Dear All,

WeatherwiZe, this will be a year that VERY few will forget…..it has rained soooo much that I cannot remember anything close to this in the past 40 years, and the last few seasons have seen much more rain that usual…..parts of Soweto, Alberton, Roodepoort etc were virtually washed away, and of course with the MAJOR roadwork’s going on it have been chaos…….The lightning & Thunder shows have been horrific, with sooo much electrical damage….my house is 3 houses away from the Braamfontein Spruit that runs through Sandton, and I went and took a few pictures during the height of the storm, and if I stayed along the Banks, I would be very worried….Pictures http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Why do rugby players like smart women? ........................... Opposites attract.
Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight? Because it saves time.

Rugby player in Chinese restaurant: ……..“Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy.”
Waiter: “That’s because they’re the chopsticks, sir.”  (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaah……)

The Super 14  ‘Rugger’ went as I said it would, BUT….the Crusaders should have won, and they are starting to lag behind….The Lions were beaten, and the Sharks hung on, and the rest, were just ordinary games….. The England / Ireland game was a Cracker, and I reckon that the Lions could give us a go, and we will really have to put a ‘Wakker’ squad together………I have been reading soooooo much about the Lions 2009 Tour, and that 50,000 overseas visitors are expected……..??? Not sure about that one, BUT….with the Pound 14/15 to the Rand, it is VERY ‘Belig’ for the British Isle tourists to come………

The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket………………………
"But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels.
"Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.

The captain insisted that Mike opened the innings against the other side's demon bowler.
After the match, his mate Chappie came up.
'How did you get on against the fast bowler?'
'No problems. I was having my teeth out tomorrow anyway.'

The Cricket Test at the Wanderers was ‘Tukka’ Oey vy, with the Boks really under performing, and after the Aussie tour I stated Categorically that the Bokke are not the New order in World Cricket, and that ‘OUR’ Captain Courageous was not our best Captain ever, and that the Team were far from the best ever………….on their showing in the First Test, they will have to improve in every department, and start all over again to become the World’s best…………….it is a young side, and that should be realized, instead of putting them on a pedestal after one GR888888888 series win………I am sure we will improve with time, BUT….Steyn and the Morkel Broers have a long way to go, and need much more test experience…………………..it was very close in the end…..we can still take the series, BUT….we will have to get real Seriaaaaaaaaaaaas, and stop losing concentration and ‘Klapping’ at the loose balls……

A guy was limping, and his friend asked him what was up.
"You know, my foot bugs me sometimes. It's just an old Cricket injury."
"Uh, aren't you kinda old to be a Cricket player?"
"Oh - no - I never played Cricket; I just lost a bunch of money on the Cricket finals last year, and kicked in the TV."

The Pakistani cricket ‘massacre’ was shocking, and I reckon (can’t blame them) that very few sides will go there and the next place will be India, and then of course the ‘Mumzers’ will start targeting sportsman in Western countries……are these are the same ‘Mumzers’ that the World are defending in Gaza…..????

Abe  always played cricket on Shabbos. This troubled his wife, who asked the Rabbi
'Is it a sin for him to play on Shabbos ?????'
'It's not a sin,' replied the Rabbi …. 'The way he plays, it's a crime!'  (Bittere gelechte…)

‘OUR’ Paraplegic ‘Fastest Man’ with no legs, really let the Nation down with his smash at the Vaal River, while supposedly under the influence of ‘Liqwa’, and negligent Driving on the river….Pistorious did soooo well at the Olympics and had everything going for him…….Why throw it away…….?????

Got Seth, who still talks about Salisbury, Rhodesia (there was no Harare or Zimbabwe then…) He is looking for an ‘old’ Chaver of his he thinks is in OZ these days……. his name is Rabbi Larry Brown, and has one remaining sister, Meryl
( Maybe she is in NZ.) His folks, the late Auntie Pearl and Uncle Ken were great friends with my beloved mom, Milly and I would really like to make contact again – so if anyone can put me in touch with Larry, I would be most grateful. I am available on this e-mail address: seth.r@womag.co.za  Nuuuuuu,
Let Seth know the details………Found contact details for  ‘Smokey’ Smukler…

Brian, who is a 'blond' was a business graduate, and had been out of school for several years. He had established a furniture store and was doing quite well. He decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town carried. He scheduled a buying trip to France.

Brian's first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home. After the arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.
The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table.

Just about the time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on her face. He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head "yes." The girl sat down with him.

The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word of French. He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not one word of English. He finally had an idea! He took a napkin and drew a wine glass and a question mark. She nodded her head "yes."

They sat quietly enjoying their wine. When it was just about finished, Brian realized it was nearly time for dinner. He took another napkin and drew a picture of two people at a table eating dinner. She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand. She led him down the street to a very nice restaurant.

They went in. The girl spoke with the head waiter and they were seated in a quiet corner where they could hear the band playing and see the dance floor. Brian could not read the menu since it was in French, so he allowed the girl to order for him. The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.

After dinner, Brian took a napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded her head "yes" and they danced to every song the band played, whether fast or slow. When the band quit playing and began to pack away their instruments, the couple returned to their table.

The girl took a napkin and reached for Brian's pen. He handed it to her and she drew a picture of a four poster bed.
Brian is still wondering to this day how she ever knew he was in the furniture business!
(Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…………….)

The King David Schools Foundation are launching Dr Linda friedland’s new book…… Ultimate Guide to Women's Health , and although Linda is now in Perth, she is making a special trip to the ‘Beloved Country’……..the launch is on the 20th March @ the new Genesis Centre in the Shtetl (Glenhazel)…see details
‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Try G-d. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back"
Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible every day…………."
"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees"
"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings"
Stop telling God you've got big problems……..Tell your problems you've got a BIG GOD!

Did a ‘Locum’ at the Kaplan / Becker wedding last week, and it was one of the finest Décor weddings I have seen…Romi, the Kallah is an Interior decorator and she new exactly what she wanted, and Gideon and his Team ‘Tukka’ delivered the goods……..the Foyer and Hall where E-mazing, with every little detail taken care of……….The pre Dinner snacks were sensational and Stan & Pete really out did themselves, with the Home made biltong a ‘Hit’……..I know both families very well, and have Catered for soooo many ‘Kaplan’ productions, I cannot even remember them all……….Romi’s Boet Warren , set up my Stan The Good Shabbos Man website…. Romi’s late Zaida Benny Kaplan did the first Ohr Somayach Dinner @ the Simon Kuper Hall about 25 / 30 years ago, which helped the Ohrsom ‘Boychix’ get going, and what a success they have been….. Rabbi’s Shmuel Moffson & Larry Shein were still ‘Babelle’s’ in those days, BUT…..they had a vision……. The wedding was ‘Gevaldik’ and everyone enjoyed themselves immensely……… Wayne the Chossen’s sister Nicole was in my lift scheme for King David ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and his Uncle Beryl Koseff, owned Chocolate lady for many years, and it was sooo good to see him in the ‘Beloved Country’….A wedding of Class…….Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha…. Pictures http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

The local Insurance company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all the loafers……….
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked,
"How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make R400 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy R1,600 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that damn loafer did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Scooters ."

Purim is here , and it really quite E-mazing how many Purim Parties there are, with just about EVERY Shul & Organization having one……the Sandton Shul is having a Circus and all are welcome, and the Chabad are having the VERY funny Nik Rabinowitz….. See http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients
to operate on.
The first surgeon, from Durban, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Johannesburg, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third surgeon, from Bloem, says, "No, I really think librarians are
the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Pretoria chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Cape Town shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. ANC Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's
no guts, no heart, no ‘baetzim’ , no brains and no spine, and the head and the
‘Tochus’ are interchangeable."
The ANC look untouchable at the moment, and no matter what comes out of the ‘Dirty washing’, they seem to get over it very quickly….the Carl ‘No House’ (Niehaus) story is past, and all the other Gunavis is yesterdays news, and now they have Winnie as their Number 5, and she will also get into Parliament….without much Tzorres, even though she is a convicted felon…?? She always reminds me of that ( sic) joke many years ago…”What did they find in Winnie’s car ashtray..?? Stompie….! ! ! !. The new COPE party have no chance, and although they have swung huge numbers of top ex ANC Manne, they will not dent the ANC….I reckon that all that can be expected (hoped for) is that they will help the opposition spoil the Party, and not let them get a 2/3 majority……