go on strike and block ALL the roads, next week…….could be Chaos if it goes ahead, BUT….hopefully, the Men From The Ministry will pull out all stops to avoid the ‘tummel’………………The majority want the Bus system, BUT….the Taxi ‘Manne’ reckon they want to run it, or nothing…..?????
Little known facts about Penguins
Did you ever wonder why you never see dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Ever wonder where they go? Wonder no more. It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguins have a very strong community bond. They are very committed to their family and will mate for life. They also maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried The male penguins then gather in a circle around the freshly-dug grave and sing....
"Freeze a jolly good fellow..." ( I only send them, not make them……..)
Dave Varkel writes from Plett that they have started a ‘Mitzvah Club’ every Wednesday, and funds raised go to the local ‘Chevra Kadisha’…. Mazeltov to Howard & Joyce Hart & David & Doreen Varkel who are both celebrating their 51st. wedding Anniversary’s this weekend…..any visitors to Plett can contact the Shull at 044 533 4833, or dave at ; spdcell@global.co.za or 082 776 0652
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Mazeltov to Roxy (Paiken ) & “Benny” Shaun Benater on the birth of their daughter Leeyah while I was away overseas…Shaun is a Good Chaver of my Zunnelle Matin , and Roxy’s Late dad Stanley was in my years at Highlands…Much Mazel un Brocha……. …
Happy Birthday to the “Stud” in Melbourne, Richard Tessel on his 60th. Lucky man went with his Einingklach to Fiji to celebrate, and at least he could celebrate something, as Richard’s Ozzies did not do tooo well in the Ashes or the ‘Rugger’……..…Happy Birthday Richard and many more…….
Happy Birthday to my ‘Cuzzie’ and ‘ou’ Stan & Pete partner Sarge (Norman) Weitzman who turns…?? on Tuesday ….he arrives in the ‘Beloved Country’ this evening, and it will be GR8888 to see him……..Happy Birthday ‘Cuzzie’, and many more.
Happy Birthday to Eric Nowesenitz (Novis) on his 79th. birthday this week….many more…and your 53rd. wedding anniversary you share with Doreen ( Paul ) in Melbourne next week….Doreen had two sisters in Lichtenburg, Nita (Kotzen) & Mary (Rozowsky)…that tukka was ‘Amolikke Yoren’……
Their ‘Einingklach’ sent the message, and if Relatives and friends around the World want to e-mail their Bobba & Zaida… eridor@optusnet.com.au Wow busy period as Nita’s birthday is the 12th. September and Doreen’s the 17th. September……….. Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……
Mazeltov Jaqui, daughter of Nathan and Terry Mowszowski of Raanana, Israel and Marc, son of Mike and Avril Lawrence of Liverpool, England , got engaged this week….The Mowszowski family were from Sandton Shul ‘Amolikke Yoren’ ..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…… nathan@mowfam.com
Sincere condolences to the Gaitz family on the passing of your beloved ‘Bokkie’……”Bokkie’ was a bowls member at the ‘old’ Jewish Guild for years, and was always around the area….His Zunnelle Brian was the Tennis coach at King David Sandton for many years…Sincere condolences to the whole family….
Sincere condolences to the Gien family on the loss of their Beloved Deborah….she will be sorely missed by all…..A real ‘Yiddisher’ Mama & Bobba.. Condolences to the whole family….and of course her brothers, and Wally Karpas stays in pretoria and there were many old chavers at the funeral……
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
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| MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; |
- The best tip for safety is to be ‘wakker’ (wide awake) at all times……..
- Always be sure of where you are going.
- Do not dawdle…..and do not stand on the pavement talking on the Cell phone.
- Cell phones are actually ‘Bait’ for the Gunovim, do not ‘Flash’ expensive ones…
- If you have a GPS, do not pre programme your home address into it ….
- Remember, the GPS is worth much more than a Cell, PASOP…….!!!!!!!!!
- Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………
| Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff. |
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Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com |
Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…
Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas |
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Parsha of The Week |
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Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
Who Needs Anti-Semites?
It has been called the world’s longest hatred. It continues to rear its ugly head across countries and continents. Whether it manifests in the crude bigotry of the lower crass or the snide subtleties of the upper crust, anti-Semitism is a fact of life.
Of course, we all wish it would finally go away. We even had reason to hope that after Auschwitz it really would. Who among us doesn’t want to feel accepted and appreciated? But there is a strong argument to suggest that, in a perverse sort of way, Anti-Semitism has been good for the Jews. The French philosopher, Jean-Paul Sartre, made that point in his book Anti-Semite & Jew. Without the constant reminders and threats to our existence, we Jews would have been lulled into a peaceful and passive state of national amnesia. Secure in our comfort zones, we might have lost much of our unique identity.
History records that under regimes that persecuted us, we remained steadfastly Jewish. Whereas, under more enlightened, liberal forms of government, we became comfortable in our new found freedoms, gradually embracing a welcoming but dominant culture and forfeiting much of our own.
Back in the 70’s, when I was working with Jewish university students, we were struggling to break through a wall of icy indifference towards Judaism. It was so frustrating that my colleagues and I even considered going onto campus in the dead of night to paint a few swastikas on the Student Union building. Maybe that would jolt them out of their apathy. Of course, we never actually did it, but I confess to having been very tempted.
Towards the end of this week’s Parsha, we read of the commandment to remember the unprovoked attack by the nation of Amalek against the Israelites when they left Egypt. The command comes in the form of the word Zachor-Remember at the beginning of the section. The final words are Lo Tishkach – You shall not forget. But why the need for both expressions? And what difference is there between remembering and not forgetting? Surely one is superfluous?
Commentary suggests that remember is a command to the Jewish People. Do not forget would seem to be a prophecy concerning the nations, i.e., they will not let you forget! Should you ever lapse into a false sense of security and forget your Jewishness, the Anti-Semites of the world will be there to remind you of who you are and that you have not yet been accepted in their ranks. You are still an outsider, a people that dwells alone.
Everything has a purpose in creation. There is nothing redundant, nothing in vain in G-d’s world. So what is the purpose of an anti-Semite? Just that, to remind Jews that they are Jewish!
But why wait for the Amalekites of this world to remind us? Do we want or need their taunting? Rather, let us be proactively Jewish, positively Jewish and Jewishly positive. You can sing the old Yiddish song one of two ways. Either it is Oy es iz gut tzu zein a Yid (Oy, it is good to be a Jew) or Oy, es iz shver tzu zein a Yid. (Oy, it is hard to be a Jew.)There are a million good reasons, positive reasons to be proudly Jewish. If 70 years ago being Jewish carried a death sentence, today it is a life sentence – promising a meaningful and blessed life. And when we decide to live proud, committed Jewish lives, we make a fascinating discovery. When we respect ourselves, the world respects us too. And that applies across the board, from the individual Jew to the collective Jewish State.
Judaism is a boon, not a burden. We should be staunch about our heritage. It is a badge of honor to wear with noble pride. If you don’t know why, go and study, but that’s another sermon.
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