Good Shabbos

GOOD SHABBOS
1 April 2010

Dear All,

The weather, as predicted has been rainy (Plenty) and the whole eater weekend was rained out, and I was at the City of the Sun (Sun City) and they reckon they have NEVER had sooo much rain over the Eater long weekend, and it was very wet…….and of course it started with the Rand Show opening on the 1st. April…and I remember going to the Rand Show as a kid, with Matzo and Grape Jam Sandwiches in good ‘ol grease proof paper (not Jiffy sandwich bags, with tie backs etc) and Grapes, and getting stung by bee’s , as they were all over the Show grounds…….these days, the Show is one ‘Grayser’ (big) Flea market, and gone are the International countries exhibiting their goods, cars etc……..
WWW ….. What Was ,Was

The Super 14 is Tukka getting interesting, with the better sides fighting for quarter final places…….and the Bulls sure took a ‘Warm Klap’ this weekend, and got ‘moered’ by the Blues, and to be honest, deserved it, as they have been ‘peor poering’ the last few games, and got away with it….should be a good game tomorrow, when they try and beat the Highlanders……..The Lions were GR8888 this past weekend, as they had a Bye…….will Wickus Van Heeren make a difference when he comes back…NO. The Sharkies managed to squeeeeeze a win, and the Stormers got busted by the Force……..The Cheeeeeethas have really gone to pieces, and I am not sure why, as they have some pretty useful ‘Shpielers’…….Greg, who was at the game writes that even in the pouring rain, it was good to be there, and that there was good Souff Effrikken support….

Murray is bragging about his 3 sons.
"My son Herbie: Harvard Medical School, top of his class, brilliant Boston neurosurgeon. Then there's Louis: Yale Law School, top of his class, edited the law review, clerked on the Supreme Court, top Wall Street law firm.
Then there's Moishe. Oey …!!! Moishe is in the SHMATTA business.
And if it weren't for Moishe,…… we'd ALL BE STARVING !"

Well, Manchester United did loose, and will most probably NOT win the league, ………..They need a few EXPLOSIVE forwards, and Methinks that loosing Torres, and keeping Berbatov was a wrong move, and the injury to Owen , caused a loss of a forward, BUT….not soooo sure he is the MAN needed to help Rooney…..???? Last nights game was heartbreaking…..soooo near ,BUT…soooo far………….

Julius Malema was out jogging one morning along the harbour pathway near the Esplanade in Debben, when he tripped, fell down a bank and landed in the water below.
Before the Blue Light Security detail guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water.
He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Loftus and see my man Bakkies play for the Bokke.'
Julius said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special airplane.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Lokshun Kulture shoes.'
Julie Baby said, 'I'll get them for you, and even have your fave Kwaito star sign them!'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'
Jules was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your from drowning!' (Yislaaaaaik..)

This weekend Eugene “Terror” Blanche was murdered on his farm near Ventersdorp (Lichtenburg Country), and this has of course caused some anxious moments in the ‘Beloved Country’ , due to the fact that ‘Young’ Julius Malema has been shooting of his mouth about the song ‘Kill The Boer’, and has just completed his visit to ‘Uncle Bob’ in Zim-BOB-We , where he believes he learn’t from the masters how to ‘Steal’ farms, and Nationalize the mining industry….What an out right ‘Schmuck’ he is?? 6 months ago, stating publicly that ‘Uncle Bob’ had to go, as he had taken Zim-BOB-We to ruin…..Terre Blanche was a most hated White Afrikaner, and I am surprised that he lasted sooooo long, as he spoke such ‘DREK’, and was really intimidating towards the Black majority…….and his followers (Sic) were just as ‘thick’ as Malema’s are …..
Pity that this happened so close to the Sokka 2010 World Cup, although I doubt VERY much, that this will effect the Cup at all…….and just like every other case, the suspects which are in custody, could get a reprieve as they claim it was self –defense, and they called the Police, Etc, etc…..BUT….there is NO excuse for the way they ‘Moered’ him…Like him or not ………!!!!!!

For ‘Yidden’ the drama that happened will not be mourned, as his group, the AWB (Afrikaner Weerstand Bewegging) carried Flags, Uniforms etc, very similar to the Nazi’s in Germany……..always sad when someone is murdered, and JUSTICE should be done….BUT…….he really went out of his way to be NASTY……. And after spending time in ‘Cheder ‘ for killing a farm labourer after torturing him, one would have thought he would have reformed, BUT……still carried on in his old ways………
This ‘Youtube’ will bring the tourists flocking to Sunny Souff Effrikka…. click here

The ‘Terror’ Blanche story has a LOT of mileage still, and today Young Julie had press conference and called a BBC reporter a ‘Vicer Mumzer’……and Methinks that he can single handidly turn the ‘Beloved Country’ upside down, if he is not stopped………

This story tell us not to be 'too kind' to our bosses...... .. Here it goes:

There's this Jaga Singh who was working for a multi-millionaire as a house guard.
One day, while the millionaire was driving out to catch an early morning flight to conclude a business deal, Jaga Singh ran out from the guard house and stopped the millionaire’s car just right in front of the gate.
He said 'Sir...Sir.. Are you going to board a plane?'
'Yes, why?' asked the millionaire.
'You had better cancel the trip. You see, last night I dreamt about the plane going to crash.'

Curious over the early morning fright that Jaga Singh had given, the multimillionaire decided to cancel his trip. 'You better be damn right for this is a million dollar deal..'
The following day, there were news reports that the plane which the millionaire was supposed to take had indeed crash landed. 'Thank God, I cancelled the trip,.' the rich man said Realizing that what Jaga Singh had said had come true, he called the Singh to see him.

When the guard was called that morning, the millionaire gave him his salary and FIRED him.
WHY ? ??????????????????
Jaga Singh was supposed to guard the house at night. ………
NOT to Sleep and Dream planes all night!
So, GO BACK TO WORK!! and Don't try to save your boss's life!! It's not worth it!!!
Always save your own ‘Tochus’ first.....!!!!!!!!! ( A Bittere gelechte…)

I have a coloured guy, Mervyn Anderson who works with us and he sent me two ‘JOKES’ relating to the ‘Terror’ Blanche murder…..J-O-K-E-S (remember Jokes)

You guys heard what happened in Ventersdorp the day the court case started… apparently the cops had to separate everyone with barbed wire… all the whites were singing ‘Die Stem’… all the blacks were singing ‘kill the boer’… and the 6 coloured’s there were in the middle singing ‘Make the circle Beega’!!

It has been proved the Hi-Ace (popular Taxi in the Beloved Country) has recorded doing the quickest speed…. Leaving Ventersdorp …………….

Ventersdorp is ‘Tukka’ an old fashioned ‘beore’ village and VERY sleepy, and ‘Amolikke Yoren’ when we used to drive from Lichtenburg to Joburg ( 6/7/8 hours) we always slowed down to a crawl in Ventersdorp, as they had an old bridge with HUGE willow trees hanging over, and the Cops ( those were the ‘real thing’) would hide in the Willows and catch every car that went over the limit……

FIFA WORLD CUP - Umhlanga Sands. 6 sleeper, 2 bathrooms, sea facing, balcony. Weeks July 2 - 9 and July 9 - 16. Diane at justli@bigpond.net.au Lekker rooms…I have used them a few times…..

With the Seders over, got an article about the oldest Rabbi that has suvived the Holocaust and the way he delivers his Seder to his whole family…
http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/lifestyle/Nazi-Germanys-Last-Surviving-Rabbi-Marks-Passover-Seder-89787292.html ..... shows a lot of Wisdom from his senior years, and what he has endured…..this was his 74th. Seder that he has led……

"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress." -- John Adams

This is ‘Tukka’ a ‘Mishugas’..a movie made in Souff Effrikka about a Yid marrying a black lady (Comedy from what I can see / hope)…..

www.inowpronounceyoublackandwhite.coM

Got a ‘Slight Mapola’ and upgrade of the events leading up to Yom Ha’atzmaut
from my Chaver Marcia Parness…………….
Gold Reef City Fun Fair is on the 20th April from 13.00 - 19.00 entrance R 50.00.
Tickets available from 011 645 2512. Organized by Marcia Parness…..

Bev Goldman is doing the printed and media publicity for both functions. Linda Starkowitz and Isla Feldman with Brian Schimmel as the musical director and Oschy Tugentaft as the compare the concert. 2 Israeli artists who sang at the Maccabi Games are featured with other young local artists. It's an all male concert. Costs R 100 – R150 per ticket available from 011 645 2541 , at the Theatre on the Track . Both can be booked on the internet at www.sazionfed.co.za
Yom Hazikaron on Sunday 18th April in the Solly Liebgott Hall on Yeshiva Campus at 18.30. It's a combined SAZF, Zionist Youth Movements, Israel Embassy, Israel Centre and IUA function; to commemorate those who have fallen in the service of Israel and terrorist attacks. - Miriam Garb does all the organizing……..See details at; http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php

Amazing New Medical Technology………………………

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an
amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's
labour pain to the baby's father, without the need for any physical connection.
He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even
10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably,
the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain,
and the husband had experienced none.
She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the postman dead, on the porch. (Oey vey……).

Sun City has really changed….and over the years the nickname was Little Bombay, BUT……I reckon it is ‘Big’ Bombay these days…….it is still a ‘lekker’ place for a rest, and I spent the Easter weekend there, and it rained virtually all the time….took a drive to Rustenburg, and the roads were under water and really far behind schedule….not sure they can complete the deviation before the Sokka 2010 World Cup, BUT….the GEES is there will FIFA signs all over, Flags and general tidying up….passed the Stadium, BUT….could not get near enough for a decent picture…….E-mazing how many new Townhouses and shopping centres have sprung up…….the place is booooooming…Oey vey, wish the Cup was here already……..Baboons & monkeys have become a major problem at Sun City, and they make you read a warning before giving you the keys…..saw about 40 Baboons outside our Chalet one morning…Just looking to get into the rooms for ‘kos’…….

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband.
"And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!" ( Einaaaaaaaaaaaaah…)

Got some pictures from the Opening of the J(M)uizenberg exhibition at the Jewish Museum in Cape Town ….They reckon the memories are E-mazing and a must see….. http://stantgsm.com/list_info.php See pictures of opening at ;
http://stantgsm.com/list_pics.php

Murray Bernstein from the Bronx wins $5 million dollars in the NY State lottery so he and his wife buy this million dollar mansion out on the Island replete with gardener, 2 live-in maids, a chauffeur and a real British butler, and invite some friends over.
One of the guests asks the butler what his name is and the butler replies,
"Madam calls me SHIPWRECK !".
The guy is E-mazed and goes over to Murray, "Vats vit a butler vit a name like Shipwreck ???" and Murray replies, "Vats vit shipwreck ?
He's de voist butler in de voild. Ve call him SHTICK DRECK !!" …..

Dave Shapiro, our “SASFIN DJ” , is going to London to run in the Marathon for ORT…. The London marathon is a major fundraising event and many of the participants are committed to completing the 42km course in an attempt to create awareness for a cause or charity they believe in.
He is part of a team of 7 Souff Effrikkens whose purpose is to raise money for QRT SA. ORT SA is a local charity organization that was started in 1936 with the objective of developing individuals and communities by improving their education and living standards. Some of the ORT’s current endeavours include ORT Seed Soweto, The Alexandra Bidvest Foundation Phase project and The Ivory Park ACE Science and Mathematics project. (I have attached a more detailed overview listing the initiatives funded by ORT.) …. Those wanting to sponsor the Runners ; ORT London Marathon ,Standard Bank ,Branch Code 4105
Account Number 205409938 OR Dave @ dshapiro@sasfin.com Dave has supported soooooooo many Corporate’s, by speaking at their functions…make the effort……

Moishe Goldberg was on his death bed and asked Rabbi Solomon to come and visit him.
Rabbi Solomon said, "Now is the time to repent for all of the sins that you have committed. Acknowledge that all of your sins were foolishness, and you were tricked by Satan and your yetzer hara (evil inclination).”
The dying man said nothing so Rabbi Solomon repeated his order.
Still Goldberg said nothing.
Rabbi Solomon asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce Satan and your evil inclination?"
Moishe Goldberg said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody." (Mmmmmmmmmmmm…)

Got a VERY interesting E-mail from John Abramson (who is now in London, ex Johannesburg)who is volunteering for a unique charity project called ‘Mission Impossible’. The project is run by World Jewish Relief, which is the main overseas aid arm of the UK Jewish community, and provides basic welfare support in the form of food, clothes and medical care to Jewish communities around the world. The interesting part, is that sooooo many of us, are attached to the ‘Litvaks’ as our Grandparents came from there…..
This year, they will buy two brand new Renault minibuses and fill these with donated aid items (medical equipment, blankets, clothes). On 9 May, John and nine others will drive the two minibuses just over 2,000 km from London to Lithuania and then on to Latvia. When they arrive, they will hand over the minibuses and their contents to a community in each country. Each community will then have the benefit of the aid items, as well as the minibuses for transportation.

John writes “Lithuania and Latvia have small Jewish populations but they have a rich Jewish history. My own heritage is solidly Baltic: one of my grandmothers was born in northern Lithuania, and one grandfather was born in Riga. The other two were born in South Africa of Lithuanian and Latvian parents. Before World War II, Vilnius' Jewish population was nearly 100,000, about 45% percent of the city's total. The country contained over 200 Jewish communities sustaining the lives and livelihoods of about 240,000 people. Only 24,000 Lithuanian Jews survived the war. Vilnius' Jewish population today is no more than 5,000. The communities in Lithuania and Latvia need our help to stabilise and regenerate.”

John asks for a financial donation, which will go towards the purchase price of the minibuses. Just a small donation will go a long way towards improving the lives of others less fortunate than ourselves. Donating is easy: his fundraising page will accept credit and debit card payments (press CTRL and click on the following link) (http://www.mywjr.org.uk/johnabramson/52/mission-impossible-2010/). More information on WJR is at http://www.worldjewishrelief.org.uk/.

A college student picked up his date at her parent's home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.
To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, Steak, champagne . . . the works.
Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not hoping to get lucky tonight." ( Ahaaaaaaa..)

Got a call from Jack (Mr. Selwyn Segal) Shapiro and he tells me that his book ‘Streets of Doornfontein ‘ has ‘Tukka’ hit the streets and is available in Cape Town, and will soon be available in Joburg……He thanks ALL the ‘Yidden’ that phoned, E-mailed etc as this was a GR88888 help.
Jack is now on a NEW mission and is writing “ The Selwyn Segal” story, and would appreciate some help from the readers, with Info, stories, Meisa’s etc, from ‘Amolikke Yoren’ about the Selwyn Segal….Drop Jack a line at ; jack@thechev.org.za

Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best.
“My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands.”
“My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands.”
“I’ve got you both beat. My dad’s so good because he works for the government. ….
He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30.” ( Makes sense…….???)

FOR the MOST ‘Jacked up’ Yiddisher Wedding registry, ‘Gib A Kuk’ at;
www.lechaim.co.za ………….Run by Young Yiddisher ‘Boychix’ ……

Mazeltov toCandice (Dreier) & Brian Couzin in Melbourne … they are both ex Souff Effrikkens…… and were married by Rabbi Philip Heilbrun an old Chaver of mine…….Mazeltov to the parents Stephen and Pearl Dreier and Lorraine and David Couzin. Mazeltov to the whole Mishpocha………
http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Mazeltov to Leanne (Salant) & Greg Sack on their Chasener last week…….Greg was at School with my Zunnelle Martin……..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’
Pics at : http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php
Hope this never happened to any of the Brides…….
http://www.flixxy.com/wedding-ceremony

Mazeltov to Tamara (Wagenheim) & Ryan Rittoff on their Chasener in Cape Town last week. Chuppa & reception @ Kirstenbosch …….
Pics at : http://stantgsm.com/list_classifieds.php

Mazeltov to Sarah (Saffer) and Ryan ( Stoller) on their engagement last night…..Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’ ……..

The easiest way to source Simcha ‘Wekkers’ & suppliers is to ‘Gib A Kuk’ at ; http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/sg.htm

MANTIS SECURITY TIP (Call 011- 487-1000) of the week;

Check alarm systems in your home / office on a regular basis

Check your Tracker systems in your Vehicles regularly.

Also test the standby batteries to see that they are not flat.

Train staff at home / work NOT to let anyone in unless they are known.

If you are being followed, drive to the nearest place of safety.

Punch all emergency numbers into your mobile and also keep a written set, in case the Mobile is stolen……

A teacher in the art of self-defense has told his students for decades to keep a can of wasp and hornet spray near their door or bed. "This is better than anything I can teach them." It is inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone tries to break into your home, "spray the culprit in the eyes".

"That's going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out." Maybe even save your life. Please share this with all the people in your life….GR888888888888888 Tip…………..

Be ‘Wakker’ & ‘StreetwiZe’ all the time…………

Call; Mark Kramer @ MANTIS (011-487-1000) for advice and sign up and discuss it with his experienced staff.
Have a peaceful, restful Shabbos….…

From Stan and the Clan.
smookler@netactive.co.za
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers (Corporate) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme!!
Cell- 082-4547860

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The ‘Stan The Good Shabbos’ Joke Book is now available at Major Bookstores around the ‘Beloved Country’ and also on Kalahari.net …sooo get yours, and eventually when I have recovered my outlay, I can consider a second book….

CLICK HERE Also now available in Irvine at the African Hut www.africanhut.com

Please remember that the VORT comes in after the sign off, and is a self standing item…

Check out the new Archive Section
on the website where you can view past pictures from Engagements, Weddings, Anniversaries, Births, Bar Mitzvahs / Bat Mitzvahs, and many other Jewish Simchas

Click here to view

Parsha of The Week

Rabbi Yossy Goldman,
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
Sermonette Parshas Shmini

Siblings in Synch

The Jewish People had been busy inaugurating the Mishkan, the sanctuary in the wilderness and G-d’s first official dwelling place on earth. A whole week of consecrations and offerings had taken place but still there was no sign from Above. Aaron, the High Priest, was bitterly disappointed. In his humility, he assumed it was his fault. After all, hadn’t he been an accomplice - albeit unwittingly - to the sin of the golden calf? Surely, the Almighty was displeased with him and therefore there was no sign of acceptance from heaven.

Moses, his brother, stepped forward and offered a special prayer and immediately the Shechina – the Divine Presence - rested upon Israel. He then blessed the people with the words that would become the concluding verse of Psalm 90, May the pleasantness of the L-rd our G-d be upon us.....may he establish the work of our hands for us. Then all the Children of Israel beheld how Aaron was indeed the chosen one and they were overjoyed that their work was now, finally, blessed by G-d. It is a beautiful and touching story of filial love. No ego, no one-upmanship, no envy – only a pure untainted love between two brothers.

I once heard Israel’s Chief Rabbi YM Lau contrasting this act with previous brotherly encounters in the Bible. With the very first brothers on earth, the world got off to a very bad start after Cain killed Abel in a fit of jealousy. Later, Abraham’s sons, Isaac and Ishmael, didn’t exactly get on like a house on fire either. Indeed, their enmity continues unabated to this day. The next generation wasn’t much better. Jacob and Esau were caught up in sibling rivalry almost all their lives. The saga continued into the next generation with Joseph and his brothers. They nearly killed him and, in the end, “only” sold him into slavery. How refreshingly different, then, that Moses and Aaron were so supportive of one another. How sweet, how beautiful, as the Psalmist says, Behold how good and how pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in unity (Psalm 133).

What an important message for us today. Whether it is on the political front in Israel or in our own communal lives, so often we are our own worst enemies. If Israel and all her associated support groups spoke with one voice we would be so much stronger in our international interface. If Jewish organizations could act in concert instead of constantly competing with one another - or worse still, undermining each other – all our communities would be healthier.

Please G-d, we will all take a cue from Moses and Aaron and the Presence of G-d will dwell upon us too.

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