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GOOD SHABBOS
29 October 2009 |
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Dear All,
The weather has been ‘Electric’ lately, with soooo many ’Thunder and Lightening shows’…Just like ‘Amolikke Yoren’ when the Highveld had storms nearly every afternoon from 4.00 pm onwards, and Fridays storm plus Hail was ‘Skrikky’, BUT….it soon warms up and reminds one of summer, and Schvitzing, although I have not had a ‘Goef’ this summer yet, as it does not stay warm enough, long enough…OR maybe I am getting a bit older, and cannot just jump in….will try this weekend………
No ‘Rugger’ this past weekend, made it a bit boring, and lucky the End of year Tours by the Southern Hemisphere teams to the North starts soon……..This weekend is of course the Currie Cup Final, and the game has been sold out for nearly two weeks already…that is ‘Tukka’ showing ‘GEES’, as some of the lions and Tri Nation tests were not Zold out…….Looking at the game, teams and home ground, I reckon the Bulls should be able to take the game quite comfortably, BUT…the Cheetahs (Ou Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaat) having nothing to lose, and if they run at the Bulls from the beginning , the Bulls could be put under ‘HUGE’ pressure and of course that brings with it many mistakes, and could just lead to disaster, BUT……..I reckon the BULLS will win the Cup…….. see
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_jokes.php for the BULLS prediction…No Bull.
‘MUGABBI NEEDS YOU’…….this coming Tuesday ( 3rd.November), Maccabi have really set up a ‘Lekker’ Rugger get together at an ‘old’ Campaigners home…Swyse Joubert, who played Centre for the ‘Ou’ Transvaal, and he has created a Rugger Museum at his home in Houghton and will be offering his home/museum to Maccabi for the evening and they will have a Braaaaaai on the stoep, and you Manne can check Swyse’s Rugger collection out…rumoured to be one of the biggest memorabilia collections around……..Contact Max Klass @ Maxi’s 011- 485-1485 to reserve a spot on the ‘Stoep’…….( the address is 11 Rose Raod, Houghton,off St Patrick’s, next to St.Johns –The Wilds) …for the Kinderlach…Stoep is a Veranda….. see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_jokes.php
for an idea of what ‘Bakkie’s Botha’ is made of…….. Only R100 including the ‘Kos’…….and of course the ‘Dop’ (liquor)…..
The Cricket is again starting, with the L-O-N-G tour by England starting in 2 weeks, and the Bokke again under pressure to win, after their dismal display of ‘Chocker’ cricket in the Champions Cup, which the Aussies won deservedly…..I see there is already an outcry because Herschel Gibbs has been left out for the first few games….Lot of ‘KAK’ as he is finished, and should hang his BlaZer up while he can still reach the hook…….Going to be an interesting Series, as the Poms have ex Souff Effrikken, Kevin Pietersen back, and all the other ex SA’s playing well, could just help them win the series….We need a total overhaul of the Bokke and Bowlers that can bowl a line AND take wickets………Oey vey, I see my ‘old’ Army Chaver( Lenz 1971), Alan Kourie has been asked to leave Gauteng Cricket in the new year….we spent the 9 months in the same tent……..
SOKKA 2010.
A promotional ‘Youtube’ of Cape Town…..E-mazing…………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrRMCuk89ts .. with every thing coming into place, typical ‘Effrikka’ style, SAFA (Souff Effrikken Football Assoc.) and the PSL (Professional Sokka League) are have a battle for supremacy, and if I thought it had anything to do about improving the state of the current Buffuna –Buffuna team I would agree, BUT….some of the Manne have been left out of the ‘BIG’ geld, and they are fighting to get back on the Gravy train….when we won the actual bid, and 6/8 Manne were given bonuses of R6m, that was outrageous, and some of those same Manne are now fighting, as they know their will still be BIG ‘Mooooohla’ available ……..and as I mentioned last week, the brains trust have brought back Parreirra at R1,8m per month…what a scam……….rather a local ‘African’ coach, even if he does not do well, at least the ‘Masses’ will be happy, not to far off what has happened in Government and businesses that had to be changed to ‘BEE’ and have failed dismally,,,, very few of the BEE deals have created wealth that was evenly distributed among the masses…Toooooo few have got toooooo much………….the joke is not such a joke ???????
The ‘Cuzzies’………….The dialogue between Perreira and Santana before Santana joined Bafunny Bafunny (Our Sokka 2010 team).
Perreira : Dude stop sitting around and starving in Brazil, there's a place in Effrikka with plenty of mooooola and the football association is a bunch of retards who will pay you whatever you want and believe whatever you say.
Santana: how much are we talking about? …….Perreira: around R1.5 mil a month.... Santana: You lie....get out of here! I thought Effrikka was a third world continent?
Perreira: Yep that’s what I thought too, but hey these guys are nut case, they are so gullible its not funny, and they think they are rich.. ….Santana: you getting me excited now, but how will I get my hands on those riches?
Perreira : Mmmmmmmm..... how well do you know soccer cousin? because I was thinkin you can come take my place as a coach of their national team, I miss home now and I've had my share already.. …………Santana: I watch it every now and then.
Perreira: Ahhhh, thats enough.. We can even say you've coached a small local team before and I will recommend you cousin...
Santana: man we talking about a national team here, not just any local team!!
Perreira: Don’t worry cousin leave all that to me, I told you that’s a banana republic. Santana: But don’t you have a contract with them already?
Perreira : So what? I can always say my wife is sick and needs my support..
Santana: oh one last thing.... I just met this woman and I really like her, I just cant leave her.. …….Perreira: Can she speak English? Santana: She watches Santa Babra and she said to me this morning "happy morning" ..Perreira: Great!!! She can go to SA with you.. We’ll say she's your interpreter; she can also earn some money from SAFA.
Santana: you kidding me... is this country sooooooo bad? .. Perreira: a circus I tell you... Santana: what if I want to come back home before my contract expires?
Perreira: don’t worry you will not stay there for long, no one ever does, the team loses all the time and the public blames the coach... Santana: so these guys can’t even play? Perreira: come watch this video... you see this weakest link? "Aron Mokeona the gate way" he is the captain. Should I say more?
Santana: hahahahaha... let me go do my visa and passport right away.
Some Aussie humour on the Al-Qaeda group……Oey vy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zePm4mISis
That ‘old’ favourite ……… Chiribom,chiribom http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=artkqUuVvRo
A very interesting ‘Historical’ look at an Arms ‘Kibbutz’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQNw5MA3DII
Got an e-mail from an ‘old’ Stan & Pete waiter, Daryl Rosen in Sydney who wants to let / swop his Shtetl …. a house in Vaucluse Sydney Australia,4 bedroom ,3 bathroom ,ocean views close to beaches parks and coastal walks
Landscaped garden + BBQ, sleeps 6-8. Newly renovated. Available to
rent or house exchange for Cape Town. 17 December '09 - 20th January 2010 contact Daryl Rosen daryl@rwdb.com or call 0422-162-935 for more info…. Daryl was ‘Tukka’ one of the Manne in the mid ‘80’s and worked with such ‘Heichers’ as Hillel & Alan Shrank …Daryl’s Boet is married to their Schvester Leanne and they live in Cape Town……
English Customs
An Englishman went next door to welcome his new Indian neighbor.
He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drank it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian man.
At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.
He became real angry and went up to the Indian man. "I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a
welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!'', he yelled in the Indian man's
face. The Indian man looked confused and answered.
"Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually English customs.
I was told, to be English, you have to chase chicks, get ‘pish’ drunk, and listen to ‘Bobbameises’.
I have moved the growing collection of the Stan The Good Shabbos Man joke books popping up in weird area’s onto the Joke Book on the Home page….
Click here to see the pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/jokeindex.html
At the crowded Sandton bus stop a beautiful young blonde woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, Hennie, a fris boerseun from Kakamas, who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,
'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
Hennie smiled and in his best English answered her : 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree wiff you, but after you unzipped my fly free times, I kinda figured we was friends.' (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah………………).
Popped into the Schneider / Sofianos wedding on Sunday, and met a lot of ‘ou’ Lichtenburger’s …as the Chossen Gavriel’s Mom Ingrid was from Lichtenburg, and was born two days before me….Saw her Boet Glen Cooper who has been in London for many years, and came for the wedding….. “lekker’ evening with good Ruach, and they really gave it a go on the dance floor………Nicole, the Kallah, is also formerly from Souff Effrikka, and the Chossen / Kallah stay in Oz……
Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Big Shakeach to Steven Koseff who won the Sunday Times 100 ‘Lifetime Achievers Award’ last week, in a Gala evening at the Rand Club in Downtown Joburg, which up till a few years ago, did not allow Ladies in, and Methinks, a long time ago, no ‘Yidden’ ?? , soooooooooo it really was a special occasion….. Investec have continued to grow, and are known World wide these days, with huge Sort advertising, and of course ‘Rugger’……..Mazeltov to the Koseff team….. Chief Rabbi Warren Goldstein was also in attendance…..
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too!
SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky.
The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble-full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
Lyn, who stays in Israel these days would like to contact an old Chaver of hers, Glika Kisselstein (Utian) who she thinks is still staying in Israel. Please drop Lyn a line, if you have a contact for Glika.. gallis@bezeqint.net
Was at the Baron / Goldstein engagement at the Kilarney Country Club, and it was ‘Tukka’ a crowd from the other side of the Jukskei (Blue Bulls territory), Pretoria (Tshwane…….???). Errol & Barbara Baron’s daughter, Gabi , got engaged to Neil, son of Eli Goldstein…… The Baron’s are from Pretoria, and my ‘old’ chaver Alvin Gentin ( Sydney – ex Eliasov Wolf- Amolikke Yoren) was involved with Errol in a business and Howard Yutar is also involved…. Eli Goldstein has been involved in the ‘Yiddish’ culture for many years here in Joburg…..he sent me a lovely Youtube on Yiddish…… ‘GIB A KUK’……..
http://www.myzeidi.com/MyZeidi_TV.html ..Pictures……http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
A few ‘Mishuga’ ones……..Might take the ‘Kaylikka’s’ awhile, BUT….U should get them, eventually………………
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."
I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby.They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle."
The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. ……
I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.
He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first"
He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"
I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar"
I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Robbie Williams. (Oey vy…).
‘Tukka’ a sad day for the ‘Beloved Country’ last weekend, when JZ (Jacob Zuma) said that Malema was a future ANC leader in the making….I have put the NEWS 24 article, and the comments are a must read…reckon that JZ was dreaming, OR was misquoted…????? As is usually the case when the Manne make a ‘blaps’.. http://www.news24.com/Content/SouthAfrica/Politics/1057/5990d36ce7594a7ea1cf18e2eefdd82b/26-10-2009-08-00/Malema_a_leader_in_the_making_-_Zuma
Julius Malema was spotted photocopying blank paper………………………..
When asked what he was doing, he replied: '' I’m making more paper. ''
Got an E-mail from an ‘old’ Highlands North High chaver, looking for a Doctor to join a practice………Mmmmmmm…" Exceptional opportunity for board certified / board eligible Obstetrician - Gynecologist to join a thriving solo practice in magnificent Newport Beach, California. Must be licensed in California and have appropriate American visa / green card / citizenship. For further information please submit your resume to OBGYN4@gmail.com , along with any references or other pertinent information you might have."
A REDNECK LOVE POEM ……..
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE, ………SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, …….SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL, ……….. YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW, ….BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE ………. AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, …….HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL, ……AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO' …….I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD, ….. JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE; …… YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY
Holiday rental – 3 bedroom modern townhouse, in Dover Heights, Sydney (next to DH Shull), 2.5 bathrooms, cable TV (Living room and master bedroom) fully air-conditioned, suitable for 4 people , children welcome! Available between 26th December till 22nd January Contact Raz or Tracy for more info:
razchorev@gmail.com (cellular +61 410 660107)
tracychorev@gmail.com (cellular +61 425 261 356).
Cantor Ari Klein is at it again with his Kabbalat Shabbat Davening at Kol HaNeshamah. Services will take place on Friday night October 30th, 5.45pm @ Ramath Orah, 550 West 110th st (between Broadway and Amsterdam) don't miss this wonderful service with an all star acappela group and the hot cholent and Potato Kugel Kiddush to follow! Can't beat that to usher in shabbos….and all Souff Effrikkens in and around the ‘Big Apple’ are warmly invited to Join Ari and the Congregation for a ‘Special’ Shabbos
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style."
The contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville . They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo ... From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read:
"I'm Gay," "I love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef," "I Voted for Obama," "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2012" and "I'm here to confiscate your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins!!
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Happy Birthday to my Niece Leanne Blumenthal (Smookler)….Many more ‘Skattie’………..
Mazeltov to Aviva (Jakobus) & Dion Diamond on the birth of their second Princess…..sister to Jaime…. Mazeltov to proud Grandparents, Ken & Bev Jakobus and Claudine Diamond…. Aviva & her Schvester Shana were waiters at Stan & Pete ‘Amolikke Yoren’………Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha…………
Mazeltov to Rowan (Furman) and Bianca (Farber) on their engagement this week…Rowan was at school with my Zunnelle Martin, and Bianca is the daughter of Hazel & BARRY Farber…… Mazeltov to Darryl & Marianne Rowan’s parents….and the whole ‘Mishpocha’…………….
Mazeltov to Lara (Zaidel) & Yochi Lipschitz on the birth of a Zunnelle in Israel this week….Mazeltov to Bobba & Zaida Solly & Charlene Zaidel & Sue Lipschitz…..snd Great Grandfather Basil Boyer….Solly tells me he has the SOVIET JEANS made for the ‘Babella’…Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha……..The Zaidel’s are off to Yerushalayim for the Bris ……
Mazeltov to Lea & Neil Karpelowsky on their marriage in Paris a few months ago….The groom is a Nephew to Hylton Goldstein, one of our Simcha Photographers/Video men ….Hiltons wife felicity Invitations for Simcha’s, sooo they are both in the Simcha industry http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
Dankie Hylton for the ‘Lekker’ wedding pictures and a Grayser Mazeltov to the whole family in Manchester…Neil’s Boet Chopper celebrated his birthday in London yesterday with my Zunnelle’s…happy birthday ‘Chopper’…..
Sincere condolences to the Sideras family on the loss of their beloved Harry…Harry was a restaurateur of note in his day, and ended up with the Highway Man in Norwood ‘Amolikke Yoren’… Harry was at Hotelschool with me ( 1 year ahead)…and his daughter has followed in his footsteps and owns the VERY popular Tasha’s restaurants…….Sincere condolences to the whole family…….
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
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Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com |
Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…
Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas |
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Parsha of The Week |
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Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
Airport Story
Every rabbi has an airport story. In fact, some rabbis tell so many incredible stories of providential encounters on airplanes and in airports that I sometimes wonder if it is physically possible for them to have traveled on as many airplanes as they have stories!
Why am I talking about airplanes? Because this is the week of Lech Lecha, when our father Abraham was instructed by G-d to leave his birthplace and journey to a foreign land that would, one day, be promised to his children. Ever since then, the Jews have been a nation of wanderers. Our ancestors’ travels shaped our future destiny. Their journeys became our journeys. And the geographical upheavals the Jewish people have been subjected to over the centuries are mirror images of the footsteps of our forebears.
Anyway, here is an airplane story of my own.
Some years back, I was traveling from Johannesburg to Cape Town to join then President Nelson Mandela at a Banquet honouring South Africa’s late Chief Rabbi Cyril Harris and also to deliver a few lectures there at various synagogues. They say “getting there is half the fun,” but on this occasion nothing could have been further from the truth. First there was a system malfunction on the aircraft and with it a 30-minute delay. Then there was a missing passenger who delayed takeoff for a further 3 hours until he was discovered in the airport pub somewhat uncertain of where exactly he was going. Eventually, we landed after 10 pm and I missed the synagogue lecture that I was scheduled to give at 8 pm earlier that evening.
And why might you be interested in my story? Because I found it fascinating to watch the reactions of the different passengers on the plane while we were waiting impatiently to take off. Some people got very angry. They were screaming and shouting and giving the poor flight attendants a very hard time. Others simply sulked in silence.
I couldn’t help thinking what a lesson this was on the subject of Divine Providence and who really runs the world. I had given myself ample time to get to my 8 pm lecture punctually. But clearly, G-d had other plans. So who is actually in control? The best laid plans of mice and men don’t necessarily get us to our destinations on time - even if we get to the airport early.
I could have become angry myself. I was very upset. It was quite a disappointment to have missed my lecture. Such a thing had never happened to me before. But my conscience was clear. I had left more than enough time to make it. The fact that I did not was not in my hands. I mean, who runs the world? The answer is, the One Above.
If, for some reason known only to Him, He wants me not to give the 8 o’clock lecture, then no amount of huffing and puffing on my part will make one bit of difference. While pondering on this philosophical perspective, I found myself becoming more relaxed and actually quite serene about the whole frustrating experience. Yes, we must do our share; we must give it our best shot. But beyond that, it’s G-d’s department.
If we can develop this attitude – and, believe me, I also need to develop it further – we will all be better able to cope with the disappointments we so often face in life, and even with real tzorres we may sadly encounter. It’s all in His hands. If he decided the plane would be delayed then there must be a good reason.
So there really isn’t any major drama in my airplane story. Did I bump into a Jewish passenger and change his life forever? Sorry to disappoint you but I did not. What I did experience was a personal confirmation of something that I had, of course, always believed theologically. From my little episode on the airplane a basic premise of Jewish belief was reinforced in my own mind and heart.
So even if nothing amazing occurred, I became far more aware that G-d, and not I, is the controller of this universe. I may still have no idea why this delay was part of His vast eternal plan but I do know that there was a reason. I may never discover what that reason was, but that there was a reason I am convinced.
When we understand this, we will have learned the art of acceptance. When we learn acceptance, we lead calmer, more tranquil lives, without all the unnecessary anxiety we create in our own minds. And I must admit, it is a conviction which has helped me through many disappointments in my own life, from the small stuff to the more serious.
I think the famous Serenity Prayer is quite in keeping with Jewish tradition. G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
May all your journeys be safe and successful and may you get to your destinations on time. And even if you don’t, don’t sweat. He is in charge.
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