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GOOD YOMTOV
7 October 2008 |
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Dear All,
The weather was ‘steaming’ over Rosh Hashana, and it was VERY hot, BUT….it looks like we are ‘Mishtomin’ (maybe) going to have rain from here on….as it has been very hot, and the ‘old’ ‘Yiddisher’ tale about not swimming before the first good summer rains, still keeps me out of the water……our whole family were ‘Amolikke Yoren’ drummed in that it was not good to swim before the first rains….Oey vy, every day they say rain, BUT….it just seems to get hotter..????
A ‘Yomtov ‘ message from the New ‘Balabos’ Kgalema Motlanthe …very good….Must have had some help, and I am sure ‘Rooi Rus’ Ronnie Kasrils was not involved. See message at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
Was not going to put Jokes this week, BUT……….toooo much pressure……only mild ones……back to normal next week with sport, Jokes, politics..etc
What's the difference between a pigeon and a banker?
A pigeon can still put down a deposit on a Ferrari……( Tukka…)
On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25,000-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds one he only draws 10,000-15,000. The Republican spokesman replied,
"That's because McCain's supporters are at work…. (Makes one think…???)
The old ‘Yiddisher’ family physician being away on vacation, entrusted his practice to his son - a recent medical student. When the old man returned, the youngster told him among other things, that he cured Miss Itzikowitz, an aged and wealthy spinster, of her chronic indigestion.
"My boy," said the old doctor, "I'm proud of you, but Miss Itzikowitz's indigestion is what put you through college."………Oey vy.
Rosh Hashanah was really ‘lekker’ in Joburg, and most Shuls were quite full, BUT…….the ravages of immigration are showing, and the gaps are there, and another factor is that quite a lot of ‘Yidlach’ now go for Yomtov to the Kinderlach, overseas…….and it is showing….Sandton had very good services, and the ‘Droshes’ were TOP class, with our Junior Rabbi, Dovid Wineberg, just missing the Guinness Book of Records for the length of his Second night ‘Droshe’….BUT…it was a good speech with a lot of variance and some ‘REAL’ comic relief………Rabbi Suchard’s second day ‘Droshe’ was world class, and he really had the congregation’s full attention…….speaking to quite a few ‘Yidlach’ from other Shul’s, the general comment was VERY good services all round, and of course Ohr Somayach drew HUGE crowds to their various services…….The Chabad’s were popular and all round ‘Shakeach’ for a good Yomtov…….. Yislaaaaaaik, the Butchers, Bakers & Candlestick makers were under severe ‘druk’ (pressure)…….
Mrs Cohen goes to see Mr Wong at the Dry Cleaners. She is furious, and lets him have it about how expensive the Dry Cleaning of her Husbands Tallis is for Yomtov..!!
Wong replies…50 ‘Dallahs’ not toooo much…toooo much work…
Dry Cleaning only 5 ‘Dallahs’, BUT………much work to take out all the Knots….
Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaik………………
If Adam & Eve were Chinese we would have still been in paradise…..’cause they would have eaten the snake not the apple…………..
Tomorrow is of course Yom Kippur, and all the Hotels around the Sandton Shul (5) are full for ‘Yomtov’……Quite E-mazing how things have evolved……..Our family was blessed to have my two ‘Zunnelle’s’ home from London for Rosh Hashana, and the Younger one, Martin had to fly back already, before Yom Kippur……..On my visit to West Park on Sunday before Rosh Hashana, I must say that it was very busy with ‘Yidlach’ visiting ….and the upkeep of the Cemetery is VERY good, and they have worked tirelessly to have the place in
Tip –Top condition……….the dedication of the staff at West Park has to be admired, and I always get a smile from the ‘Manne’ there……….
A ‘Goy’ businessman operating out of Bloemfontein suffers a string of robberies. He calls up his associate in Israel and asks him if he ever had a problem with robberies.
"Not really," replies the Israeli. "We have this thing we put on the doorpost - called a mezuzah - and it protects our homes from harm."
"Send me one," begs the Farmer, "I'm desperate for a solution."
A few weeks later, the Israeli gets his mezuzah back in the mail. He calls up his ‘Goyishe Chaver’ friend. "Nu," he asks him. "The mezuzah didn't work? You were robbed again?"
"No, no," the Farmer assures him, "no robberies."
"So why did you send it back?"
The Farmer sighs. "I dunno," he says. "Ever since I hung it up, the doorbell doesn't stop ringing.
Each time a different dude standing there, saying the same thing: 'Hachnassas Kallah!'"
The African Hut in Laguna Niguel and The Garden Patch Farmers Market in Irvine/Tustin have just got a stock of my “ Stan The Good Shabbos Man” Joke book, and they also offers an online ordering service……
The African Hut is the largest and Souff Effrikken product store in the USofA.
Details: African Hut and British Store
27601 Forbes Road #19
Laguna Niguel CA 92677 ……………. Sales@africanhut.com
The other location is a brand new market which is ‘Very’ convenient for all the locals.
Garden Patch Farmers Market
13230 Jamboree Rd, Irvine CA 92602 (At the Tustin Market place next to Target)……See http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for the type of product available ,like Ouma’s Rusks, Mrs.Balls chutney, Chocolate logs etc, etc.Get your Joke book and your Souff Effrikken ‘Gerichten’ from the stores.
A Rabbi in the hospital received a large vase of flowers with the following note:
"The congregation wishes you a full and speedy recovery- by a vote of 180 to 179."
COURT IN INDIA
Judge: "Raj, why were you beaten up in public?"
Raj : "Your honour, I was in crowded bus, my photo fell from wallet,
So I said to lady in front of me, 'Aunty, please lift your Sari,
I want to take photo.......
The King David 60th Concert was a real WOW….and they reckon it was World Class with soooo many talented ‘Yiddisher’ singers giving of their best, and of course most are ex King David………Really a GR8 evening at the Lyric Theatre at Gold Reef City………Mazeltov to Danny ‘K’ on his engagement last week…..
Pictures… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php ….and the Aussies are in for a ‘Grayser’ treat next month when the Celebration 60 take place in Melbourne & ‘Shidney’ ….they have been around the world and are coming to Australia for the first time….Oshy Tugendhaft and his ‘Merry men’ will be entertaining you soooo book early….details at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says “I'll give you some cream to put on it."
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
For every person with a spark of genius, there are a 100 with ignition trouble
They charged one and let the other one off.
Got a E-mail with a guy blowing ‘Hatikva’ on a Shofar….
<http://www.dailymotion.com:80/relevance/search/hatikvah/video/x3f5qr_hatikvah-on-the-shofar>
Oey vy, even got Barack & Mc Cain giving Yomtov messages…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhSKW9n13s&feature=user
Very moving ‘Shtick’ for Yomtov…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdkDk8xIEXw
Lighter side of Yomtov http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb3pBbliExs
Jackie Mason giving Sarah Silverman a work over…..’Jackie’ rules…….
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1026260.html
A bus with 30 Hadassah Ladies turned over and were dispatched to heaven.
Unfortunately the computers were down, so G-d had to ask Satan to provide temporary housing. Soon after, He received an urgent telephone call from Satan telling Him to take the women off his hands.
"What's the problem?" asked G-d.
Satan replied, "Those Hadassah Ladies are ruining my whole set-up.
Only two hours and already they raised $150,000 for an air conditioning system!"
The Yomtov newspaper was a ‘HIT’ with only ONE ‘Klap’,… BUT soooo many compliments……. The Sukkah Mart will be selling Sukkah’s again, sooo get your orders in early for Lulav’s & Etrogin’……they will be situated across the road from the ‘Ohrsom’ HQ in the Northfield Centre ……….. to view their E-mazing new Sukkah’s go to www.sukkahmart.com or call 072-0530844………..Open from 8.30am-10.00pm…till Sukkah….. http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php
Following on the Info posted about Steven Mechanic, an appeal has been made to the ‘Yiddisher’ public for funds as the ‘Medical Aid’ has run dry…….It is ‘Tukka’ a story of courage, and this is a brief summary of the appeal sent to me by Jason Sharp…..
“Steven Mechanic is a 21 year old medical student and ex King Davidian. At the age of 13 he was diagnosed with acute leukemia. Steven Has had two previous bone-marrow transplants and against all odds, not only survived but also passed matric and his first year of medical school.
The leukemia has intermittently been in remission. Unfortunately, it has now returned. Steven's doctors are of the view that unless a matching donor is found for a further bone-marrow transplant, Steven's chances of survival are slim.
Steven's medical aid has rejected his request to finance the search for a donor. A matching donor might not be found in South Africa. An international registry search might therefore be necessary. Steven does not have time on his side.
The purpose of this letter is to appeal to you to donate funds to help finance the search for a suitable donor for Steven and hopefully for the ensuing transplant.
It cannot be predicted how much this process will cost. The search for a matching donor is an open-ended investigation. (It has been estimated that it can cost around 1 million rand).
Due to time constraints, a dormant Blue Label (Public Company) bank account is being used for the purpose of collecting funds for Steven. The details of the account are set out below. David Rivkind, the Financial Director of Blue Label and I will act as fiduciaries and will be responsible for the collection of funds, their proper allocation and refund, should such situation arise
Bank: First National Bank
Account Holder: Blue Label Telecoms
Account Number: 62163221767
Branch Code: 255005
Reference: Depositor's name
Yours sincerely, Neil Lazarus SC
See http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php for Steven’s personal story........
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Two Irish lads each had a horse in the same paddock. They had trouble telling them apart. So Paddy decided to cut his horse’s tail. That way they would know which was which. That worked a treat for a few months, but eventually the tail grew back and the dilemma returned.
So then Mick decided to cut his horse's mane. That worked equally well for a time, but eventually the mane grew back. They were sitting in the paddock trying to think of a grand plan to tell their horses apart on a long term basis.
Suddenly Mick had an idea. He jumped to his feet and said, "Paddy!
I've got it! You have the brown one and I'll have the white one!" ( Einaaaaaaaaaa…)
FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
Mazeltov to Michael and Dena (Heilbronn) Rachbuch on the birth of their Prince last week…….Mazeltov to Bobba Ruth Rachbuch and Zaida Leslie and Bobba Jill Heilbronn…I did Michaels Barmy many years ago, and of course Leslie was my ‘Kinderlach’s’ teacher at King David Victory Park………Dena and her Boet Stephen worked for Stan & Pete for many years…….Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’……..
Mazeltov to Raylene (Pokroy) and Selwyn Blieden on the birth of their Princess last week……..Mazeltov to proud Grandparents Naomi & Percy Blieden and Sandra and Howard Pokroy…..I have done all the Pokroy ‘Meidlachs’ (3) weddings and of course go way back with Sandra and Howard……Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…….
Mazeltov to Leanne (Smookler) & Steven Blumenthal on the birth of their Twin ‘Meidlach’ yesterday…….Mazeltov to all the Bobba’s & Zaida’s , as this is their first ‘Einingklach’ Gail & Mike Blumenthal and to my BOET Hilton and Helene , and Leanne’s Shvester ‘Candice’ and to Sten’s Boets..….Big Mazel to Great Grand Mother’s Auriel Wittert & Marion Segal ’Mit Mazel Un Brocha’ Biz Hundred un Tzvantzig’….Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha ………………
Mazeltov to Lee-Anne ( Back) & Richard Bayer on their engagement this week……Richard was at King David Victory Park …His Dad Peter was a Good Cricketer in his day, and his Zunnelle’s have continued the tradition…..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’
Sincere condolences to the Blumenthal family of the Loss of their beloved Cecil…..To Gilda, Marc, Nicci and Jonathan sincere condolences on the loss of your husband and father ………Cecil and his Late brother Alan were ex Highlands North High, and of course Cecil was an Uncle to my Niece & Nephew, Mike & Robyn……..Sincere condolences to the whole family……
MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;
- With a few ‘Yomtavim’ still ahead of us;
- When walking home from Shul, always try and walk in groups….
- Always try and walk facing on coming traffic….
- When it is dark, it is ‘Criminal’ not to wear some kind of ‘reflectors’…
- Always have a bit of ID on you, even a piece of paper with your Name and a contact number….
- Always remember that the ‘Gunovim’ do not realize that even though you are wearing smart Yomtov clothes, you have nothing of value on you…..
- Be ‘StreetwiZe’ …………..
Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.
Have a peaceful, restful Fast and a Good Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers (Corporate) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell- 082-4547860
The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book…CLICK HERE TO VIEW
Again I would like to point out that the ‘VORT’ is included after the sign off as a separate part of the Good Shabbos greeting…………..
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
As Yom Kippur is a very solemn time of the Year, I have put in Rabbi Yossy Goldman’s ‘VORT’ on ‘Kaddish’ which I find fascinating……
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Sermon delivered by Rabbi Yossy Goldman on Yom Kippur Day 2003.
Ever wondered why there is no mention of death in Kaddish? There isn’t even a word about the soul, the Neshoma. We simply say yisgadal ve’yiskadash shemay rabbo - “Magnified and sanctified be the great name of G-d”. Kaddish is not a memorial prayer, nor is it meant to be words of solace or comfort.
So what is it? The answer is that Kaddish is simply a testament of faith.
A loved one dies, who do we blame? The doctor the hospital, the nursing staff, illness, smoking, bad lifestyle habits? Ultimately, after all is said and done, where does the buck stop? The answer is with G-d. He and He alone is the author of life and death. He and He alone decides “who will live and who will die” and when and how. So if I am going to be angry and bitter, who should I be angry with? G-d. It’s His fault. It was all part of His vast, eternal plan. So when a son stands at an open grave of a father or mother and says those words, Yisgadal ve’viskadash, praised and sanctified be the name of G-d, what he is really saying is nothing less than the single most powerful statement of faith in the whole world!
It is more powerful than Shma Yisrael, more awesome than Kol Nidrei, more meaningful than anything the most articulate rabbi could say. Because here is someone who could be angry with G-d and that same person turns around and publicly states, “I accept your will Hashem. No, I am not happy, I am devastated by this loss. But in faith, I accept that You see things that I cannot see. So I am not upset with You and indeed I say, Yisgadal ve’yiskadash, praised and sanctified be the name of G-d. That is true faith!
Without that faith we might well look like the Jewish atheist who sent his kids to this posh Catholic College to get a good secular education and to learn how to play polo. One day, the kid comes home and tells his father he learnt about the holy trinity. And the father says, ‘‘Forget about that rubbish, there is only one G-d and we don’t believe in Him!”
S.Y. Agnon, the prize-winning Israeli author once wrote a beautiful piece about the Kaddish to explain why we praise G-d at this time. Said Agnon, when a mortal king goes to war against his enemies, he hardly knows the identity of his soldiers. They go to slay and be slain. When one soldier goes down there are others to take his place. But our King, the King of Kings, the Holy One Blessed be He, is a King who loves life and peace and loves all His people. Each and every single one of us matters to Him as if it were an entire legion. When even one soldier is missing from Israel, G-d forbid, the King’s legions are significantly diminished and thus the King’s greatness, too, has been diminished.
That is why for each and every single person in Israel we recite the Kaddish. Magnified and sanctified be His great name so that even though there has been a serious loss, we pray that there will be no decline of strength before Him. May His Holy grandeur continue to grow and His sovereignty increase and never be diminished by the loss of even one of His holy soldiers.
The great sages and mystics taught us the secret that Kaddish helps the Neshoma. And when a son says Kaddish faithfully, it brings peace to the soul above. The Neshoma never dies. The body is laid to rest but the soul goes On High. And why is Kaddish effective? Because when a child fulfils his moral duty, parents not only get nachas, they get a significant part of the credit. Because they taught him, they raised him, they must have done something right.
That’s why often at prayers in the house of mourning, I will repeat the story of my zayde, olov hasholom (Reb Yochonon Gordon) who had his daily morning ritual before he went to shul in the morning. Zayde had a pushke (charity tin) and a pile of nickels and dimes and he would put in a coin for every departed member of his family. “Dos is far mein tata’s neshoma” – clink. “Dos is far mein mama’s neshoma” – clank. He did an act of charity and each and every coin was designated for the souls of his loved ones. So when I was a kid observing this ritual, I thought, well I guess this is what old Jews do before they go to Shul. But when I grew older, became a Rabbi and had to find ways to bring comfort to others, I remembered this scene from my childhood. Today I tell people that I am convinced that those coins clanking in Brooklyn made a mighty noise up in heaven! Because the good deeds of children below most certainly do affect the souls of their parents above.
But it works both ways. You know, people speak of the “terrible finality of death.” But if we can still do things for them On High, then it is not as terribly final as we think. And they, too, can reciprocate. I am also fond of telling the story of Mark Handelsman, who was a very eligible bachelor but for some reason just wasn’t finding the girl of his dreams. And in the year in which his late mom, Bella obm, passed away, he did find his bashert.
Mark’s words in his wedding speech still ring in my ears (By the way, I go to lots of weddings and hear many wedding speeches. Many of them are far from memorable and some of the more embarrassing ones, usually by the best man, should never have been made at all). But Mark got up at his wedding, and amongst other things said he was certain that, “Mom went up to heaven to find me this angel.”
I believe it. A blessing we wish at such times is that the departed individual should be a gutte better or betterin, a good Advocate On High; that they put in a good word for us, up there in head office, where the important decisions are made. Now, if we can do for them and they can reciprocate for us, I would most certainly describe that as a relationship.
Now, half of you are feeling comforted and the other half might be somewhat resentful - I imagine that many ladies might be thinking to themselves at this point that if Kaddish is so special why can’t they say Kaddish? The answer is that women are not prohibited from saying Kaddish, but rather they are exempt from the obligation of saying Kaddish. Kaddish may only be said in a Minyan. It is recited every day, morning and evening. Women, who are the primary caregivers and pillars of the home and family, are exempt from abandoning their kids and running to the 6 a.m. Minyan!
But who says a woman cannot do something equally effective as Kaddish? My grandfather was doing an act of Tzedakah, not Kaddish. And if the reason that Kaddish is effective is because the son is discharging his moral duty and this reflects well on his parents, then by the same token, a daughter doing good deeds can be equally effective Above.
When I speak to bereaved women, I encourage them to choose a Mitzvah. There is no shortage of good deeds to choose from. Take upon yourself a new mitzvah and specify that this is something you are doing in memory of your loved one. Say, “this Mitzvah is my Kaddish”.
I end with a true story on this theme.
One Friday, I got a call from a woman named Dina Jude. Dina had previously lived in Johannesburg and now made her home in a suburb of Boston. She was in town and wanted to see me. Now, Fridays are not great days for rabbis preparing for Shabbos, sermons etc., and I generally don’t like to schedule appointments for Friday. But she was rather insistent and said she wouldn’t be in the country long, so I consented and she came by.
I was so glad she did.
She reminded me that some 9 years earlier she had lost a parent and I had come to pay a shiva call, not for her, because I did not know her then, but for her uncle, Dr Michael Kusner, a member of our shul. Living in America, where many temple services are completely egalitarian, Dina asked about her saying Kaddish. I shared with her this same idea. Kaddish is a son’s mitzvah. You take your own.
Nine years later, she was sitting in my office on that Friday morning telling me proudly that in the suburb where she now lives, her Chabad Rabbi had just completed construction of a brand new Mikvah for the community. She, Dina, was the project manager. “Rabbi, remember you told me to take on a new mitzvah? Well, I did. That Mikvah is my Kaddish”
We are about to say Yizkor. Men and women remember their loved ones equally. We remember all our loved ones, our holy martyrs of the Holocaust and our fallen heroes of Israel and we pledge Tzedakah in their memories. But beyond all the holy memories, please remember to do the good things that our parents and grandparents would have liked us to do. In their memory, do good and more good. They will rest in peace and you will be healed. Amen.
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