GOOD SHABBOS  8 1 2009.
Dear All,

The weather in the Cape was actually quite ‘Lekker’ in the end, with no South Easter and only a few days of ‘shopping weather’…..Plett also had mixed reports and Durbs was not the greatest……Durbs in fact has had severe storms and there is a HUGE warning for this coming weekend……Oey vy. All the major holiday centres reckon that it was just not as full as in past years, and I have not seen Clifton this empty ever……not sure where the mense are going, BUT….the local costs are close to an overseas trip these days….sooooo that could explain, and young ‘Yiddisher’ kinderlach were nonexistent in Cape Town….not sure where they went after camp…..????

Cape Town was GR8 and the weather was ‘lekker’ with the odd shopping days (bad weather) in between……..I pledge that I have done my last driving trip to Cape Town, after getting Gear Box problems on the way down and being towed at back of a tow truck for 400 kms……and then finding NO fault in Cape Town……after arriving at 3.30 am…doing nearly 2,000 kms in the Cape and then getting the same problem on our return, changing 4 tyres etc, etc…..after a complete check up by Chrysler a week before departure………..BUT….the break was GR888888888.Pictures ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php Not sure if it is my SENIOR age, BUT….Juizenburg ‘seems’ to be more windy than ever before……………BUT had a few GOOD swims and had a ‘Tunk’ with Mandy Yachad & Mark feinblum which has happened for many years………must be about 200 ‘Die Hard’ Yidden on the beach every day, shivering in the wind…

Few Corny New year ones………

Rather Parkinson’s than Altzheimers…Spill Schnaps rather than forget to drink it……
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Chanukah was strong in the Cape, and the Bloubergstrand lighting was a ‘Blou’ as the name suggests with the wind ‘Blossing’…………….BUT a strong gathering of ‘Uitlanders’ (out of Cape) and locals coming…….met up with an ‘OLD’ Chaver Vivian & Sandra Rubin…….who used to run Dried Fruit & Nut and we bought all our Nuts and Dried Fruit from Vivian for years……………Lot of ex Pats around in the Cape………Met up with Richard Tessel from Melbourne , who opened and closed Clifton 4th. Beach for 6 weeks………! ! ! ! ! ! Saw Prof Arthur Rabson from Boston on his yearly Cape visit, the Schneider’s from Aussie, and many more….
Had a photo with some Aussies at the waterfront and await the picture…….

SPEEDOS
Patrick, who was on holiday on Bondi beach in Australia couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.
Mate, it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer.They're years outta style.

You 're best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - About two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em.I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!'
The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.
Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick!
So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him,
'What's wrong now?'
JEEZ!' said the lifeguard, 'Maaaaate. The potato goes in front!'  ( Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaik…)

‘Lekker’ Chanuka ‘meisa’ from Wally Karpas in Pretoria……..
Last week I received a Chanuka appeal from NECHAMA in Johannesburg.
 On the appeal letter was a recipe for POTATO LATKES. I gave the lady in my office cash money to deposit in the account.  It goes like this" Sit die geld in die rekening". 
 Next day I had a deposit slip on my desk where the money had been deposited to POTATO LATKES with correct banking details for NECHAMA….’Geschmuck’

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

SPORT ; Important announcement…….I Stan The Good Shabbos Man apologize to my SASFIN ‘PA’ Steve Romberg for calling the Cricket series against the Aussies sooooo wrong…….The Bokke really out did themselves, and Steve and the rest of the Manne ‘Tukka’ rubbed it in……NO BUTS, BUT……..’OUR’ Manne are being hailed as the new ‘Cricket Order’ …which I doubt……” IF” we beat them in the ‘Beloved Country’ in the next few months, I will concede that they are here to stay……NO BUTS………..Big Mazeltov to my ‘PA’ Steve and wife Yael on the birth of their second Princess yesterday…… Mazeltov to the Bobba’s ,Zaida and the whole family …………….
Seriaaaaaaaaas, the Bokke win was GR88888, and I see that OUR ex Pat SouffEffrikken Engleeeesh Cricket Captain KP (Kevin Peterson) has pulled out as the Captain…….He has unfortunately always believed that the game of cricket revolves around him, and it is a GR8 pity, as he will most probably suffer with his form…….

I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. 
I am making some changes in my life. 
Please leave a message after the Beep.
If I do not return! your call, ………You are one of the changes." (Mmmmmm..)

What is the definition of Mistress?......Someone between the Mister and Mattress

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, ………  and Panic is when both are pregnant.

The passing of Helen Suzman, who fought the ‘Nats’ single handed has brought out some strong words from the ‘Men from the Ministry’ and it has been given huge coverage in the papers, which has helped with all the negative  ‘KAK’ from the Papers about Gazza………and the ‘Mozzies’ brought some imposter Rabbi Dovid Weiss from overseas to lecture at a Mosque in Cape Town which got huge coverage, and Chief Rabbi Warren Goldstein also got a lot of coverage on his condemnation of the ‘Mumzers’ visit…….as the Chief said, there are soooo many locals that could have spoken and given a clear message, instead of this ‘Schmuck’ who gave a 100% opposite view to the ‘Normal man’s’ thinking…..Israel needs all the support it can get, and the amount of INTERNET traffic, mainly positive is GR88888888……..hopefully a truce will come sooner than later……..the WAR is really sad , and soooo many ‘Yidden’ have gone thru’ terrible experiences, and of course one must also think of what the ‘enemy’ civilians are going through……… listen to the Chief Rabbi’s ‘VORT’ at the funeral. 

 The Chief has been VERY busy and his talk this morning on Radio 702 ( become a real ‘betogers’ show) was VERY good and to the point…for the Local ‘Yidden’, there will on Sunday 11 January 2009
17h45, Glenhazel Synagogue ,Yeshiva College Campus .Long Ave, Glenhazel
Solidarity meeting…SUPPORT………….SUPPORT……….

The Italian - throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.
The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian - drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian.
( Really sums up the Modern World of today..Bittere Gelechte…)

I have put a few Youtubes of interest on…………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39Fwe00oVFM ….. Kol Hakavod 1 Zahal
http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php  GR8888888 article by Jonathan Mark in the Spectator, told like it should be told…????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kroyMfkoRHA

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, 
dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there is also my son, that's confidential."

Got an E-mail from Monty in Israel who promised to send me some ‘GOOD NEWS Israel’ and he mentions the Flight of Olim that landed last week from the ‘Beloved Country’…….what a time to arrive, BUT….it shows solidarity, and a ex Pat from Pretoria, Maish Isaacson, Chairman of Telfed was on hand to welcome the ‘Yidden’ from the ‘beloved Country’…  http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Monty writes that ‘Our Shul’ in Ra`anana has a strong South African contingent
( although frum young Brits have been pouring in over the last few years to change the nature of the shul). But South Africans feature prominently--Maish Isaacson, chairman of Telfed, davens regularly and is the chief source of supply of sweets for the children, Selwyn Feinblum davening and leining is of a high standard, Brian Slater who was one of the highest ranking officers in the South African army is the unofficial shamas, and of course our fantastic and inspiring Rabbi Danny Beller ( was at Sandton Shul for awhile), Mark Cohen , former headmaster of Yeshiva College publishers a weekly "Good News Israel Letter ".American baseball has come to Tel Mond !!-- Strong influence of  American olim--but the coach is Paul Weinberg  grandson of John Weinberg  (Hardware Germiston). It is E-mazing to see these young kids in their baseball kit ,throwing and catching like professionals. David  Hoppenstein (Springs) is the Chazzan in the Tel Mond shul, and Darren Platsky ( Glenhazel ) is one of the "machers " in the shul. Monty grew up in Van Beek street with an ‘old’ Chaver of mine, Ruby (Rufka the Bufka) Raik, and their were some well known boytjies from the same street…. The guys who lived in van Beek street during that time--Harold Wilensky, Loius Goralsky, Sam Paikin, Wally Hirsch, Jack Sher, Jerry Katzenberg, Issy Joffe, Boris Levine, Jessl Sundy--and others --even Joe Slovo.--the whole street was full of ‘Yidden’. Mazeltov to Monty on the birth of a grandson to Steven (ex Stan & Pete waiter ) and Ziona (Tanzer-Rabbi Avraham’s daughter) in  Ann Arbor in Michigan ..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’………

Hotel Room in Florida

In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida.  Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.
"Excuse me," she said to the manager.  "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I'd like a small room for two weeks."
"I'm awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied."
Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.

"What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein.  "Now there's a room."
"Not so fast, Madam.  I'm sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
"Jewish?  Who's Jewish?  I happen to be Catholic."
"I find that hard to believe.  Let me ask you, who was the Son of G~d?"
"Jesus, Son of Mary."
"Where was he born?"
"In a stable."
"And why was he born in a stable?"

"Because... a schmuck like you wouldn't let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"