GOOD SHABBOS 15 3 2007
Dear All,
The weather is starting to cool, just a ‘biesel’ with the weather forecasts showing rain, BUT…..it isn’t coming, and with Autumn approaching, I reckon that we could be in for a mild Winter , as last year, it was colder than normal, BUT…..with World weather going Mishuga, it is difficult to know what to expect……..Got a funny ‘weather’ report from my ‘old’ Chaver Hymie in Toronto. My Toronto cousins, Irvine & Sheila Weitzman (Sarge my ‘old’ S & P Partners brother & sister) arrived this morning for my Boet’s son Michaels wedding tonight, and they reckon it is freezing at home……..
50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably,………………………..Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian cars won't start,………………………Canadians drive with the windows down.
32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
American water freezes,…………………………………..Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat, Canadians have the
last barbecue of the season and put the top up on their convertibles
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes,……………Canadians Girl Guides sell cookies door to door.
Montrealers play shinny out doors and put their spring jackets away
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole,……………….Ottawa canal opens for skating.
Montrealers wear their touques to work
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes,
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg and it gets hard to keep the hole clear for ice fishing
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops,…………………. Canadians start saying "cold eh?"
-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
Hell freezes over, Ottawa Senators hockey team wins Stanley Cup
(Give me the Shvitz any day)
The Rugger this past weekend was ‘Kagga-Kagga’ (OK) with us getting a few wins, and as I ponder over the rest of the Super 12 I reckon that I was spot on, and we will battle again, even with the Shvartzers (All Blacks) down to half strength …………..Manne have been sending me hate mail as I never give the Lions the ‘Covet’ ( Honour ) they deserve, and this weekend they proved me right by going back to their old KAK style of play, and I have noted that the Sharks are the ONLY unbeaten team, BUT….I still reckon that the only Souff Effrikken team that could get anywhere are the Bulls, as they have ‘some’ dept in reserves, whereas the rest have virtually the 15 Shpielers only…..Overall, this is the best display by Souff Effrikken teams in the Super 10,12 & 14…………..” IF” and it is a GROOT “IF” , the Bulls can beat the Crusaders this weekend, they will be motivated, BUT….Gonna take 1,000% effort, even against the Crusaders ‘B’ team….for many years………The Six nations is still GR8 to watch, and the games have also been VERY close. The England /France game was a ‘miechel’ to watch, and the Frogs were in a Dwaaaal, and the World Cup……could just be beyond their reach, even with home ground advantage, BUT………….the All Blacks MUST take it this time……..
With the World Cup cricket starting this week, WE start the impossible dream, for a double in the ‘Beloved Country’ Cricket & Rugger World Cup victories……..locally I have read and heard much about the double, and all I can say , if it happens, then the World is Tukka upside down, and on a Seriaaaaaaaaaaas note, a place in either Cups semi-final would be lekker………over the next few weeks the World Cup Cricket comments are sponsored by LIQUID CHEFS ( Our Local Yiddisher Shikker Merchants)…the Liquid Chefs are run by Shai Evian, Clint Cohen, Craig Shapiro and a whole lot of young Yiddisher ‘boytjies’ mainly from Victory Park King David…….Shai and a few of the ‘boytjies’ used to work at Stan & Pete before coming famous……Liquid Chefs is a GR8 way of getting a Simcha BUZZING…………., and we will soon be running a competition to see who comes up with the best NEW cocktail drink and name………After the opening of the World Cup on Sunday, Mondays Star newspaper had the sensational headline….Bokke to take World Cup…..Oey vy, watch this space…….Guys like Shaun in Tooo-run-tooo , Harvey in London, Brad in Sydney etc , etc lets get some feedback from you guys with the knowledge…..make it a Cup to remember, BUT….with Liquid Chefs , the next day or two are sometimes a bit blurry.
Next week our public holidays start in the ‘Beloved County’ and just go on every few weeks………..Wednesday the 21st. is actually a rememberance of Sharpeville Day, and the Torah Academy with Norman Goodfellows
http://www.stantgsm.com/directory.htm
are running their yearly Pesach wine sale, and Solly will help you with your selections…..Shabsi tells me that this year it is being held at the Wanderers Cricket ground, GATE 1, from 9.00am till 1.00. Good opportunity to stock up for Pesach at the best prices………….gone are the days when Yidlach used the home made ‘SHWEET’ Pesach wine made in private homes……
A South Carolina hill country, self-employed farmer, was on trial for making moonshine whiskey.
A young neighbour of his was being grilled by the prosecutor.
"Did you ever get any whiskey from him?" asked the prosecutor.
"No, sir!" said the neighbor.
"Did you ever get any from his wife?" he asked.
"No, sir," said the neighbor.
"Did you ever get any from his daughter?" asked the prosecutor.
The young neighbour thought a minute and said,
"Well. ahem ... ah .. ….um..er ...... Your Honour, are we still talking about whiskey?"
On Shabbos, I went to the Mizrachi youth Shul in the Shetl (Glenhazel) for my Nephew Mikes Ufruf, and it is soooooo different to the traditional Shuls…….,BUT was very nice, and his Chaverim made it a Shabbos to remember, with Rabbi Podlaschuk, coming to the Shabbos lunch , which was at the Klugman’s and was really Geshmuck………..Heimishe food, and I reckon the ‘Pickled Tongue’ was a winner….as I have not had it in years…….the Kinderlach these days, do not even know about Pickled Tongue , and all the other Grichten that WE grew up with…….I met Gabby Bricker who also qualified with my Zunnelle Martin, and he is still Kvetching that I did not mention ALL the Yiddisher Manne that passed the Board, and I again challenged him to send me the list, and I will put it in, with mentioning my contacts with the families I know……….Like Warren Krug, whose Parents wedding I did, and his Dad Seymour used to fix my Merc ‘Amolikke Yoren’, and his Bobba Mrs. Jankelow………..Adam Greenblatt, whose Barmy I did, and to his parents Doc & Mrs.Greenblatt (His Dad is Mike Greenblatt the Asthma specialist), Shannon Rosen, whose parents wedding I also did, and David Freedman , whose Tatta Les. Was a Breeker at Highlands and was in my Boets year, and his Mom Rene is a relation to the Burg’s…….These Manne are with Martin at Price Waterhouse Coopers , who claim to have the most passes in Souff Effrikka this year with 19% ( 325) of all candidates who wrote the board….Quite an E-mazing achievement for the firm……I await the rest of the list from Gabby………….Oey vy ?????
Got a list of Pesachdike items that Shelley Geffen Caterers are making for Pesach, and it will sure help the house wife in preparing, BUT…….they reckon you have to book early, or else you get ‘ZAT” (Niks)….Shelley is also the Caterer at the New Wanderers Hall, and the business is building up……Quite E-mazing that my Princess Lauren used to go to her for Art lessons ‘Amolike Yoren’ when she stayed around the corner from me in Morningside Manor……..The latest edition to the ‘Kosher’ grazing scene is the Shirley’s restaurant & Deli opening up the road from my home in the Wedge shopping cetre………sure they will open straight after Pesach .see http://www.stantgsm.com/simcha/simch-caterers.html
Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls.
Less than a year later, he was in court filing for divorce.
"OK" said the judge, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."
"Well your honour," Dan started,
"Every once in awhile my sister-n-law would come over for a visit,
and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in
awhile I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"Surely there must be some difference between the two women," said the judge.
"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honour.
That's why I want the divorce!"
The E-mazing thing in the ‘Beloved Country’ is if you Snoooooze, you loooooze, and by this I mean ‘events’……there are soooo many events each day, that if you miss a days news, it never comes back, as the next day there is new news…..CraZy…….Lately, day to day events do not feature in the news, and only when it effects ‘high’ society people, does it manage a report…….The Sunday Times journalist David Bullard, who is a society writer , and gives the Manne From The Ministry a hard time, was attacked in his home last week, and the Papers have been full of it….David’s columns are normally light hearted with a bit of politics thrown in. The other lead story has been the kidnap & murder of a young girl in Pretoria, and this has really stirred emotions, and Mass protests have taken place around the ‘Beloved Country’ with everyone calling for the Gallows, which will not happen, and I believe would not be much of a deterrent………………our very up market Melrose Arch, a Shtetl within a Shtetl, is being used as a client base for the Gunovim, and I reckon that they are in all shopping centres, eating and shopping with us, and when they see a ‘good’ client, they follow them and rob them ….The Airport used to be one of these ,BUT……………have not heard about it again……………
I have always said that as long as the Central ANC that is in power keeps winning, WE will keep being positive, BUT….at the moment the Ship is rudderless, with no one taking control in the Ministry, and when I Shmo like Vavi (Mr. Red) from Cosatu threatens that THEY will take over the ANC, it is time to listen and for the Men from The Ministry to pull up their socks……….
Popped into the Neifeld / Kahan wedding last week, and of course Mrs. Neifeld was an Isaacson from Pretoria, and the whole Clan came from across the Jukskei for the wedding….it was a Frum wedding, and I met up with Maish Isaacson, the Brides Uncle who lives in Israel…Maish actually started the Pieworx with my Chaver Stan Gordon and these days it is run by Alan Kopelowitz, a first cousin to Maish….Maish has been elected Chairman of the Telfed organization in Israel, and they are the ex Pat Souff Effrikken organization……very nice ‘Gasener’….Mr. Neifeld is also from Pretoria, and they had many Rabbi’s at the wedding, with them belonging to Rabbi Furman’s Shul .…http://www.stantgsm.com/classifieds.htm
The bride smiled sweetly at the maid of honour when they both overheard the groom say to the best man,
"Look, I'm positive she's a virgin. In fact, if you care to bet,
I'll give you 20 to 1 odds."
When they were alone though, the bride shouted,
"How could you do such a thing? We're only just married
and already you're throwing money away."
This past Sunday was the Argus / Pick n Pay Cycle challenge and it is one of the biggest in the World, with some reports that 40,000 Cyclists (Mishugoyim) took part…………….Quite a few Joburg Yiddisher boys went down and my Chaver Solly Zaidel (Soviet Jeans), and Billy Blumberg, the Hairdresser from the Kosher strip also went…My ex Partner Pete did it for the 14th. time and reckons it is getting harder, as he gets older……They start at the Civic Centre and go on to Juizenburg, Cape point, Kommetjie, Chapman’s Peak (Oey vy) and end up at the Greenpoint Stadium, which of course is coming down for the NEW Sokka 2010 stadium, and I am sure it will not be called Greenpoint again………Mazeltov to those that finished………’Biesel mishuga’……………….
Popped in to say Howzit at the Shuster / Pozniak engagement at the Kilarney Country Club on Sunday…………Simone (Shuster) & Mark (Pozniak) got engaged …Mark’s Mom Rene has been a teacher at King David Linksfield for Yonks….. Ros & Errol (Shuster ) stay in the USofA and Errol’s Dad Solly , was a bowler at the ‘old’ Jewish Guild for many, many years……….Know for the E-mazing part……Solly’s wife was a sister to my Lichtenburg Chaver, Ezra Bergers mother in Law, and I saw Ezra & Lal Berger at the engagement……………..
See pictures……….. http://www.stantgsm.com/classifieds.htm Mark was one of the ‘balabosses’ of SAUJS at Wits (Shvartz) when he was teher and has also been involved in Holocaust memorials, as his Zaida was a survivor…his Boetie Clive is a ‘regter’ Zulick, and I reckon some of my Grey hairs are from him, BUT………he has turned into a ‘lekker’ Oekie these days…Mazeltov to the families…..
Trappe van vergelyking:
mooi; mooier; mooiste
wit; witter; witste
bantu; tronktoe; parlementtoe!
How can one translate the above joke..............??????
Uncle ‘BOB’ in Zim – BOB – We is really making KAK at the moment, and has said that he will stand AGAIN, in 2008 when his term is finished……..Morgan Tavangirai and a lot of the opposition movement have been beaten and arrested, and when one thinks about the Movie about Idi Amin, one thinks of this Mumzer Mugabe….and like Idi, he is getting away with it, and nobody is prepared to do anything about the situation…….Of course OUR Manne say that the Zimbabweans must sort out their problems…..Difference between our Manne from the Misitry and a Porcupine is that with the Manne in the Ministry, the Pricks are in the Parliament……………..really sad what is happening to such a GR8 , beautiful country……………..
A Jewish businessman warned his son against marrying a "shiksa."
The son replied, "But she's converting to Judaism." "It doesn't matter," the old man said. "A shiksa will cause problems." After the wedding, the father called the son, who was in business with him, and asked him why he was not at work.
"It's Shabbos," the son replied. The father was surprised: "But we always work on Saturday. It's our busiest day." "I won't work anymore on Saturday,"
the son insisted, "because my wife wants us to go to shul on Shabbos."
"See," the father said. "I told you marrying a shiksa would cause problems."
Some interesting sites to visit are ; The Adon Olam song by the Kinderlach You Tube http://youtube.com/watch?v=rELk4_B1M5I
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http://www.yideoz.com Actually looks like the Yidlach are trying to start their own ‘Shmoooooogle’
Jill had been divorced for a few years and, very lonely, finally consented to going out on a date with John, the gentleman her son fixed her up with. John picked her up and they went on a picnic in a very secluded spot.
John also had been divorced for a long time and found himself very attracted to Jill, and despite her resistance at first to his advances, he finally was able to make love to her.
Jill was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed,
"I don't know how I can face my son, knowing that in a time of weakness I sinned twice!"
John said, "What do you mean 'twice'? We only did it once!"
Jill looked at John and said, "Well, we're going to do it again, aren't we?"
Popped into the Klotz / Behr wedding and it was lebbedik……met up with many ex pats, like Alan Feinblum, Nava Miller (Leora Klotz’s sister) Pinina & Solly Muskowitz (Rabbi Hechts daughter) ex Atlanta send their fondest regards to their Chaverim in Atlanta…..and are sure U are reading the “Vort” at the Shabbos table (Tracy & Anthony Shapiro) . Met up with Mrs. Behr’s sisters from Tooo-Run-Tooo Jack & Glynis Jerusalim and Andi Shapiro…..who were all here for the Gasener…….My Nephew and the Choosen Darron have been friends since ………and Mike was chilling just before his wedding tonight……and to top it all, my ‘old’ Highlands North High Chaver alan Robb, who will be running his 34th. Comrades this year was there as he runs with Chonnie Behr……The Behrs used to live in Observatory, near my cousins the Weitzman’s and a few houses away from the Etkins……….. small world…took a few pictures, see at :
http://www.stantgsm.com/classifieds.htm
Last night was the Maccabbi Sportsman of the Year Dinner, and it was such a ‘lekker’ evening with the ‘GEES’ (spirit) high………..whether we win or loose, a BOK is a BOK, and there were quite a few at the dinner, and the jokes and ‘Bobbameises’ were flying around……The winner of the event was Shaun Rubenstein, who is a World Class canoeist and our Local Gallo manor Sandton ‘meidel’ Stacy Bregman, a GR8 golfer as runner up. Kobus Wiese was soooooooo funny as the MC, and another Bok, Toks Van Der Linde were walking around, and I felt anorexic……..Yislaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak, They are GROOT, BUT…Kobus is an OX…..Rassie Erasmus gave a entertaining speech, which was very relaxing and at the beginning he started by saying the Chief rabbi had given him a few pointers and that brought the house down…….a really super guy, and definitely one of the Manne……Naas Botha and Jannie De Beer were also there, as was ONSE Syd Nomis and Wilf Rosenburg,and other Bokke…….
A lekker evening enjoyed by all…see some ‘lekker’ photo’s at……………..
http://www.stantgsm.com/extrapics.htm
Last night was also the Voices Chazzonis/Fun concert in memory of the late Malcolm Zaidel and in aid of Hatzollah, the Local Yiddisher Ambulance service ewho do such GR8 voluntary work among the Joburg Yiddisher community. Pam Zaidel, (late Malcolms wife) came for the concert and gave a VERY ‘Blabatishe’ speech, and my Chavers tell me it was a very well delivered message. The concert they say was TUKKA a ‘Meichel’ and besides the choir, Chazzonis & music, they reckon Josh Alter, Avron’s Zunnelle, is a star in the making……sorry to have missed it, BUT….I was at Maccabbi, and the concert was SOLD OUT.Big Shakeach to Bev Cohen (my ex Stan & Pete Partner Dennis’s wife) & Linda Starkowitz for the GR8 show and organizing and all the others that helped.
A man walks down the street when a beautiful woman appears out of nowhere, right in front of him.
She is completely nude and has green skin. Stunned, the man says
"Excuse me, but you just popped out of thin air. How did you do that?"
"Oh," says the woman, "I'm from Andromeda, in what you call 'outer space'.
" Says the man, "Wow! Do all the women on Andromeda have green skin like you?"
"Yes," replies the woman, "everyone is green on Andromeda." The man continues:
"I can't help noticing that you have 12 toes on each foot.
Do all Andromedans have 12 toes on each foot?"
"Yes, they do," replies the woman.
"I also notice that on each of your hands you have seven fingers, and on each finger is a very large diamond. "Do all Andromedan women have such large diamonds on their fingers?"
"Well, no," the woman says, " only the ‘Kugels………………."
Mazeltov on their 50th. Wedding Anniversary to Pat and Aubrey Dworsky, in Florida…….Their 3 kids Ashley, Sandy and Shelly joined them from all over the USofA ( Washington, Michigan and Chicago) and the Einingklach also……Mazeltov and may you have many more and much Nachus… http://www.stantgsm.com/classifieds.htm
Mazeltov to Ali ( Glatt ) & Michael (Smookler) on their wedding tonight….Micheal is my Nephew, and we are going to have a “Simchadikke Simcha”, with my Cousins Sheila & Irvine having arrived from Toronto with Kevin and Greg…….
To the Glatt & Smookler families and all the Mishpocha…….Mazeltov…off to the wedding now…….very exciting especially that I have my Cousins from Toronto here for the wedding……
Mazeltov to the Etkin / Chesler families on the wedding in Sydney of Monique & Anthony…………Moniques Dad Laurence I have known for 45 years from the Cyrildene Era…..when he stayed opposite Oldroyd Park, and his Late dad Abe had the Etkin Photo Shops………Mazeltov to the whole ‘Mishpocha’
Pictures at : http://www.stantgsm.com/classifieds.htm
OK, after much thought, I have decided to finally publish a Joke book, with a variety of Jokes, and hopefully not to offend tooooooo many people…..It is proving to be a ‘grayser’ challenge on what to use, and the ‘farbotten’ ones….People are actually very critical when it comes to jokes, sooooooo the flavour will be Jokes of a Yiddisher nature, sports and a few Naughty ones….We are launching the Book on Fathers day at a Family Brunch at the Sandton Shul Hall on the 17th.June, 2007….The idea came from my Chaver Israel Bender who wants a ‘TUKKA” Vleis, Boerewors en Pap breakfast…Gonna be a GR8 event, soooooo just e-mail me to book……Locals only, do not expect ex Pats to fly in for the book, BUT……….we are arranging a PAY system online to accept your Gelt for Books which we will Mail to you……Lets get booking for the Breakfast and the book early…………..
"What's the similarity between a good-looking, faithful, rich husband who satisfies his wife sexually every night, and Bin Laden?"
"BOTH CANNOT BE FOUND"
Have a good, restful, peaceful Shabbos,
From Stan and the Clan.
PRO – Stan & Pete Caterers (Corporate) and Medical Aid Broker Supreme …!!
Cell 082-4547860
B”H
Sermonette Parshas HaChodesh
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Sydenham Shul,
C/O ‘Beloved Country’
Little Moons
Veteran or novice, whom do you choose? Say you are the coach of a sports team and you have accomplished stars but they may be approaching their sell-by date. Then you have some budding talents waiting on the sidelines to get a shot at proving themselves. Who do you pick for your team? You want to win and are safer sticking with the experienced proven professionals. On the other hand, you want to build a team for the future. So whom do you choose?
Pesach always comes in the month of Nissan and there is a special reading for Maftir on the Shabbos before we go into Nissan. It is known as Hachodesh and comes from Exodus Chapter 12. This month (Nissan) shall be the head of the months for you. There we read how G-d commanded Moses and Aaron concerning the Jewish calendar, Rosh Chodesh - the New Moon - and how ours would be a lunar calendar.
According to the Midrash, quoted by Rashi, Moses had a difficulty with the precise definition of new moon. So G-d explained it to Moses by showing him exactly what the new moon looked like in the sky. This month may thus be understood as this moon i.e. this is the type of moon you should sanctify when you proclaim Rosh Chodesh, the new month.
Why, in fact, do we sanctify the moon when it is brand new, a mere speck in the sky? Should we not rather consecrate the moon on the fifteenth of the lunar month when it is full, an impressive, big round ball of celestial proportions? Surely the sanctification of the moon should be when it is majestically full and not when it is still tiny and barely visible?
Indeed, there are two kinds of moons. There is the big, full moon of the middle of the month. But as soon as we go into the second half of the month that moon will start waning and then it will diminish from view until it is completely out of sight. The full moon is one day away from being over the hill and from there on it’s downhill all the way until the end of the month. Whereas the new moon, small as it may be, represents growth. It may be tiny now but it will grow nightly in the sky and will, one day soon, be full and resplendent. And so the Almighty says to Moses, I want you to sanctify the small moon; this little moon is pleasing in my eyes. This you shall see and sanctify, the small, new moon that will very soon loom large in your eyes.
Israel is likened to the moon. Ours is a lunar calendar because we are a lunar people. (I did not say lunatics!) The Jewish People, too, have a history of waxing and waning, of ups and downs. And just like the two moons, so are there two types of Jews. There is the full Jew, rich in knowledge and practice but content and complacent, perhaps somewhat fat and lethargic. This Jew is committed to his faith, maybe has been his whole life but he is on the verge of a decline. He is about to start waning because he is tired and uninspired. He knows it all, he’s been there and done it all and like Humpty Dumpty is sitting on top of the wall just waiting for a fall.
And then there is the fledgling Jew, the little new moon that has just emerged from the darkness. He is still tiny but he has just discovered the beauty and truth of Judaism. This Jew is geared for growth, poised for prominence and ready for take-off. He is still very much a novice, his knowledge is still minute; but he is inspired, excited and passionate about his newly found faith.
So which Jew will we count our months by? Who will shape our future? Will it be the old, tired veteran who is too old to change and just about ready to retire? Or will it be the new Jew who, though inexperienced, is still longing to learn and ready for renewal and rebirth?
Personally, I’ve always been inspired by the new Jew. I get a kick out of seeing that eager, open mind brimming with questions, finding things I took for granted fascinating. To me the new Jew represents hope and optimism, freshness and promise.
G-d told us to count our months by the small new moon. May I humbly suggest that it is the new Jew who will illuminate our world and make G-d count.