Dear All,

The weather is very Cold at the moment, with some days VERY cold, and of course we are not geared for ‘Real Cold’ in the “Beloved Country’ and people run to the ‘Shopkellas’ and buy heaters immediately, and then store them because this cold weather does not last long, and when you try and use next time, they are Kaput……..the quality of heaters on the Market is ‘Shreklach’…… The coastal towns like Cape Town, Port Elizabeth and Durban  have had a torrid few days, with E-mazing sea swells and waves of over 9 metres……..

The 2nd. Lions / Bok test was really E-mazing to watch, and it is a long time since a Test has been SOOOO exciting, and those that saw Loftus , would have realized that the Lions had incredible support, with the Whole popular stand (Opposite the Main Grandstand) about 75% Red….that is a ‘Humugous’ following, and what a game it was ( they reckon half the crowd were Lions supporters…..…..Those that remember my prompts, would have remembered me calling for Morne Steyn & Brussouw to be included, and the two Manne MADE the win possible, even though they only came on late in the game…….. Schkalk Burger has to go…the past three years I have been saying, that although he is Brilliant, he also has no idea on how to blend into a team, and it is not worth keeping him, and loosing him for 10 minutes most games, and of course many stupid penalties during a game……. Fourie Du Preez ‘   is from the ‘old’ school, and plays with a lot of Schiechel….The Boks were GR888 and the last test could go either way, with the Lions seeking a bit of ‘Pride’ for themselves and the Bokke going all out for a 3-0 Series win….It has really been Gr8 having them here , and it is tours like this that are remembered , not the once off Tests………See ‘Groot Snor” PDV is talking about many changes….?????

Bit of the ‘Old ‘language, to get ‘Youse’ thinking……………..
Wat noem jy ‘n 30-jarige Boksburg girl? ………..Ouma.
Wat noem jy ‘n Boksburg girl in ‘n wit sweetpak? …….Die bruid.

Wat is die eerste vraag tydens ‘n Boksburg pub quiz? ……  Wat kyk jy?
Twee Boksburg laaities in ‘n kar sonder enige musiek - wie bestuur?... Die polisieman.

Wat noem jy ‘n Boksburg ou in ‘n pak?............Die beskuldigde
Versamelnaam vir Boksburg; Benoni; Nigel en Brakpan …….. Boknaaipan

Bafana Bafana have improved and were unlucky not to have drawn with Brazil…….and it will go a long way to helping the 2010 Sokka World Cup crowds……if only they would get rid of those ‘KAK’ Vuzezella’s……I laughed when Seff Blatter said it was an Effrikken Tradition…what a load of ‘Bobbameises’…….. See a ‘Yiddisher’ Vuvuzella @ http://www.stantgsm.com/list_jokes.php The play off was exciting with Spain pipping the Bokke…..Good Souff Effrikken performance……and the Final was won by Brazil….and again the USofA were ‘pipped’ at the VERY end, BUT…Brazil came back superbly….The Sokka 2010 is already calling…..and the ‘Yanks’ can really be proud of their performance at the Confederations Cup….hear that Obama is coming for the Sokka 2010…????

Difference between Michael Jackson & Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester)……??
Sir Alex can still play Giggs in July… ! ! ! !

Wimbledon carries on in the age old tradition and is very well run and Classy…..Federer should win……..Got an E-mail that two ‘Yidalch’ are playing in the Tournament this year, Dudi Sela  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dudi_Sela from Israel and Jesse Levine ( 21), American/Canadian Jesse Levine…he has a Magen Dovid on his Chain and is strictly Kosher…….Both have done well to reach soooo far……. http://www.wimbledon.org/en_GB/scores/draws/ms/r2s2.html very good website to see all the match results………….

Quote Of The Year …by Bert Prelutsky….see web article below….
"On a more serious front, I sincerely hope that when the president goes in for his annual check-up, the doctors at Bethesda will do a brain scan. Surely something must be terribly wrong with a man who seems to be far more concerned with a Jew building a house in Israel than with Muslims building a nuclear bomb in Iran."
http://townhall.com/columnists/BurtPrelutsky/2009/06/12/being_taken_for_a_ride

The Maccabi Team ‘Souff Effrikka’ is soon on the way, and the ‘RUGGER’ Team are going…(Like the Chevra Kadisha…yours eventually)….they must make us proud, after all the effort that was put in to get them going…….the squad is ready, and for many, this is there first visit to the ‘Land of milk & Honey’ (Israel)..should be a GR8 event…my Zunnelle at the Ohrsom Yeshiva in Jerusalem reckons it is VERY hot in Israel, and my Zunnelle Joel in London says that London is ‘Kooking’, so we should have a GR8 visit………Ag Pleeeeze remember that I will be away till end of July…soooo NO letter, and have ‘Ragmonis’ on my Komputta…can always send to my holiday E-mail; ssmookler@gmail.com   

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (True story….. ???? )
 
Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
  American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
 
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..
 
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
  You're going to love this...... Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
  "Defrost the chicken." 

A big honour for a Souff Effrikken ‘Yid’, is that Loren Kaplan's work "Bells of Forgiveness" was just installed at the Constitutional Court. Her parents Aubrey and Etienne Kaplan, living in Toronto are very proud of her achievement….Elliott Wolf, ex ‘Balabos’ of King David Linksfield is also VERY proud of her achievement especially as she attended KDL while he was Head Master….Loren actually runs her Pottery studio from Paterson Park, which was ‘OUR’ hangout in the sixties, and of course that is where we ‘Goefed’ (Swam) as very few homes at pools…. see pictures of the Bells…… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Grandmother and her grandson are shopping at the Supermarket.
Grandma: "Diploma, give me the sugar. Diploma put down that packet of sweets.
Cashier: "Granny, is your grandson's name Diploma?"
Grandma: "Yes."
Cashier: Why 'Diploma'?
Grandma: "Because I sent my daughter to Technikon and this is what she brought back."

Jodi Lifschitz (nee Singer) is looking for a friend that she had before she immigrated to Canada - and cannot locate her. She might be married now and have a different surname but if anyone knows her could they please contact Jodi at: jodi_lifschitz@hotmail.com . Her Chaver is Lexi Friedman- daughter of Barbara and David Friedman. She has a brother Russell. Lexi will be turning 28 this year. The family are still staying in Joburg ??, sooooo drop Jodi a e-mail and give her contact details for Lexi…… Her parents are Barbara & David Friedman..

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. 
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"  
He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."  
 
Frank Rosen from Cape Town, who is still trying to put together a ‘Yiddisher’ Motorbike Chapter, is looking for agents country wide to sell Hair Driers, styling irons and other items…see   http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php  Is you are dynamic and looking for some extra ‘Geld’ contact them……..

Hamburger shop
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

Piggs Peak, home of All Africa Poker is taking its team of 32 Southern African poker players to participate in the World Series of Poker (WSOP) in Las Vegas this month.  For the first time, local poker fans will be able to follow the tournament developments through All Africa Poker’s online multi-channel social media marketing strategy.

To record the sights and sounds of Vegas, Team All Africa Poker will be accompanied by Michael Collet Production’s, who will interview and follow the team as well as celebrity poker players and poker legends taking part in the 40TH World Series of Poker Main Event. Popular Sports Presenter Neil Andrews will anchor the footage with special appearances by All Africa Poker’s Perfect Pair, spokespeople Danny K and Lee Ann Liebenberg. …….
Local fans can keep up to date by reading the blog updates on the All Africa Poker website, following All Africa Poker on Twitter and becoming an All Africa Poker fan on Facebook. The Souff Effrikken Manne have really done well in Poker, and a BIG Shakeach to Mike (BB) Collett, who from a humble start doing Barmy’s & Weddings day in, day out……is going to Vegas to video the Shpielers, soooo watch the links for Mike The Spike’s up to the minute close ups…Danny K is also going with his Fiance Lee Ann to give a bit of ‘Chein’ to the tournament…and Danny is quite a ‘Shpieler’ also…this is ‘Tukka’ a Seriaaaas competition…..can always play free on PIGGS PEAK online…

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked,
"Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"  (Oey vy……..)

Put your name in the NEW ‘Jewish search engine “Jewgle” and see what it brings up..   http://www.thefriedmans.net/jewgle/  Another Goooogle V facebook Shtick http://www.wired.com/techbiz/it/magazine/17-07/ff_facebookwall?currentPage=all

The reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town church in Ireland.
One day he was walking down the High Street and noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn’t happy.
He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

‘Mrs. Fitzgerald,’ he said sternly. ‘This is no place for a member of my congregation.
 Why don’t you let me take you home?’
‘Sure,’ she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.
The Reverend realized that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.
When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, ‘Oi Mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.’
The Reverend looked up and said, ‘But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Flapps.’
The landlord nodded and said, ‘Oh well, if you’re that far in, you might as well finish.’