Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
7 May 2009

Dear All,

It is becoming cold, BUT…the days are still sunny, and we had some really cold, ‘wettish’ weather on the weekend….. Almost destroying all the glorious sport…. long time since the Joburg /Pretoria area have had 3 MAJOR sporting events at roughly the same time, with the Wanderers having their first 20/20 IPL (Drek) cricket, Loftus Versveld having the Bulls playing the Chiefs, and at Ellis Park, the local ‘Sokka’ derby between Orlando Pirates & Kaiser Chiefs, and all three were very full………….

The Super 14 this year has not really reached any GR888 heights, and now they are trying to enlarge it to the Super 15 ( with Souff Effrikka wanting a 6th.team……) Oey vy, we cannot even get our 5 teams to all play well……and with soooooo many teams, the competition will just become ‘Pap’…….it should be about 12 of the Best Teams, and when teams do not ‘pull finger’ they should drop out to stronger teams……. Souff Effrikka should get a Semi _final spot and hopefully a Final spot, and if we get a Final at home, we could win the Super 14….an away Final and we are ‘sunk’…Our ‘Shpielers’ have not performed well at all this year, with very few ‘oaks’ shinning…which does not bode well for the ‘Lions’ tour in a few weeks time…….Our depth of players seems to have dried up…?? And many positions are wide open…….The Crusaders could still make the Semi’s, BUT….this weeks news that Carter ‘might’ be hanging up his boots is sad, as a more ‘complete’ Rugger player in these times is very hard to find…..again ill discipline has cost of ‘Our’ teams heavy, and Krockets red card could really count against the Bokke……. Even the loss of Bakkies for 3 weeks is ‘Kak’, BUT…… they just have to control the tempers…….For the record ; Krockets ‘ warm klap’ was a blinder………………….

Wat is die verskil tussen jou baas se das en 'n koei se stert?
Die koei se stert maak die hele poepol toe!

Oey vy, this 20/20 IPL league, is just a bit much…..even if you try and keep up with the Teams, you cannot as there are games virtually every day, and sometimes 2 in a day…..definitely not ‘Suiwer Cricket’ (Pure)……. Like the ‘Chevra Kadisha’ eventually….the Final will arrive……….

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time ………….

The local ‘Sokka’ derby between Chiefs & Pirates was a GR8888 triumph for the Local ‘Sokka Manne’, as they packed 60,000 into Ellis Park ( now Coca – Cola ) and there were no incidents………….it was a practice run for the Sokka 2010 and they had a no Car zone of a Kilometer around the stadium…and of course an ALL advance Ticket system……. For the record Pirates won 2-1..

Again, with soooo many E-fundi British Sokka experts around me, I do not write much about the English League, BUT………It looks like Manchester WILL take the League, and maybe also a few other titles……….been a hard season, BUT….they have held on (well…??)………this weeks UEFA Cup games were not GR8888, and Chelsea only have themselves to blame…reckon the Final will be a Blinder……

Union Rules & Ladies of the Night….
A dedicated AWU union worker was attending a convention in Sydney and decided to check out the local brothels When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam,
"Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house.

We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam.
Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner
"but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next." (Einaaah)

‘Amolikke Yoren’ (1972) I did a short stint at the accountancy firm Pollock / Josset and one of the seniors at the time was Errol Klompas ( Piet Pompies)..and I have remained in contact with him and his wife Toby over the years, and Toby & her Zunnelle Michael have worked at Pioneer Financial services (linked to SASFIN) for years….Michael has just immigrated to Sydney with his wife Paula……and is in a Financial Planning Practice there, is available to assist all and that he can be contacted on 0405103423 or e-mail at ; michaelklompas@yahoo.com ..Michael is a VERY conservative Planner, and not a Cowboy, soooo if you need any assistance, contact him…..

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see any one.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain,
'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.

Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time,
Reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom. ( Mmmmmmmmmm…………………)

David Ungar has come out with a ‘Lekker’ piece of Gold (Investment) Jewellery, that can be worn, and looks E-mazing, and of course is a ‘GOLDENE’ investment With Mother / fathers day coming up, ‘Gib A Kuk’ on the Website and see some incredible ideas for gifts…….The Mandela 46664 Bangle is another GR88888 concept…. Mini Gold Bars, exclusively brought to you by www.fruittijewels.com
See …………. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below!

"A Last Name."
You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you???? Naw , not me….! ! ! ! ! ! !

After Yom Ha’atzmaut, this visual of Israel is a must…..what a positive look at the Land of Milk & Honey..
http://www.aboutisrael.co.il/heb/freepage.php?id=997

‘Lekker’ animated ‘ Schtick’ of the Lion King………… click here

The mayor of Haifa was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Haifa .
He could not remove the pigeons from the city.
All of Haifa was full of pigeon poop, the people of Haifa could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads.
It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.

'I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions.
Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.'
The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue sky.
All the pigeons in Haifa saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Haifa pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.

The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.
The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous service to rid Haifa of the plague of pigeons.
Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor
presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that,
indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away ????
Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went ????
Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon ????
Nooooooo!
The mayor asked:
'Do you have a blue Arab ????????' (Oey vy………………….).

Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik, it is already time to sign up for the radio 702 ‘Walk The Talk’ race again, and the ‘Helping Hands’ (Young Chevra ) will be looking for support for ‘Yidlach’ to join ‘THEIR’ walking group…….I am sure this year, ‘OUR’ Local CHAI FM radio station will be giving coverage of the Race……will post details next week on how to join up, or you can drop Simone an E-mail already
Simone@thechev.org.za

Faith is the ability to not panic.

If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't  worry.

As a child of Hashem, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.

Do the math’s………... Count your blessings.

Hashem wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

Laugh every day - it's like inner jogging.

A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

Nothing is real to you until you experience it; otherwise it's  just hearsay.

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation.
Your  character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what  others think you are.

Bnai Brith Sid Einfeld Unit, Sydney in the World of “OZ” are having a bumper fundraiser June 20th…….For details see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php an ‘old’ Chaver Norman Lieber is involved, soooo give some support………

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ARE YOU INTERESTED…??? PROFITABLE Fitness Studio for Sale
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA
Established Boutique Women’s Fitness studio Ideal for Owner/ Operator with PT background – Strong membership base Location - Bayside - Melbourne
Are you interested in helping women meet their health and fitness goals? If so this quality women’s fitness studio in a prime location in the Bayside suburbs is for you. This established business is reluctantly for sale by the owner due to genuine health reasons.
The studio is part of a very successful franchise group. In its category, it has won two years in a row (2007 and 2008) the AFR (Australian Financial Review) Smart Investor’s Best Value Franchise Systems award. It offers a * fitness and weight loss management program designed specifically for women. * Exclusive area rights * Proven formula for success * Excellent training and support *
For further information contact Dennis Beed:
039528 3177 (w) 0408329087 (m) dennis@gbeed.com.au This is a rare opportunity to get into a good business….Please reply direct to Dennis…..

All I can say is lucky the Flu has not hit Souff Effrikka, as the ‘Manne’ are very complacent, and like the Cholera outbreak in Zim-BOB-We, they did not have a clue……our Government hospitals are just over populated for them to handle something that spreads soooo fast………

90 people get the Swine Flu and everybody wants to wear a mask.
A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom….(Go figure..??)

Yesterday when I woke I had the sniffles. I was concerned that I may have contracted the pig flu, so I called the pig flu hotline, but all I got was crackling! ( Oey vy…)

HARRY & ED: The drama behind the birth of Israel, written by Victor Gordon
Starring Anthony Fridjohn and David Butler……Directed by Robert Fridjohn
Dates:        1 – 7 June 2009 ( a GR8888 show….)
Venue:        Old Mutual Theatre on the Square (Mandela Square)
Bookings:   Theatre 011 883 8606, or Strictly Tickets 073 725 7381

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" ……………..
Enquired the lecturer with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Ruth in Rose Bay in Sydney has a 2 bedroom large unit with 2 bathrooms and huge entertaining patio in the heart of Rose Bay. The building is only 5 years old and very modern and secure. Easy access to shops, buses and ferries. Wants to rent it out for a month: 22 June - 22 July 2009. If anybody is interested please can they contact me via email   rheitner@bigpond.com The flat is very warm and faces the right way…….in Souff Effrikka, ‘Yidlach’ only buy North facing, BUT…. In Sydney they seem to buy facing any which way…….

Many Shul activities during the Omer, and the Sandton Shul, in association with Chabad House are having a Siyum Ha 'Rambam “Do all great minds think alike? Find out on 20th May 2009 at 8pm at the Chabad House Siyum Ha’Rambam.
Sandton Shul Hall, Longdon Road, Sandton.
Professor Harry Seftel, Advocate Guy Hoffman, Rabbi Levi Wineberg and David Shapiro. ……… Bookings at 011 440 6600 or email Sharon@chabad.org.za some good speakers here…..

Don’t forget Lag B’Omer on Monday…..Jhb @ the Gr8 Synagogue in Glenhove in the forest, Durbs @ Chabad of Umhlanga, and in Cape Town contact Chabad of Tableview…….

BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN GAUTENG
Learn to swerve abruptly. Gauteng is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the City Works Department, which puts neglected potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

Got a picture of the Bloemfontein Shul Choir of 1965, and a couple of the Manne a VERY familiar……..Joel Linton, who is in Chicago these days, Norman Chavkin who lives in Welkom still, and Paul Kovarsky, who is a very highly rated Chazzan (I think in Tooo-Run-Tooo these days) and of course Rabbi ben Isaacson, who has ‘Tukka’ been around, dabbling with Reform for awhile also, and back in the Orthodox fold again………wow the years have flown, and soooo have the Manne…Picture at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Many people have questioned the Greenpoint ‘White elephant’ that has been on the pictures site for a year or two, and I read an article, which pointed out that the stadium is in for big ‘Tzorres’ after the world cup, and even the guys that were awarded the admin are ‘Kakking’ themselves, soooo maybe the picture should stay for awhile longer…..and if Greenpoint is going to be a ‘White Elephant’….one shudders about Rustenburg, Nelspruit etc………………
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php Scroll to bottom......

The ‘JZ’ (Jacob Zuma) show continues with the inauguration at the Union Buildings this weekend….and a host of foreign dignitaries and Heads of State….BUT……..alas no big Western names coming…BUT do not fear Gaddaffi is rumoured to be coming with other ‘Galeria’s’ also…….they reckon 4,000 invited ‘boytjies’ to the Bash….and 1,000’s on the lawns………Oey vy, the fighting has begun, with nominations of the premiers etc, not going according to plan, and now there is talk of Zuma doing two terms (not 1) and Tokyo Sexwale being the next in line….all I can say is ‘Tukka’ ‘Cry, The Beloved Country’…….
To make things worse, the ‘men from the Ministry’ have decided to give Zim-BOB-Weans a 3 month work entry permit, which means they will not have to jump the Borders anymore, and will legally come over, BUT….never return after 3 months…..are they total Schmucks, with local unemployment rocketing, and no jobs for locals, you are just looking for ‘KAK’ by letting in soooo many Zimbo’s …and eventually the locals will ‘Tukka’ rebel against the opening of the borders……….

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov toLaurence & Marissa (Goldstein) Schneider on the birth of their 4th. Zunnelle in Sydney this week………  Mazeltov to Grandparents Joyce ( Simon) & Lynton Goldstein and Harriet Schneider, who are overjoyed Baruch Hashem….. Great grandmothers are Freda Schneider and Phyllis Goldstein. My Gosh, I did Laurence & Marissa wedding, and stayed in a House that was owned by Harriett, and Phyllis Goldstein was well known to my Late Mom….Lynton was from Pretoria and I did many Simcha’s for the Goldstein family, and one on a farm……Joyce is a sister to ‘Mein Herr’ Jerry Simon who has been singing in the Sandton Shul choir for over 25 years…Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’………
Mazeltov to Lindi (Beitz) & Rowan (Lang) on their engagement this week…..Rowan is one of my Zunnelle Martin’s Chavers for many years, and is an ‘Investec Boytjie’……Lindi’s Parents Helen & Jules own the local BP garage near my home….and Jules is an Athlone old boy … Mazeltov to Sharon and the Late Howard Lang…..and to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……

Sincere condolences to the Joffe family on the passing of their Beloved Morrie, Husband to Mickey (Women’s Zionist NO 1), daughters Jenny (Kay) & Beverley (Karro) and son, Einingklach and many family and friends….Morrie was a stalwart at the Cyrildene Shul for many years, and will be sorely missed by all.MHDSRIP.

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

There is a new number plate hijacking trend brewing around.

These Hi-jackers will stalk you to a parking lot or mall, after parking your vehicle; they remove your number plate and wait for you to drive off.

They then follow you and overtake you displaying your number plate at their window as if you had lost it and want to give it back to you.

Shocked that your number has fallen off your car, you bring your vehicle to a halt to get it from them.

This is all they want you to do and by the time you realize what is happening, it is too late, your car is hi-jacked or you could be robbed / raped / killed…..! ! ! ! ! !

Please don't just stop for anything; a number plate is valueless compared to your life. Think what is happening before you react to it.

‘Gunovim’ are clever and cunning ,But ….are ruthless in getting what they want...

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.

Click here to view the website :

http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za

PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860

Is your business in need of an innovative and professional website?
Please contact RAW Media Concepts on: Tel- (+27 11 796 6671) | www.rawmedia.co.za

The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Parsha of The Week

Ambassadors Wanted

Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’

There was a time when Jewish people’s faith in the one G-d of Israel was challenged on a regular basis. During the Crusades, for example, many thousands of Jews were forced to choose between “the cross and the sword.” Would they be prepared to deny their Judaism and embrace the dominant faith or would they rather die than desecrate the name of G-d? Indeed, countless Jews gave their lives Al Kiddush Hashem - in sanctification of the name of G-d. They became martyrs for their faith and heroes for eternity.

Thankfully, today it doesn’t often happen that we have to make that choice. The late Daniel Pearl, Hashem yinkom domo, was one notable exception. Tragically, we still have far too many martyrs nowadays; Jews who are blown apart by maniacal suicide bombers for no other reason than that they are Jewish. But they weren’t asked to make a choice. They didn’t choose martyrdom. It was forced upon them.

The commandments to sanctify the name of G-d and never to desecrate it are found in this week’s Parsha (Leviticus 22, 32). Generally, today, the concept of Kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the name of G-d, is observed not by dying as Jews but by living as Jews. How does a Jew give G-d a good name? When he or she behaves as a good Jew should. When other people see a Jew behaving honestly and uprightly that gives Jews and Judaism a good reputation. And ultimately it all goes back to Torah, the word of G-d. G-d Himself gets the credit for the noble behavior of His people.

Some classic scenarios would be returning money if you were given incorrect change in your favor or calling attention to the fact that a client overpaid you. Although it is only right to do these things, the fact is that others might have kept quiet about it and when a Jew acts with honor he brings honor to his faith and his G-d.

Sadly, it also works in the reverse. Jewish slumlords do not give Jews, or the G-d of Israel, a good name. “Look at those greedy, miserly Shylocks!” is not something we want to hear – especially when there may be some grounds for the accusation.

Albert Einstein is reputed to have once stated, “If my theories prove correct, the Germans will claim me as a German, the French will say I am theirs and the Americans will call me their own. If my theories are incorrect, they will all say I am a Jew.”

How proud are we when one of our own does something especially noteworthy like winning a Nobel Prize or performing a valiant humanitarian act. Conversely, how ashamed are we if there is a moral or financial scandal involving one of our own. Tragically, Bernie Madoff has brought untold misery to his unfortunate clients and unimaginable harm to the reputation of Jews worldwide.

I once protested to the General Manager of a radio station in our community because I felt he was giving far too much exposure to Jews and Judaism in relation to our numbers and, unfortunately, the publicity wasn’t always flattering. At first he denied it. But when I presented him with statistical proof, his plain and honest answer was “Jews are news.”
Fair or not, the fact of life is that Jews are scrutinized far more carefully than others. Like it or not, every Jew is representing his faith, his people and his G-d. Ultimately, how we act will bring fame or infamy upon all of us. May we all be successful ambassadors.

This Newsletter was sponsored by

Click here to view the Website
http://www.stantgsm.com

StanTGSM's newsletter is read all over the world including ..
All the Continents of the Globe