Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
30 October 2008

The weather is good with some incredible storms on the weekend, which actually cut off the Currie Cup Final………looks like we could get a bit more rain, BUT….it is hot…….with storms come the usual broken Robots, and of course soooo many are ‘stukkend’ at the moment……

The ‘Currie Cup ‘Rugger’ final was not the greatest game I have seen, BUT…..in the end the Sharks deserved their win …..….not many players on either side did their reputations much good except the ‘Golden Oldie’ Stephan Terblanche and Kirschner…the two fullbacks, BUT…..it was a tough final with ‘OUR’ Yiddisher ‘boytjie’ Kaplan blowing a VERY good Strict game…and had the players under control…….The atmosphere was GR8 , and I reckon they are still celebrating in Durbs…..some GR8 ‘Rugger’ in November…my Zunnelle Martin and a few Chavers are going to the Wales / Bok game next week…..and the Baa-Baa’s game…..this weekend sees the Scvartzers /Aussie game in Dubai….Oey vy….?? Not sure what to expect…… ‘Geld’ will eventually kill International Test ‘Rugger’ between countries ( even before the Men from the Ministry’ in the ‘Beloved Country’) as the European Clubs are stealing all the players, and I see Carter is on his way to France….BIG loss……

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

" Don't be flattered..... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

The BOK team chosen for the end of year tour to the UK looks alright, BUT ….a few good ‘Shpielers’ were left out……not taking a regular Fly half, could be a ‘Killer’….this short tour is not for ‘wearing in’ Shpielers as each game will be very hard………Rose…Oey vy…soooo chicken to tackle……..
Luke Watson withdrew from the Tour the night before it was chosen……..and saved everyone a lot of embarrassment, BUT…..his story is far from over….E-mazing that the men From The Ministry spend soooo much valuable time, worrying who owns the BOK emblem instead of concentrating on building the game in Disadvantaged areas and using money on development, instead of pocketing it themselves, and forming these BEE companies to get the Government tenders and then squander the ‘geld’………….I see his ‘Tatta’ Cheeky (that’s for sure) is trying to take over at Eastern Province HQ….here it starts

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we all drank together.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same
way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars' in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.'
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then the light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine.
It's me........I've quit drinking!' ..( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah……)

Met Chaim Ehrlich, son of an old Highlands ‘Chaver’ Stan who was in my years at school, at Sandton Shul on Friday, and he really had a very different ‘Yomtov’ season this year, ;
Rosh Hashanah in HERMANUS
I was privileged to daven for the community in Hermanus this year – at their brand new shul. I went with Rabbi Moshe Silberhaft (who gave the droshas) and his son Yossi (who blew the shofar) while I did everything else. For those you ask what that means, it means “EVERYTHING”: ma’ariv, p’sukei d’zimra, shacharit, call ups, leining, haftorah, musaf, mincha and ditto for day 2! We ate meals at Ann Harris (wife of the late Chief Rabbi), did tashlich by the sea watching the whales, and held a communal dinner at the shul hall with over 70 people attending.
The community is very heimish with a mix of locals and out of town people. The Tosefsky family came from Botswana and a meaningful and inspirational Yom Tov was had by all! A special thank you to Rabbi Silberhaft and ALL at the Hermanus Hebrew Congregation for making these High Holy Days memorable.

Yom Kippur in MAURITIUS
Being in Mauritius over Yom Kippur was by far the most interesting experience I have undertaken as a Ba’al Koreih and Ba’al T’filah. Once again, I embarked on this journey / expedition with the good Rabbi Silberhaft who is the official Rabbi of the Island Hebrew Congregation of ‘Ile Maurice’. Many of the local Jews joined us in our small but strong minyan with a peak of about 40 Jews davening together (including local South Africans, French and Israeli Jews). It was both pleasant and meaningful to daven ‘everything’ from Kol Nidrei to N’ilah. Contrary to popular belief, Mauritius is actually a growing community with a number of South Africans, French and Israelis moving there. I was also so excited to finally discover the “Garden of Eden” (The Forbidden Fruit has got to be Sugar Cane which grows on 80% of the island!) If not that, at least a close resemblance! Mauritius is one of those destinations where the adverts don’t lie: There really are white-sand beaches, clear blue water and palm trees. Pure heaven on earth…

Rabbi Silberhaft also conducts marriages there and we stayed at Sugar Beach resort on the West Coast where the services were held. Although the Island Hebrew Congregation has a Shul and community centre in Curepipe, it is inconvenient to hold Yomtov services there as the road network in Mauritius is rather poor and walking to the Shul would take a VERY LONG time. Mauritius has a rich Jewish history dating back to before WW2 where Jewish prisoners were held on the Island. Special thanks once again to Rabbi Silberhaft and the hospitality and kindness of the Island Hebrew Congregation.
E-mazing stories………and they are not ‘Meisa’s’ , BUT….100% true………

A Blonde Aussie was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon her arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.
'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'
'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?
'Just three questions' said St Peter.
'Which are?' asked the blonde.
'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '?
The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'
The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'
So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).
The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'
The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'
St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.
'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?'
St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'
The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'
'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'
'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'
St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven.
Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'
'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'
'It's Andy.'
'Andy??'
'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.
This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in G---s name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his Billy boiled.'
And the blonde entered Heaven....... ( Eishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..)

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"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her ‘Kak’.......
you will receive more ‘Kak’ than any one human being can handle." ( Seriaaaaaas…..)

Got an E-mail from ‘Unky’ Zangwill, who ‘was’ a very good Bowler in his day (He will still say he is a good bowler) and he lives in Toronto and is trying to rent his Ice Box (Condo) which has two bedrooms from Jan – March, when he will be getting a Tan in sunny Souff Effrikka…….drop him a line, maybe even do an accommodation swop…… unky@rogers.com

One day the English teacher told Koos to make a sentence with INCOME TAX.
Koos thought for a while and starts:
I have a dog.
He's name is TAX.
I open da door and INCOME TAX.

The Financial markets worldwide are in ‘Drerd’, and the more I read about the ‘right’ time to buy in again, I want to ‘Bregg’…have the Public not lost enough…??? Obviously if there is a little spark, people will start buying and the wheel will start turning all over again………Spend what you HAVE to spend and not what you hope to MAKE…….The ‘Mighty Rand’ is taking a ‘Klap’, BUT…..they reckon it will come back……Like the Chevra Kadisha…eventually….see it went down to R9.40 -$$$ just now………

This Financial round – up, brought to you by “Taxrelax”……. www.taxrelax.co.za or just click on their website on the letter…..for piece of mind…….they are always offering special deals………! ! ! ! ! !!

Got a E-mail from Basil in Melbourne “ The Gabba of our Mizrachi early morning Minyan (Moshe Salomen) is going on Aliyah February 2009 and has asked me as an ex-Johannesburg resident to enquire regarding renting his home…. Moshe’s house is adjacent to the Mizrachi Shul and school in Caulfield North and would be suitable for an orthodox family.
For info ; Buzzy Gampel buzzy@gampels.com

Anne is trying to find Ann DROBIS, who married a jeweler named FLISHMAN, who had a store called La Vogue in Johannesburg? (it;'s probably FLEISHMAN) .I am trying to help a woman in the USA find Ann DROBIS or Ann FLEISHMAN (they are calling it FLISHMAN). Smookler@netactive.co.za Let me know……..

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg."

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on……. (Seriaaaaas one….)

Re the word ‘Gatiss’, I received quite a few answers, and Marie’s seemd quite plausible and accurate……..
My understanding of the word "gattis" is from when we say 'Al Ch(g)ait' (for the sin ..) on Yom Kippur. Ch(g)ait is a sin and obviously somewhere along the way from amolikke yorren ago yidden in SA referred to the non-Jews as Ch(G)ataiim - sinners. In fact not so long ago I attended a shiur at our Shul (Aish of Thornhill) and a number of other ex S Africans were there as well when the person who was delivering the shiur spoke about "ch(g)attis" pronouncing it as we know it and the other S Africans and I nearly exploded but of course none of the others at the shiur knew or realized our reaction!! It was explained to us that ch(g)ait is a sin. …………..This should clear up the query!

Got an E-mail from ‘Geebs’ (Grant Berman) in Sydney saying that OUR ‘old’ Sandton Boytjie , Rabbi Justin Treger, was in Sydney to give a series of Lectures, and did Sandton proud with some very good ‘Droshes’…Justin’s dad Barney was in my years at Highlands North High………….

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.
He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands:
"I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies: "I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!" ( Ha Haaaaaaa….)

Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Oey vy, Paylin / Shmaylin…….???? She is now being touted as a ‘Yid’ and soon they will tell us that Obama is from the lost tribe of ‘Schvartzer’ Yidden in Kenya……is the ‘Yiddisher’ vote sooooo big in the USofA…???? Never knew we had Zillions of brothers & sisters in the USofA……..not sure who will win, BUT…..the World is in for a ‘toughie’ either way………

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit." ( soooo close to the truth……???)

On the political scene, the Men from the Ministry continue to E-maze…………….each day , they find new ‘Chants’, and of course each side is claiming the others are a bunch of Schmucks……BUT…in the end, we could have a lot of Tzorres, as the ‘Wekker’ cannot determine what is going on, and of course is soooo easily manipulated, as are the un educated…soooo as we continue forward, I believe at the moment we are going backwards and it will take something special to get us back on track….maybe the Sokka 2010….???? Only problem with Sokka 2010, we may see even more striking and threats, BUT…..it could just be the thing that gets the ‘Manne’ straight again…….

Bongani bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,..'My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

Bongani : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Bongani : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game.

Bongani : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Bongani : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

Bongani : People consider me as a 'G-D'
Wife: How do you know??
Bongani : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,…Oh G-D! U have come again..

How do you recognize Bongani in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases he board.

Once Bongani was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Bongani : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Shana (Stathaler) & Chilly (Chrysler) on their engagement this week…..Shana is ex –Cape Town and Chilly was ‘OUR’ Stan & Pete Mishgiach for many years, ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and is the Chazzan of the Glenhazel / Yeshiva Shul in the Shtetl…..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……

Mazeltov to Nadine & Joel Linton on the engagement of their daughter Kim to Tom Struass in Chicago…….soooo good to get these E-mails from far away….Joel’s Zunnelle Johnathan was in my Zunnelle Martins Class at King David Sandton……..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha………..
Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Wow, the IT E-fundi’s have added all the NEW Simcha ‘Wekkers’ and upgraded the Simcha Guide…really worth to “ Gib A Kuk ” ….sooooo much choice….The added advertisers were also in the Yomtov ‘Bletter’ (paper) I did…….
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

Oey vy, it is nearly time for holidays, and that means extra vigilance

From now till the year end, the Armed truck robberies start picking up, after a few relatively quite months…always stay away from the Armed Cars when they are unloading

Start testing your House alarm and getting the reserve battery charged

Leave contact details with your Security firm.

Arrange kenneling for the animals early.

Get your Car serviced early if you are driving, and try not to drive in the dark.

Alawys be aware when shopping at stores that handle CASH, as they get ‘hit’ at this time of the year ( and of course the rest of the year)….

Be StreetwiZe ……………….

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a good , restful peaceful Shabbos,

If you cannot see the latest letter or Meisa’s, just press F5 a few times which refreshes the website……

The Joke Book is no more available on the website, soooooo get to your Yiddisher store and get the Book…Available in the ‘Beloved Country’ (Joburg, Cape Town and Durban)…..Melbourne, Toronto and Ranana(fontein) in Israel.

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

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Cell 082-4547860

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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Parsha of The Week

Sermonette Noach
My Kind of Hero
Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

The world loves a hero. Every season, Hollywood has to invent new heroes and superheroes to fill the box office coffers. And it works. Why? Well, that’s for another sermon. Today, I choose to talk about who is a hero and, more specifically, who is my kind of hero.
Superheroes are fantastic. But you’ve got to admit, they’re over the top, rather otherworldly and, realistically speaking, out of touch and out of reach. We can fantasize about flying through the skies in our capes, climbing skyscrapers with our webs, or rescuing damsels in distress; but at the end of the day, it is nothing more than wistful daydreaming. What bearing does it have on me and my life, me and my problems? The answer is, not much.

That’s why Noah always appealed to me. He comes across as a real live hero, real in the sense of being human rather than superhuman and, therefore, realistically possible to emulate.

Rashi describes Noah as a man of small faith who had doubts whether the flood would actually happen. In fact, according to the great commentator’s understanding, he didn’t enter the Ark until the rains actually started and the floodwaters pushed him in. That explains why many people look down on Noah, especially when they compare him to other Biblical superheroes, people of the stature of Abraham or Moses.

Personally, this is precisely what makes Noah my kind of hero. He’s real. He’s human. He has doubts, just like you and me. I know we are supposed to say “When will my actions match those of the great patriarchs of old?” but I confess, for me that is a very tall order. Noah, on the other hand, is a regular guy. He is plagued by doubts and struggles with his faith. Which is precisely what makes him a hero. Because the fact is that, at the end of he day, his personal uncertainties notwithstanding, Noah does the job. He builds the Ark, shleps in all the animals, saves civilization and goes on to rebuild a shattered world. Doubts, shmouts, he did what had to be done.

There is an old Yiddish proverb that fun a kasha shtarbt men nit. Nobody died from a question. It’s not the end of the world if you didn’t get an answer to all your questions. We can live with unanswered questions. The main thing is not to allow ourselves to become paralyzed by our doubts. We can still do what has to be done, despite our doubts.

Of course, I’d love to be able to answer every question every single one of my congregants ever has. But the chances are that I will not be able to solve every single person’s doubts or dilemmas. And, frankly speaking, I am less concerned about their doubts than about their deeds. From a question nobody ever died. It’s how we behave that matters most.

Noah, the ordinary hero, could easily be the guy next door. He is one of us. His greatness is, therefore, achievable. It’s not ‘pie in the sky.’ His heroism can be emulated. If Abraham and Moses seem the superhero types too far fetched for us ordinary mortals to see as practical role models, then Noah resonates with realism. After all, he had his doubts too, just like you and me.

So Noah, the reluctant hero, reminds us that you don’t have to be fearless to get involved. You don’t have to be a tzaddik to do a mitzvah. You don’t have to be holy to keep kosher, nor do you have to be a professor to come to a shiur.

His faith may have been shaky. Perhaps he was a bit wobbly in the knees. But the bottom line is, he got the job done. My hero.

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