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GOOD SHABBOS
8 October 2009 |
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Dear All,
The weather is ‘Deur die Kak’ ( strange),and it was e-mazing that the first two nights of Succoth did not get rained out, as the weather report said RAIN….been a bit chilly, BUT….seems to be warming up a lot……
We are left with the ‘Old’ Currie Cup, which is going on till the end of October, which is very late, and it sure looks like the favourite teams will be challenging for the Cup again…..Bulls, Sharks & WP … must say the games have been good since the return of the Bokke from Tri-nations duty, and the Lions / Sharks game was a humdinger, even with the Lions loosing and being one of the weaker teams……Looks like the Sharks could PIP them all…….
A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her hyper active husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired.
So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I
am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads,
"Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.
I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."
The Champions Cup, just did not hit any sort of excitement as I expected, and only one, maybe two games were actually exciting, with very poor crowds turning up…..and to play a FINAL on a Monday..??? Not sure who planned that one, and then to Punish the Transvaal (Gauteng) Cricket Manne , they had the Final at the smaller Centurion ground….The Final was a real anti climax with the Aussies OUT CLASSING the New Zealanders…BADLY…and the Final was not a GR888 game, and it also drew a VERY poor crowd…??? The Manne will have to re think, as the Baseball version 20/20 is fast taking over the GR8888 50 overs game…..Well done to the Aussies for fighting ALL the way to the end…..and NOT ‘Chocking’ and taking the Trophy home to the empty cupboard…….
According to the Jewish calendar, the year is 5770.
According to the Chinese calendar, the year is 4707.
This means that the Jews went without Chinese food for 1,063 years. This period was known as the Dark Ages.
A very good song by ‘OUR’ very own Colin Shachat (Israel) with Chazzons Adler & Helfgott http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7aTOvZgv7I
Dudu Fisher’s Show in London…..(ex Berea Shul) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SMW1i_FMuc
Rahm Emanuel…A Bittere Gelechte…The Musical….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG93iKvB1iM&NR=1
This is a True Incredible story of how a 6 year old Jewish boy survived the holocaust
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3cxZtVYvuI&NR=1
Thought for the week….
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, BUT…..some abuse the privilege……! ! !
Kivi Bernard, Zunnelle of Rabbi Norman Bernard ex Oxford Shul, really seems to have the ‘Gift of the Gab’, as a World renowned Motivational speaker…’Gib A Kuk’ at his Video clips…they are E-mazing…www.kivibernhard.com/home/archives/522
Sue Suckerman in Haifa (ex Souff Effrikken)., Israel is setting up a networking website for Engleeeeesh speaking Olim from around the World that are now choosing Haifa as a destination, for networking, assistance etc. www.anglo-list.com The website should be running in a weeks time, but…have a look in the meantime…You do not have to be from Haifa…you can just Log on……Went to Haifa in July, and it is a very ‘Lekker’ place, with the Bahai gardens an E-mazing sight, plus it has a lovely coastline with many beaches…..
We are getting wealthy as we get older ………………
Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth.
Stones in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood.
Lead in the Feet.
Iron in the Arteries.
And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
We never thought we’d accumulate such wealth!! ( ‘Dat’s’ the way……………..)
Hemmey the Palm cutter has been in demand, and as I could not find his number on one of my previous e-mails, I thank Dahlia for searching thru’ many pages to find it, and his number is Hemmey 082-3423206 ..he does an incredible job in trimming those 30/40 foot high palms, and cleans up. and is a pleasure to work with….Quite a few readers have used him, and were very satisfied….This week, I am going to try a Miracle Kikuyu Grass seed that my Chaver Brian is going to give me, and he reckons that the grass grows like CraZy under trees and shady area’s after the use of the seeds….I am doing a before and after picture to show you all…..
Does anyone know Alan Mirsky who used to work for Mondial International Financial Services in Sandton …….???? I think that Alan has moved overseas, possibly to America and I would like to contact him but have no details. Please drop me an E-mail at ; smookler@netactive.co.za Dankie…………
Gavin Morein, an ‘OLD’ time favourite for Weddings has come back into the Simcha line up, and is available for Weddings….you can contact Gavin on ;
Contact no. 082 888 8898….. Guess what Gav’s lucky number must be (8) Email gavinm@me.com … Gavin used to play with Michael Bolton (Hylton Chilchik) ‘Amolikke Yoren’……..
Few Perky one liners……………………
The difference between the Pope and your boss … ????
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it's gone.
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice ... well, it really chilled the mood.
It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all my car needed was indicator fluid."
Definition of a teenager? Your punishment..... For enjoying sex.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way!
Mike Masinter, in the “ Land of Milk & Honey” (Israel) offers E-mazing flights around the Major cities and attractions, and it is very reasonable……they also fly to surrounding countries…..’Gib A Kuk’ at http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
‘Lekker’ night flights over Tel Aviv & Yerushalayim .. mike@rainbowaviation.co.il
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The little old lady said proudly,….
"In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ."
As we are still in the Holy /Holiday period of the ‘Yiddisher’ calendar, I would like to mention a thought…Not a pleasant subject, BUT….after recent tragedies, I decided it is the time……. Being in the Medical Aid business I see that DEPRESSION is a Major disease these days…and in the ‘OLD’ days, they used to ignore people who were different, and had no idea that they suffered from depression/ Bio Polar etc…..It is really a SERIAAAAAAAAS condition, and especially with the economic times as they are, it starts to effect more & more….BUT…do not be fooled that it only effects people that are suffering Financially…it effects rich and poor…and that is why maybe..(???) soooo many cases are not picked up and treated……..I am definitely NOT a Doctor, BUT…I have had some SERIAAAAS letters and discussions of Late, and they suggest that by going to a Psychologist etc is step ONE, BUT…as ‘Yiddisher people, we need to look further and in the ‘Beloved Country’ we have the Chevra Kadisha’ who offer a wide range of services and will also give the added assistance to help heal the depressed…depression also leads to other frightening side effects, especially among the Youth like Gambling, Liquor & Drug abuse……
The ‘Chev’ has a website which shows the MANY services they offer, and whatever your need is they will try to help a fellow Jew ; www.jhbchev.co.za
In one of the many letters I get I was asked to highlight that in Sydney they have a first Class facility to deal with the above problems, with a ‘Yiddisher Neshomer’
“There is a Rabbi Mendel Kastel who now heads a place in Bondi called JEWISH HOUSE
Jewish House was started 22 years ago by the donation of the building by 2 brothers Roger and Anthony Clifford. Their major time is spent dealing with crisis in the Jewish community, spouse beating drug counselling and acting as a halfway house. Unfortunately the psychiatrist treating did not see fit to send for follow up counselling to Jewish House. So few Jewish immigrants to Sydney realise that there is a great Jewish support infrastructure in place for those who need it, and of course locals…..
Rabbi Kastel , on the subject has mentioned that suicide is also a possibility.
Psychiatrists are perhaps necessary( to prescribe medication etc) to these people it is organisations like Jewish House that do the good work in saving lives.
There is also Jewish Care (Sydney). I am sure in ALL major Cities where there are concentrations of ‘Yidden’ they have a facility that can assist….NEVER be embarrassed or shameful, OR ‘Shemzach’ ….They save lives……….
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A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (making love to a dead person)
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREEgood reasons:
1. It’s none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and.....
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!" (Oey vy………)
Succouth in the Beloved Country has been HUGE, and Sukka’s can be seen all over, and the weather seems to have held out for most of the time….Popped into the Krok’s Sukka which is now held at the Chabad of Summerplace, the Rabbi being Mendal Lipskar and Rebbetzin Mashie …. A meeting of ‘Yiddisher’ businessman…….the Sukka was really nice, and although not in the Rose Garden, it was much better next to the Shul as it was not soooo hot…
Pictures; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_pics.php
The HOD are holding their Bingo evening on Wednesday, 21st. October, 2009. ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php always a GR8888 evening
I see they have opened some kind of ‘Joint’ in the Mandela Square (Sandton City) that offers 300 Bingo machines, +++, not sure what it is…..???
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password :……………………MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
Oey vy, The “High “SHUL” Musical is upon us and takes place at the Victory Theatre on Sunday 26th.October & Monday, with a Matinee on Sunday also….Book for this E-mazing show, which features a few Golden Oldies, PLUS some new GR888 entertainers……Just imagine Cyril Green as the ‘Zaida’, Shirley Stein (my neighbour from Orange Grove) as the ‘Shiksa’ Tembi, Yudi as the Chazzan, and Helen (Chutzpah) Heldenmuth who co produced with Yudi…Gonna be a ‘Michel’…… http://www.stantgsm.com/list_info.php
Homely’s have opened in the Shtetl, next to Moishe’s butchery, and they have some ‘Lekker’ household items…see http://www.stantgsm.com/list_directory.php
Jonathan Bloch is running a Factory store, right next to ‘Der Heim’…….
Cantor Ari Klein writes from New York: "It was great to see so many friends from the ‘alter heim’ (Souff Effrikka) over Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur at our services at Kol HaNeshamah. We were overflowing with hundreds of yidden for what was a wonderful and meaningful yomtov. You can email me at KolHaNeshamah@aol.com to be on our mailing list and receive further info about our next Friday night service on October 30th…Nuuuuuuuu drop Ari a line, and get the Info……..
You have to speak a good Yiddish to follow this story, it's brilliant….enjoy, read slowly then you will get all the names.
The Chassene (Wedding) The envelopes were all addressed, the stamps were put on the envelopes, and the invitations were ready to be mailed.
Mr. &Mrs. Mordechai Moontik and Mrs. Donnershtik took one more look at the Russian side of the last invitation before sealing it. The invitations read:
Mr. &Mrs. Dovid Donnershtik . Request the Honor of Your Presence At the Marriage of Their Children
SHANE YINGEL AND SHAYNA MAIDEL
On Tuesday, the Second of September, Two Thousand and Eight, At Six O'clock in the Evening , Shalom Shul, Yenemvelt, Europe
Mrs. Donnershtik felt a tear roll down her cheek as she sealed the last envelope.
It was a tear of joy. Her beautiful daughter was marrying a handsome young man from a very fine family. It was the up and coming event in Yenemnvelt and all its inhabitants were talking about it.
Soon the replies started coming. Mr. &Mrs Kumtahair would come.
Mr. & Mrs. Simchagait. and Mr. & Mrs. Gayveiter were traveling a long distance just to see Shayna Maidel get married. Mr. & Mrs. Fielekinder were coming with all their children, and Mrs. Rajinkas was coming with Mrs. Mandlin.
Unfortunately, Mr. & Mrs. Keinekoyach did not have the strength for such a long trip and had to decline the invitation, as did Mr. & Mrs. Fahrshtaitnit.
Mr. Donnershtik made a mental note to call Mrs Fahrshtaitnit in case there was some misunderstanding regarding the invitation.
The day of the chasana finally arrived. Everyone was all excited. Mr. Donnershtik received a phone call from Mrs. Rachmonas. Apparently Mrs.Krankeit wasn't feeling well and Mrs. Rachmonas did not want to leave her alone. So both ladies would not be able to attend the chasana.
Mr. &Mrs.Schpatzeer decided to walk to the shul since it was only two blocks from where they lived. Mr. & Mrs. Shpatseernisht drove. Mr. &Mrs. Shluffengut arrived a little late but, Baruch Hashem, they didn't miss the Chuppah. Mr.& Mrs. Goornisht forgot to bring the present and Mr. &Mrs Kochleffel checked everyone's attire. Mr. &Mrs. Essengut went right to the buffet table. Mr.& Mrs. Shicker went to the bar. Mr. &Mrs. Tantsmaven went to check out the band. Mr. & Mrs. Yenta greeted everyone as they came in.
One would have thought it was their simcha. Mrs. Klug looked very smart in her tailored suit and Mr. Vachzenzolstdu wore his new suit. Mr. & Mrs.Oysgapitst looked elegant. Mr. & Mrs. Zager were right on time but Mr. & Mrs. Farshpatig were detained and did not arrive until right before the Chupah.
Everyone from both sides of the family came, and ate, and danced and had a wonderful time. All agreed that it was one of the nicest, most frailichen chasana they had ever attended.
The next day, Mrs. Donnershtik called Mrs. Krankeit to see how she was feeling. Mrs. Krankeit said she was feeling a little better and wanted to know all about the chassene. "What food did you serve?" she asked. Mrs. Donnershtik told her all about the buffet and the chicken dinner and the delicious desserts. "Did the neighbors come?" asked Mrs. Krankeit. "Most of them" answered Mr. Donnershtik. "And what about the families?
"Which family members came" asked Mrs. Krankeit.
"Alla Moontiks and Donnershtiks" said Mrs. Donnershtik.
( It appeared in my Yomtov letter, and I have had many requests to send it on the letter.. enjoy, as it is VERY funny, for the many who can pick up the ‘Yiddish’ humour of the story…)
New dish has come out; Spaghetti with two meat balls……Pasta Semenya…! ! !! !
Theoretically, if someone had Sex with Semenya, would that be considered a threesome..?
There ‘Tukka’ is no end to the absoluuuuuuuuuuuut nonsense that the Chief of the ANC Youth League, Julius Malema rants on about……he has got caught up in his Drek soooo many times, that it is E-mazing that the ANC still keep him…does he know toooooo much..??? I doubt it……his rantings about Caster Samenya have been a laugh a minute, with his outrageous statements on the matter and then trying to back peddle out of the Drek……
The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Julius and says, …
"Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Julius replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand ? Show me."
So the Pope slapped him. (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…how true….)
Wow, my ‘Stan The Good Shabbos Man’ newspaper went like hot cakes once they were put out, and the normal cry was; ’Why not more often’…Oey vy……
Quite a few new advertisers joined this publication, and they will be added to the website in the next few days…… The front cover picture of the ‘Mime’ and me at Covent Gardens had people puzzled and I had many E-mails asking where this statue was …??? He was in Covent Gardens(London) and one of the Best ‘Buskers’ I have ever seen……. Springbok Pharmacy has been going for nearly as long as the Bokke (Joking) and their prices are REALLY good……check them out for your day –to-day & Chronic medication….. ForeGood have many popular Brands, BUT….none more Popular than Canderel and Stirr Coffee Bars for Simcha’s…….Donavon Whyte is a well established Photographer and is a new addition to the superb range already on the website……..Spoilt Rotten joins as a Co Ordinator of Simcha’s … Natans E-mazing Chuppah’s and Mechitza’s have become a must for the Weddings of Distinction……
The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm
Mazaltov to Stan & Bernice Hart of Durban on the birth of their second grandson, born to Nina (nee Sher from Cape Town) and Shaun in London.
Mazaltov to Beverley and Michael Selikow, Sharon Maserow and family (Durban), and Franky Selikow (Perth) on the birth of a daughter, grand-daughter and niece.
Happy Birthday to MANY family members this week…Joan Weitzman in Oekland New Zealand for today, Joan & Sarge’s daughter Simone for tomorrow, and Sarge’s Einingklach , the twins in J (M) uizemburg , Camila & Nicole who turn 4 on Shabbos….Happy Birthday to alllllll and many more…..
A special Birthday greeting to my ‘old’ Lichtenburg Chaver Brian Altchuler who had his birthday on Tuesday…many more ‘Ou Man’…we are getting old……
Mazeltov to Jodi ( Wolmer) & Lior (Losinsky) on their engagement this week…..to the parents Saville & Rachel Losinsky & Harold & Elaine Wolmer, Mazeltov….Harold is my Tooth ‘Fairy’ and looks after my valuable ‘GAP’ in my front teeth…..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…….
Mazeltov to Michelle ( Wolpert) & Clinton (Fuchs) on their wedding next week in Yerushalayim……..Mazeltov to Avril Wolpert & the Late Brian Wolpert ( Souff Effrikka)…& David & Karen Fuchs ( Perth) ….David was in my Years at Highlands and his Boet Raymond was in my Boets class….The two of them were Junior Mr. Souff Effrikka Body Builders.( Late 60’s) and these days , David is in perth, Raymond in Sydney, Dennis on the Gold Coast and Mervyn still stays in the ‘Beloved Country’……Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’…………
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| MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week; |
- Various warnings on various ‘Gunavis’ setup’s…….
- If you get in your car and see a sticker on the back or front window…do not get out again as they may be waiting to attack you……
- When coming home, and your gates do not open with the control, try and see if they have tied the gates with tie backs…….Do not get out, unless you can see it is safe
- When getting in your Car , you see dirty blotches, drive away and do not put on wipers , as this just spreads the ‘Goooo’ and when you get out, guess who is waiting for you……..????
- When drawing money from an ATM, and you see any tampering, do not use it…try not to use machines in isolated area’s…………
- When putting in Petrol, do not leave car by it self with keys in…..
- Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time……
| Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff. |
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Click here to view the website :
http://www.stantgsm.com
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…
From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers ( Corporate )
and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell 082-4547860 |
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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….
CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com |
Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…
Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas |
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Parsha of The Week |
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A thought for Simchat Torah……………..
"This Is My Torah Scroll"
By Ruth Benjamin
Henryk was very young in 1945, when the War ended and solitary survivors tried frantically to trace their relatives. He had spent what seemed to be most of his life with his nanny, who had hidden him away from the Nazis at his father's request. There was great personal risk involved, but the woman had readily taken it, as she loved the boy.
All the Jews were being killed, and Henryk's nanny did not think for a moment that the father, Joseph Foxman, would survive the infamous destruction of the Vilna Ghetto. He would surely have been transferred to Auschwitz -— and everyone knew that nobody ever came back from Auschwitz. She therefore had no scruples about adopting the boy, having him baptized into the Catholic Church and taught catechism by the local priest.
He told his son that he was a Jew and that his name was Avraham
It was Simchat Torah when his father came to take him. The heartbroken nanny had packed all his clothing and his small catechism book, stressing to the father that the boy had become a good Catholic. Joseph Foxman took his son by the hand and led him directly to the Great Synagogue of Vilna. On the way, he told his son that he was a Jew and that his name was Avraham.
Not far from the house, they passed the church and the boy reverently crossed himself, causing his father great anguish. Just then, a priest emerged who knew the boy, and when Henryk rushed over to kiss his hand, the priest spoke to him, reminding him of his Catholic faith.
Everything inside of Joseph wanted to drag his son away from the priest and from the church. But he knew that this was not the way to do things. He nodded to the priest, holding his son more closely. After all, these people had harbored his child and saved the child's life. He had to show his son Judaism, living Judaism, and in this way all these foreign beliefs would be naturally abandoned and forgotten.
They entered the Great Synagogue of Vilna, now a remnant of a past, vibrant Jewish era. There they found some Jewish survivors from Auschwitz who had made their way back to Vilna and were now rebuilding their lives and their Jewish spirits. Amid the stark reality of their suffering and terrible loss, in much diminished numbers, they were singing and dancing with real joy while celebrating Simchat Torah.
Avraham stared wide-eyed around him and picked up a tattered prayer book with a touch of affection. Something deep inside of him responded to the atmosphere, and he was happy to be there with the father he barely knew. He held back, though, from joining the dancing.
A Jewish man wearing a Soviet Army uniform could not take his eyes off the boy, and he came over to Joseph. "Is this child...? Jewish?" he asked a touch of awe in his voice.
"This is the first live Jewish child I have come across in all this time..."
The father answered that the boy was Jewish and introduced his son. As the soldier stared at Henryk-Avraham, he fought to hold back tears. "Over these four terrible years, I have traveled thousands of miles, and this is the first live Jewish child I have come across in all this time. Would you like to dance with me on my shoulders?" he asked the boy, who was staring back at him, fascinated.
The father nodded permission, and the soldier hoisted the boy high onto his shoulders. With tears now coursing down his cheeks and a heart full of real joy, the soldier joined in the dancing.
"This is my Torah scroll," he cried.
Abe Foxman, the national director of the Anti-Defamation League -- the Avraham in our story -- remembers this as his first conscious feeling of a connection with Judaism and of being a Jew
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