Quite E-mazing how many ‘Yidlach’ wrote to say they are going to the Maccabi Games from all over…Unky Zangwill is coming with Arnie Markowitz from Toronto and will be playing ‘Old’ Man’s bowls……., Alan Dennil from Toronto whose daughter is play Sokka for Canada, Lawrence Barris living in Houston TX (ex Port Elizabeth) is representing USA for squash as a veteran during the upcoming Maccabi games. His family (wife) Sharlene, children Jodi and Jonathan and parents Len and Nettie are all very proud of him, and hope he will do will do well….I remember the Kampel’s from Senderwood, were veteran Squash players for years, and went to Maccabi many times…..my Chaver Harvey Mannie is coming from London to watch his Zunnelle play, and the list goes on……..Hilton & Linda Rosen’s Zunnele’s Shannon ( just joined SASFIN) and Farrel are going for Sokka, and the OSTROFSKY ‘Broers’ Marc & Jonathon , and going for Cricket…their Dad Howard was at Highlands…….
WOMENS ASSERTIVENESS CONFERENCE
The first speaker, a lady from England, stood and said 'During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.
Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.' …………….(The crowd cheered).
The second lady from Russia, stood up and said, 'after last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day,
I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well.
(The crowd again cheered).
The third speaker, an Aboriginal lady from Australia, stood up and said, 'Afta lass year's conference, I wen home and tole dat lazy husband of mines, Dingo Jack, dat I was froo pickin up his beer cans, cookin his tucker and washin his undaweah and dat he was goin to haf to do dem himself.
(The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes).
She continued. 'Afta da first day, I nevah see nuffin. Afta da second day I nevah see nuffin, but afta da fird day, I could see a little bit outa my leff eye.' (Ouch…….! ! ! ! ! ).
They had a SAICC breakfast @ SASFIN on Tuesday, and ‘OUR’ Local SASFIN ‘DJ’ Dave Shapiro gave the Droshe, which was very well received…….The Souff Effrikken Israeli Chamber of Commerce does a lot of networking, and puts people in touch, which in the end promotes trade with Israel…….very good morning…Dave’s talk was about Warren Buffets AGM in Nebraska, which drew 35,000 people to the AGM….. Pictures http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
There's an old line that goes: ………………………..
"The problem with political jokes is that too many of them end up getting elected."
The President of China called President Bush to console him after the
attack on the Pentagon:
"I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy.
But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything."
For those that Matriculated at KDHS ( Konning David – King David…) in 1972 , please contact Tova (Rudomen) Galgut with their contact details. They will be having a 40th reunion in 2012 and she is coordinating this huge event please contact Tova on tovagalgut@gmail.com ….40 years is a long time….My Highlands Matric year was 1970, and ‘OUR’ 40th will be in 2010 , and I wonder if any of the Class will be coming for the 2010 ‘Sokka’ World Cup, might be worth setting up a Re Union…..what about it Herb…?? Herb Epstein in Melbourne was in my Class and arranged our last get together…I reckon that there must be 10 Yids in Aussie from my year ,alone…..
The SASFIN / SELWYN SEGAL sports Quiz @ the Sandton Sun last night, was again a huge evening, with funds being raised for the Selwyn Segal, and the Captains of Industry displaying REAL ‘Tzadoka’, even in these dismal times of despair….Shakeach……they had over 500 guests……Pictures http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
Vodacom : How may we help you?
Customer : This is Julius Malema end I heff a beeg prowblem weeth my phone biell.. My wife, she think I heffing en affeh!
Vodacom : Okay Sir, and how can we help you with this?
Julius : My biell heff all this calls to Salulah and my wife think I heffing en affeh weeth this woman, but I nevah head of hair befoh.
You must pliz trace this calls for me.
Vodacom : Sir, I'm sorry but the bill won't actually tell you the name of the person you're calling, just their number.
Customer : This one she does.
Vodacom : What phone do you have, Sir?
Customer : Eh mowbile. I tell you this.
Vodacom : No, Sir, what make? What do you have in your hands?
Customer : An erection.
After a moment's silence, the gallant Vodacom worker continued.
Vodacom : Um, sir? Could you spell that for me?
Customer : Foh shoh - E..R..I..C..S..S..O..N. - Erection.
Another moment's silence from Vodacom, and suddenly the penny dropped.
Vodacom : Sir? Can you spell Salulah for me?
Customer : For sure. C..E..L...L..U..L..A...R. - Salulah.
Oey vy, ‘The Men from the Ministry’ have warned the 3 Cellular companies that if they do not get their ACT together, they will withdraw their licences or give VERY stiff fines….. E-mazing that the Government’s ‘Telkom’ is soooooo bad, that every one is using a Cell these days, and many households do not posses a Telkom line, and further more, with Sokka 2010 around the corner, they desperately need the Cell companies to supply the service……..even when you call Telkom with a fault, they always ask if you can give them your Cell number to call you back…… Einaaaaaaaaaaaah………………….
We've taken up Meditation… ...At least it's better than sitting doing nothing!
A cocktail party is an affair where a man gets stiff, a woman gets tight, and they return home to find that neither is either…………..
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, the young guide led them through the process
of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used. She showed the group
a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These," she explained, "Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no
longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours, and let us live in Florida."
Got an e-mail from ‘Boykie’ in Sydney, who had met up with a school Chaver Raymond Wacks from Greenside after 40 years, and Ray & his wife run an E-mazing Guest House in Italy http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/Italy/Tuscany/holiday-apartment-Ponteginori/p68317.htm and anyone looking in Italy, can always contact them….Ray was in Hong Kong for many years and is a HIGHLY qualified Law Man and those that remember Ray from ‘Der heim’ and of course Wits can see what he has done…..Quite E-mazing stuff http://ray.wacks.googlepages.com.. A nice ‘Yiddisher Boychick’ running a Guest house in Italy….??? ‘Gib A Kuk’
A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum.".
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end
the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies …………..
"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.". (Einaaaaaaaah…)
An E-mazing tip for Drivers in the ‘Beloved Country’ …go to www.payfine.co.za regularly, as they have speeding fines on……and trust me, MOST people have a few they do not know about, and going 15km over the limit is R750…they are ‘Mishuga’, BUT….if you ‘be tzol’ (pay) quickly, you get a 50% discount, and they show you demerits that you will get when it starts…worth logging on and saving Mooooooolah…Also log onto Free Vehicle Licence Renewal Reminder Service: Click Here , look at there website on the letter… Q..ing services……
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN GAUTENG
Indicating will give away your next move. A real Gauteng driver never uses them.
Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and
the car in front of you, or the space will be filled by at least 2
taxis, two Golfs, a BMW and an Uno, putting you in an even more dangerous
situation.
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and
it will only result in you being rear-ended.
Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
The best local poker action will now be available to viewers for free on eTV in the ‘Beloved Country’. The All Africa Poker Zone will launch on the free-to-air channel on 7 June. Sponsored by Piggs Peak Casino, the home of All Africa Poker, the two hour slot will follow the eTV 8pm Sunday movie and is a must-see for poker fans. The DSTV channel will still be there. Click on the PIGGS PEAK sites on the letter and relax…….. (Not for the Kinderlach………)
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
Happy 70th. Birthday to Sue Hill, ‘OUR’ ex Headmistress @ Crossroads and many more……Sue is at ISASA these days, which is the private schools association
Mazeltov to Hymie Levy on his 90th. Birthday which he celebrated at the Kilarney Country Club on Sunday…..Oey vy, Hymie has been attending ‘Simcha’s’ with us for the past 35 years, and has ALWAYS kept us on out toes…..Hymie’s Son In Law ,Jules Gordon used to play at Simcha’s with his Band IMAGE….Hymie, stay as you are for many years to come……………..Mazeltov..
Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Mazeltov to Ali (Glatt) & Michael Smookler on the birth of their Princess this week…..Mazeltov to the Grandparents, Liz & Robert Glatt, Beverley and Hilton & Helen Smookler……..Michael is my nephew, and I wish them Mazeltov and much ‘Yiddisher’ Nachus……. Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’ and to my Niece the ‘Rebbetzin’, a special mazeltov and Brocha….……..
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
| MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; |
- When the Kinderlach visit Shopping centers, they should always be with other friends and not alone….
- When using Toilets in Public areas, have someone waiting outside for you…
- Parents should always be aware of where the Kinderlach are…
- If they move from one Club to another, let them call in…
- Always know where they are….
- Shopping Centers, Clubs, Movies are not what they used to be…?????
- Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………
| Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff. |
|
Click here to view the website :
http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860 |
Is your business in need of an innovative and professional website?
Please contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- (+27 11 796 6671) | www.rawmedia.co.za |
|
The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com |
Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…