Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
5 November 2009

Dear All,

The weather is ‘Tukka’ strange, and summer has not really started and we are in November already…….Had a storm while in Shul on Friday night that was ‘Skrikky’ and it just carries on and on, with more and more Robots out of order, and the Traffic around Joburg is total chaos at the moment from the storms and of course from the Upgrading of major highways and by ways for ‘Sokka 2010’ and I see now they reckon a lot of the repairs will not be ready by the World Cup……Oey vey, I think everyone was hoping that if they had deadlines it would help them finish….??? As I have said long ago, they have not really touched the road system since ’94, and it is a ‘Moerse’ project to get it updated, and hopefully they do not run out of money, before they finish…….

The Currie Cup “Rugger ‘ Final was a tough match, and luckily the weather was good after the storms the day before…… The Bulls took an early commanding lead and looked unbeatable, BUT…..the never say die Cheetahs (Ou Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaaat) never gave up, and it was a very tense final with the Bulls loosing concentration, and the Cheetahs nearly coming back again for what would have been a shock win…. The two players I spotted early on in the 2009 season Brussouw and Morne Steyn were both E-mazing in the finaland both won Shpieler of the Year awards….….BUT, I reckon playing at home made the difference for the Bulls………The ‘BOK’ team to tour Europe and the UK has been announced, and only time will tell if we ‘Tukka’ have as much depth as everyone says……
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4EQaOdoaUY This is how “I” remember Joost ….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw83VTYX5b8

Months ago when the ‘Jooooooistlaaaaaaik’ story broke, my thoughts were that it was him….BUT what’s the difference….??? Surely he has to live with his mistake and after all, he is STILL a Souff Effrikken ‘Rugger’ legend…….quite sad the way he has been handled, and when one thinks of the Galeria’s who Gunif Zillions , and get away with it……In Joost’s case the age-old Yiddish saying;
‘As dem kleinim shtait is dem kop af dred’…really has meaning…..
Press release of the new Rugger film Invictus http://www.filmdetail.com/archives/2009/06/08/matt-damon-morgan-freeman-clint-eastwood-on-the-set-of-invictus/ The trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqKjVo-9qso

The Highlands North High School Golf Day takes place on the 24th. November, and they have moved it to a central venue (Wanderers ) sooo that all the Mona Lisa’s can come and also those that are not playing can drop in from 5.30 for a ‘Dop’ and a chat with the Manne, and Graeme Joffe ( 84.7) is the Master of ceremonies, and of course a Highlands ‘Old’ Boy….Make the effort and have a GR8888888 time…see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for details...

A young man shopping in a supermarket in the Shtetl noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to R850.87," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

E-mazing how the term ‘Kitke’ seems to stir up conversation, and Hillel in Israel sent me a ‘Lekker’ explanation of a couple of words, and ‘Kitke’ is one of them….many years ago, I put a story in the letter and got over 200 replies and the most credible one was from a Professor of Language at Jerusalem University, who said that the word Kittel in Greek meant Plat, and as most of the Bakers ‘Amolikke Yoren’ in the ‘Beloved Country’ where Greek, it made sense….Read this article on the word ‘Kitke’ ……… Souff Effrikken ‘Challah’.
http://www.forward.com/articles/2303/ .. Sounds good……

VERY powerful speech at the UN, giving the ‘Yidden’ side..a must watch
http://hosem.gotdns.com/Banned-UN-Watch-Speech.html

Positive “ Land of Milk & Honey”……………….’Youtube’…..
http://www.cnbc.com/id/15840232?video=1311023934&play=1

Aljezeera interview…Mmmmmmmmm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHpMhAzj-Tk &feature=player_embedded #

This is a GAS station of note……
Click here: WeJew Jewish Video Megasite - Kosher Gas Station In Brooklyn NY

‘OZ’ has talent…and a Young ‘Yiddisher’ boytjie has done E-mazingly on their show… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnOczKJ6LDk This is a 15 year old , Mark Vincent Kaplan who just won the show's $250,000 prize.

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, ……….
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.

Matric exams have started and the ‘Kinderlach’ are of course on tender hooks…and I believe this year, the results are only coming out first week in January….that is a L-O-N-G wait…….the Matric syllabus has been modified quite a lot, and I hear that actual A,B,C etc will fall away and you will get a Pass and a Better pass…????

Van Der Merwe (Van) was asked the following questions;
"What do you get from chickens?"
Van : "Eggs"
"What do you get from a goat?"
"Goatsmilk"
"What do you get from a cow?"
"Maths & Homework!!" Ja/Nee Boet…………..

There is a ‘Grayser’ concert in February featuring the GR888 Chazzan, Yitzchack Meir Helfgot … with the Sydenham Choir…and many others…Going to be at Gold Reef City’s E-mazing Lyric theatre and this should ‘Tukka’ be a big one .For info see; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php The Sydenham Shul production of ‘High Shul Musical’ was an outstanding success at the Victory Bioscope (Theatre) ………….. and the ‘Union of Jewish Woman’s ‘Diva’s 2’ show was a knockout, with the ‘Marathon Man (Johnny Birin) putting together an outstanding show for the ‘Vibe’…….that was enjoyed by all……and ‘Shakeach’ to all the cast who did it for ‘Mahalalalalalala’…..the evening was VERY enjoyable, and they had 450 guests……and all the proceeds went to charitable causes ….
See … http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php for pictures ……

Knock at the door
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads,
"I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

Went on Tuesday to the Maccabi get together at Swyse Joubert’s home in Houghton, and it was a ‘Lekker’ Rugger evening, with some E-mazing memorabilia in Swyse’s ‘Rugger Museum’……IMethinks that I have never seen a house like that in the ‘ou’ Transvaal….it belongs in the Cape…It is E-mazing, and is behind St.Johns and borders on the Wilds…what a view over Joburg and the Northern suburbs…and as for the Rugger memorabilia…quite E-mazing, BUT….the way Swyse expresses himself and is soooo passionate is really something to experience…….It is actually a Rugger Museum and Swyse has tours going thru’ all the time…………….Pictures;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's sweet voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb ?"
He called back & said, "Thank you darling, I'll have chicken."
" Hey you Schmuck. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."

Very sad that the ‘old’ Rissik Post Office burnt down this week, BUT….it was to be expected, as the Hobo’s get in everywhere, and although they bolted the Post Office (firefighters could not get in) ,they get in and leave these buildings in a shocking conditions, and as it has been raining and is cold, they must have lit a fire on the floor (wooden) and managed to burn the building down…..Oey vy, when you touch a heritage site , you are dead, BUT….they have ‘Tukka’ destroyed a Landmark……..
He didn't like the casserole, And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard. Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right. He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer; I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned and smacked the ‘kak’ out of him... Like his mother used to do !!!!!!!

The Kind David Foundation had a ‘lekker’ outing at the Lion Park on Sunday, and had the current Highveld Lions Cricket team there to name two baby white Lion cubs…….They called the one ‘Passion’ which is what the team has and the other one Stevie, in honour of Steven Cook who broke the record in the ‘Beloved Country’ with the 390 he scored last week……E-mazing that his Mom worked for Stan & Pete as a waitress and his Dad Jimmy was of course ONE of the best Bok cricketers in recent times…….it was a very relaxing outing, and everyone had a ball……Among the big names were Andre Nel and Neil Mackenzie, and Neil Jankelowitz made the speeches……..see pictures at ;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Flat available from the 18 December to 22 January. It is situated in Rose Bay, Sydney….. It has a double bedroom, 2 bathrooms, large kitchen and lounge dining room and a lovely kitchen. I would like to rent it out to a couple, who keep kosher if possible. Anyone interested can email me and I will tell them all the details. Alternatively they could call me on 029388-3176 or work 02 9388-8955 . Ann Fine lenf@bigpond.com …………..

‘Heimishe’ flatshare in Golders Green , 3 bedroom, 2 other south African guys living there, close to JLE and high street, tube etc etc….U will LUV it…… drop me an e-mail smookler@netactive.co.za

Oey vey, another Medical Aid bites the dust…..Purehealth is calling it a day, at the end of December, sooooo if you need a ‘Biesel’ help, call me 082-4547860 or e-mail smookler@netactive.co.za Please understand there are NO deals, and those with pre –existing conditions will get a waiting period (BUT, you will have Emergency cover…). While talking to a Purehealth member this week, he said I was like a Shock absorber..??
I absorb soooo much ‘Bobbameises’ from the clients…….

AFRIKANER SAUSAGES
"Can I have some Afrikaner Sausages, please?" ……………
asked the Afrikaner man, walking up to the counter.
The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Afrikaner?"
"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?"
demanded the Afrikaner indignantly."or, if I asked for German Bratwurst,
would you ask me if I was German?"
Then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?"
"Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would Ya? Would Ya?"
The assistant said: "Well, no."
Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, and pleased to strike a blow against the Afrikaner stereotype,  the Afrikaner steps it up a gear.
"And if I asked you for frogs' legs, would you ask me if I was French?"
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.
So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Afrikaner man says:
"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Afrikaner just because I asked for Afrikaner sausages?"
The assistant replied: "Because you're in a hardware shop" (Einaaaaaaaaaaaah……..)

Oeyvevoy, ‘Noseweek’ is on the ball and seems to have impeccable sources, because over the past two years, when they break a story, the Newspapers pick up on it, quote Noseweek all over, and some ‘MIGHTY’ big cases have started to emerge, none greater than the Tannebaum ‘Ponzi’ scheme…..and this week, the Sunday Times had a front page leader story on the who’s, who of the LIST, and it makes for some VERY interesting reading, and a lot of the Manne are going to need GOOD lawyers and GR888 Tax consultants ( remember www.taxrelax.co.za can assist.) …..the amount of money involved is ‘Humungous’ by Souff Effrikken standards and some Manne seem to have made some E-mazing returns…and of course others lost it all…..for the Local/ Yokels, you can get a copy of Noseweek, at the CAN and the ex Pats can always go online and read all about it, and many other ‘Scams’… www.noseweek.co.za
Very sad state of affairs and it looks like most of the people ‘stung’ could afford it….BUT, that is not the point…….A ‘Bittere Gelechte’ soooo soon after Bernie Madoff story…………

When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:
Are you sleeping?
What’s your answer?
No! I’m training to die

Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers. And you still ask him:
Flowers?
No baby! Carrots.

You are standing right in front of the elevator from the ground floor and they ask:
Going up?
No, no, I am waiting for my apartment to come get me.

Nina has some timeshare available in the ‘Land Of Milk & Honey’…. Israel at Coral Beach, Eilat … The Resort is the Eilat Club Hotel
1 Bedroom, 1 Bath, 4 Guests Maximum……. Sunday 20th December to Sunday 27th December 2009 Nina @ Nvarkel@gmail.com …Nina was at Shirley’s Deli ‘Amolikke Yoren’ and is now in Irvine……Drop her an e-mail…

David Lahav, an up and coming photographer from Israel, has the following offer……Free wedding photography - 30 more days for the announcement
David Lahav- Photographer- offers FREE wedding photography service for one event only (wedding)…..The happy couple will be selected from the next 25 enquires. ……Last date for enquires is 30th November 2009.
The service will be free of charge. (Winner will pay for the prints/album only).
David Lahav … Tell : 011 463 2609 Cell: 084 354 6160 photolahav@gmail.com
Drop him a line…see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....

A below par performance is considered darn good.
You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
It's much easier to find the sweet spot..
Foursomes are encouraged.
You can still make money doing it as a senior.
Three times a day is possible.
Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

For all those that ‘Huck’ me for recipes, I got a recipe from my local butcher Nussbaums, and have put it on the Web for you…Very easy one….and it was compiled by the Kosher butchers wife, Sharon….. try & enjoy............ http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

An elderly couple is attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.' …….Mmmmmmmm

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (Classic…………….).

I am getting soooo many requests for me to advertise small items, like a cake sale at a Shul, Pram, tyres, etc, etc….and I do not do that soooo please ‘Gib A Kuk’ at the JJCF listings and put your AD there, as it will be targeting the ‘RIGHT’ market…..I have bought MANY items of the JJCF, including a car…..
This email is intended for the less internet savvy folks (Kaylikka’s on Komputta).
*Q. A friend/relative/contact of mine wants to subscribe to JJCF.
How do they do it?*
A. Have them send an email to jjcf-subscribe@yahoogroups.com .

Q. How do I post to JJCF?*
A. Write your email, with descriptive subject and body, as if you were
writing to any ordinary person. Send it to jjcf@yahoogroups.com .
It is unnecessary to include the phrase "Please post this to the list", or
any variation thereof.
For those wanting to advertise simple stuff etc, please give the JJCF a bash……or just see what is on offer, and buy what you need….

Dear Angel of Death
This year you took away
My favorite singer Michael Jackson
My favorite male actor Patrick Swayze
My favorite female actor Farrah Fawcett

Just so you know my favorite Politician Is Julius Malema …Oey vy….
See the picture version at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_jokes.php

On Tuesday night, Eishhhhhhhhhhh ( Aish Hatorah) had a Dinner in honour of the ‘Krok’ family in recognition for what they have done for Aish ..The Kroks were the Manne behind Aish when they first started in the ‘Beloved Country’…the Dinner was very well attended…..Shakeach to the Krok family , not only for the Eishhhhhhhhhhhh move, BUT…for all they have done for the Community, and STILL do…….

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov to Dovi and Jaryn Kerem on the Birth of a baby boy. on Monday …Dovi and his 3 Boeties, all worked as waiters at Stan & Pete for a few years…and the oldest Mike is married to my “Cuzzie” Michelle (Weitzman) Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……
Pictures ….. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Happy birthday to my Brother in Law Steve (Lyons) (BIG 50) for his birthday yesterday, and my Nephew Jeff (Abelman) for today (Guy Fawkes babies)…..Many more…………

Happy Birthday to Danny Flax on turning 21 this week……See you at Eishhhh on Shabbos, and have a very good day……Danny is the Zunnelle of Riva (Riva Flax Caterers) and Derek (Simcha Video Man)……lots of Nachus to ‘Mom’ (Heather) & Bernie Berman……………….

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

With the end of year Xmas shopping around the corner, beware of increased activity by the ‘Gunovim’…..

If you see Guards working with Cash boxes, rather move away, instead of watching….

Beware of Pickpockets , even in protected shopping areas……

When making withdrawals from ATM’s…’Pasop’….they are watching..

Do not draw large amounts of cash from Bank tellers, as a lot of them ‘tip’ off their Chavers……

I am sure Cash in Transit vehicles will start getting hit often, sooo if you see action on the roads, move away, instead of ‘Goooogling’ at what is going on…..

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860

Do you need a professional website? Do you want to convert your website traffic into sales using Google?

Contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- +27 11 786 1170
or visit our website www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

Click here to view

Parsha of The Week

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

The Boy or the Bottle?

How we spend our money is usually a pretty good barometer of where our priorities lie. And it applies equally whether it is plentiful or scarce.

After the birth of Isaac, his half brother Ishmael behaves threateningly towards him and Sarah finds it necessary to ask Abraham to banish Ishmael from the family home. Together with his mother, Hagar, they wander the desert. Soon they run out of water.
And the water in the leather flask was finished and she cast off the boy beneath one of the bushes. (Genesis 21, 15)

So let me ask you what would be called a typical klotz kasha, or a seemingly obvious but, nonetheless, stupid question. If the flask is empty, why throw away the child? Throw away the empty flask!

It would appear, then, that when our food supply is depleted and finance is in short supply, the first ones to suffer may be our children. The bank balance is low? How can we even think of a Jewish Day School education? The tuition fees are so expensive. Instead of denying ourselves creature comforts we deem non-negotiable, we sacrifice our children’s Jewish upbringing in the name of economics.

It’s like the old story of the Jewish mother who came from Eastern Europe to join her son in America and was horrified to see he had shaved of his beard and cast off his yarmulke. “What happened to you, my Yankele?” she asked. “Mama,” “America is not the shtetl.” And when she saw him going to work on Shabbos, again he told her America was different. And when she opened the fridge and discovered all kinds of creepy things she never saw in a Jewish kitchen, again he explained that America was not the same as “back home.” Eventually, when it was all getting too much, she asked him, “Yankele, tell your old mother the truth. Are you still circumcised?”

It’s not only an old shtetl story. It’s happening right now. We know of too many who left these shores to make a better life for their children. But emigrating is expensive and with limited resources one must make choices and prioritize. Many chose to do without Jewish schooling. The rest is history. Bad history. Without a Jewish education young people wander about wondering why they should not be doing what their contemporaries are doing. And the money we saved in school fees is now going to doctors, psychologists, or G-d forbid, drug rehab centers.

Even in Israel, we have to be discriminating when choosing a community. If the other kids on the block are riding their bikes on Yom Kippur, why shouldn’t your child? And if you insist and they feel denied, they may opt out altogether.

Kids need stability and an environment with a healthy value system. No matter how tempting or secure other seemingly greener pastures may be, before making a move we ought to consider the spiritual security system our children will need to survive and thrive – as Jews. Just because the bottle may be empty don’t throw away the child.

This Newsletter was sponsored by

Click here to view the Website
http://www.stantgsm.com

StanTGSM's newsletter is read all over the world including ..
All the Continents of the Globe

printver300409