Dear All,

The weather is ‘KAK’ , with cold and rain everywhere……really ‘Shloffing ‘weather…..we do not normally get such cold for such L-O-N-G periods. Is this part of global warming…?? El Nino..?? Today has become a ‘Scorcher’ and everyone is ‘Schvitzing’ with hot winter clothes on…….…..

The Schvartzers –Bok Tri-nations clash at Durban was really a hard fought game….with rain spoiling the encounter a bit….BUT the Boks beat the Gr88 All Blacks (or should I say Morne Steyn)….E-mazing how before the Lions Tour I said that Steyn & Brussouw are musts….and they were Tukka the stars of the win……….the All Blacks still showed signs of great passing & running, BUT…were too far & between……a win against the Wallabies on the weekend will surely tie up the Tri nations for us, and not leave it for our tour games, which are going to be ‘Bliksems’ hard……..The Ozzie game is no push over, as the All Blacks play OUR sort of ‘Rugger’, whereas the Ozzies play more of an open game and use their backline all the time…sooooo PDV will have to tell the Bokke to keep the ball tight, and among the forwards, and of course the two Steyns will have to kick plenty to get us field position…not GR888 ‘Rugger’ ,BUT…. Winning ‘Rugger ’……. ONLY home ground makes me think that we can carry on this winning streak…Gunna be hard………….

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says: "Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I  made a confession.  Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years."  The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, "My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot  hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?" She said, "I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for New Zealand.". (Einaaaaaaaaaaah………..).

The Ashes seem to be dogged by rainy weather, and the 1-0 lead by the Brits could be just enough to win the series, if the weather does not improve drastically Nice article at ; http://www.cricinfo.com/israel/content/story/415841.html about Adam Bacher and his ‘Merry men’ who won the Gold Medal at the Maccabi Games…….they reckon that the Souff Effrikken team have not lost a match at Maccabi in their past 30 games……the junior team also won the Gold…..

"Daddy,” said a six-year-old boy, "I'd like to get married."
"Sure, son." said his father.  "Anyone special in mind?"
"Yes," answered the boy. "Grandma."
"Now, wait a minute,” said his father.
"You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!"
"Why not?" the boy asked. "You married mine." 
     
An interesting interview by FW De Klerk recently…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q74GfWOk_JY&feature=fvw
Lekker ‘Youtube’ on the Sokka 2010…makes one ‘LUS’ to come home….?????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMlKb1npzQ0
GR888 ‘Bobbameises’ story about a snakebite…wish more of these Bobbameis e-mail’s would be exposed   http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2007/08/14/jimmy-kimmel-vs-poisonous-snake.htm

The most E-mazing tour of Masada….a must…VERY well made…..
http://mordagan.com/links/mezada/tourweaver_mezada.html
 
 I am trying to make contact with Alan Kolnick in the USofA , and wonder if someone can send me his details; Smookler@netactive.co.za

A man was sitting on the settee watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.
“What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?”
He said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken.”
“Shut up. You’re having soup. I was talking to the cat.” (Mmmmmmmmmm..)

Michael Frame writes that he would like to know what has happened to Henry Klotz and Sybil Hotz, whom he met 20 years ago, both then on the Durban City Council.  Are they still in the “Beloved Country” as you call it, or have they passed on or moved elsewhere that you can tell me? Michael Frame, Perth, Australia mframe@westnet.com.au

A blonde takes her broken car to be repaired, fearing an expensive bill, but the mechanic fixes it in 2mins.
"Nothing serious love, just ‘KAK’ in the air filter"
She replies "Really ? How often do I have to do that ?" (Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik…).

August has to be the busiest month for ‘Yiddisher’ functions, as they are trying to be the Rosh Hashana crush……..August is filled with soooo many communial functions and this Monday was the Ohrsom 21st. Anniversary dinner, and also the King David Schools had a fundraiser to collect funds for sport development at the Schools, which was hosted by the Levy Broers of the Prepaid Company (Blue label Investments)…sure are having a GR888 sportsman line up tonight….the JJMC concert takes place Mid week, and there are many other functions…WOW

The Ohrsom 21st. Anniversary was a glittering evening, with Chazzan Yudi Cohen (Sydenham Shull) doing some E-mazing numbers with 3 other tenors….very special, and of course many of the ‘Grayser’ Ohrsom supporters over the years were there…..and many NEW supporters , and Rabbi’s Shein & Moffson, who have done soooo much in building the Ohrsom Idea must be congratulated, as I reckon they have the largest following in the ‘Beloved Country’…… Pictures…

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
W ITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the   patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Rivkah Slonim is the Guest Speaker at WoW’s Annual Women’s Brunch where she will be “Exploring the Uniquely Feminine” on Sunday, 16 August at Sandton Sun Hotel. It’s another amazing event Rebbetzin Rochel Goldman has lined up and also features world-renowned decorator, Stephen Falcke and (if I can reveal a secret,) a gift for every woman that costs more than the entry price to the event! …the Women of the World brunch has become a must in the ‘Yiddisher’ calendar……….

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up. 'He looked around and couldn't see any one He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain, 'Pick me up.' 
  He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
 Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
 I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 
'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom  (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah….).

Beverley Cohen has updated her Blessings for Life booklet, with various Brachot…….the first publication was snapped up, and all the proceeds go to charity….Locally they are available at various outlets, BUT……ex Pats can drop Beverley an E-mail on more info on how to get them…..An E-mazing gift for Yomtov……  Bev Cohen bevcohen24@gmail.com   … for more info go to;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

My Niece Robyn’s GR88888 ‘Night of Light’ evening , with Challah /Kitka baking, candlelighting, and many other ‘yiddisher’ traditions were explored…..and my Zunnelle in Yerushalayim, martin went to friends for shabbos and tasted of the Kitka experience…Quite E-mazing….for ‘Facebookers’, click and see the pictures ; http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=291787&id=659830429&l=07a47f3c34

Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
  A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
 However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and many other things to horrid to mention. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'...
    
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
   'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
    
Moral :   Never,  Never,  Never Be Late

My ‘Sparkie’ (Electrician) Alan Kaplan is going to Oz in December for 3 weeks (Sydney) and wants to know if any one wants to do an apartment swap with him…He stays in a ‘Lekker’ apartment in Kilarney, VERY modern with 3 bedrooms and GR8888 entertainment rooms……from second week till end of December……Contact Alan for further details; kapfam@icon.co.za

A little boy comes home from school and tells his father, "I got an F in math today."
His father replies, "What happened?"
The boy says, "well, my teacher asked me, 'What's 3 times 2', and I said 6.'"
The father replies, "Well, that's correct."
The boy says, "I know. Then she asked me, 'What's 2 times 3.'
The father then replies, "What the @#*!!$ is the difference?"
The boy says, "That's what I said!"

Joburg has its OWN ‘Yiddisher’ Mini Ads , that offer everything from advice, to cars, to giveaways, etc, etc. Saul Behr started the JJCF awhile back and it has grown into a vibrant form of getting to ‘Yidden’ in the fastest way….and of course at no charge, soooo if you are buying, selling or just ‘Zuching’….the JJCF is for you…why not join up at ; http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jjcf   must say, I have bought quiet a few things, including a Car and Ninetendo games, etc………

Farrel Sawitz is on his way to the ‘Beloved Country’ for his annual visit, and brings a lot of experience with him….Farrel is ex Cape Town and assists with immigration to Oz….for details of his lectures please see;
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

DID NOAH FISH?
A Chedar teacher asked, ' Dovie, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?'
'No,' replied Dovie.
'How could he, with just two worms.'

My visit to the Dead Sea and Masada was a life time experience, and out in the Bundu , you find such E-mazing tourist attractions, and the ‘Goef’ at Ein Gedi after the ‘Tunk’(dip) in the Dead sea was a ‘michiel’….Masada has really been turned onto a GR8888 tourist attraction with soooo many projections and sights on the mountain top, and of course the F16 that fly past, to give one ‘Goosies’….. and of course ‘Yiddisher Nachus’ was my Zunnelle Martin laying Telfillen for me on Masada in the old Synagogue……..

LOT'S WIFE
The Chedar teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Moshie interrupted,
 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly,
 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'  (Oey vy…).

Got an e-mail from Motty Chazan in Sydney, whose Zunnelle Chef Clive Chazan  now resides and works in The Holy Land Jerusalem making biltong for the English who are his best customers and he teaches cooking, and gives a weekly lesson about food on the only English Radio station in Israel......
 You can log on www.rustymikeradio.com  (podcast) ... Mmmmmm ... Biltong in Israel...can’t be to easy making it with the heat ......???

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Obama.
 They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said
“You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.”
President Obama said, “Well, anything I can do to help you, I will.”

The Iranian whispered “My son watches this show, Star Trek, and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black, Sulu who is Chinese, but no Arabs… My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Syrians or Iraqis on Star Trek.”
President Obama smiled, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered back…
“That’s because it takes place in the future!” ( ‘A li Vie’ ..Please G-D Obama should say that ).

Did a small ‘Locum’ at the Garber – Carno wedding on Tuesday. Mazeltov to the Chossen and Kallah…… Arnie garber, the Tatta of the Chossen is an ‘old’ Malatin (Lithuania) and my Father and his family came from Malaat……The ‘Tatta’ of the Bride, David Carno, is one of the ‘Carno triplets’, and the one Boet Ian plays Cricket for the Litvak X1 in London……..Was a ‘Lebedikke’ wedding, with the ‘Marathan Man’ Johnny Birin really giving it a go …. Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php