GOOD SHABBOS 2 6 2005

Dear All,

The weather continues to E-maze……….. the days are ‘lekker' and the evenings are starting to get a little cold, with the experts saying that the ‘flu' at the moment is a lot worse than in past years, and takes a bit longer to get rid of. The weather Fundi's predicted a 80% chance of rain on Sunday, BUT…….it never happened.

The Rugby this weekend was a ‘michel' with ‘amper' all my predictions coming off. At the beginning of the Super8 plus the Souff Effrikken teams, I predicted a Brumbies / Crusader final with ALL the REF's and linesman from the ‘beloved Country', and soooo the Waratah's (also Aussies) took the place of the Brumbies, BUT…………the winners were the Crusaders…..it was not a lucky win, BUT………one with power and planning. Our ‘boytie' jonathan Kaplan handled the game very well and is still one of the top Refs around……..Hopefully the Schwartzers (All Blacks), can do the same to the British Lions, as their play last week was very Schwag, and as I said at the time of the Poms winning the World Cup, it was more luck than skill, and like the Bok chockers, have done very little since the World Cup. When I went on a Tri nations tour a few years ago, and watched the game in Christchurch, you must know that those ‘gateisim' eat, drink and sleep Rugger, and it is ‘moerse' difficult to win at home…..the Crusaders and the Schwartzers will loose scrumhalf Marshall next year, and things could really change…………

I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT OVER THE HILL ,………………???????

WHEN I DON'T REMEMBER GETTING TO THE TOP.

Why was the 2 piece bikini invented? To separate the ‘Fleischik' section from the ‘Milchick' section.

OLD MAN: Can you give me an erection?
FAITH HEALER: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk
and I can even cure cancer, but I'm sorry I cannot raise the dead.

Define Impotence? Nature's way of saying "NO HARD FEELINGS"

Our Rugby is really ‘in die KAK' with all the MANNE at the top resigning, going ‘mashugah' and then making up…………Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik something is ‘vrot' in the Rugby board. I reckon until they have a Shogg*, and not a Brownen* and definitely not a Vicer*, they will not be happy…………..Really sad to see such a proud tradition of Springbok Rugby going down the drain…….fast. Somehow, the appointment of our new cricket coach has taken place without much ‘noise', BUT……….I fear for the tour at the end of the year to Australia, as they are going to ‘Tukka' teach us the game, once and for all……It was good to see that the West Indies beat Pakistan in the Test this week, which gives a bit of meaning to our white wash last month.

**** Shogg – from Hebrew word Shoggar meaning Black

**** Brownen – Slang for Brown, coloured,

**** Vicer - slang for white

On a very Seriaaaaas note, the much awaited verdict in the ‘Guniff V Guniff ‘ trail , in which our vice President, Jacob Zuma's finacial wizard is up on bribery & corruption charges in trying to bribe (Oey vy, trying) our Vice President…..IF the verdict goes against him, Zuma could be next, BUT……..as the Manne say, if Zuma falls, who will be our next Balabos when Mbeki steps down (hopefully). Well they have just announced that Shabir Schaik has been found guilty, BUT…………….he will only be sentenced tomorrow…….Oey vy what happens to the Deputy President……………???

In Effrekka, the Manne do not like to give up the power toooo easily, as we have seen across the border in Zim – Bob – We. Uncle Bob has decided to take away ALL the land, and not to bother with (Mis ) appropriating it ………..going to be a long , hard winter in Zim'bob'we this year, and one wonders how long this Mumzer can still hold on, BUT…….at least the 62 mercenaries were let out last week , and are back home after a year of ‘ hell ‘ according to the interviews we saw on Carte Blanche last week. Just heard on the news that Uncle BOB has agreed to accept food parcels from the WEST……what a Bliksem he is……..

On Tuesday night I was invited to Lionel Karp's ‘ Thanksgiving ‘ cocktail, and it was a very lekker evening and the ‘Heigers' (upper class) were there, with Lionel very humble as always……..some really nice things were said about Lionel's achievements , and I saw quite a few good friends there. Lionel's eventual triumph in the ‘broker of the year' competition was a GR8 effort, as a fortune of graft goes into it. Mazeltov to Lionel and of course his trusty staff…….Saw John Robbie who used to be a GR8 Rugger player, and now ‘babbles' on Radio 702 and has a big following…………also writes in the Star (Rugby of course, mainly)………..saw Ivan Soloman ( “ Ratman” ) who runs most charity Bingo evenings and he tells me that he does quite a lot of Bingo evenings every month………….Ivan and his Boet Milton sang in the Sandton choir for years, and Ivan still sings, and Milton is in Irvine now. Ivan has of course been running Sandton Pest Control for years…………

Da Manne from Poffadder

When the Swazi king passes away, his entire estate goes to his youngest

widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 11.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in South

Africa to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

A spietkop pulls over a taxi and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"

and the driver replies "Bout whut?"

Did you hear about the new R3 million SA Lottery?

The winner gets R3.oo a year for a million years.

A new law was recently passed in Poffadder. . . When a couple gets divorced they remain cousins.

At the scene of the accident a spietkop asked the Brakpan driver what gear he was in at the moment of impact.

He replied, "safari suit & grasshoppers, ek sê"

A Poffadder man spoke frantically into the phone, "my wife is pregnant and

her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"

the doctor asked. "No stupid" the Poffadder man shouted,

"This is her husband!"

At the moment things are really quite, and the only worrying thing at the moment is the ‘ugly' unrest that is taking place across the country……..my ‘old' Nationalist newspaper, The Citizen says that the photo's taken of the rioting taking place are similar to those of 25 years ago, when everyone was living in fear………….the problem is of course that the ‘causes ‘ are actually the same, the poor are not benefiting from the ‘Rainbow Nation ‘ and this is a Seriaaaaaaaaaas problem, and unless the Manne address the problem and get down to the delivery of houses and services, the masses will rise again. We have been blessed with relative calm and very few strikes soooo far this ‘season', and hopefully the ‘privileged' WEKKERS will hold on to the jobs they have…………………..

TWEE-TALIG ??

Do you know a 6-word sentence that is written in Afrikaans and in English with all of the 6 words spelt exactly the same in each language, in the same word order and with the same meaning in both languages ???

My pen is in my hand………( baie slim /very clever )

A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter a
'lady of the night' approached his wife & whispered
"You must DEMAND cash before any hanky-panky, I know him.…….

He doesn't pay!!!"

On Sunday, Chabad had a Qolf Day at Summerplace, the Krok's exclusive venue and corporate headquarters. They say it was a ‘lekker' day, and Qolf seems to be getting quite popular…………OK what is Qolf……??? Qolf is similar I believe to Croquet, BUT………….you actually chip the ball through hoops. The course at Summer place is really nice, and reminds one of Sun City a bit…………my ‘chaver' Gary did the catering and it was enjoyed by all.

Did a big trip on the East Rand last week seeing a lot of the companies I deal with, and of course took a short cut along the back roads to get from Germiston to Alberton, and since doing that route last year, the amount of squatter shacks coming up is alarming…………………they are all over the place…..I wonder if there are many workers left in the rural ( Farms) areas anymore, as the squatters seem to be taking over , everywhere. Went to Kempton Park this week and the development is unbelievable………there are soooo many new suburbs on the Modderfontein side, that the place is quite new to me. I remember doing a wedding on the Garbers farm 25 years ago, and it was right where I was………in those days, there where only farms out there. I worked at Leon 's outfitters in Kempton in my Highlands school days, and used to go with the Late Leon Weinberg to the outfitters on the weekend. In those days, used to take a few minutes from his home in Linksfield, BUT………such traffic these days………

I reckon the Yiddisher Community and the Goyim were really shocked at the newspaper articles about one of the Captains of Industry, Larry Lipschitz. Larry is of course the Balabos of Supergroup, which is a Humongous Truck rental business. He was caught with his ‘huizen' (pants) down, and the articles were very descriptive……..the punch line being that he was caught by his ‘meidels' husband, and soooo developed a bit of a Shmoogle, and Larry took the ‘boytjie' to court and won the case, BUT………….of course the papers have had a field day…. And to make matters worse, he had the financial results to deal with this week, and his joke at the meeting was quite a ‘classic'; “What's the difference between Bill Clinton and myself “ he asked…. “I do not lie ‘.and I reckon he did it the best way to cut out further Tzorres for himself……..BUT,,…….,it was quite a ‘skrik'…….remember that ‘old' Yiddish saying fun dem heim ; As dem schmekkel shteid, is dem kop af drerd…….

BE NICE TO BACTERIA:

IT MAY BE THE ONLY CULTURE U HAVE!

Do you know the speed of ‘yentzing…?????
68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Pizza's a lot like yentzing. When it's good, it's really good!
And when it's bad, it's still pretty good

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is
falling into your drawers!

The results at Alexander Forbes were also down, and another Yiddisher boytjie, Rael Gordon, was reassuring investors that they were on the right path……..the Rand seems to be weaking, as the Euro is showing a bit of strain due to the French voting, and one wonders if the ‘Mighty Rand' is going to go right down, or have the times changed………time will tell. Sitting at nearly R7 to $$$$

The ‘Mandela Art Skandaal' court case was screened on TV a ‘la Yankee style, and it looks like a messy story, BUT…………I reckon they will settle, and the Art bought might be worth ‘geld' after all, BUT…………I see the ‘Tannie' in Mandela Square ( Sandton City) is deciding whether to close her store, as the Skandaal has all but closed her shop anyway……..

Had an appeal from the Haifa Bowls Club in the ‘Land of Milk & Honey' . Like most Bowls clubs in the ‘beloved country' there are in a bit of Shtogg (financial Tzorres)……… .......we are totally in stoch street and may have to close as we cannot even meet our monthly expenses

We have tried to get all sorts of local public body support but without success 

 What I was thinking of with all your readers far and wide there may be a club in Sydney , London  etc that may want to be our TWIN CLUB  and may be able to assist us temporarily…………Lionel. Well the sad news is that Mid 2006, Stan & Pete will be on the move again, as the ‘Beaconsfield Club' have decided to call it a day, and I think the few members that are left, will be joining the TAC…………really a sad day, BUT……..sooooo many clubs have closed, not only yiddisher ones. Bowls, like squash seems be be dying…..In days gone bye, bowler would never give up the game till it gave them up.

Mrs. Berkowitz, shopping in the supermarket, went from
counter to counter humming and singing to herself.
"You seem to be very happy," remarked the clerk.

"I have every reason to be," replied the woman.
"I've got a beautiful home, two lovely children, a
nice bank account, my husband's life is insured for
$2,000,000 .....and his health is far from robust."

Real “ Blast from the past” was a note from Joe in Sydney, who was one of the ‘boytjies' from Bob Millers North City Brokers…….I reckon that nearly every successful Yiddisher insurance broker came thru' that brokerage….couple of names Joe mentions are Norman Kotzen  , Harold Mendelsohn, Hymie Levy, Ronnie Moss, Percy Kotkiss,Neville Nathan,Sender Lees, Joe Simon and of course , many many more…….those type of associations do not exist anymore…………………I know all the above ‘boytjies, and a couple are still in the game today. ……..

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

 Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need  to see your ticket, not your stub."

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Hymie was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he
sent his wife her alimony payment each month.
When asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm
afraid that if I should ever fall behind in my payments she might
decide to repossess me."

Sorry about all the Bobbameises about the website, BUT………….the idea is still to send the letter, BUT……….if you do not get your copy, just double click on the Website and you will get it there………just got to give the “IT” E-fundi's a warm Klap, to wake them up……MOST IMPORTANT………..Go to current letter on the website and you will see a BUTTON that says PRINT VERSION …just push that button, and you will get a normal print………I reckon that lesson is worth a few $$$$$ from those ‘keilika's' that do not listen, and keep on whining………………………if not sure just send me an e-mail and I will send a normal copy as I have been doing……I have noted all the suggestions from the E-fundi's around the world, and will change what was asked, like a white background instead of grey, etc, etc,

People always say change is GR8………..oey vy, what made me change the letter………….E-mazing how many print it, and how many are sending it on, and on, and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn……!!!!!!!!!!

Click here to view the Website
http://www.stantgsm.com

From Stan and the Clan.

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate ) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!! 
Cell  082-4547860

smookler@netactive.co.za

Last week, due to Lag ‘B omer, I could not get the ‘VORT' so here is this weeks inspiration………………………..

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Chains of Glory

This Tuesday night just past in Jerusalem , a young Jewish boy followed in the footsteps of hundreds of generations before him and stood before the Torah to accept upon himself the responsibilities of being a Jewish man. But this Bar Mitzvah was unlike any other happening that day anywhere in the world, because this was the grandson of one of the most respected and loved gedolim of our generation – the late Shlomo Zalman Auerbach z”l. And besides the fact that the simcha was frequented by the Religious World's Who's Who - if there is such a thing - what made the celebration even more interesting was the well timed entrance of a close friend.

Tanned and good-looking in that movie-star Hollywood style, Dave Goldman from Los Angeles turned more than a few heads with his slick suit and gelled hair. But what really caused a stir was when he was physically escorted through the thick crowd of well-wishers and bystanders jostling for a peak at the Sages who ate at the main table. And this is where recently religious Dave found himself sitting – in between some of the biggest Halachic minds in the world today, like Rabbi Shmuel Auerbach son and successor of Rav Shlomo Zalman.

So here's this lovely and very American guy who's just started learning his aleph beis, laughing and drinking a La Chaim with the people the rest of the religious world are prepared to wait 3 weeks for an appointment for! And as everyone comes by to say mazel tov , Dave's hand gets shaken too with the same respect they have for the people he's sitting next to.

By now you must be asking the same question the rest crowd was: “Who is that and what did he do?” The answer: Absolutely nothing.

But he has a photograph that tells the whole story: In sepia tones depicting a Jerusalem background in the early half of the last century, poses the Auerbach family next to one of the most wondrous and sought-after processions in Jerusalem at the time – a fridge. Which, along with much-needed gifts of cash, the self-made textile millionaire Rachamkim - Rav Auebach's brother in-law and Dave's great grandfather, had regularly sent.

For decades the legend of the fridge and the other gifts arriving into the impoverished city at just right moment had been told and retold. But never before had the family an opportunity to show any gratitude. Until now, finally a descendant of the millionaire had come home. And that's how my friend Dave from L.A. got photographed ‘partying' with some of the biggest Rabbis in the World today.

And what this story illustrates in tangible terms is the concept of Zechus Avos – merit of the fathers . This is essentially the spiritual model of ‘proteksia' or ‘ having connections'. We had an uncle in the furniture business; and Dave has a few big uncles in the rabbinic business. Fundamentally what it is, is the ripple effect caused one man's good deeds as they float over the generations of his hereditary line, carrying with them all the brocha they caused when they were first created.

The power of Zechus Avos is often explained in a problematic parable: a man appears in court to stand trail and when the judge recognizes him, he affords him a ridiculous leniency because of who he is and lets him off scott free.

Now in a religion whose main spearhead of theology is the pursuit of Objective Truth at all costs and with clear commandments in the Torah to “Not pervert Justice” and “To judge righteously” this parable not only makes no sense, it is also borderline heretic. Can it be that HaShem Himself does not adhere to the same standards of justice He demands of man?!

Obviously not.

Our Sages explain the apparent contradiction by examining the root of the Hebrew word for merit – zechus . Sharing the root is the word zachus – which means purity. This elucidates the concept by hinting at the source of this spiritual mechanism: it is only when one is connecting 'purely' to those very same original characteristics and intentions that the original good deed was performed with, that the chain that links him back to his fathers is fastened. And therefore justice is not being perverted and his merits are his, only they go further for they stand on the shoulders of his ancestors.

And in this weeks parsha Bamidbar we see the idea subtly hinted to when HaShem commands Moshe to count his flock: “Take a census of the entire assembly of the children of Israel according to their families, according to their fathers' households , by number of the names, every male according to their head count”

(Bamidbar 1:2)

The commentators explain the seemingly superfluous repetition of the phrase “fathers' households” right after the phrase “families” by elucidating the Hebrew word to “take a census” or count: “Su” which is from the root nasah which means to raise. What was it that caused some of the generations to raised above the rest – their fathers' households i.e. their heritage of good deeds and refined tendencies that had been passed down through the generation gap.

So this Shabbos, tighten the links in your chain, both those above and below you. Research and share your heritage - you're guaranteed to be inspired by it's depth and richness.

And have a good Shabbos from Yerushalaiyim.

For the refuah shleima of Avraham Yitchak ben Freida Sarah and

the iluiy neshoma of Moshe Yaakov ben Lipman

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